Father Diagnosed with Dementia - Girlfriends taking advantage

[padd]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
New York State


My mom passed away in 1999. My father was devastated by her loss (they would have been married 40 years this month). My father is 68 years old and lives in Brooklyn, New York. In 2007 he was diagnosed with Dementia.

He has parked his car and forgets where he parked it, he is easily confused and frequently forgets what you told him 10 minutes ago. He even says that he believes that my mom is still alive and lives in Florida. He repeats the same things over and over again.


My father owns a few apartment buildings that he collects rent from. He has at least 3 older women vying for his affections. I recently found out a few troubling things:

1) He has not paid his taxes since 2005
2) He is not paying his bills (apparently one of the women is - with his money)
3) One of the women has power of attorney (according to her) to help him collect the rent - given to her recently ...

He has never re-married. This ‘girlfriend’ is 1 of 3.

I have asked her to give me my Fathers medical information and she flatly refused. I asked for his primary care provider as well as the types of meds that he is on.

I have had the conversation with him about transferring control of the finances to help him, but he is a fiercely proud immigrant and will not do so willingly. I am positive that 1 or more of the girlfriends are taking advantage of him financially.

What is the best course of action to take here?

 

[swrdmbo]

Why don't you go to his home,spend a few days with him and see how he is doing? He may be getting to the point where he cannot be alone,and as his child YOU need to find him a place to live (such as an assisted care facility where he can be moved to their dementia unit when the need arises...and it will arise, this is a progressive disease). Find out for yourself what his meds are and who his doctor is.

You need to find a competent company to manage his rentals for him, or keep an eye on them yourself.

You need to get your Father to rescind that power of attorney or girlfriend 1 of 3 may definitely take advantage of the situation.

Your dad is going to get worse as time goes on. If he cannot remember where his car is he probably (almost certainly) should NOT be driving. If his safety (and that of the innocent people on the road with him) is not enough to convince you, I can guarantee that if he has an accident, and it is found out that he has dementia, you can expect a lawsuit.

Please get involved in your Dad's life and illness as he is on a very sad journey that only becomes more difficult and confusing as he goes along.

Also, please go to the alzheimers . com website and go to their support link, there is all kinds of help, and valuable information. It offers support for the family as well. I am sorry to say, you are going to need it.Good luck,

 

[CourtClerk]

3 words: Court Ordered Conservatorship

 

[padd]

Thanks for the advice. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I live in Montana, my brother lives in New York, and I am trying to have him move in with my Dad.

The issue is this: he is fiercely proud and wont admit (or forgets) that he has a problem, or that we have had a conversation.

When I say that he is fiercely proud and pride his independence, it is an understatement. I am sure it worked to his advantage when he arrived to America at age 20, but his pride is making it really difficult to assist him without looking as if we are attacking/taking away what he as worked for.

Is my only recourse to go to court ? Since the girlfriend has power of attorney ? (which I believe was signed under his current mental debilitation).

 

[swrdmbo]

You need to go to the alzheimer website. It is very common for people to deny what is going on. Things are only going to get worse.

You need to get that power of attorney revoked and into your brother's name as soon as possible.

I get the stubbornness and pride. Try to find a way to appeal to his business side in that it would be in his best interests to have your brother as power of attorney. He does not need to have a POA for her to collect rent.

Try to explain to him that since he is getting older..if anything were to happen to him, he would be leaving your brother and you in a very big bind. Tell him your brother needs to learn about his business so he could help him if the need arises, or so you will know if something happens to him.

You know him best...figure out a way to make him see this is in his best interests. Point out that he is giving the GF a lot of power...which she could use to screw him if she finds out about the other two GF...whatever it takes.

Good luck.