Ex asking for custody modfication

[PickleZ]

What is the name of your state? MARYLAND

First a little background. My ex has just gotten out of jail on 11.19.2004 after serving 16 months. This is her second jail term - both felony convictions. Both situations were for basically stealing - forging checks, embezzling from employers, fraud, etc. While she was in prison the second time, I was able to get full, sole custody of my two sons ( 13 & 14 ) - visitation was not addressed in the custody order. She wants to see the boys often and alone ( overnights, etc.). I have let her see them in my presence and my kids are not responding to her. Today, I got served papers to appear in court for a custody modfication - because 'she is out of jail and at her home'. She is asking for custody to be restored to what it was before she went to jail - joint custody ( I suspect she is aiming at restoration of chld support, too ). She does not have a job and is living with a boyfriend.
My question is, does she have a chance of getting custody restored? As an aside, I have never asked for child support at all from her. What do you the think, given her background and circumstances, the judge will do with her request?

 

[BL]

So,she went ahead and filed.
Nothing in your post about her arrest,convictions,or history suggest she is of a danger to the children.
She will most likely be able to regain visitations. I doubt Custody. The Courts do not like to keep shuffling children around.

If she hasn't had contact in a while visitations might start out gradual and work up to regular visitations.

 

[PickleZ]

Thanks. Would it be out of line for me to ask for supervised visitations and a psych exam for her? There is obviously a problem with this woman. She can't hold a job, can't stop stealing from people, has gotten herself deep into credit card debt ( creditors hounding her all the time ), etc. What bothers me is her lack of self control, thoughtless actions, and lack of boundaries. I feel she is capable of almost anything.

So,she went ahead and filed.
Nothing in your post about her arrest,convictions,or history suggest she is of a danger to the children.
She will most likely be able to regain visitations. I doubt Custody. The Courts do not like to keep shuffling children around.

If she hasn't had contact in a while visitations might start out gradual and work up to regular visitations.

 

[PickleZ]

Would I be out of line asking for supervised visitations and a psych exam for her? She has shown nothing but reckless behavior and really has no boundaries for herself. She steals from people ( while on probation ), recklessly spends money ( creditors hounding her all the time ), has trouble holding a job ( gets in conflicts with people at work ). I have no comfort level or trust with her having my kids at this point.

So,she went ahead and filed.
Nothing in your post about her arrest,convictions,or history suggest she is of a danger to the children.
She will most likely be able to regain visitations. I doubt Custody. The Courts do not like to keep shuffling children around.

If she hasn't had contact in a while visitations might start out gradual and work up to regular visitations.

 

[PickleZ]

Would it be out of line for me to ask for supervised visitations and a psych eval for her?

So,she went ahead and filed.
Nothing in your post about her arrest,convictions,or history suggest she is of a danger to the children.
She will most likely be able to regain visitations. I doubt Custody. The Courts do not like to keep shuffling children around.

If she hasn't had contact in a while visitations might start out gradual and work up to regular visitations.

 

[stealth2]

You can ask for anything you like. Whether the court will order it is another question. Okay, she does stupid **** when it comes to money, jobs, etc. How does that endanger the kids?

 

[PickleZ]

What concerns me about her is her lack of judgement and her impulsive, thoughtless behavior. In one incident, when my son was 10, she left him at a marina all day with a fishing rod while she went to work. She gave him a cell phone and some money to buy something to eat. Nothing happened to him that day, but, that is the kind of decision-making that concerns me. I just don't feel comfortable with her judgement concerning my kids.

You can ask for anything you like. Whether the court will order it is another question. Okay, she does stupid **** when it comes to money, jobs, etc. How does that endanger the kids?

 

[stealth2]

Can you prove it? Also, that was 4 years ago - it's not likely to be as big an issue with 13/14 yo kids. I could see a judge ordering a parenting class, not necessarily supervised viz. What else ya got?

 

[PickleZ]

No hard evidence. I just know she has some kind of mental/emotional problem. So far, the kids have not been harmed. I just feel anxious about what affect being in jail for 17 months have had on her. My ex has no boundaries/limits or no moral compass. That's what bothers me....

Can you prove it? Also, that was 4 years ago - it's not likely to be as big an issue with 13/14 yo kids. I could see a judge ordering a parenting class, not necessarily supervised viz. What else ya got?

 

[stealth2]

Well, then it's pretty much a crap shoot. I'm not sure that a court would switch custody, but she's very likely to get unsupervised visitation, including overnights. A judge isn't going to base decisions on your feelings.

 

[PickleZ]

I truly hope that if that happens, no harm comes to my kids. I just want to make sure my kids are in the hands of a responsible person. Thanks for the advice.

Well, then it's pretty much a crap shoot. I'm not sure that a court would switch custody, but she's very likely to get unsupervised visitation, including overnights. A judge isn't going to base decisions on your feelings.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What concerns me about her is her lack of judgement and her impulsive, thoughtless behavior. In one incident, when my son was 10, she left him at a marina all day with a fishing rod while she went to work. She gave him a cell phone and some money to buy something to eat. Nothing happened to him that day, but, that is the kind of decision-making that concerns me. I just don't feel comfortable with her judgement concerning my kids.

And there is something wrong with this? At 10 I was on overnight camping trips with my buddies. I was working 4 hours a day and there were times I was alone all day, walking down the forest path to HeidreichStr. into Fieldkirchen to go to a movie then play soccer at the field behind the school.

Sometimes I didn't get home until 6 p.m. and that was WAAAAAY before cellphones. Hell, it was before FM radio was big or 8-track tapes or even before you were probably born.

A foreign country, no cell phone, less than $10 in my pocket and alone. OH MY GAWD!!!!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I agree with BB here and BTW, those were the dayzzzzz, cel phones, heck you had to count the rings to know when your phone was ringing and if you wanted spending money, you collected soda and beer bottles and returned them to the stores, there were 2 types of athletic shoes, tennis and basketball and they never cost over $10, why you could buy a used car for the price of a pair of today's athletic shoes, and drive that car for several years. You could go to a park if one was near where you lived and parents regularly let their children go out by themselves.....

Your children are older, if they are getting into trouble now, it may say more about your upbringing than her's. Perhaps she has learned if you do the crime, you will do the time. This is about the best welfare of the children, not getting even with your ex. If she is not responsible, she will make that apparent and you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

I do remember an example where a mother left her 5 children under the age of 8 alone at a Marina, in the days before cel phones, while she went to look for work, because she ex wasn't paying support and so she couldn't afford child care. While she was gone, these 5 children tore things apart at the park, made a raft and tried to go for a float in the estuary. None of them could swim, they ignored the warnings of passersby, they all drown. She later sued the city. That is far different that leaving a 10 yo with a celphone.

 

[PickleZ]

I'm just not used to how the court's view these things. I just can't see how it is in the best interest of the kids to grant her any type of custody with her just getting out of jail - having no job, etc. Let me ask you this..... would you recommend me filing for CS even if she has no job right now.

I agree with BB here and BTW, those were the dayzzzzz, cel phones, heck you had to count the rings to know when your phone was ringing and if you wanted spending money, you collected soda and beer bottles and returned them to the stores, there were 2 types of athletic shoes, tennis and basketball and they never cost over $10, why you could buy a used car for the price of a pair of today's athletic shoes, and drive that car for several years. You could go to a park if one was near where you lived and parents regularly let their children go out by themselves.....

Your children are older, if they are getting into trouble now, it may say more about your upbringing than her's. Perhaps she has learned if you do the crime, you will do the time. This is about the best welfare of the children, not getting even with your ex. If she is not responsible, she will make that apparent and you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

I do remember an example where a mother left her 5 children under the age of 8 alone at a Marina, in the days before cel phones, while she went to look for work, because she ex wasn't paying support and so she couldn't afford child care. While she was gone, these 5 children tore things apart at the park, made a raft and tried to go for a float in the estuary. None of them could swim, they ignored the warnings of passersby, they all drown. She later sued the city. That is far different that leaving a 10 yo with a celphone.