ex-wife wants to come back at night help kid sleep

[RyanLiu_99]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My ex-wife took son moved out and no place to find for 2 months, I asked her either come back or divorce, she refused both. To cover her kidnapping, she throw domestic violence/restrain order on me without my knowledge. I won the case easily and in temporary ruling, 5-year-old-Son will also spend 20% time with me.

Now she wants to cancel the divorce. And on first weekend Son with me, she came both nights. I let her in at first night, then she won't leave until 5am.

2nd day time, she "borrowed" Son from me for a party and returned to me 1 hour 45 minutes late, made my son miss important appointment with my mother which postponed for 2 months because she removing son away from home.

2nd night, 2:00AM, I won't let her in my apt, she called police. Police check the baby all fine, and didn't allow her in.

3rd day time, she asked and I told her which park we were going and refused her request to join us, but she showed up in same park anyway, joined us in park and asked for dinner together. I wouldn't refuse her in front of son, so we did and I paid.

Now every night Son with me, she wants to come back to "help son sleep".

She is the try to exclude me from son's life, she is the one lead to divorce, and refused to communicate before divorce; Now after divorce, she does not leave me alone, what can I do with it?

Thanks,

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My ex-wife took son moved out and no place to find for 2 months, I asked her either come back or divorce, she refused both. To cover her kidnapping, she throw domestic violence/restrain order on me without my knowledge. I won the case easily and in temporary ruling, 5-year-old-Son will also spend 20% time with me.

First, there was no kidnapping. Second, I'm not sure what you won.

Now she wants to cancel the divorce. And on first weekend Son with me, she came both nights. I let her in at first night, then she won't leave until 5am.

2nd day time, she "borrowed" Son from me for a party and returned to me 1 hour 45 minutes late, made my son miss important appointment with my mother which postponed for 2 months because she removing son away from home.

What kind of important appointment was this?

2nd night, 2:00AM, I won't let her in my apt, she called police. Police check the baby all fine, and didn't allow her in.

3rd day time, she asked and I told her which park we were going and refused her request to join us, but she showed up in same park anyway, joined us in park and asked for dinner together. I wouldn't refuse her in front of son, so we did and I paid.

She's allowed to go to a public place. Even during your parenting time.

Now every night Son with me, she wants to come back to "help son sleep".

She is the try to exclude me from son's life, she is the one lead to divorce, and refused to communicate before divorce; Now after divorce, she does not leave me alone, what can I do with it?

Thanks,

What do you want to do about this?

You don't have to allow her in your home during your parenting time.

 

[Isis1]

what are your court ordered parental times? word for word?

were you granted full access to the marital home?

when is the next hearing?

 

[RyanLiu_99]

First, there was no kidnapping. Second, I'm not sure what you won.

> By "won", I mean The Judge think the domestic violence claim is rootless.



What kind of important appointment was this?

> Let my son have a video chat with my Mom overseas. This was scheduled before she remove son from home. My mom has been waiting for months and she need someone else help her to turn on computer.



She's allowed to go to a public place. Even during your parenting time.

>But she will also join us and actually take son into her car. It is easy for her, son is closer to her than to me.




What do you want to do about this?

> I just want she follow the court order and leave me and my son alone when it is my time.

>Thanks,

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Don't let her in. Don't tell her where you are going.

 

[AlmostThere]

If you are having trouble handling her when she calls asking these questions, don't answer the phone. Let it go to voicemail and text her back when you have had time to think about how you want to answer. (Text messaging is great way to handle situation where it would be detrimental to get into a real time conversation.)

Unless your custody visitation agreement is unusual, she does not need to know,nor does she have an a right know what you are doing, where you are going, with whom, when, etc. You can text her that when she asks about your plans, or be more civil about it and say "Jr and I and I will have a great weekend". And that is it. You don't even have to tell her what you did on your time.

Most people when faced with not getting their way with constancy - can't come in, can't find out what you are doing, can't join you, etc, will give up. And as far as you paying for her dinner.. that was your bad. You could have asked for separate checks when you ordered.

You need to stand up tall and tell her that you will be exercising your time with the child without her presence.

 

[LdiJ]

I am wondering perhaps if we are jumping the gun on this one. It sounds to me like they might not be divorced yet. While there appears to be temporary custody orders there may not be temporary orders regarding the marital home. If there are not, she has just as much right to be there as he does.

 

[Isis1]

I am wondering perhaps if we are jumping the gun on this one. It sounds to me like they might not be divorced yet. While there appears to be temporary custody orders there may not be temporary orders regarding the marital home. If there are not, she has just as much right to be there as he does.

that's why i asked and the OP hasn't answered. completely skipped that question, he did.

 

[Just Blue]

I am wondering perhaps if we are jumping the gun on this one. It sounds to me like they might not be divorced yet. While there appears to be temporary custody orders there may not be temporary orders regarding the marital home. If there are not, she has just as much right to be there as he does.

California

My ex-wife took son moved out and no place to find for 2 months, I asked her either come back or divorce, she refused both. To cover her kidnapping, she throw domestic violence/restrain order on me without my knowledge. I won the case easily and in temporary ruling, 5-year-old-Son will also spend 20% time with me.

Now she wants to cancel the divorce. And on first weekend Son with me, she came both nights. I let her in at first night, then she won't leave until 5am.

2nd day time, she "borrowed" Son from me for a party and returned to me 1 hour 45 minutes late, made my son miss important appointment with my mother which postponed for 2 months because she removing son away from home.

2nd night, 2:00AM, I won't let her in my apt, she called police. Police check the baby all fine, and didn't allow her in.

3rd day time, she asked and I told her which park we were going and refused her request to join us, but she showed up in same park anyway, joined us in park and asked for dinner together. I wouldn't refuse her in front of son, so we did and I paid.

Now every night Son with me, she wants to come back to "help son sleep".

She is the try to exclude me from son's life, she is the one lead to divorce, and refused to communicate before divorce; Now after divorce, she does not leave me alone, what can I do with it?

Thanks,

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[Isis1]

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to be perfectly honest, Blue, the way the OP worded it, is seemed as it it's only the divorce proceedings have been started, not an actual wording.

it would be great if the OP came back and CLARIFIED, right, OP?

 

[nextwife]

I am wondering perhaps if we are jumping the gun on this one. It sounds to me like they might not be divorced yet. While there appears to be temporary custody orders there may not be temporary orders regarding the marital home. If there are not, she has just as much right to be there as he does.

Perhaps, but dad is not interjecting himself into all of HER interaction and alone time with their child. If dad wanted her around all the time, they wouldn't be EX's.

 

[Antigone*]

Perhaps, but dad is not interjecting himself into all of HER interaction and alone time with their child. If dad wanted her around all the time, they wouldn't be EX's.

I think dad should tell mom that it is time to cut the cord. He should attempt to make her see that this is the new reality and to please respect his time as he will respect her time.

If that doesn't work, then ignoring her requests and not opening the door when she knocks should be his next step.

 

[RyanLiu_99]

clarify

Thanks for all the replies.

The divorce is not final yet. We only had 3 hearings for domestic violence and temporary ruling for support and child custody.

I only received "minute order" from court. It says: "The court finds no domestic violence." "The parties are awarded joint legal custody" "The mother is awarded physical custody, subject to father's right to visitation as follows:" "custodial exchanges shall be at the residence of the Mother"

I still live in old apartment we rent together earlier. She moved out 4 months ago and move into her brother's house for 20 days and then found herself a new apartment. I know neither place until 3rd hearing was over. We exchange kid at a Target store near her apartment.

I just try not deny her in front of Son. Son is very close to me, but even little bit more closer to her, that might hurt him and hurt my relationship with him.

Before divorce, she wouldn't even allow me take son for a walk in front of house. This is something I will never understand. I think that is one reason she always comes back after divorce. And when she repeatedly took son away from me for long time, throw false allegation one me, she had no thought at all. She always treat Son as her private asset. My only duties purely are making money and house keeping. She does not work, neither do much house keeping.

Thanks,