Father has not seen child since before thanksgiving

[krislild]

What is the name of your state? nm

I wanted to get some advise. My ex and his wife have been playing this yo-yo game setting up appointments to see his daughter and then cancelling the night before and then his wife calls to reschedule and i accept it and then he called and cancells again. (confusing I know). They have done this three times in the last month. This last weekend they tried to do it again. This time I did not call them till monday and I left a message for his and said that they need to sit down make a decision and then call me, I said that this was frustrating for all of us and we need a bit more consistency. Did i do something that could hurt me if we were to go to court. We never have been to court he does not pay CS, is not on the BC, and the agreement we have was made privately, my lawyer has a copy of it. We have never been to court. What do you think?


Any advise would be awesome. Thanks

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Tell the ex that visitation is over from this point forward and if he doesn't like it, he's free to file for visitation in court where he'll be served with a custody and support order.

In other words, grow some cajones

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Over 1 year ago you came to this board and in numerous posts re your private custody battle re you child, you have been advised over and over again to formally establish paternity and get court orders. However, you like controlling this situation because you control the visitation and you know the court would be more generous with visitation, yet you complain, on and on, why haven't you even established paternity? He's married, so you are not going to have a relationship with him, but you have a control issue, controlling him, your child and trying to manipulate us too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by krislild
11-25-2003, 12:14 PM
krislild
Member
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 103
Dead beat dad does he have a chance
What is the name of your state? new mexico

I need advice, my daughter is a year old. She has little
contact with her father. He also has never paid any kind of support and was not there for my pregnancy. He did not enter her life till she was about 51\2 months old. He is also not on her birth certificate and was just recently released from jail after 20 days, he is now in a rehab and has tried to contact me wanting to see our daughter. I am scared that he wants to take me to court for part custody of our daughter. He has not had a job in 2
years has been in trouble with the law has no license and has been leaving off the streets for the past two years. I dont think he would be a positive role model for my daughter. He has also threatened me in the past to take off with her and kill me. Should i take him to court for physical custody? or just wait and see if he pursues custody. Also what are my chances of winning the case.
please reply desperate for help.
Last edited by krislild : 11-26-2003 at 08:15 AM.

and then 2 months ago you wanted to move to AZ to be there with your new BF, now private agreement or not, if you move you will have problems. It looks like you are trying to build a case to insure you will have sole custody. Your child deserves a relationship with their father, you are doing everything to keep that from happening. Believe it or not, the court will see right through all your tricks. Is there some reason you are afraid to establish paternity through the courts?
11-11-2004 nm

I have been dating my current boyfriend off and on (more on than off) for over a year. He just got found out that he his job will be transfering him to Phoenix. My question is he wants me and my daughter to go. My duaghters father has had many, many chances to bond with his daughter and chooses other things and people infront of her. (she is always on the back burner). Would I be selfish to move her away. She knows my boyfriend and has a closer relationship with him then her own father. Her father is not on the birth cert. and we have never been to court. He does not pay child support.

One more thing, since he is not on any documentation do I have to give him 30 days notice if I was to move?

I am afraid that he will try to stir up trouble for us. He is a very big control freek.

Opinoins please!!!!

 

[krislild]

Everyone is entitled their own opinion. I disagree I will not establish paternity, If he is so concerned with being a part of his childs life he can go and do it and pay all the fees. I am barely making ends meet right know and I dont have a bundle of money stashed away to through it away on a man who obviously puts everything else in front of his child. And as far as me a haveing a relationship with my ex is far fetched, I am very happy with my current bf and would not go back to my ex.
Maybe you see me as a controlling person thats your opinion. I am just trying to do whats right for my daughter. My ex does not know the first thing about his daughter. He does not know what her fav. color is, what food she likes and does not like, who her little buddies are.
That might seem petty to you but its important to me. I have been bending over backwards to try and get him to be active in his childs life along with his wife and HE is the one who is choosing to push her away.
She is already two and he has never been there for any major holiday or her own birthday. excpect for his own birthday and that was it. I made her avalilable to him if he wanted and HE chose not to.

 

[LdiJ]

Everyone is entitled their own opinion. I disagree I will not establish paternity, If he is so concerned with being a part of his childs life he can go and do it and pay all the fees. I am barely making ends meet right know and I dont have a bundle of money stashed away to through it away on a man who obviously puts everything else in front of his child. And as far as me a haveing a relationship with my ex is far fetched, I am very happy with my current bf and would not go back to my ex.
Maybe you see me as a controlling person thats your opinion. I am just trying to do whats right for my daughter. My ex does not know the first thing about his daughter. He does not know what her fav. color is, what food she likes and does not like, who her little buddies are.
That might seem petty to you but its important to me. I have been bending over backwards to try and get him to be active in his childs life along with his wife and HE is the one who is choosing to push her away.
She is already two and he has never been there for any major holiday or her own birthday. excpect for his own birthday and that was it. I made her avalilable to him if he wanted and HE chose not to.

You are obviously dealing with a disinterested dad. There really isn't much you can do about it. Yes, you can take it to court to get paternity/custody/child support/visitation established, but I also understand how difficult it is to even come up with the filing fees if you are on a tight budget.

However Belize is right. If you put your foot down then maybe that will make HIM file and everything (including the child support that it appears you need) could get formalized.

You could also inform him that you are seriously considering moving...that might might him get in gear as well. If it doesn't, then you will know that he is never going to be more than a disinterested dad.

 

[krislild]

Thank you for your advise. My ex has a son that is 6 months older than our daughter and he filed for custody but when they made him pay CS he stopped coming around. I am thinking of filing for support and see what he does. If he files for visitation and so forth. Thank you for understanding and listening.

Also regarding my financial stats. I make enough live comfortably I am not rich but I buy what my daughter needs, what I need, and a few extras. I can live w/o his money.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Look, don't play miss innocent.
You had an attorney, so you were informed about establishing paternity and how it and the family court works. Don't cry about not having enough money to pay for a DNA test, well you had enough money to pay your attorney to draft a private agreement but you were unwilling to follow-up by filing to establish paternity. You also know that if he is the father, then, he pays for the DNA test, if not, you pay, is that what you are worried about? That it's not his child and being found out?

You have made it difficult for him to have a relationship with the child you claim is his or his support for that child, so you could control how much he saw the child, not because he is distant or wants to be uninvolved, because you know that if the judge rules on a positive paternity test he will order support and then the father will exercise his rights and you won't be able to control it and if he isn't, then you will be discovered comitting paternity fraud, ah, but since you don't ask for support it's ok, Right? Now you want to move away with this child with your latest BF. The only one you are concerned about is you and your wants and desires, not the best welfare of your child.

 

[krislild]

You know what think whatever you want. First of all I did not pay my lawyer to draw up the agreement she just has a notiterized copy with both our signatures.

Secondly, you dont know my ex while I was spending money trying to help him get established and get his feet up off the ground after running the streets for 2 years and not having a job, he was going behind my back continuning his drug life getting money spending it on God knows what, cause he never helped just took. I finally set enough is enought when I told him to chooose betweeen his drug life or his daughter. and to my suprise he chose his life. Then he comes back a year later and expects me to just hand her over, if he would try to be a part of her life and get to know her and she would feel comfortable with him then I would have no problem with him taking her alone. ( as far as $, I really dont care).

The thing that bites me is he blames his cancellations on his wife, who then gets mad at him because he is giving up. Those are her words not mine.

And the comment about my latest bf is bs I have only had one bf since my ex. Thank you

 

[casa]

The thing that bites me is he blames his cancellations on his wife, who then gets mad at him because he is giving up. Those are her words not mine.

I had a similar situation with my childs father. It definately was the new wife that encouraged him to be involved again in our child's life. (after years gone) The new wife has been great in terms of getting the father to establish regular visitation and pay child support on time, etc. My child has really benefited from the new wife. I hope he keeps her!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You know what think whatever you want. First of all I did not pay my lawyer to draw up the agreement she just has a notiterized copy with both our signatures.

Secondly, you dont know my ex while I was spending money trying to help him get established and get his feet up off the ground after running the streets for 2 years and not having a job, he was going behind my back continuning his drug life getting money spending it on God knows what, cause he never helped just took. I finally set enough is enought when I told him to chooose betweeen his drug life or his daughter. and to my suprise he chose his life. Then he comes back a year later and expects me to just hand her over, if he would try to be a part of her life and get to know her and she would feel comfortable with him then I would have no problem with him taking her alone. ( as far as $, I really dont care).

The thing that bites me is he blames his cancellations on his wife, who then gets mad at him because he is giving up. Those are her words not mine.

And the comment about my latest bf is bs I have only had one bf since my ex. Thank you

You are bitter about things in the past that have nothing to do with your child and should not be used as leverage to interfere in the relationship with his child, if it is his child or even if he only believes it is his child. You are denying your daughter her opportunity to have a relationship with her father or the man she believes is her father without your spite to influence her. You can abuse the rules for a time, but in the end that's where it will bite you. It is your responsibility to make your child is happy to visit with her father.

 

[krislild]

You are not reading my posts obiviously I am not stopping him from seeing his child he is the one cancelling. I cancelled this monday because I want him to know that I do not appreciate the yo yo game his playing and that is all I am saying. If he makes an appt 9 times out of 10 he should keep it instead every week he calls the night before. Yes he is busy and so am I but I manage to set time aside each week to go out of my way to go home get our daughter and drive 30 minutes back into town so he can bond with her. I do not like the acuzations (sp) you are making against me.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You are not reading my posts obiviously I am not stopping him from seeing his child he is the one cancelling. I cancelled this monday because I want him to know that I do not appreciate the yo yo game his playing and that is all I am saying. If he makes an appt 9 times out of 10 he should keep it instead every week he calls the night before. Yes he is busy and so am I but I manage to set time aside each week to go out of my way to go home get our daughter and drive 30 minutes back into town so he can bond with her. I do not like the acuzations (sp) you are making against me.

That's just the problem, I have read all your posts, and you are not fooling anyone, and even if you manage to fool everyone here, it doesn't change your responsibility. You cancelled because you canted to teach him a lesson, it doesn't teach him a lesson, it hurts your child!

 

[jslopez711]

Everyone is entitled their own opinion. I disagree I will not establish paternity, If he is so concerned with being a part of his childs life he can go and do it and pay all the fees. I am barely making ends meet right know and I dont have a bundle of money stashed away to through it away on a man who obviously puts everything else in front of his child. And as far as me a haveing a relationship with my ex is far fetched, I am very happy with my current bf and would not go back to my ex.
Maybe you see me as a controlling person thats your opinion. I am just trying to do whats right for my daughter. My ex does not know the first thing about his daughter. He does not know what her fav. color is, what food she likes and does not like, who her little buddies are.
That might seem petty to you but its important to me. I have been bending over backwards to try and get him to be active in his childs life along with his wife and HE is the one who is choosing to push her away.
She is already two and he has never been there for any major holiday or her own birthday. excpect for his own birthday and that was it. I made her avalilable to him if he wanted and HE chose not to.

Are you sure you are in NM? You sound very familiar. --I know, this is on the second side of my tape "All the things your EX will say and Try"