Father fears unfit mother will kidnap kids to Mexico

[Éireannach]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My family lives on the border to Mexico. My brother is married to a native of Mexico and they have two young children. My brother's wife is an unfit parent and we have even feared for the safety of the children when they are alone with her. She sometimes will not take the older child to school because she doesn't feel like it. There have been occasions when she becomes overwhelmed with the needs of the two children (their demands, their crying, etc.) and, in response, she locks herself in a closet to get away from them -- and she refuses to leave the closet though the two children are banging on the door pleading with her to come out. The children have learned to find food on their own because she does not always feed them. She has mental health issues (I'm not sure what -- it may be depression -- but I know she is on medication). The problem is that my brother's job requires him to work 24-hour shifts every other day, so the children are alone with my sister-in-law quite a lot. My sister-in-law refuses to get a job, so my brother is the sole provider for the family. My brother and his wife do not get along and are now basically married in name only. However, he fears doing anything to try to leave his wife or to take the children away from her because she will go back to Mexico and take the boys with her. My brother has no rights in Mexico and fears he would lose his boys forever. Additionally, the violence in Mexico has become some of the worst in the entire world and his children could be targeted for kidnapping there or be in danger of becoming victims of random violence, which is now the norm there. Does my brother have any options? I can't imagine that this kind of situation is uncommon along the U.S.-Mexico border, so there must be some kind of assistance for people in a situation like his.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My family lives on the border to Mexico. My brother is married to a native of Mexico and they have two young children. My brother's wife is an unfit parent and we have even feared for the safety of the children when they are alone with her. She sometimes will not take the older child to school because she doesn't feel like it. There have been occasions when she becomes overwhelmed with the needs of the two children (their demands, their crying, etc.) and, in response, she locks herself in a closet to get away from them -- and she refuses to leave the closet though the two children are banging on the door pleading with her to come out. The children have learned to find food on their own because she does not always feed them. She has mental health issues (I'm not sure what -- it may be depression -- but I know she is on medication). The problem is that my brother's job requires him to work 24-hour shifts every other day, so the children are alone with my sister-in-law quite a lot. My sister-in-law refuses to get a job, so my brother is the sole provider for the family. My brother and his wife do not get along and are now basically married in name only. However, he fears doing anything to try to leave his wife or to take the children away from her because she will go back to Mexico and take the boys with her. My brother has no rights in Mexico and fears he would lose his boys forever. Additionally, the violence in Mexico has become some of the worst in the entire world and his children could be targeted for kidnapping there or be in danger of becoming victims of random violence, which is now the norm there. Does my brother have any options? I can't imagine that this kind of situation is uncommon along the U.S.-Mexico border, so there must be some kind of assistance for people in a situation like his.

how long has this been going on? with mom not feeding the kids? mom hiding in the closets?

what has dad done to speak to her doctor about this?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My family lives on the border to Mexico. My brother is married to a native of Mexico and they have two young children.

Okay.
I'll tell you now -- 3rd parties are difficult to "advise." They (you) don't know all the facts. It's not their situation.
It would be best if your brother would sign up for his own account and ask his own questions and provide his own info.

My brother's wife is an unfit parent

You likely are not her psychiatrist/social worker, and this IS a legal board. It's not your place to determine her "fitness."

and we have even feared for the safety of the children when they are alone with her. She sometimes will not take the older child to school because she doesn't feel like it.

How often is "sometimes"? How old is the child?

There have been occasions when she becomes overwhelmed with the needs of the two children (their demands, their crying, etc.) and, in response, she locks herself in a closet to get away from them -- and she refuses to leave the closet though the two children are banging on the door pleading with her to come out.

That's sad.

The children have learned to find food on their own because she does not always feed them.

That's sad, too. But is it proveable? And what, exactly, has your brother done about this??

She has mental health issues (I'm not sure what -- it may be depression -- but I know she is on medication).

See my first comment. You don't know necessary details.

The problem is that my brother's job requires him to work 24-hour shifts every other day, so the children are alone with my sister-in-law quite a lot.

That means, legally, that he finds her to be a fit caretaker for their children.

My sister-in-law refuses to get a job, so my brother is the sole provider for the family. My brother and his wife do not get along and are now basically married in name only.

Both his choice.

However, he fears doing anything to try to leave his wife or to take the children away from her because she will go back to Mexico and take the boys with her.

Then he needs to file for divorce and custody and request she be barred from leaving the country with the children. Take their passports. Flag them. Etc. He has all sorts of rights, if he'd assert them in that manner.

My brother has no rights in Mexico and fears he would lose his boys forever. Additionally, the violence in Mexico has become some of the worst in the entire world and his children could be targeted for kidnapping there or be in danger of becoming victims of random violence, which is now the norm there.

Mexico is, IMHO, a less than desirable country. You don't have to convince me. However, you also don't have to drag out dramatic notions of kidnapping, etc.

Does my brother have any options? I can't imagine that this kind of situation is uncommon along the U.S.-Mexico border, so there must be some kind of assistance for people in a situation like his.

Don't know about assistance, but Google (Bing?) is everyone's friend.
He does have options, as I noted previously.

 

[Éireannach]

I don't think he's spoken to her doctor. They did go to a psychologist for a very brief time. During the first session, the doctor told my sister-in-law that she had to make sure that household bills got paid - which was an arguement they were having because my brother's wife got the bills in the mail, but never paid them, so the phone, electricity, etc., were frequently being cut off. During the second session, my brother was told that it was his responsibility to make sure that his wife got the kids to bed on time, got the kids to school, etc. Since then, they have not been back to the psychologist. I'll suggest that my brother talk to his wife's doctor about getting her meds adjusted (though, to be honest, I'm not sure she's compliant about taking her medication).

 

[LdiJ]

How old are the children?

 

[Éireannach]

You're correct that it would be better to have my brother seek advice himself -- and this is my way of getting him started down that road. If I can give him some kind of direction and a strong push, then hopefully, he can find some resolution.

In regard to passports, you don't need one to get into Mexico. It's just a 15-minute drive to the bridge. You can even walk across. Legally "barring" her from leaving the country certainly would not prevent her from actually doing so.

The older child is 5. In four months, he has been out of school 7 days, only once for being sick. Not tremendously bad, but starting to become a bad habit.

Kidnappings in Mexico are not a "dramatic notion" but a terrible and common fact. The following is from an April 2009 CBS report: "One outgrowth of Mexico's drug wars is a disturbing rise in kidnappings. According to official estimates, 60 to 70 people are kidnapped there each month, though the actual number is probably much higher." More than 2,400 people have been killed just this year alone in the city just across the border from us. Some of those include innocent bystanders -- including children.

 

[Isis1]

the point is, the judge won't consider that.

all that can be done is a court order restricting mom from taking the children out out of the country. if mom violates that order, then dad has steps to take to get them brought back.

keep in mind, while dad should talk to the doctor, the doctor cannot talk to him about the patient without mom's consent.

has the school commented on the child missing school? is kindergarten a requirement in your state?

 

[Éireannach]

I looked it up and a child younger than 6 is not legally required to attend school. I just found another document that states that if the Agency For Integral Family Development (DIF), which is the agency in Mexico charged with ensuring the welfare of minors, feels that a child is at risk with a parent in Mexico, they may detain the child and place the child with a relative or in an orphange. Mexico will not on its own return a child to the U.S. Mexico will do this only if a Mexican court, under a Hague application, orders a child returned to the U.S. (This is from the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services.)

 

[The Dude]

In regard to passports, you don't need one to get into Mexico. It's just a 15-minute drive to the bridge. You can even walk across. Legally "barring" her from leaving the country certainly would not prevent her from actually doing so.

That's the rub and I suspect that others aren't taking the reality of the situation into account. If she goes south and refuses to come back, he's got big problems. And, for anyone not aware of what is going on in Mexico, concerns about drug related violence and kidnapping is a very legitimate concern. I just moved from Tucson, and while it's not on the border, the border problems in Nogales and other places were in the news quite a bit and there was definitely a deterioration in Mexico over the last 2 or 3 years along the border (I could see it myself when I visited, so I'm not just going by what the media was saying).