ex wants to withhold meds for son with ADHD

[pittrocks]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

Ex and I have joint custody; he was deployed 10/08 so I have primary while he is gone. He may return anytime from April to Oct. this year. Our 6 year old was diagnosed with ADHD recently. He had been evaluated by the school and also by a private clinician who recommended Adderall XR for him; he has tons of impulsivity and hyperactivity and sometimes I am fearful he will harm himself or others because he just acts without thinking. The med has helped somewhat and now my ex is telling me (through the kids' private email even though he has my email address) that he wants me to stop giving our son medication until my ex returns and can speak with the professionals himself. I am providing the ex with documentation of everything (doctor's notes, teacher ratings, school info, plus info on ADD and ADHD from CHADD) and I'm looking for input. As a mother, I feel that the medication is necessary in my son's case. I'm thinking of just keeping our son on it and if ex wants to sue me when he returns from deployment, that's what he'll have to do. I'm not going to deny treatment to our child because his father hasn't educated himself about it. He also has the doctor's office number--he can certainly ask to discuss it with the doctor as well, right? Anyone have any opinions about it--I do realize that I have joint legal custody but I am acting as primary, and it's been proven that the earlier you treat ADHD the better it is for the child. Thanks!

 

[pittrocks]

sorry if this was a duplicate

 

[BL]

How old is the child ?

If the child is doing better on the meds . and not worse , he should not be taken off of them abruptly . The meds and behaviors should be monitored closely as I'm sure they are.

Many schools and professionals are quick to label a child with ADHD .

The father has a right to be concerned especially with teens .

Let him talk to the professionals and work with him .

Best for the parents and the child .

Meds can be changed and trials of others .

Many teens on this med. have committed suicide .

 

[TheGeekess]

How old is the child ?

If the child is doing better on the meds . and not worse , he should not be taken off of them abruptly . The meds and behaviors should be monitored closely as I'm sure they are.

Many schools and professionals are quick to label a child with ADHD .

The father has a right to be concerned especially with teens .

Let him talk to the professionals and work with him .

Best for the parents and the child .

Meds can be changed and trials of others .

Many teens on this med. have committed suicide .

BL, the son is still in Elementary school (6 yo or so). And for every teen that successfully commits suicide, there are 6 more that have tried/had suicidal ideation (not due to meds).

 

[pittrocks]

thanks

he is 6 years old and is a very happy child (almost too happy)

I've been suspicious of him having ADHD for a couple of years now(jumping off jungle gyms, trees, flights of stairs) but was told a formal diagnosis would have to wait until school started; I had a lot of experience working with ADHD kids as a nurse and also from being a part-time instructor at the Y (school-age program with several ADHD students)

the school did not suggest that he had it; they only formed a support team for him to give him adaptations in his classroom to help with the behavioral aspect of things;

of course the father has a right to be concerned; I am not discounting his say in the matter. Father also has a responsibility to contact the professionals himself if he is finding fault with the diagnosis and to educate himself on it and treatment options. Letting your kid fail in school and life just because you just want to deny it or can't be bothered is not an option for me.

There has also been a lot of research on the matter that shows that up to 70-75% of people with ADHD improve with meds...you have to weigh the risks with the benefits...our son has great risk of injuring himself because he can't stop himself from jumping from high places, or running when it's not appropriate...(under moving garage doors, etc)

and I do behavioral methods at home myself with rewards/chores, positive reinforcement, etc. timeouts. Studies have shown that most people improve with a combination of these techniques; millions of dollars is spent on ongoing research on ADHD every year.

And I agree, you cannot give Adderall to a teen who has depressive tendencies. That's why before Adderall is prescribed, you have to rule out depression. Thanks for listening!

 

[BL]

BL, the son is still in Elementary school (6 yo or so). And for every teen that successfully commits suicide, there are 6 more that have tried/had suicidal ideation (not due to meds).

I appreciate your thoughts .

I helped raise a boy that was DX'd in school at about that age .

Very very frustrating , but he was also determined with even more labels , in and out of the mental wards , with ideation's ( both to self and other ) , older including threatening my life , even on the meds.

They counseled , trials of meds.

He's now 21 , does not take them , and he is trying in life , going to school studying criminal justice . At least he's not like he was.

 

[pittrocks]

thanks for your thoughts

I agree that it's definitely a challenge trying to do the best thing for the kids who have these disorders...it is a little heartbreaking too.

BL, I'm glad your son is doing better. And I agree, that medication doesn't help everyone and sometimes can cause bigger problems.

Coincidentally, (or maybe not), our son got a call last night from a classmate who wanted to set up a playdate. That hasn't happened so far this year. There's been improvements in our son's hyperactivity and focus as well, so that encourages me. He's shown some improvement in class with listening and being able to clarigy subjects as well (something he was having trouble with before).

It's significant to me that since our child's been taking the medication, now he has people who are actually willing to have him come over to their house...guess they aren't afraid anymore that he's going to break something!

again, thanks for your thoughts and input

 

[cmtx2]

Let me just say that as a child, I had ADD, but was never diagnosed. My mom thought I was lazy and that's what was conveyed to her by teachers and such. This was because I could easily do the work, but I wouldn't. It wasn't because I didn't want to, it's just that I daydreamed non stop or just had random thoughts about everything else.

Because I wasn't a discipline problem, I went undiagnosed and was labled lazy and uninterested. When I went to college, one of my professors in psychology noticed my habits and coping methods I had acquired on my own. I was given an extensive evaluation, talked with the psychologist, and found I was ADD (not ADHD) and was prescribed medication by my physician with the psychologists input.

EVERYTHING has been so much easier! I can focus on tasks...I don't start too many things at once, and I graduated with honors and then earned my master's. It was such a difference and i'm so grateful to the professor for noticing. So is my mom. She couldn't believe the difference.

I just offer this to you so that you can have more input from someone who struggled. My advice would be to get as educated as you can, which it sounds like you have done, and try to communicate with Dad as much as possible so that he can become educated as well. He may change his mind upon learning more about the situation.

Good luck to you.

 

[pittrocks]

thank you

cmtx2..thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate you sharing your story. I'm glad you're doing well...

I've sent copies of our son's ADHD evaluation and his school evaluations to my ex, along with numerous research articles on ADD and ADHD, and a lot of info from CHADD. I also gave him the phone number of the doctor so he can go right to the source to have his questions answered.

thanks again for the positive thoughts!!

 

[pittrocks]

thought about doing a gymnastics class or karate for him

he is going to play t ball in the spring--actually a good hitter!