EX Girlfriend Keeping 5 year old son from me :-( Please help!

[jtrageser]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

Hello everyone. I would like thank anyone in advance for helping me with this situation.

I love my son dearly and he loves me as well. About 8 months ago me (age 24) and my girlfriend (age 21) of 6 years split up because someone told her that I cheated on her (which is not even true). She moved out (to her moms house), took my son, and I haven't seen or heard from them since. Every time I try to call or see my son, they hang up on me, threaten to press harassment charges, etc... They have no legitimate reason to keep my son from me. I miss him so much and I don't know what I can do about this. I can't really afford a lawyer right now and this is killing me inside. I don't even see how it is legal for her to do this. I have rights to the child too right? I mean, after all, he is my son and he has my last name. All I want is to at least be able to visit with my son. Thats all I ask. I don't want to take him from her or do anything out of spite. I just want my chance to be a father to him. Because of her and her mother I have not been able to play much of a role in the childs life for the past 5 years. They know it bothers me not to see him and that is why they do it. They aren't even thinking about the welfare of the child and how he feels about not seeing his daddy. He is 5 years old now and they won't even let me call him on christmas or his birthday. I don't even know how he is doing. It's almost like she kidnapped my son and is keeping him from me. There is no type of legal custody agreement. She is the mother, I am the father. Thats all. Is what she's doing illegal? Can I use this against her in court? If I were to see my son playing outside could I just take him to my house (I would call and let her know as soon as I got home with him) and keep him for a few days without getting in trouble? I want to see him so bad and they won't let me even call there to talk to him. That's why I was thinking about just taking him one day while he is outside playing and then calling her to let her know I have him (they live right up the street). I'm half tempted to not give him back and make her take me to court. I just don't want to get into any trouble for this. Or lets say that she does let me visit with him (wouldn't happen but I'm just curious), could I just keep him and tell her that I'm not giving him back and make her take me to court for him? I just really don't know what to do here. I can't believe that what she is doing is even legal. I would think that this would be considered kidnapping or something. It just isn't right. There has to be something I can do. Like I said I can't afford a lawyer right now and I really want to be part of my sons life. I miss him so much that I am crying right now as I type this. It's really sad. If anyone here can give me some advice on what to do and what not to do it would be greatly appreciated. I don't know how much longer I can stand being away from my son. Could I get in trouble for taking him while he is outside playing? Even if I call her and let her know I have him? Can she get in trouble for what she is doing? It's basically like she up and left with my son and disappeared. Isn't that kidnapping? I really don't even know for sure if she is still living there with him. Like I said. I have no idea how he is doing, or if he is even still living there with her. They hang up as soon as I call. Please, someone help me with this. I am in desperate need of advice.

Thanks,
James

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

Hello everyone. I would like thank anyone in advance for helping me with this situation.

I love my son dearly and he loves me as well. About 8 months ago me (age 24) and my girlfriend (age 21) of 6 years split up because someone told her that I cheated on her (which is not even true). She moved out (to her moms house), took my son, and I haven't seen or heard from them since. Every time I try to call or see my son, they hang up on me, threaten to press harassment charges, etc... They have no legitimate reason to keep my son from me. I miss him so much and I don't know what I can do about this. I can't really afford a lawyer right now and this is killing me inside. I don't even see how it is legal for her to do this. I have rights to the child too right? I mean, after all, he is my son and he has my last name. All I want is to at least be able to visit with my son. Thats all I ask. I don't want to take him from her or do anything out of spite. I just want my chance to be a father to him. Because of her and her mother I have not been able to play much of a role in the childs life for the past 5 years. They know it bothers me not to see him and that is why they do it. They aren't even thinking about the welfare of the child and how he feels about not seeing his daddy. He is 5 years old now and they won't even let me call him on christmas or his birthday. I don't even know how he is doing. It's almost like she kidnapped my son and is keeping him from me. There is no type of legal custody agreement. She is the mother, I am the father. Thats all. Is what she's doing illegal? Can I use this against her in court? If I were to see my son playing outside could I just take him to my house (I would call and let her know as soon as I got home with him) and keep him for a few days without getting in trouble? That would not be in the best interest of the child.

I want to see him so bad and they won't let me even call there to talk to him. That's why I was thinking about just taking him one day while he is outside playing and then calling her to let her know I have him (they live right up the street). I'm half tempted to not give him back and make her take me to court. I just don't want to get into any trouble for this. Or lets say that she does let me visit with him (wouldn't happen but I'm just curious), could I just keep him and tell her that I'm not giving him back and make her take me to court for him? I just really don't know what to do here. I can't believe that what she is doing is even legal. It is legal because there are no court orders and you were not married. Did you have a paternity test?

I would think that this would be considered kidnapping or something. It just isn't right. There has to be something I can do. Like I said I can't afford a lawyer right now and I really want to be part of my sons life. I miss him so much that I am crying right now as I type this. It's really sad. If anyone here can give me some advice on what to do and what not to do it would be greatly appreciated. I don't know how much longer I can stand being away from my son. Could I get in trouble for taking him while he is outside playing? Even if I call her and let her know I have him? Can she get in trouble for what she is doing? It's basically like she up and left with my son and disappeared. Isn't that kidnapping? I really don't even know for sure if she is still living there with him. Like I said. I have no idea how he is doing, or if he is even still living there with her. They hang up as soon as I call. Please, someone help me with this. I am in desperate need of advice.

You can petition the court without a lawyer. See your Family Law clerk at your local court house. File for visitation and seek a paternity test.Thanks,
James[/QUOTE]

 

[jtrageser]

I don't think there was a paternity test unless they did it at the hospital when he was born. I was in the hospital with her for 3 days when he was born. I don't recall them doing any kind of test on me. I did name him and I also signed the birth certificate and he has my last name.

I would try to See our Family Law clerk at our local court house, File for visitation and seek a paternity test, but I do not want to approach this without a lawyer. I'm afraid of what might happen. I know they will do anything (even lie) to keep me from him. I do know that her and her father drink alchohol all every day from the time they wake up till the time they go to bed (her best friend told me so). I have also seen her outside with him this summer on several occasions and every time, she had a 40 oz bottle of malt liquor or a beer in her hand. I live in a trailer park and so does she. Our mailboxes are all in the same place. One time I was checking the mail and she was down there with my son. I walked up to my son and tried to say hello and she yelled at him to get away from me. He got scared and ran to her. He was scared to even look at me. All I could do is tell him I love him real loud and he just looked at me, looked back at her, and then looked at me again before she peeled off in her car. They have him thinking that he is gonna get in trouble for speaking to me. It's pathetic. I'm almost thinking it is in the best interest of the child for me to just go and take him from her. I mean, how can it be healthy for a child to be afraid to say hello to his father? How can it be in his best interest to let them keep drinking around him all the time? I just wish I could take him and make them fight me for custody. Could I get in trouble for doing that?

 

[stealth2]

In PA, "If the parents are unmarried, the child is the child of his/her mother. In order for the father to assert rights to the child (including rights to custody or visitation), paternity must be admitted or established in court. Paternity can be established by: judicial determination of paternity; father's acknowledgment of paternity in writing; father's open and notorious recognition of the child as his own; or by marrying the mother and then acknowledging himself as the father, either in writing or orally. In order for a father to bring suit to establish paternity by judicial determination, he should file an action for "filiation"; but, this is not required to seek custody if any of the other three methods has established paternity. Once paternity is established, neither party will be given a preference based solely on the gender. The Dom Rel forms do not cover paternity actions. If you are seeking to establish paternity, consult an attorney. "

Now, all THAT does is provide you with a legal basis to file for custody, visitation, etc. It does NOT give you the legal right to take the child. DO that, and you can expect that it will be a cold day in hell before you're allowed unsupervised time with your son.

Now, pull your thumb out of it and go about this the legal way. Go down to Family Court and find out what you need to file.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

The minute you "take" him you will be charged with kidnapping and face 15 to life in federal prison. That would be a brilliant move.

If you want custody or even visitation, the file a petition for such in court and ask for a paternity test. As it stands now, you are NOT the legal father of that child.

 

[Venus05]

Legal Aid

I can't really afford a lawyer right now and this is killing me inside.

Hi James, your situation is one that you certainly do not want to undertake on your own. You will only do more harm to yourself than good. Contact your nearest legal aid office. For a minimal charge which from what I understand, is based on income. They will appoint an appropriate attorney to assist you.

 

[jtrageser]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm just having a hard time understanding how I'm not the legal father of the child. My name is on the birth certificate and so is my signature. I was in the hospital for 3 days when he was born, I even aided in delivering the child. They lived with me for several months before she just up and left with him and she is keeping him from me. Wouldn't that be considered kidnapping on her part? I mean, why can she get away with it and not me? It just doesn't seem right.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm just having a hard time understanding how I'm not the legal father of the child. My name is on the birth certificate and so is my signature. I was in the hospital for 3 days when he was born, I even aided in delivering the child. They lived with me for several months before she just up and left with him and she is keeping him from me. Wouldn't that be considered kidnapping on her part? I mean, why can she get away with it and not me? It just doesn't seem right.

First, quit the "poor me" crap. it helps you not one bit.

Second, 'LEGAL' father is far different than 'BIOLOGICAL' father. Trading your sperm makes you the biological father. A court ruling makes you the legal father.

For your education I suggest you read Smith v. Malouf and then go here Pennsylvania Legal Aid to search for help.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

James,
I have some questions for you.

How long and how old were you both lived together? Did you live together with your girlfriend and did you have a common law marriage at the time of your child's birth? How long did you live together after the child was born? Are you paying child support?

How old was she when she gave birth? You understand when older men, you are three years older and accordnig to what you post she was 15 when you got together and I am assuming she was 15 or 16 when she gave birth, when older men, have sex with younger girls there can be charges or statutory rape or sexual assult depending on the laws of the state , here is a link to the statutes in PA http://www.ageofconsent.com/pennsylvania.htm Whether or not the girls parents drink alcohol or not, they often are very angry at the man for these actions which in essence steal their child's childhood. That may be behind the ill feelings between everyone.

Did you file a paternity acknowledgement while at the hospital, if so, you may have already established paternity and you can have them check in PACSES, if paternity has already been established, that will put you further along you way to gaining visitation. Please contact Legal aid as suggested, they should be able to assist you in this process. Don't just take the child because you could be accused of kidnapping. Understand, you will also be ordered to pay child support if you are not already paying it.

Here is some information on establishing paternity, perhaps you already did this. We simply don't have enough facts to understand your status.

http://www.co.westmoreland.pa.us/westmoreland/cwp/view.asp?a=1427&q=611376&westmorelandNav=|
IN-HOSPITAL ACKNOWLEDGMENT

All hospitals in Pennsylvania are required to provide an opportunity for new parents, who are not husband and wife, to voluntarily acknowledge parentage of a newborn. Reports from clients suggest that some hospitals do a more thorough job at explaining rights, obligations, and legal implications than others. Efforts are underway to strengthen that program. Parties should be fully informed before signing such an acknowledgement. After a 60 day rescission period, it is very difficult to undo the acknowledgment. PACSES will indicate that paternity has already been established. At that point, it would take court action outside the Domestic Relations process to re-open the paternity issue.



PATERNITY ESTABLISHMENT AT THE DRS

In Pennsylvania, there is no separate paternity filing. The question of paternity establishment arises only in conjunction with filing for child support. When a child’s mother is in the process of filing a complaint for support, she must indicate on the complaint whether the child is born outside of a marriage. The worker will check PACSES (statewide computer system) to determine whether there has been an In-Hospital Acknowledgment of Paternity.
If so, the case will proceed to support establishment. If not, the mother will be required to name the alleged father, providing identifying information and an address where he can be served with a Notice to Appear for a child support conference. After completing the Complaint for Support, the worker will schedule the support conference (normally about 4 weeks away).

 

[casa]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm just having a hard time understanding how I'm not the legal father of the child. My name is on the birth certificate and so is my signature. I was in the hospital for 3 days when he was born, I even aided in delivering the child. They lived with me for several months before she just up and left with him and she is keeping him from me. Wouldn't that be considered kidnapping on her part? I mean, why can she get away with it and not me? It just doesn't seem right.

The reason you need to go through the courts for paternity is because even though you signed the birth certificate- sometimes women have men believe they are the father when they are not. (We read it on this forum all the time).

Go to the court house. Ask the clerk what forms to file. Sign up for Legal Aid. If you must do it alone- Do it. It will be difficult, but it's not impossible. You need to go start the process though.

The mother can lie about you all she wants- the courts see it all the time. There is no charges against you or restraining order, right?? The judge will likely give you visitation because you are the father. Once you have a court order- the mother cannot keep you from the child. If she does, you can file police reports and contempt charges in court. A court order will protect your right to see your child.

Get started!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

Hello everyone. I would like thank anyone in advance for helping me with this situation.

I love my son dearly and he loves me as well. About 8 months ago me (age 24) and my girlfriend (age 21) of 6 years split up because someone told her that I cheated on her (which is not even true). She moved out (to her moms house), took my son, and I haven't seen or heard from them since. Every time I try to call or see my son, they hang up on me, threaten to press harassment charges, etc... They have no legitimate reason to keep my son from me. I miss him so much and I don't know what I can do about this. I can't really afford a lawyer right now and this is killing me inside. I don't even see how it is legal for her to do this. I have rights to the child too right? I mean, after all, he is my son and he has my last name. All I want is to at least be able to visit with my son. Thats all I ask. I don't want to take him from her or do anything out of spite. I just want my chance to be a father to him. Because of her and her mother I have not been able to play much of a role in the childs life for the past 5 years. They know it bothers me not to see him and that is why they do it. They aren't even thinking about the welfare of the child and how he feels about not seeing his daddy. He is 5 years old now and they won't even let me call him on christmas or his birthday. I don't even know how he is doing. It's almost like she kidnapped my son and is keeping him from me. There is no type of legal custody agreement. She is the mother, I am the father. Thats all. Is what she's doing illegal? Can I use this against her in court? If I were to see my son playing outside could I just take him to my house (I would call and let her know as soon as I got home with him) and keep him for a few days without getting in trouble? I want to see him so bad and they won't let me even call there to talk to him. That's why I was thinking about just taking him one day while he is outside playing and then calling her to let her know I have him (they live right up the street). I'm half tempted to not give him back and make her take me to court. I just don't want to get into any trouble for this. Or lets say that she does let me visit with him (wouldn't happen but I'm just curious), could I just keep him and tell her that I'm not giving him back and make her take me to court for him? I just really don't know what to do here. I can't believe that what she is doing is even legal. I would think that this would be considered kidnapping or something. It just isn't right. There has to be something I can do. Like I said I can't afford a lawyer right now and I really want to be part of my sons life. I miss him so much that I am crying right now as I type this. It's really sad. If anyone here can give me some advice on what to do and what not to do it would be greatly appreciated. I don't know how much longer I can stand being away from my son. Could I get in trouble for taking him while he is outside playing? Even if I call her and let her know I have him? Can she get in trouble for what she is doing? It's basically like she up and left with my son and disappeared. Isn't that kidnapping? I really don't even know for sure if she is still living there with him. Like I said. I have no idea how he is doing, or if he is even still living there with her. They hang up as soon as I call. Please, someone help me with this. I am in desperate need of advice.

Thanks,
James

What you need to do is file in court to establish paternity/custody and visitation. Anything else would be foolish and wouldn't help you in the long run.

 

[jtrageser]

Questions are answered in the Quote:

James,
I have some questions for you.

How long and how old were you both lived together? (we lived together several times and it didn't work out. Each time she took off with the kid and I couldn't see him). Did you live together with your girlfriend and did you have a common law marriage at the time of your child's birth? (We only lived together. We were not together long enough for a common law marriage). How long did you live together after the child was born? (on and off about a total of 6months to a year) Are you paying child support? (I have offered to pay child support if she lets me see the kid and she refuses to accept. She won't take me for child support because she wants to keep him from me and she knows that if she files for child support I will get visitation/partial custody).

How old was she when she gave birth? (She was 17 almost 18) You understand when older men, you are three years older and accordnig to what you post she was 15 when you got together and I am assuming she was 15 or 16 when she gave birth, when older men, have sex with younger girls there can be charges or statutory rape or sexual assult depending on the laws of the state , here is a link to the statutes in PA http://www.ageofconsent.com/pennsylvania.htm (Her mother already tried to have me arrested for statutory rape and she couldn't because there is only a 2year and some month difference between us.) Whether or not the girls parents drink alcohol or not, they often are very angry at the man for these actions which in essence steal their child's childhood. That may be behind the ill feelings between everyone. (I understand that, and I believe you are right. They tried to make her have an abortion but they couldn't by law. On the other hand, that still does not give them the right to interfere with my family and visiting my son).

Did you file a paternity acknowledgement while at the hospital (I'm not sure... But I'm pretty sure I remember them asking me if I wanted to admit to being the paternal father and I signed some papers), if so, you may have already established paternity and you can have them check in PACSES, if paternity has already been established, that will put you further along you way to gaining visitation. Please contact Legal aid as suggested, they should be able to assist you in this process. Don't just take the child because you could be accused of kidnapping. Understand, you will also be ordered to pay child support if you are not already paying it.

Here is some information on establishing paternity, perhaps you already did this. We simply don't have enough facts to understand your status.

http://www.co.westmoreland.pa.us/westmoreland/cwp/view.asp?a=1427&q=611376&westmorelandNav=|
IN-HOSPITAL ACKNOWLEDGMENT

All hospitals in Pennsylvania are required to provide an opportunity for new parents, who are not husband and wife, to voluntarily acknowledge parentage of a newborn. Reports from clients suggest that some hospitals do a more thorough job at explaining rights, obligations, and legal implications than others. Efforts are underway to strengthen that program. Parties should be fully informed before signing such an acknowledgement. After a 60 day rescission period, it is very difficult to undo the acknowledgment. PACSES will indicate that paternity has already been established. At that point, it would take court action outside the Domestic Relations process to re-open the paternity issue.



PATERNITY ESTABLISHMENT AT THE DRS

In Pennsylvania, there is no separate paternity filing. The question of paternity establishment arises only in conjunction with filing for child support. When a child’s mother is in the process of filing a complaint for support, she must indicate on the complaint whether the child is born outside of a marriage. The worker will check PACSES (statewide computer system) to determine whether there has been an In-Hospital Acknowledgment of Paternity.
If so, the case will proceed to support establishment. If not, the mother will be required to name the alleged father, providing identifying information and an address where he can be served with a Notice to Appear for a child support conference. After completing the Complaint for Support, the worker will schedule the support conference (normally about 4 weeks away).

Thank you very much for your reply. You have been very helpful with your advice. I appreciate it greatly.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Questions are answered in the Quote:



Thank you very much for your reply. You have been very helpful with your advice. I appreciate it greatly.

I'm glad that you can now look at this more objectively, check on whether or not you filed the paternity acknowledgement, if so, then proceed filing for custody and visitation, you may at the same time, ask for a DNA test since she hasn't filed for child support or welfare, as there may have been more reason than ill feeling towards you. Even though it was less than three years difference between you two in age, it was still understandable that her parents would be upset, just asyou are upset that you cannot parent your child. Now if the DNA test doesn't prove you the father, you may still have osme rights because she held you out to be the father, but cross that bridge when you come to it.

If and when you get visitation you may have to do that gradually, perhaps starting with the child in a neutral place until the child gets to know you.

 

[jtrageser]

How can I find out if I filed the paternity acknowledgement? Is there a website or something? Thanks for the help everyone.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Call social services and ask who can check in PACSES.