Ex wants to file for child support but I want partial custody?

[Parent2019]

I live in Arkansas. My ex and I had a boy almost 5 years ago and I was never on the birth certificate because she was married to somebody else at the time. I've been a in my kid's life ever since. When we broke up I still continued to pick him up any day off I had. I also was paying her $50 a week to spend on him, plus whatever I would buy for him when he was with me. Well, recently I was given the advice to start putting that money in a savings account for him instead, considering I don't know what that money is going to. And on top of that she gets to file for him on her taxes every year and doesn't factor in the money she receives from me. So I told her that's what I intend to do instead of giving that money to her. She is now filing for child support, however I want to have at least partial custody of him. I don't feel like I should have to pay her child support because I've always been there and I'm more mentally stable than she is. She also sells and smokes weed. She complains that she never has money for her kids but she buys things for herself like four wheelers and jet skis. I basically think that I should have rights to my son. What should I do now?

 

[stealth2]

I live in Arkansas. My ex and I had a boy almost 5 years ago and I was never on the birth certificate because she was married to somebody else at the time. I've been a in my kid's life ever since. When we broke up I still continued to pick him up any day off I had. I also was paying her $50 a week to spend on him, plus whatever I would buy for him when he was with me. Well, recently I was given the advice to start putting that money in a savings account for him instead, considering I don't know what that money is going to. And on top of that she gets to file for him on her taxes every year and doesn't factor in the money she receives from me. So I told her that's what I intend to do instead of giving that money to her. She is now filing for child support, however I want to have at least partial custody of him. I don't feel like I should have to pay her child support because I've always been there and I'm more mentally stable than she is. She also sells and smokes weed. She complains that she never has money for her kids but she buys things for herself like four wheelers and jet skis. I basically think that I should have rights to my son. What should I do now?

Do you know what "Pay To Play" means? Child Custody/Parenting Time/Support ain't it. You made it? You pay for it.

 

[Just Blue]

I live in Arkansas. My ex and I had a boy almost 5 years ago and I was never on the birth certificate because she was married to somebody else at the time. I've been a in my kid's life ever since. When we broke up I still continued to pick him up any day off I had. I also was paying her $50 a week to spend on him, plus whatever I would buy for him when he was with me. Well, recently I was given the advice to start putting that money in a savings account for him instead, considering I don't know what that money is going to. And on top of that she gets to file for him on her taxes every year and doesn't factor in the money she receives from me. So I told her that's what I intend to do instead of giving that money to her. She is now filing for child support, however I want to have at least partial custody of him. I don't feel like I should have to pay her child support because I've always been there and I'm more mentally stable than she is. She also sells and smokes weed. She complains that she never has money for her kids but she buys things for herself like four wheelers and jet skis. I basically think that I should have rights to my son. What should I do now?

Were you legally established as the father? Are your ex and her hubby still married?

 

[Eekamouse]

I live in Arkansas. My ex and I had a boy almost 5 years ago and I was never on the birth certificate because she was married to somebody else at the time. I've been a in my kid's life ever since. When we broke up I still continued to pick him up any day off I had. I also was paying her $50 a week to spend on him, plus whatever I would buy for him when he was with me. Well, recently I was given the advice to start putting that money in a savings account for him instead, considering I don't know what that money is going to. And on top of that she gets to file for him on her taxes every year and doesn't factor in the money she receives from me. So I told her that's what I intend to do instead of giving that money to her. She is now filing for child support, however I want to have at least partial custody of him. I don't feel like I should have to pay her child support because I've always been there and I'm more mentally stable than she is. She also sells and smokes weed. She complains that she never has money for her kids but she buys things for herself like four wheelers and jet skis. I basically think that I should have rights to my son. What should I do now?

Where do you think the money is going? Your $50 a week goes to paying towards the costs of his living expenses. She doesn't have to give an accounting to you. She will get more than what you're paying her now when she goes to court, most likely. It costs a lot more than just $400 a month (assuming you and she both are contributing equally which you aren't) a month to raise a child these days.

 

[bcr229]

Are you legally dad now? If not, does the child have a legal dad?

 

[LdiJ]

I live in Arkansas. My ex and I had a boy almost 5 years ago and I was never on the birth certificate because she was married to somebody else at the time. I've been a in my kid's life ever since. When we broke up I still continued to pick him up any day off I had. I also was paying her $50 a week to spend on him, plus whatever I would buy for him when he was with me. Well, recently I was given the advice to start putting that money in a savings account for him instead, considering I don't know what that money is going to. And on top of that she gets to file for him on her taxes every year and doesn't factor in the money she receives from me. So I told her that's what I intend to do instead of giving that money to her. She is now filing for child support, however I want to have at least partial custody of him. I don't feel like I should have to pay her child support because I've always been there and I'm more mentally stable than she is. She also sells and smokes weed. She complains that she never has money for her kids but she buys things for herself like four wheelers and jet skis. I basically think that I should have rights to my son. What should I do now?

You can certainly file to establish some form of joint custody, however if the child has primarily been living with mom for the last 5 years you certainly won't get anywhere trying to claim that mom is unstable or unfit. It will be obvious to the judge that you are making those kinds of claims because you don't want to pay child support. That will make you look very bad.

$50.00 a weeks isn't remotely close to what it costs to pay 1/2 of what it costs to support a child. The fact that you want to stop even giving that to mom makes you look like a deadbeat. I hope that you stop listening to whomever gave you that advice.

Accept the fact that you are going to have to pay guideline child support. Google an online child support calculator for your state to help you get an idea of how much that support might be. By all means file to establish some form of joint custody and parenting time. However, do not expect to get a 50/50 timeshare. Your status quo is that you get him on your days off.

Your paternity will get officially established as part of the child support case. It would probably be in your best interest to ask for a DNA test. Expect mom to be highly insulted by that, but its the smart thing to do.

 

[t74]

You need an attorney. Since it sounds like the child was born into a marriage, the child may not even be considered to be your son unless the legal process was followed to establish you as the father.

 

[stealth2]

It costs a lot more than just $400 a month

$430 - there are 4.3 weeks to a month.
<--------- being pedantic.

 

[LdiJ]

You need an attorney. Since it sounds like the child was born into a marriage, the child may not even be considered to be your son unless the legal process was followed to establish you as the father.

That doesn't mean that dad cannot establish paternity now.

 

[Zigner]

That doesn't mean that dad cannot establish paternity now.

Would you care to cite the Arkansas law that allows for mom or OP to change the status of the legal father at this point? You might be right - but you ought to be able to cite the law that allows it.

 

[LdiJ]

Would you care to cite the Arkansas law that allows for mom or OP to change the status of the legal father at this point? You might be right - but you ought to be able to cite the law that allows it.

Feel free to prove me wrong.

 

[Zigner]

Feel free to prove me wrong.

Again - no cite for an assertion that YOU made.

 

[Zigner]

I'm simply asking you to back up what you say with a citation to the applicable law. Why? So the OP knows whether or not this is an avenue to pursue.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I live in Arkansas. My ex and I had a boy almost 5 years ago and I was never on the birth certificate because she was married to somebody else at the time. I've been a in my kid's life ever since. When we broke up I still continued to pick him up any day off I had. I also was paying her $50 a week to spend on him, plus whatever I would buy for him when he was with me. Well, recently I was given the advice to start putting that money in a savings account for him instead, considering I don't know what that money is going to. And on top of that she gets to file for him on her taxes every year and doesn't factor in the money she receives from me. So I told her that's what I intend to do instead of giving that money to her. She is now filing for child support, however I want to have at least partial custody of him. I don't feel like I should have to pay her child support because I've always been there and I'm more mentally stable than she is. She also sells and smokes weed. She complains that she never has money for her kids but she buys things for herself like four wheelers and jet skis. I basically think that I should have rights to my son. What should I do now?

To answer your question,"What should I do now?" I have 2 words: grow up.

You had an affair with someone who was married to someone else and who uses and deals drugs. You do not get to judge her, because you chose her. What you should do now is fake being a responsible adult.

1) Establish paternity, if this was not addressed in her divorce.

2) Establish custody/visitation. It is reasonable to petition for joint legal custody. It would be best if any petition for visitation/parenting time for you should reflect what you think is the best interests of the child. The child is almost 5, and once children start school, it is good for a parenting plan to respect and acknowledge that reality. For example, how will school breaks be handled.

3) Crunch your numbers in a child support calculator to give you a realistic idea of what to expect. Your reasoning so far has been more than a little off. When you are taken to court for child support, request that payments be made through a state agency. That way there is a running tally of exactly what you have paid.

I will add that $215/month would be exceptionally meager unless you have an incredibly poorly paying job.