Good evening everyone I currently reside in Las Vegas and my ex husband resides in California.
My ex husband and I have been divorced for over 8 years now. We are both remarried and live in two completely different states. Our daughter was about a year old when we separated and my ex husband didn’t really try to form a relationship with her till she was about three years old and he started dating someone significantly older who wanted kids, but did not have them herself. The sudden intensity to be a part of his daughter’s life 2000 miles away and very much out of the blue was extreme and fueled by his new girlfriend’s deep pockets.
For the next six years we found ourselves in court about twice a year making adjustments to the parenting plan. My current husband and I made very little money at the time, working part time and going to college, so I enlisted the help of the legal team at the university. Eventually we moved for full time employment with our college degrees and again he filled paperwork to amend the parenting plan.
We enrolled my daughter into the guidance of a play therapist at the time, to help her build a relationship with her dad. The therapist had many concerns about my ex husband and his control and boundary issues with our daughter, but he refused to listen to her and take her advice because he is very misogynistic.
At one point I agreed to get on a plane with my ex and take her to his house to see his family for Christmas because he had never taken her for so long. We were snowed in by bad weather and the flight was cancelled at a lay over point. He started doing sneaky things such as trying to book tickets for only him and our daughter while trying to abandon me at the hotel room. He tried calling the police because I wouldn’t hand her over, threatening me, and telling us we couldn’t leave to get food without his permission. When the cops told him he couldn’t do any of this he abandoned us at the hotel without saying anything and I had to find a ticket home for my daughter and I on Christmas because I was four hours driving time away from home and the roads were too dangerous. These kind of contentious situations would open the door to him reopening our parenting plan many more times.
Two summer’s ago he did not contact me and set up a time to exercise his parenting time in the summer, filed a complete reversal of the parenting plan and than waited till the end of the summer to claim “I wouldn’t allow him to see his daughter” which was completely untrue, in fact I asked him several times when he was going to come get her on the phone. He waited till our family went backpacking with no cell phone service and filed an emergency court hearing that happened within the next two days without any forewarning and proceeded to tell the judge outrageous lies about me not allowing him to have his summer visitation time and because I wasn’t there I could not prove my innocence. When we had cell phone service again, I had tons of missed calls from my previous lawyer about how I needed to send my daughter on an “emergency” flight. I was very limited on money, but had to get my daughter on a plane to see him and ended up staying overnight in the airport by myself because I couldn’t afford a hotel (as a female veteran with PTSD this was a horrible experience).
After three years of experience at my previous job working out in the middle of nowhere, my current husband and I received better jobs in a more populated area. We accepted and moved in May when COVID started happening and of course my Ex wanted to completely change the parenting plan again. Frankly, I was (and still am) paying off the costs of our last mediation and I couldn’t afford or even fathom emotionally another ten hours of mediation where they would just take away all holidays from me or all of the summer break. So my husband and I called and worked out a new plan with him where we both co-parent, but he takes her during the school year. Since, he has had her this school year, he has put braces on her without consulting me or asking about my insurance and switched her schools (even though she is learning remote and I implored him not to switch her education mid school year during the pandemic). These issues are not the end of the world, but are ideally supposed to be joint made. But as of right now, the biggest concern I have is no one can get a hold of her for weeks at a time. Her step sister, grandmother, uncles, and I can not call her. I bought her a cell phone, so she can call or text us and he has taken the phone, locked down the settings, and turns it off and hides it so no one can get ahold of her. I asked him about it tonight and he told me if I need to get ahold of her that it needs to be through only his phone and at the times he has designated which are M-F, 5-7 pm. My mom works at this time and I am unsure why we can’t contact her on the weekends. I am at the end of my rope and frustrated with these arbitrary rules we never agreed to.
This is what our parenting plan currently states:
Communications with one parent while residing with the other parent shall be encouraged by both parents.
i. Telephone calls from parents to the child shall be liberally permitted at all reasonable hours. The child may call either parent at any and all reasonable hours and frequencies.
ii. Co-parents must be provided with a source of reasonable telephone contact with the child, as outlined in this plan. If the child is provided with a cell phones that is operable in her location (e.g. at home, at a friend’s house, while traveling, etc), in most cases, that should suffice.
Any advice is most welcome
My ex husband and I have been divorced for over 8 years now. We are both remarried and live in two completely different states. Our daughter was about a year old when we separated and my ex husband didn’t really try to form a relationship with her till she was about three years old and he started dating someone significantly older who wanted kids, but did not have them herself. The sudden intensity to be a part of his daughter’s life 2000 miles away and very much out of the blue was extreme and fueled by his new girlfriend’s deep pockets.
For the next six years we found ourselves in court about twice a year making adjustments to the parenting plan. My current husband and I made very little money at the time, working part time and going to college, so I enlisted the help of the legal team at the university. Eventually we moved for full time employment with our college degrees and again he filled paperwork to amend the parenting plan.
We enrolled my daughter into the guidance of a play therapist at the time, to help her build a relationship with her dad. The therapist had many concerns about my ex husband and his control and boundary issues with our daughter, but he refused to listen to her and take her advice because he is very misogynistic.
At one point I agreed to get on a plane with my ex and take her to his house to see his family for Christmas because he had never taken her for so long. We were snowed in by bad weather and the flight was cancelled at a lay over point. He started doing sneaky things such as trying to book tickets for only him and our daughter while trying to abandon me at the hotel room. He tried calling the police because I wouldn’t hand her over, threatening me, and telling us we couldn’t leave to get food without his permission. When the cops told him he couldn’t do any of this he abandoned us at the hotel without saying anything and I had to find a ticket home for my daughter and I on Christmas because I was four hours driving time away from home and the roads were too dangerous. These kind of contentious situations would open the door to him reopening our parenting plan many more times.
Two summer’s ago he did not contact me and set up a time to exercise his parenting time in the summer, filed a complete reversal of the parenting plan and than waited till the end of the summer to claim “I wouldn’t allow him to see his daughter” which was completely untrue, in fact I asked him several times when he was going to come get her on the phone. He waited till our family went backpacking with no cell phone service and filed an emergency court hearing that happened within the next two days without any forewarning and proceeded to tell the judge outrageous lies about me not allowing him to have his summer visitation time and because I wasn’t there I could not prove my innocence. When we had cell phone service again, I had tons of missed calls from my previous lawyer about how I needed to send my daughter on an “emergency” flight. I was very limited on money, but had to get my daughter on a plane to see him and ended up staying overnight in the airport by myself because I couldn’t afford a hotel (as a female veteran with PTSD this was a horrible experience).
After three years of experience at my previous job working out in the middle of nowhere, my current husband and I received better jobs in a more populated area. We accepted and moved in May when COVID started happening and of course my Ex wanted to completely change the parenting plan again. Frankly, I was (and still am) paying off the costs of our last mediation and I couldn’t afford or even fathom emotionally another ten hours of mediation where they would just take away all holidays from me or all of the summer break. So my husband and I called and worked out a new plan with him where we both co-parent, but he takes her during the school year. Since, he has had her this school year, he has put braces on her without consulting me or asking about my insurance and switched her schools (even though she is learning remote and I implored him not to switch her education mid school year during the pandemic). These issues are not the end of the world, but are ideally supposed to be joint made. But as of right now, the biggest concern I have is no one can get a hold of her for weeks at a time. Her step sister, grandmother, uncles, and I can not call her. I bought her a cell phone, so she can call or text us and he has taken the phone, locked down the settings, and turns it off and hides it so no one can get ahold of her. I asked him about it tonight and he told me if I need to get ahold of her that it needs to be through only his phone and at the times he has designated which are M-F, 5-7 pm. My mom works at this time and I am unsure why we can’t contact her on the weekends. I am at the end of my rope and frustrated with these arbitrary rules we never agreed to.
This is what our parenting plan currently states:
Communications with one parent while residing with the other parent shall be encouraged by both parents.
i. Telephone calls from parents to the child shall be liberally permitted at all reasonable hours. The child may call either parent at any and all reasonable hours and frequencies.
ii. Co-parents must be provided with a source of reasonable telephone contact with the child, as outlined in this plan. If the child is provided with a cell phones that is operable in her location (e.g. at home, at a friend’s house, while traveling, etc), in most cases, that should suffice.
Any advice is most welcome
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