What do you want to happen? Seriously. Are you saying you want the total custody of your children to be total custody now? Are you saying you are prepared for this? Are you ready to say you will be ready to go to court and re-do the entire custody situation, financial arrangements, everything? Think this through. You say, pretty much that you want the custody arrangements to be followed. This generates that you want what you already have, as far as the arrangements, you want them not changed, but followed somewhat more closely. And that is what you would have to try to bring about without the assistance of the courts right away.
You catch my attention when you say your husband is a drug user, heavy drinker, cocaine and weed, etc. This is not something you have just become aware of. And then you mention that you have an internal pain pump, are disabled. And it sounds like you've been letting the children be around him very generously for a long time. It doesn't much sound like you're in good shape to have total custody of the children perhaps? Do you think you'd be able to control where your 17 year old goes and what she does? Are you up for full time with two teenagers at least one of whom is very used to having life without rules? Before too long, at this point, the 17 year old will be outside your control anyway.
It sounds as though you are comfortable with the situation or have accepted it for a long time. You mention 2005, that's fifteen years, and "multiple incidents" of you having gone to pick up the children. What has changed recently that would qualify as a "change of circumstances" worth taking things back to court and asking for a change in custody arrangements? Obviously he's still gainfully employed at something to produce income. It appears that he's been paying for quite a while now, just failing to come up with the braces money?
Giant question, what do you mean "harassing me on and off sexually for months"? How can he do this without you being in pretty close contact with him? And apparently it has gone on and on for months without you making any decisive actions. So he what, comes over and hits on you? Makes obscene comments on social media to you? Do you want a restraining order? Are you saying that if you take him back to court he has threatened that his new girlfriend is going to beat you up? Let's try to get some clarity about exactly what you want fixed in this situation.
The divorce date if 05 should've been 2015. My error, I fixed that.
Although I do have full physical custody about 2 years ago my oldest daughter preferred to stay at his house, i didn't mind BUT there was no drinking or drugs that i was aware of.
What do you want to happen? Seriously. Are you saying you want the total custody of your children to be total custody now? Are you saying you are prepared for this? Are you ready to say you will be ready to go to court and re-do the entire custody situation, financial arrangements, everything? Think this through. You say, pretty much that you want the custody arrangements to be followed. This generates that you want what you already have, as far as the arrangements, you want them not changed, but followed somewhat more closely. And that is what you would have to try to bring about without the assistance of the courts right away.
You catch my attention when you say your husband is a drug user, heavy drinker, cocaine and weed, etc. This is not something you have just become aware of. And then you mention that you have an internal pain pump, are disabled. And it sounds like you've been letting the children be around him very generously for a long time. It doesn't much sound like you're in good shape to have total custody of the children perhaps? Do you think you'd be able to control where your 17 year old goes and what she does? Are you up for full time with two teenagers at least one of whom is very used to having life without rules? Before too long, at this point, the 17 year old will be outside your control anyway.
It sounds as though you are comfortable with the situation or have accepted it for a long time. You mention 2005, that's fifteen years, and "multiple incidents" of you having gone to pick up the children. What has changed recently that would qualify as a "change of circumstances" worth taking things back to court and asking for a change in custody arrangements? Obviously he's still gainfully employed at something to produce income. It appears that he's been paying for quite a while now, just failing to come up with the braces money?
Giant question, what do you mean "harassing me on and off sexually for months"? How can he do this without you being in pretty close contact with him? And apparently it has gone on and on for months without you making any decisive actions. So he what, comes over and hits on you? Makes obscene comments on social media to you? Do you want a restraining order? Are you saying that if you take him back to court he has threatened that his new girlfriend is going to beat you up? Let's try to get some clarity about exactly what you want fixed in this situation.
Ok, the divorce date should be 2015, not 2005. I fixed that.
Yes I have an internal pain pump and I'm disabled but I'm not decrepit. I am able to take care of my children, pets, and myself. It's just I have some health issues that enable me from working.
My concern was if this female tried to physically hurt me, i could easily be injured badly.
So to clarify, 2 years ago our oldest stated asking to stay at her dad's apartment (2 blocks away) more and more. He didn't mind, I didn't mind. At that time there was not any daily drinking or any drug abuse that anyone is aware of.
This year, in February my daughter asked me to pick her up a couple nights bc he was drunk. Which i did, they were arguing and I could tell he was drinking. I kind of thought it was a couple isolated events. I did talk to him about it. I actually told our 17 year old that I preferred her to stay with me but she refused. In fact, she was mean about it. I didn't understand why at that point.
Fast forward to April, he stated texting & calling me and would go to sexual subjects. He would come right out and ask for sex, offer me money for sex, ect.. . That's when I figured he was drinking regularly. He was off work due to covid, so he treated this like 1 long weekend to party alone I guess. The oldest daughter would stay with me more and with friends alot (no school) & i tried to talk my ex into rehab. I ended up having to block his number due to the harassing stuff.
Then beginning of may i got 5 calls from my daughters phone (I was in the shower) but it was my ex, very drunk stating he was feeling violent and I needed to come get our daughter. I immediately went there & got her. I heard him yelling at her saying to take all her belongings to move with me bc he hated her bc he hates me. Very sad situation.
I told her as we walked out if he wanted to ho into a rehab to call me, otherwise don't. Next morning he called our daughters phone, asked for me, asked if I'd take him to inpatient rehab. I did.
He stayed there 45 days total. 10 days in detox (where he met this female) then 35 days in rehab, he signed out early, they wanted him to stay another couple weeks as they were concerned with his behaviors with said female.
I unblocked his number bc in rehab he seemed to do very well. When he got home I didn't want our daughter over there yet, but she was anxious to get back. You see he doesn't have any rules there. Her boyfriend can stay the night in her bed, ect... here I have a curfew, no boy in the bedroom, ect.... when I tried to demand she stay here & she went there anyways I called the police and showed I had full physical custody and they said I have to deal with the courts & that bc she's over 16 no matter where she runs away to they won't force her home. *unless she's in danger*
A few days after he was home he started with the sexual texts again and I confronted him, he admitted he was drinking again and had been immediately after getting home.
The female has been there multiple times and I've seen her look very high, unable to open her eyes. I've been clear, I don't want the children around her. When I told my ex he was forcing my hand to take matters to court, he threatened me saying "do whatever you want. I've always ended up making you sorry somehow. I won't put my hands on you but I have a nice lady here who will " since then I've been scared for my car, to walk my dog,ect... I carry my mase.
Our youngest refuses to go to his house since may 2019 bc he treats her so poorly and she was only going every other weekend and she said he'd drink a beer. I don't believe he was getting drunk, but he's ordered not to drink at all. So I guess I should've done this back then. I was hoping he'd listen and put the kids first.
