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EX doesn't like my girlfriend/babysitter woe is me

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sunsneak

Guest
What is the name of your state? Florida

My exwife and my girlfriend got into an argument over the phone.

So now my ex keeps insisting that any babysitting done by my girlfriend is interfering with my son's daycare schedule.

She keeps calling it a "school" so that it will make it seem as if i am interfering with a requirement. However, my son is 3 years old so it is not a legal requirement that he attend "school"

In all letters back and forth, I am quite careful to call it "daycare" as she is careful to call it "school".

The other day, she calls me screaming at me telling me that

A) She is going to put my son in "school" more days a week so that my child support will go up.

B)To give her my girlfriend's social security number for a background check (I immediately told her no)

C)That her lawyer says that my girlfriend has no right to babysit my son during my 3 calendar floating days as the time is "mine" and not my girlfriends.

I really don't get "C" because she has a boyfriend who can spend time with my son and I dont have to know anything about it at all.

What is the difference between her sending my son to daycare during "her" work hours and me having my son babysat during visitation?

Sadly :( My attorney says that she is right...I dont get this...I authorized my girlfriend to watch my son during my visitation time in lieu of my abscense just in case the cops show up.

Thanks for any advice
 
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stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I would normally say that your ex has no say over who you have sit your child during your parenting time. But your lawyer concurring with her gives me pause...
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Ahhhhhh... the good 'ol "Do as I say, not as I do" game. It's alright for HER boyfriend to watch your son on "her" time, but it's NOT ok for your girlfriend to watch your son on "your" time, eh? Tell her to go take a long walk off a short pier. She can't control who does or does not watch your son on your parenting time unless she has right of first refusal, or there is a court order specifically barring your girlfriend from babysitting for you. I don't get why your attorney told you that either, unless there is something in your court order that you don't know about. I'd ask him/her to tell you what clause in your custody order states this fact, and see if he/she can. And, if there IS something in there that you don't know about.... turn around and have it amended to read that YOU also have right of first refusal, and her boyfriend is not to watch your son when it's her parenting time either. That might cut out daycare while she works, because YOU have to be given first opportunity to watch your child before she can go to anyone else. She wants for you to be the only one there with your son when you have him.... is SHE there with your son 24/7 when SHE has him as well? She's being petty and ridiculous.
 
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KCMR

Guest
games...

why do people/parents play these games at their childrens' expense? huh? Can someone please explain this to me?
What the ...? ya know? It's like...does it really matter if she calls it school and you call it daycare?> NO... does it really matter if your girlfriend watches the child?> No. She's jealous and your pissed...bottom line...and in the mean time there is this cute little kid saying, 'this is my fault'.

You both adore this kid...and you are going to ruin him with these ridiculous games. Does the child like school?...I'm sorry daycare? Does it give him stability and allow him some sort of normalcy? ok then...

What the hell is the big deal already?
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Aricci, I don't really think his main concern is about whether it's called daycare or school. His problem is with the mother letting her boyfirend watch his son, but then turn around and tell him that his girlfriend can't do the same thing. It's OK for her, but not for him, and he wants to know why. Notice, that none of this started until the ex and the current g/f got into it over the phone. Now, the ex wants to dictate what can go on in his house on his parenting time. I don't care what those 2 women got into it over, that's not really relevant to me. But, seeing as how nothing was wrong with the g/f watching his son UNTIL that little argument, I think that speaks volumes. The ex is using this as a means to get back at the g/f, and in the process she is using her child in her little game as a prize whether she realizes it or not. Saying that the g/f now can't watch his son, is like saying that unless HE can be there 24/7 when it's his parenting time, then he's just SOL. And she's simply calling daycare for a 3 year old "school" to make it seem like he's missing something really important while the g/f has him.

I've had all 3 of my children in daycare... and at 3 years old, "school" consisted of playing outside for 2 hours, an hour of playing inside or drawing pictures, lunch, 2 hour nap, and then more outside time or drawing picture time until the parents picked them up. I know this for a fact because I was a cook at my children's daycare as a second job. I was there from 6 AM until 5 PM. So really, all mom is doing is making a mountain out of a molehill to try and justify her not wanting the g/f to babysit, when her real reason apparently is because she is pissed at the g/f now. *shrugs* Maybe I'm wrong, but going by what sunsneak posted, this is the way it seems to me. Nothing was wrong until after that argument. And please don't think I mean this reply in a snide way, 'cause I really don't. Just have a lotta things going on ATM, and here lately my responses have come off as being curt and snotty. I really don't mean any of it that way. I'm just replying to what's posted without really taking the time to word my responses carefully and politically correct. Just saying what I mean. LOL Well, except for my monster reply to Alone on that one thread.... I meant every bit of that one exactly like it came across... :D
 
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craftymom

Guest
sunsneak said:




C)That her lawyer says that my girlfriend has no right to babysit my son during my 3 calendar floating days as the time is "mine" and not my girlfriends.


What is the difference between her sending my son to daycare during "her" work hours and me having my son babysat during visitation?



Just trying to "read into" this a little bit.

How many hours are we talking about your g/f watching your son? Are we talking about a couple of hours, or more than eight hours while you are at work?

How often does the ex's b/f babysit? ---- Same questions as I asked about your g/f.

To me (and this is nothing more than my *opinion*), anything more than, say, a four hour stretch, is "daycare" not "babysitting".

The problem for you is that you have 3 days visitation, during the week, and really it *could* be said that you are not utilizing your visitation time. (I'm NOT judging, just stating how it *could* be perceived).

Look at it from the other side... There are lots of dad's that have come on here asking if they can have custody switched because mom always leaves the kids with babysitters, and doesn't actually spend time with the kids.

Perhaps you need a visitation modification?
 
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RY'sMOM

Guest
Oh my god! I could swear my ex started this forum!


This is one of the things we are dealing with!

Our son is attending preschool and the ex feels it isn't necessary for him to attend! If the child is in a set routine and the other parent fails to realize this and pulls the child from the routine I feel this is wrong! Children need to have a schedule and be able to interact with children their own age.


Whether it be school or daycare.....
 
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A.J.HASEK

Guest
Well maybe CP's need not schedule things on NCP's time,because NCP's have a schedule to its their (visitation time )and the children need to get use to that schedule and to interact with both of the parents not just one!
 
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RY'sMOM

Guest
I totally agree that a child needs to have time with both parents but....like I said, I also believe that a child should have some sort of routine, and not just be bounced from one person to another and never know where their going to be or who their going to be with ever hour of the day.
 
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KCMR

Guest
RY's MOM!!!
I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THE SAME EXACT THING LASTNIGHT...too funny...
Thank God for the state difference or I would have sworn the same thing too.

Too funny.

Missouri: I agree about the school/daycare thing...but my post was to say exactly what you said too..."So really, all mom is doing is making a mountain out of a molehill to try and justify her not wanting the g/f to babysit, when her real reason apparently is because she is pissed at the g/f now."

I understand the mothers side in a way ...she wants to keep the child in his daily routine. But on the other hand, the mom is also asking for a social security number for a background check?!?!? Come on,she is playing games--- The father I think with this might be better off to give in to the mother on this matter...because then what will she have on him???

The mother and girlfriend are taking their problems out on the child...and like I said there is a child there blaming himself...that's all.
btw...I loved your post to AloneinCali...I couldn't have said it better myself!!
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
If Mom is planning on increasing the number of days the child is in daycare, then clearly it's not a 5 day a week routine. It seems that the child had a routine of several days in daycare while with Mom, and then several days being watched (babysat, if you will) by his g/f while with Dad. Mom is the one threatening to disrupt that routine, based on an argument with the g/f.

It is a fact of most (responsible) single parents' lives that they're going to have to work. Which means that arrangements have to be made for child care. Since this arrangement has worked in the past, it's pretty obvious that Mom is the one making it problematic (in the absence of any abuse). Now - I *can* say that a responsible parent *would* be wise to check references of any person watching their child - especially for an extended period. But given that she was okay with the g/f sitting until the argument, it seems moot to me.
 
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RY'sMOM

Guest
Aricci....Yeah I know first thing I did was check the state cause I was a little freaked out for a minute there! *LMAO*
 

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