Ex-Wife Harrassment

[Mackmc]

What is the name of your state? SC
My husband and I reside in SC, my husband's ex is in FL, divorce was final in IL many years ago-We just finished making the last child support payment for the children who are both now adults and reside with her-His ex has made false accusations regarding my "abuse of the children", written these accusations on the Internet, and has now sent a letter stating these claims to my home. I'm tired of it and want it to quit. How can I get her to cease and desist? While I would love to collect damages for her allegations and the harm they have inflicted on my relationship with the children, I know that would be highly unlikely. And, yes, she has made these claims to the children and over the years, they have been brainwashed to believe these fabricated stories.

 

[quincy]

Have you ASKED her to cease and desist?

You are right that collecting damages for her allegations would be highly unlikely.

In order to collect in a libel suit, you must show that she believed her allegations to be false when she wrote them and that what she said was stated as fact and not opinion. Opinions are not libelous, no matter how mean they are (freedom of speech and all). And it is always possible that she believes, perhaps from what her kids have said, that you ARE abusive.

You also must also show injury - actual injury may include a monetary loss or a reputational injury (more than just your reputation with your step-children, which apparently hasn't been good for years anyway). Feeling angry about what she said is not enough for a libel suit.

And you must have several thousand dollars and at least a year or two to throw away in court. Libel suits are expensive and there is never a guarantee of success, even when you have more convincing elements of libel than you are currently stating.

You mentioned that the last of the child support has been sent. If the kids are still living with their mom, her expenses will not be any less, although the money available to support them now is. Perhaps the mom is concerned about costs for college. Is your husband planning on helping out with expenses now that he no longer "has" to?

When you call her to ask her to cease and desist, maybe you could suggest ways you and the kids' dad could continue to help out. Just an idea.

 

[Mackmc]

Have you ASKED her to cease and desist?

There is no longer any communication going on. She changed phone numbers back in December and no one has been able to reach the "children" (one is now 18, the other is 21). Should I just send a letter?

In order to collect in a libel suit, you must show that she believed her allegations to be false when she wrote them and that what she said was stated as fact and not opinion. Opinions are not libelous, no matter how mean they are (freedom of speech and all). And it is always possible that she believes, perhaps from what her kids have said, that you ARE abusive.

I understand and appreciate that perceptions ARE what they ARE. Funny thing, there were no allegations until the child support was modified (lowered), but isn't that the case quite often? But that's a whole other story.

You mentioned that the last of the child support has been sent. If the kids are still living with their mom, her expenses will not be any less, although the money available to support them now is. Perhaps the mom is concerned about costs for college. Is your husband planning on helping out with expenses now that he no longer "has" to?

When you call her to ask her to cease and desist, maybe you could suggest ways you and the kids' dad could continue to help out. Just an idea.

Great ideas, but hubby had a serious work injury in February, now on worker's compensation and fired from his job. We have offered all of our children (all 5) a place to stay, food, living expenses, etc. while they stay in college. These two don't want to have anything to do with their father since the CS was lowered, so that offer will not be accepted by them. It's a bad situation, just wish all the kids out there didn't have to suffer because of vindicitive ex's, the court system, etc.

PS...I'm an ex also so I can relate on both sides of the coin. Thanks for your suggestions and help.

 

[quincy]

It IS too bad that people cannot move on from divorce, and the bitterness it often causes, and concentrate on what is best for the kids - which is a positive relationship with BOTH parents. I imagine the 18 and 21 year old children (when you first posted, I assumed they were younger - 17, 18...) will eventually come around and desire contact with both you and their father in the future. It may just take time and distance. One thing I know about kids is that they are not stupid, and they can distinguish truth from fiction in spite of "brainwashing". They are probably just more concerned for their mother's well-being right now - she seems to need them to believe her, possibly to build up a sagging self-image.

I don't know now, after reading what you wrote, whether it is better to contact her by letter or whether to let it all go. She may very well lose interest in persecuting you once something positive enters her life. She just sounds very sad and angry.