family, criminal or both?

[TheStoryOfJory]

quickly.
i have a 2 yr old daughter who lives with her mom in illinois. theyve been there 8 months.
when Lexie was born, we both lived in montana, parenity and child support was established there. my name is on the birth certificate but baby has moms last name.
I have since moved to oregon.
i do not have any court ordered custody, i only pay support.
Now the mom (Angie) is getting married to a guy she met on the internet 8 months ago, she talked to him for a few months on the net then moved to ill. with him and took baby.
this is the deal, he wants to adopt lexie after the marriage, and im not supposed to find out about it. Angie (the mom) is threatening MY mom that is she tells me anything about Lexie or her (Location, Plans etc.) then shell never see Lexie agian. She moved without telling me, and wont let me have ANY contact with my daughter. Can anyone help me with info on how to get Visitation or joint custody (legal or physical) ?? ANY help would be appriciated!!! Thank You

 

[morning_angel]

Get Thee to court man!! Find yourself an attorney, and get some custody, even if it's only joint legal, and get <B>specific visitation</B>. The problem is, now that you've waited so long (incidentally, why DID you wait so long?!?!) the child has now lived in IL long enough for IL to have jurisdiction over the matter and you will now have to travel <I>there</I> to go to court. Get active in this child's life, before you can't! I don't think you can make too much fuss about her leaving IL with the child, since you haven't visited and didn't have any custody, which she took advantage of, apparently. Make it very clear to the mother that the adoption will not take place. You may also want to have your mother look into Grandparent visitation, which some states allow separate of parental visitation. If she has defined visitation and contact, the child's mother will not be able to threaten to withold contact.

One last thing...I am hoping that the names you included are not their real names....it's not a good idea to use real names in this type of forum...

Good Luck!

 

[TheStoryOfJory]

morningangel!! hi, thanks for the help. TO answer your questions...ive waited so long because i wasnt allowed to see the child, im still not, by the mother. No those arent the real names, and i cant afford an lawyer. I have to do this on my own, could you tell me where to start.
I cant make it clear to the mother that the adoption will not take place because i only know the state she lives in, nothing else. I cannot get ahold of her.(ive done a lot of searching)
One more thing.....isnt it considered black male, or does the possability exist that the actions of my ex, telling my mom if she gives me any information shell take lexie from her, is blackmale. If not, how could i place such actions in front of a court with dignity?? . thank you

 

[morning_angel]

<B><I>CAUTION!!</I></B> Just a word of warning I forgot to mention before, Illinois courts <B>SUCK</B> to deal with, especially from out of state (at least the ones we have dealt with.) They keep terrible records of support. Keep track of ALL of your payments, even if you think they have been recorded by the court. We have had to go into court twice now to prove that payments we had made really were made. Vindictive EX will not help the situation, since they think they are going to get more money out of the deal.

That aside, you still have to deal with them, so idealy what you will need to do is go into the domestic relations in the county that your child resides and file for visitation. If you can go there, you can usually get a clerk to show you what forms you need to fill out and so forth. If you can't go there, you will need to phone them and ask them if they can send you the forms you need. You should also try to file for some type of custody, even if it's only joint legal (means she has physical custody and you have a say in certain matters regarding your daughter.)

Since your name is on the birth certificate as the father, I can't imagine that any court would allow an adoption to take place without your consent, because it wouldn't be viable, so you're pretty safe on that front. You might try writing a letter to your EX at her last known address, in hopes that she has left a forwarding address with the post office, and the letter will be forwarded. Try to be unemotional and not make desparaging remarks in your letter, but very specifically tell her that you wish to have visitation with your child, and that you refuse to permit the adoption of your child. You may want to send two copies of the letter, so one can be forwarded, and another one marked "address correction requested", as the post office will notify you of the forwarding address, if any. If you cannot find an address, no fears right now, keep trying, but if you are paying support, the court knows where she is. They will not tell you, but if you file for visitation, I believe they will forward your petiton to her.

I don't think your EX telling your mother that "she will never see Lexie again" is considered blackmail, I think it's a required statement for custodial parents to make to the NCP at some time during the divorce/aftermath.
JUST KIDDING CP's!! You don't have to jump on me! I know you're not ALL like that!!
Seriously, that type of allegation is getting into a "he said, she said" situation, and will not hold much water in court.

Keep copies of everything you send and logs of everything that happens. If she is in contact with your mother, have your mother keep a log of conversations. You cannot testify to anything that she has said to her mother, but your mother can, if need be. It can be very helpful, and accurate well kept logs are sometimes submissible in court.

Good Luck!