ex refuses to sign custody order

[C.Z]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
Hi
My husband has 2 children with his ex-wife. They have been divorced for 9 years and it has been a very bitter divorce. His ex-wife has since remarried and divorced again.
There has been 2 court cases since the divorce for different contempt issues from both sides.
About 4 months ago now the mother kicked the oldest child out (he is 12) and he has been living with his father and me since. He did have a lot of problems in school at the time and he had been caught stealing once.
Since the move his father has been working hard with the school and all issues have been resolved, his grades are going up and he seems a much happier child. At the time he moved in with us he was on antidepressants and ADHD medication. He has since come off both medications and is doing well.
Now, our issue is that we still don't have physical custody of him. Our lawyer drafted a temporary custody order but the mother has not signed it. Her reason for not signing is that my husband owes her a large sum due to back child support. None knows the exact sum as it has been debated in court back and forth and she will not accept the sum child support enforcment has given us.
Our lawyer doesn't want to take it to court as he feels it will just cost a lot of money. My husband still pays full childsupport since there is no court order on change of primary custodian.
What shall we do?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
Hi
My husband has 2 children with his ex-wife. They have been divorced for 9 years and it has been a very bitter divorce. His ex-wife has since remarried and divorced again.
There has been 2 court cases since the divorce for different contempt issues from both sides.
About 4 months ago now the mother kicked the oldest child out (he is 12) and he has been living with us since. He had a lot of problems in school at the time and he had been caught stealing once.
Since the move me and his father have been working hard with the school and all issues have been resolved, his grades are going up and he seems a much happier child. At the time he moved in with us he was on antidepressants and ADHD medication. He has since come off both medications and is doing well.
Now, our issue is that we still don't have physical custody of him. Our lawyer drafted a temporary custody order but she has not signed it. Her reason for not signing is that my husband owes her a large sum due to back child support. None knows the exact sum as it has been debated in court back and forth and she will not accept the sum child support enforcment has given us.
Our lawyer doesn't want to take it to court as he feels it will just cost a lot of money. My husband still pays full childsupport since there is no court order on change of primary custodian.
What shall we do?

Please read the link and edit your 1st post. Thanks.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/newbies-please-read-before-posting-387214.html

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
Hi
My husband has 2 children with his ex-wife. They have been divorced for 9 years and it has been a very bitter divorce. His ex-wife has since remarried and divorced again.
There has been 2 court cases since the divorce for different contempt issues from both sides.
About 4 months ago now the mother kicked the oldest child out (he is 12) and he has been living with us since. He had a lot of problems in school at the time and he had been caught stealing once.
Since the move me and his father have been working hard with the school and all issues have been resolved, his grades are going up and he seems a much happier child. At the time he moved in with us he was on antidepressants and ADHD medication. He has since come off both medications and is doing well.
Now, our issue is that we still don't have physical custody of him. Our lawyer drafted a temporary custody order but she has not signed it. Her reason for not signing is that my husband owes her a large sum due to back child support. None knows the exact sum as it has been debated in court back and forth and she will not accept the sum child support enforcment has given us.
Our lawyer doesn't want to take it to court as he feels it will just cost a lot of money. My husband still pays full childsupport since there is no court order on change of primary custodian.
What shall we do?

Dad simply needs to file in court to modify the custody order. He doesn't need Mom's "permission".

The attorney should have explained that.

Dad honestly needs to sign up here himself though. There may be questions, the answers to which only he will have.

 

[C.Z]

Thank you for your reply.
The main issue with the custody order is that the mother will now have to pay my husband ( the father ) childsupport.
My husband has agreed to continue pay towards the outstanding childsupport he owes, and he has agreed to that the childsupport she should pay him will also go towards the arrears.
Can the issues with the arrears and the custody issue be treated as two different issues so we can go ahead and sort custody out and deal with the arrears later?

 

[CJane]

Thank you for your reply.
The main issue with the custody order is that the mother will now have to pay my husband ( the father ) childsupport.
My husband has agreed to continue pay towards the outstanding childsupport he owes, and he has agreed to that the childsupport she should pay him will also go towards the arrears.
Can the issues with the arrears and the custody issue be treated as two different issues so we can go ahead and sort custody out and deal with the arrears later?

It really should all be handled at the same time.

And I don't see how it could be 'debated about' in court, but no decision was made. I also don't see how Dad can have NO idea how much he owes in back support.

 

[C.Z]

well it is a long story.
According to their divorce decree the father was responsible for private school fees.
The father is a travelling journeyman and his income varies very much depending on where he works ( he makes 3 times as much in Boston as in Georgia).
When they first divorced the children was in a private school. The father changed his job to be able to be closer to the children. His income then more than halfed and he was struggling to make ends meet.
He and his ex wife made a private agreement that she would pay half of the school cost.
After about 3 years she ran into economical trouble and took the father to court demanding the money back.
During this court case she claimed she had been paying half for 4 years and not for 3.
My husband was able to prove that the children had been attending a puplic school for the fourth year.
Then she remarried and moved with the children to a different county.
This lead to the case being transfered to a different court and was restarted from the beginning.
When it was restarted the fathers lawyer had to go into bedrest as she took very ill during a pregnency and the case was prosponed.
This is why we dont know the amount that is owed.
At the moment the parties are about 30 000 apart on estimates...

 

[mistoffolees]

well it is a long story.
According to their divorce decree the father was responsible for private school fees.
The father is a travelling journeyman and his income varies very much depending on where he works ( he makes 3 times as much in Boston as in Georgia).
When they first divorced the children was in a private school. The father changed his job to be able to be closer to the children. His income then more than halfed and he was struggling to make ends meet.
He and his ex wife made a private agreement that she would pay half of the school cost.
After about 3 years she ran into economical trouble and took the father to court demanding the money back.
During this court case she claimed she had been paying half for 4 years and not for 3.
My husband was able to prove that the children had been attending a puplic school for the fourth year.
Then she remarried and moved with the children to a different county.
This lead to the case being transfered to a different court and was restarted from the beginning.
When it was restarted the fathers lawyer had to go into bedrest as she took very ill during a pregnency and the case was prosponed.
This is why we dont know the amount that is owed.
At the moment the parties are about 30 000 apart on estimates...

Let this be a lesson to you (and anyone else reading). Two lessons, actually:

1. Do not do anything (especially financially) other than what the court order says. Outside agreements are meaningless - and prone to create problems.

2. If there's a change of circumstances or income, file for a modification of the court order.

As it is, they simply need to open up the court order to see how much SHOULD have been paid over the years. Then pull out canceled checks to see how much WAS paid. The difference is what he owes.

 

[stealth2]

As it is, they simply need to open up the court order to see how much SHOULD have been paid over the years. Then pull out canceled checks to see how much WAS paid. The difference is what he owes.

Plus interest.

 

[C.Z]

Thank you for your reply.
Since the oldest child moved in with us 4 month ago the father has still payed full childsupport (1,350) every month since it goes via child support enforcment and he does not want to get arrested nor have his drivers license suspended.
At the same time the mother should have paid the father 300 a month in childsupport since her income is higher than the fathers.
Can this money be claimed back retrospectivly?

 

[C.Z]

Let this be a lesson to you (and anyone else reading). Two lessons, actually:

1. Do not do anything (especially financially) other than what the court order says. Outside agreements are meaningless - and prone to create problems.

2. If there's a change of circumstances or income, file for a modification of the court order.

As it is, they simply need to open up the court order to see how much SHOULD have been paid over the years. Then pull out canceled checks to see how much WAS paid. The difference is what he owes.

There is also the problem with the mother claiming it was 4 years of school and the father 3 years. This has not been cleared out yet. The court hearing was over a year ago but no ruling has been made yet. This has also been prosponed as the son is now living with the father.

 

[CSO286]

Thank you for your reply.
Since the oldest child moved in with us 4 month ago the father has still payed full childsupport (1,350) every month since it goes via child support enforcment and he does not want to get arrested nor have his drivers license suspended.
At the same time the mother should have paid the father 300 a month in childsupport since her income is higher than the fathers.
Can this money be claimed back retrospectivly?

Unless there is a court order directing the Mother to pay the father, there is no "she should have paid." She owes nothing until/unless ordered to pay by a court.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thank you for your reply.
Since the oldest child moved in with us 4 month ago the father has still payed full childsupport (1,350) every month since it goes via child support enforcment and he does not want to get arrested nor have his drivers license suspended.
At the same time the mother should have paid the father 300 a month in childsupport since her income is higher than the fathers.
Can this money be claimed back retrospectivly?

No. Until Dad files to change the order, the existing order remains in place. I guess you ignored what I wrote. ONLY court orders matter. Side agreements are irrelevant (and Dad's unilaterally claiming that Mom owes him $300 a month is totally meaningless).

There is also the problem with the mother claiming it was 4 years of school and the father 3 years. This has not been cleared out yet. The court hearing was over a year ago but no ruling has been made yet. This has also been prosponed as the son is now living with the father.

Please re-read what I said. It doesn't matter if it's 4 years of school or 3 years of school. That was a private agreement and not required by the court order. It is not enforceable.

The only correct answer is to add up what the court order says he should have paid over the years. Subtract what he actually paid. The difference (plus interest - thanks Stealth) is what he owes.

 

[C.Z]

Thank you for your reply,
Sorry I did post the two posts right after eachother and did not recive your first reply until later.
Our main concern is that the father still has not got primary custody and is paying childsupport even though the son is living with us.
The father has told his laywer today that if the other party has not responded to the parental plan we sent them 3 month ago by tomorrow we will file for modification at the court.
Regarding the issue with the arrears it is not as simple as it seems. Even the child support enforcment agancy has a different number of arrears than either the mother or father ( lower than both but the mother refuses to accept this number and will not sign parental plan until the father accepts her number).

 

[mistoffolees]

Thank you for your reply,
Sorry I did post the two posts right after eachother and did not recive your first reply until later.
Our main concern is that the father still has not got primary custody and is paying childsupport even though the son is living with us.
The father has told his laywer today that if the other party has not responded to the parental plan we sent them 3 month ago by tomorrow we will file for modification at the court.
Regarding the issue with the arrears it is not as simple as it seems. Even the child support enforcment agancy has a different number of arrears than either the mother or father ( lower than both but the mother refuses to accept this number and will not sign parental plan until the father accepts her number).

The father needs to sign up here.

If Dad and Mom can't agree on the numbers, then CSE's numbers will probably prevail.

As for custody and current support, THE EXISTING ORDER PREVAILS. I don't know to say it any clearer. He still owes Mom support until he gets the order changed.

 

[ecmst12]

In addition, since it's only been 4 months, you don't have status quo yet. Which means if you go to court to change custody, they could end up ordering the child back to mom's. Dad would want to wait until the child has been with him for 6 months to minimize the chances of that happening.