ex won't spk to me/all comm. thru son

[hismom]

I live in New Jersey. My ex started coming to see our son less and less this year. He hasn't phoned our home since May. Has my son with him this weekend but hasn't seen him since June 17th. The only way they speak is when son calls the dad.

My questions is as follows:

Dad is angry with me. The only thing I can imagine he would be mad at me for is that I refused to let our son live with him 7 out of 14 days back at Christmas time. He told my son he wanted this type of arrangement so he wouldn't have to pay child support and so he would have more money to get a nicer apartment and have a nicer life. My son felt sorry for his dad and wanted to do it. I had to tell him no because I honestly didn't feel it was in his best interest. I'm home after school for him and he is going to start high school etc. I told him to have his dad come more often at night and on weekends etc.

Any way that was 6 or 7 months ago and here we are September and he only wants to talk to our son, then have my son talk to me and that is it.

Any legal remedy to this? Any legal recourse to stop a father from spilling all of his problems onto his son. My son has to hear about his financial problems, his apartment, he works two jobs, he is angry with all of the ex-wives etc. Ex has a strong and long history of depression, I don't think this is healthy for a young 14 year old. Any legal remedy? I am rational and I know what is best for my son. Also, once visitation has dramatically stopped for so long, what obligation do I have in allowing my son to see his dad whenever dad dictates? I'm guessing I have to let him go, but no more than what was in the original agreement, right? Do I have to let him go or do I have a right to prevent him from going to his dad's house if he refuses to discuss anything with me? This weekend they are down the shore and I had to send my son witha cell phone so he could call me and let me know where they are. As a custodial parent I have rights to and I shouldn't be dictated to by an angry irrational person.

My current husband and I had to talk to my son about how when people get angry and another person it is healthy to show and feel your anger, to walk away and blow off steam (all of these months) but it is also healthy to sit down and talk it out. It is not normal or healthy to just say, I will never speak to you again as long as I live, especially when you are raising a child.
Can anything be done?

 

[missjasmine]

I know how it is to deal with an uncooperative ex. My ex and I are to the point where we do not speak on the phone anymore. I do all communication through letters, which he considers harassment. Children are not to be used to transmit messages, letters, or child support checks. It sounds to me like you need to get back into court ahd have the visitation modified. Your son is nearing the age where he knows if and how much time he wants to spend with his dad. I know you're very concerned for your son's well-being. Keep doing what you're doing. Take care.