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Ex wants to split visitation with 5 year old to 6months/6 months??? Help!!

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Junior Member
New Jersey: My current visitation with my 5 year old is 4 days with me (mother) and 3 days with her father. My family and his family all reside in New Jersey, however her father wants to move to Puerto Rico (to surf, work under the table and collect NJ unemployment) . He is threatening me to file for modification of our visitation to 6 months with him and 6 months with me. I cannot bear to not be able to see my daughter for 6 months. She goes to school all day in my district. Can he file for this? Can she be uprooted out of her school, extracurricular activities and environment because he wants to move away to Puerto Rico?
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
New Jersey: My current visitation with my 5 year old is 4 days with me (mother) and 3 days with her father. My family and his family all reside in New Jersey, however her father wants to move to Puerto Rico (to surf, work under the table and collect NJ unemployment) . He is threatening me to file for modification of our visitation to 6 months with him and 6 months with me. I cannot bear to not be able to see my daughter for 6 months. She goes to school all day in my district. Can he file for this? Can she be uprooted out of her school, extracurricular activities and environment because he wants to move away to Puerto Rico?
A judge would laugh hysterically at that idea. Yes, he can file for that but he won't get it.
 

Explore

Junior Member
A judge would laugh hysterically at that idea. Yes, he can file for that but he won't get it.
I couldn't bear to be without her for 6 months! He has forfeited numerous overnights for trips and vacations, he claims that his buddies have a 6 month/ 6 month visitation schedule.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I couldn't bear to be without her for 6 months! He has forfeited numerous overnights for trips and vacations, he claims that his buddies have a 6 month/ 6 month visitation schedule.
Of course, he can file. Will he get what he wants? Not likely. But your argument should be somewhat stronger than how you can't bear to be without your child for six months.
 

Ladyback1

Senior Member
New Jersey: My current visitation with my 5 year old is 4 days with me (mother) and 3 days with her father. My family and his family all reside in New Jersey, however her father wants to move to Puerto Rico (to surf, work under the table and collect NJ unemployment) . He is threatening me to file for modification of our visitation to 6 months with him and 6 months with me. I cannot bear to not be able to see my daughter for 6 months. She goes to school all day in my district. Can he file for this? Can she be uprooted out of her school, extracurricular activities and environment because he wants to move away to Puerto Rico?
Usually, anyone can file with the courts for just about everything. There's nothing prohibiting him from filing.

And while I don't know the specifics of how New Jersey family law is written and applied; Most family courts want to figure out what is in the best interest of the child. He will have to be able to 1) prove a significant change in the child's circumstances that makes the move a "good" idea, 2) He will need to prove that a 6mo/6mo split is in the best interest of the child.

I don't think a judge, any judge for that matter, would believe or accept that it would be in the best interest of the child to be shuffled between the parents every 6 mo. I could be wrong, but, I don't believe that you should get too worked up over his "plan". If he files, you should prepare for court of course, but Dad's idea seems to self-serving to be of benefit for the child.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Usually, anyone can file with the courts for just about everything. There's nothing prohibiting him from filing.

And while I don't know the specifics of how New Jersey family law is written and applied; Most family courts want to figure out what is in the best interest of the child. He will have to be able to 1) prove a significant change in the child's circumstances that makes the move a "good" idea, 2) He will need to prove that a 6mo/6mo split is in the best interest of the child.

I don't think a judge, any judge for that matter, would believe or accept that it would be in the best interest of the child to be shuffled between the parents every 6 mo. I could be wrong, but, I don't believe that you should get too worked up over his "plan". If he files, you should prepare for court of course, but Dad's idea seems to self-serving to be of benefit for the child.
I am pretty certain that the judge's reaction would be a OG described it...and I can just about guarantee that none of his "buddies" have that. It would be totally disruptive of the child's education.
 

commentator

Senior Member
The OP may be believing a lot of stuff that's simply off the wall because this guy's telling her it's this way. No, he doesn't get what he wants, just because he wants it and it sounds like a dandy idea to him. Moving off to Puerto Rico and then coming back in six months, or having the child shipped to him in six months is not something the courts are going to see in the child's best interest. He's not going to have six months of income left on New Jersey unemployment, either. Once you've gotten 26 weeks of it, there are no extensions, and you don't get any more until you've worked again and gotten the credits in. So he has no valid source of income, no real plans, and he wants to take the child for six months at a time. Great idea. That said, you really need to go into all the court actions with him with a good attorney.
 

Explore

Junior Member
Of course, he can file. Will he get what he wants? Not likely. But your argument should be somewhat stronger than how you can't bear to be without your child for six months.
Yes I understand my argument can't be that I can't bear to be with her. My argument is that I believe that his move to Puerto Rico is a selfish act and is not in the best interest of our child. She is in school full time here, plays soccer, does dance and tee ball here in her town. He forfeits his overnights, for example, he has forfeited 7 of his overnights since 9/28 to surf in California . Last winter he forfeited 24 overnights over a two month span because he was surfing in Puerto Rico. This shows right here that he makes selfish decisions. I have documented every overnight he has given up in the last year. His reasons are not work related, they are play related. Isn't collecting unemployment out of state illegal anyways? Aren't you supposed to be willing and looking for work?
 

Ladyback1

Senior Member
Isn't collecting unemployment out of state illegal anyways? Aren't you supposed to be willing and looking for work?
ummmm....as long as he IS willing to work and seeking work, he can collect unemployment (adhering to the max weeks allowed) from a previous state of residency. At least that is my understanding and my past experience.
 

torimac

Member
I have collected unemployment from one state while living in another. I moved from CA to TX. My job in TX laid people off within 2 months (gotta wonder why they moved us!). Because I was not a resident of TX yet, I had to collect unemployment from CA.
 
Yes I understand my argument can't be that I can't bear to be with her. My argument is that I believe that his move to Puerto Rico is a selfish act and is not in the best interest of our child. She is in school full time here, plays soccer, does dance and tee ball here in her town. He forfeits his overnights, for example, he has forfeited 7 of his overnights since 9/28 to surf in California . Last winter he forfeited 24 overnights over a two month span because he was surfing in Puerto Rico. This shows right here that he makes selfish decisions. I have documented every overnight he has given up in the last year. His reasons are not work related, they are play related. Isn't collecting unemployment out of state illegal anyways? Aren't you supposed to be willing and looking for work?
I think that is a very reasonable approach to the situation and would be the start of a great argument as to why your child should not be subjected to such a parenting plan. Like another poster said you can pretty much petition the Court for whatever you want; whether you will get it is another story. That is a dramatic change to the child's current situation and without good evidence that supports it is in her best interest, I agree that he's most likely to get laughed at. His buddies may have something similar, that doesn't mean that he will get it too. His buddies most likely have very different circumstances and may have had a 50/50 timeshare since the birth of their children that they agreed on since day one. Parenting and Custody agreements are not one size fits all. The Courts consider each individual case and it's own circumstances and render decisions based on what is in the best interest of the child. They don't make precedent based decisions when it comes to custody and parenting agreements.

I once collected unemployment from New Hampshire when I was in Florida, so unless NJ has a certain law that prohibits collecting UE benefits out of state, I *think* he would be able to draw.

I wish you the best of luck and hope your able to work out a reasonable agreement.
 

Explore

Junior Member
I think that is a very reasonable approach to the situation and would be the start of a great argument as to why your child should not be subjected to such a parenting plan. Like another poster said you can pretty much petition the Court for whatever you want; whether you will get it is another story. That is a dramatic change to the child's current situation and without good evidence that supports it is in her best interest, I agree that he's most likely to get laughed at. His buddies may have something similar, that doesn't mean that he will get it too. His buddies most likely have very different circumstances and may have had a 50/50 timeshare since the birth of their children that they agreed on since day one. Parenting and Custody agreements are not one size fits all. The Courts consider each individual case and it's own circumstances and render decisions based on what is in the best interest of the child. They don't make precedent based decisions when it comes to custody and parenting agreements.

I once collected unemployment from New Hampshire when I was in Florida, so unless NJ has a certain law that prohibits collecting UE benefits out of state, I *think* he would be able to draw.

I wish you the best of luck and hope your able to work out a reasonable agreement.
Thank you so very much and thanks to everyone else clearing the unemployment information for me. I find it crazy he can work under the table in Puerto Rico and collect unemployment at the same time. Oh well that's the system I guess?
 

Explore

Junior Member
I also asked him why he wants her for 6 months straight and he says so she is brought up bilingual and culturally diverse. Do those reasons hold up in court? The town he is going to in Puerto Rico is a sleepy, lawless, surf town with a not so good school system. Can I use those statements in my defense?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I also asked him why he wants her for 6 months straight and he says so she is brought up bilingual and culturally diverse. Do those reasons hold up in court? The town he is going to in Puerto Rico is a sleepy, lawless, surf town with a not so good school system. Can I use those statements in my defense?
While that sounds kind of reasonable in theory, it would be totally disruptive to the child's education to be switching school back and forth every semester. Add in a new language on top of that, and it would be an educational disaster. She can have the opportunity to learn Spanish when she visits dad for every other holiday and some weeks in the summer...because that is the best that dad can hope for.
 

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