Ex Parte Custody to 17 yr old's boyfriend's parents

[gotmyown3]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AL

I am asking this for my husband. He is on the road and cannot do it for himself. His 17 year old daughter lives with us. This is the 2nd time she has lived with us. THe last time at age 13, she "fell in love" with a boy and ran away to be with him. When we finally found her and brought her home, she claimed we beat her and abused her and got DHR and the sheriff's dept involved. Of course it wasn't true but she thought she would get put in foster care and then she got to pick where she lived and she'd pick her boyfriend's house. Ok, well now she's done it again. We found marks on the vinyl siding of our home where she'd been putting out her cigarettes (which her boyfriend was buying for her because she is underage), and then I found empy cigarette boxes and used pregnancy tests, letters where she and a friend talked about how my stepdaughter was "a slut" (my stepdaughter called herself this), and how she'd been going to the boyfriend's house behind our backs. She told us she planned on marrying that boy. So, my husband sat her down and told her that since she was working and thought she was grown, she could pay her own bills, meaning her cell phone and her car insurance. She left our home and went to her boyfriend's in another town. My husband talked to her several times and to his parents and told them she had to come home and that she could not go to school there because he has custody and they live out of our district. He reported her as a runaway and withdrew her from school because if he hadn't the "mandatory education law" here would have put him in jail, according to DHR. Keep in mind, the last time we forced her, we had to endure an investigation because of abuse claims, so my husband was trying to make her realize on her own that she needed to come home. Instead, her boyfriend's parents went to the judge in the county where they live and she told the judge my husband threw her out, told her she was on her own and he granted the boyfriend's parents ex-parte temporary custody. My husband has never been given anything; we found out because the sheriff's dept went to pick her up and saw the order. He is really depressed and can't understand why his only child keeps going wild. What does he need to do now? Her mother lives in another state and told him to "let them have her", since she will be 18 in just 8 months.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

You can only parent a 17 yr old that wants to be parented. Consider yourself lucky she left and someone else is now responsible for her. Could you fight it? Yes. Is it worth fighting? Do you really need one of us to answer that? By the time it goes through court, she will be 18 if not a few months away. Let her finish trashing her life and consider yourselves lucky to be off the hook.

 

[gotmyown3]

I forgot to say a couple things. My husband's job is tranferring us to another state and so he'll have to leave her here and he is worried about doing that since she is his only child and doesn't want her to think he abandoned her and yet he's worried that if she is forced to come back, she'll come with worse accusations to get her way.

Thank you for your reply! I will tell him that. I have tried calling 3 attorney offices in town, but all I could do was leave messages on their voice mail.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

He needs to reconcile himself to the fact she could care less what he wants or feels and in 8 months will be able to legally express it. If she comes back, it will be to play on his sympathy and guilt, to use him.

 

[gotmyown3]

He needs to reconcile himself to the fact she could care less what he wants or feels and in 8 months will be able to legally express it. If she comes back, it will be to play on his sympathy and guilt, to use him.

Again, thank you. I will tell him this. I think he knows it but just doesn't want to admit it to himself. I told him that down the road she will realize what a complete mess she's making of her life.

 

[stealth2]

What did he do after the fiasco when she was 13? Like... did he get her into counseling - on her own and also as a family?

 

[mistoffolees]

You can only parent a 17 yr old that wants to be parented. Consider yourself lucky she left and someone else is now responsible for her. Could you fight it? Yes. Is it worth fighting? Do you really need one of us to answer that? By the time it goes through court, she will be 18 if not a few months away. Let her finish trashing her life and consider yourselves lucky to be off the hook.

That's one option. HOWEVER, note that Mom and Dad might still retain some legal liability for the child's actions. They need to be prepared to face a massive lawsuit if the kid does something stupid (which doesn't seem like that big of a stretch).

I would seriously consider challenging the exparte order. Since the kid's allegations are all false, Dad should be able to get custody back. Then, time for some tough love.

Or, if Dad chooses to let things go, make sure you have the maximum possible auto insurance as well as an umbrella liability policy. It won't prevent a problem, but might help.

 

[TheGeekess]

You can only parent a 17 yr old that wants to be parented. Consider yourself lucky she left and someone else is now responsible for her. Could you fight it? Yes. Is it worth fighting? Do you really need one of us to answer that? By the time it goes through court, she will be 18 if not a few months away. Let her finish trashing her life and consider yourselves lucky to be off the hook.

Age of majority in Alabama is 19, not 18.

 

[TheGeekess]

He needs to reconcile himself to the fact she could care less what he wants or feels and in 8 months will be able to legally express it. If she comes back, it will be to play on his sympathy and guilt, to use him.

No, she won't. Age of majority in Alabama is 19. By state statute. Do I need to post it again?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Age of majority in Alabama is 19, not 18.

It may be, however, the facts remain the same.

 

[TheGeekess]

Again, thank you. I will tell him this. I think he knows it but just doesn't want to admit it to himself. I told him that down the road she will realize what a complete mess she's making of her life.

OHRoadWarrior DOES NOT KNOW ALABAMA LAW.

 

[TheGeekess]

It may be, however, the facts remain the same.

No, the fact the daughter is acting out is true, but your advice is wrong and not correct for the state of Alabama.

 

[gotmyown3]

What did he do after the fiasco when she was 13? Like... did he get her into counseling - on her own and also as a family?

He put her in a psychiatric facility. She received counseling there and we met with her counselor too. The counselor at that time told us that she was not mentally or emotionally unstable but that she was manipulative and was focused solely on herself. She warned us all that the kid was prepared to "do or say anything to get the result she wanted". Her mother pitched a fit and said that all the child need was discipline and that my husband had failed their child as a parent and checked her out and took her back to her house. A year and a half later, she was calling my husband asking him to take their daughter back. And of course, he believed his daughter when she promised to be better this time.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

The fact is, you are obsessed with looking at a tree, when everyone else is dealing with the entire forest. Take a deep breath, back off and eat a nice buttered crumpet, while you drink your coffee.

 

[Antigone*]

That's one option. HOWEVER, note that Mom and Dad might still retain some legal liability for the child's actions. They need to be prepared to face a massive lawsuit if the kid does something stupid (which doesn't seem like that big of a stretch).

I would seriously consider challenging the exparte order. Since the kid's allegations are all false, Dad should be able to get custody back. Then, time for some tough love.

Or, if Dad chooses to let things go, make sure you have the maximum possible auto insurance as well as an umbrella liability policy. It won't prevent a problem, but might help.

Dad should certainly consult an attorney. I think this is a great idea. If dad decides to let this be, he could find himself paying child support to these people and still losing his daughter to these overstepping and overindulging people.