ex girlfriend problems

[RogerD]

What is the name of your state? Minnesota

My ex girlfriend lives in Missouri. We recently had a bad breakup after I had an affair. She told me she hated me and wrote me a letter saying there would be hell to pay etc. for doing this to her. It was nasty. She knew the people I worked with and the person I was having the fling with worked same place I did. She sent out letters to several people I work with and gave them the details of our breakup and naming the person I was intimate with. This has caused great embarrasement and problems for me at work. My work has suffered and it is hard for me to face the people at work. Nothing she said in the letter was false but the only reason for letter was to make me suffer as much as possible. I am not sure what she will do next. Do I have any legal recourse in the matter?

ThanksWhat is the name of your state?

 

[seniorjudge]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=343033


Truth is an absolute defense to defamation.

 

[shannon-cl]

Most people would say!! It wasn't very nice notifying co-workers etc, at your work about this affair. However, if it is true you can't do very much to your ex-girlfriend.. She could have been more compassionate, but she wasn't and obviously was scorned to the point of revenge. No Legal case at all...I am sure she had her facts straight before she disclosed any of her information!! Live and learn from this!!

 

[RogerD]

Thanks for the info and it has been a learning experience. I am assuming also that my company also has no recourse considering some of letters were sent by e-mail.

Thanks

 

[moburkes]

What does email have to do with it? It was still truthful regardless of the mode of communication.

 

[tessa]

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do in this situation. I agree the "Truth" is the best defense in matters such as these. Weather the communications took place via letters, emails, or actual conversations. The fact that the statements this girl made are "True" gives you no legal argument or action to pursue. When office affairs take place it is no longer just a private matter. HR professionals worry about possible "Sexual harassment" suits if the relationship goes sour. Also, the office gossip created can harm the work enviroment, bring down morale, and cause animosity and hard feelings with other co-workers. No matter how discreet you think you are, just remember all it takes is "ONE" person to find out about the affair and within a short time the entire office is aware of the relationship. This most certainly could harm your career or any possible future with this company.

 

[Belle360]

No case for you to pursue. I am sure your x was intending to hurt you in some way and that is why she chose to make your affair's public. When you really think about the whole thing, you hurt yourself, you are to blame for this. No one twisted your arm and forced you in to an affair. Your x simply acted as a messenger so to speak. Your employer had the option to either accept your x's claims or reject them. It seems your employer chose to accept the allegations and probably investigated. I had a friend a long time ago tell me; 'there are always consequences to our actions in the end'. No one will escape that.
It seems you are paying the price for your 'infidelities' and 'immoral behavior'. You have no legal ground for any case against your x. I am sure you learned a hard lesson.

 

[RogerD]

Belle 360

I agree with what you are saying and wish I had it to do over. I know it was my fault and now I will have to live with it. I am responsible and to blame.

 

[beta]

No legal avenue to pursue in your case. You may have very well destroyed your reputation or future with your company. What do you mean? you are afraid of what she might do next??? In reality, she didn't do anything.. You did the dirty deed and she happened to find out... This girl is probably very smart, she seemed to revel only the truth about your fling to your employer... As far as her doing something else as you seemed to be concerned.. That depends on how careless you were and how much ammunition you placed on her lap... How did she find out about all this??? /B]

 

[RogerD]

After several pieces of evidence she had I confessed. My bad for everything.

 

[longsally111]

Just one piece of advice that I have always followed:

NEVER GET YOUR HONEY WHERE YOU GET YOUR MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[BarbT]

"THE TRUTH" is the truth, which you can't sue someone for that. Your problems are the result of your own "Wreckless" and "Immoral" behavior. I would be embaressed too if I were you. In a scenario such as this, it may seem unfair to you, but even if these revelations by this girl affect and possibly ruin any future you may have with your company.
Legally, you can not effectively bring any action against her as far as civil suits. WHY?? because she communicated information to your work that was true. If you are feeling "Embarrasment" over this, well who's fault is that?? You are experiencing the unpleasant after effects of your own "Wreckless and Immoral Behavior"!! You defamed your own charachter!! If you feel defamation has occured here, this girl is not responsible, you are!!!

 

[RogerD]

Barb T

I do not know how many times I can say I am sorry. I know its my fault. I know I am to blame. Would you feel better to take a stick and whack me a few times. Have you never ever made a mistake in your life?

 

[BarbT]

No RogerD.

No one wants to wack you with a stick..It seems you have in a sense "Wacked Yourself", you hurt yourself. As a woman, it offends me that in your initial posting on this topic, you seemed to want to blame this girl for telling your employer what you did! I hope now you have since realised that when is all said and done, your turmoil was inflicted by RogerD, no one else. I would be humiliated to even continue to work at your company any more if I were you. Can you imagine what is being said behind your back and amoung management and HR. I am sure you hurt this girl and she possibly still cared about you and this could have been a motive for contacting your employer with the information. I am sure the company does not have a very high opinion of you at this point. I guess we learn through our mistakes and I hope you thrive to be a better person and change your past behavior. You are lucky you haven't had legal action taken againsed you for your past behaviors. When workplace relationships end badly it gives rise to sexual harassment suits. I am sure your company may now be worrying about your behaVIOR AND the possibility of Harassment suits surfacing in the future due to your past inappropriate actions. Most companies try to avoid liability. You may be seen as a company liability at this point.

 

[BarbT]

Was wondering how things are going for Roger since this posting? Has anything changed in the workplace? Is it better or worse? Keep us posted.