Ex Parte Modification of Custody

[apple_tree]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
I made a terrible mistake of believing my husband who filed for divorce that he has postponed the divorce. As a result I did not appear in court on a hearing date. My little child was also sick on that day and I had to take care of him. He was awarded a sole legal and physical custody until the next hearing in a month.I got this order 2 days ago.
He is planning to travel abroad with our child. While i am 100% sure he will be back with a child I am appalled and hurt by his backstabbing and inconsistent behavior (like telling me one thing and doing another). I am also shocked that he (more correctly, his attorney) asked for a sole custody as we always agreed on 50-50.
We are very flexible with custody right now, he has child for few days, i have for few, nothing changed since the order but I am very scared that by not showing up i have put myself in the position where judge may think i do not care...When confronted about why he asked for sole cust he said that he needs it so i don't prevent him from going abroad.
I also do not have an attorney since he has access to checking and savings and gives me money at his discretion.
I have done my research and planning to file Ex Parte Modification of Custody. But after studying the subject I realized that it is a complicated form and even though I may fill it right I still might do something wrong by putting the wrong declaration/justification. My logic is that I am filing for an ex parte bcs he is traveling abroad next week and i strongly disagree with sole custody in view of his travel abroad. Having sole custody by him will leave me with no rights to my child if something happens. I also want to explain how he mislead me about the court hearing. And that the order was obtained in a bad faith....should i also file child abduction orders even though i am 100% sure he will be back? If i could paraphrase it i am more concerned about him having sole custody obtained through such a dishonest way and the repercussions of my actions for my future custody rights than him abducting my child (i mean i am pretty sure he will not).
Well, my other dilemma is should i just let it go for the sake of not creating too much hostility ? But then I am afraid that if the issue is going to escalate the fact that he was awarded a sole custody would be detrimental to my chances getting the custody i want. He also threatened me today that he is going to fight for sole custody....He became very vindictive after I said that i wanted separation....and filed for divorce first.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
I made a terrible mistake of believing my husband who filed for divorce that he has postponed the divorce. As a result I did not appear in court on a hearing date. My little child was also sick on that day and I had to take care of him. He was awarded a sole legal and physical custody until the next hearing in a month.I got this order 2 days ago.

You should have protected yourself by calling the court to determine if the hearing was set.

He is planning to travel abroad with our child. While i am 100% sure he will be back with a child I am appalled and hurt by his backstabbing and inconsistent behavior (like telling me one thing and doing another). I am also shocked that he (more correctly, his attorney) asked for a sole custody as we always agreed on 50-50.

Re the bolded: WRONG. More correctly his attorney asked for sole custody as his CLIENT (your husband) wished. Attorneys do not have the right or power to just ask for something without the client agreeing to it.

We are very flexible with custody right now, he has child for few days, i have for few, nothing changed since the order but I am very scared that by not showing up i have put myself in the position where judge may think i do not care...When confronted about why he asked for sole cust he said that he needs it so i don't prevent him from going abroad.

Hey now there you go -- YOUR HUSBAND ASKED FOR IT!

I also do not have an attorney since he has access to checking and savings and gives me money at his discretion.
I have done my research and planning to file Ex Parte Modification of Custody.

Wrong. This is not an ex parte situation. Oh and you need to get a job so you have your own money.

But after studying the subject I realized that it is a complicated form and even though I may fill it right I still might do something wrong by putting the wrong declaration/justification. My logic is that I am filing for an ex parte bcs he is traveling abroad next week and i strongly disagree with sole custody in view of his travel abroad. Having sole custody by him will leave me with no rights to my child if something happens.

Where is he traveling abroad? This is NOT a reason for an ex parte hearing.

I also want to explain how he mislead me about the court hearing. And that the order was obtained in a bad faith....

You were served and knew about the hearing.

should i also file child abduction orders even though i am 100% sure he will be back?

Only if you want prosecuted with a crime for filing a false report.

If i could paraphrase it i am more concerned about him having sole custody obtained through such a dishonest way and the repercussions of my actions for my future custody rights than him abducting my child (i mean i am pretty sure he will not).

Not an ex parte matter.

Well, my other dilemma is should i just let it go for the sake of not creating too much hostility ? But then I am afraid that if the issue is going to escalate the fact that he was awarded a sole custody would be detrimental to my chances getting the custody i want. He also threatened me today that he is going to fight for sole custody....He became very vindictive after I said that i wanted separation....and filed for divorce first.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Wait a minute -- it was vindictive of him to file for divorce first because he beat you to it? Seriously?

 

[LdiJ]

I think that you need to find a way to get yourself an attorney. If you had one, this would not have happened. An attorney is the best person to help you repair the damage.

 

[Ronin]

I absolutely agree that you will not be able to repair this damage as a pro se with your limited knowlege of the law. As of now, the father is the presumptive custodial parent, which places the burden on you to prove otherwise.

Your responding with pro se motions for ex-parte hearings and other misguided although well intentioned attempts to modify the temporary orders will likely be overruled, and only further compound your problems.

Even a good attorney may be challenged to "fix" this in a way you would like. But a good attorney is what you now need...

 

[Proserpina]

OP, when you said this....

He is planning to travel abroad with our child. While i am 100% sure he will be back with a child I am appalled and hurt by his backstabbing and inconsistent behavior (like telling me one thing and doing another).

And then this....

should i also file child abduction orders even though i am 100% sure he will be back? If i could paraphrase it i am more concerned about him having sole custody obtained through such a dishonest way and the repercussions of my actions for my future custody rights than him abducting my child (i mean i am pretty sure he will not).

Do you realize how this looks? Seriously - this looks like the only reason you are wanting to file anything at all is because he got sole custody and you didn't. You are willing to file a false charge, and knowingly and maliciously accuse him of one of the most serious non-violent crimes against children? Just because of the way he got custody?

If you want any chance at regaining custody at all you categorically cannot afford to be perceived like that - you are literally about one step away from ensuring that Dad does retain sole custody without him even having to lift a finger.

Yes, I'm trying to scare you. You absolutely need an attorney because if you continue down this path you may very easily lose custody - permanently.

I also do not have an attorney since he has access to checking and savings and gives me money at his discretion.

Beg or borrow money. You NEED an attorney.

I also want to explain how he mislead me about the court hearing.

Not going to wash.

But then I am afraid that if the issue is going to escalate the fact that he was awarded a sole custody would be detrimental to my chances getting the custody i want.

Please OP - call Legal Aid, call the local Bar Association for a low-cost/pro-bono referral, borrow the money...however you need to do it, get yourself an attorney.

 

[Ohiogal]

If she files for child abduction she can find herself facing prison time. Which guarantees she won't get visitation unsupervised with her child. IF she gets any visitation at all -- many times judges will not order that a child visit mommy or daddy in jail.

 

[Proserpina]

If she files for child abduction she can find herself facing prison time. Which guarantees she won't get visitation unsupervised with her child. IF she gets any visitation at all -- many times judges will not order that a child visit mommy or daddy in jail.

For the life of me I cannot even fathom why that would ever seem like an even plausible idea let alone an actual possibility y'know?

Then again I'm honestly wondering if OP isn't actually Dad fishing to see if his ex can carry through what she may have threatened him with.