father is activated

[corset]

What is the name of your state? Pa
my husband is activated, army reserves. he has custody of his son during the school months, the boys mother has him during the summer and every other weekend. I the second wife have read the court decree about the custody and divorce. No where does it state that mother is to be given child in the event father is activated.
Now she is telling me that she wants him every weekend. I asked her what about the summer time. she stated I will think about it
I told her that david is a very important part of this family and now you are taking him away from us.
she replied you can do it either my way or no way.. meaning going to court to modified the court decree, can this be done while husband father is activated or what??
I told her hubby that im not going to be black mail or giving into her whims. also stated in the divorce decree that she is not be given any support for david. Husband does not receive any financial support from her during the school year.
thanks

 

[stealth2]

She certainly can file for custody of the child when his father is deployed. I would suggest Dad start saving for a court battle.

 

[corset]

she is the one who wants to modified the custody
she is the one who walked away from the child
thanks

 

[stealth2]

May or may not be pertinent. But if the child will not be with Dad, Mom has a right to file for a change in custody. And she may well win.

 

[corset]

hi momma tiger and thanks
even if the custody decree mentions nothing of his deployment
what if the child wants to stay here every other weekend?
the child is 11 years old
and has already spoken with his mother about wanting to stay
with us every other weekend

 

[stealth2]

At 11, the judge may or may not decide to hear what the boy has to say. Generally, children do not make these decisions. The problem arises in the fact that while you are married to his father, legally you are a stranger to the child. And living with bioMom will trump living with a stranger.

Put the shoe on the other foot. Suppose Mom was in the military, and being deployed (and had custody). How would your husband feel about leaving the boy living with stepDad? I'm betting he'd want to have him live with the two of you.

 

[craftymom]

What would be the harm in her having him every weekend as she is asking?

 

[stealth2]

The impression I get is that bioMom is asking for every w/e once Dad is deployed, vs actual custody. Since she has the right (and would likely get it) to file for custody, agreeing to every weekend @ mom's may not be a bad move. Certainly, if she were to try for custody, I would urge Dad to push for w/e visitation.

 

[haiku]

if I were the step mom in this situation, I would let the chips fall, and I would work on my relationship with the mom, so that we could come to our own agreement about having thier son spend some time with me, while dad was deployed. So that his 'relationships" in his dads household would continue as normal during the uncertain times ahead....

 

[VeronicaGia]

Ditto haiku. The man has been deployed!

I would start contacting attornies and asking about the situation, but in the end, you and she should come to some kind of agreement. The child may be confused by all this and now fights over the child are starting.

A website that may be helpful:

www.deltabravo.net/custody/

Go to the fathers issues board, or the Dear Socrateaser board.

 

[corset]

you guys are great
im the step mother, I am only asking for him to be here every other weekend, she is demanding to have him every weekend and at her whim..
i agree with the continueance of the father's household and if i was the mother being deployed i would want whats best for the child, not be played like a pawn, i would certainly ask for some time to my child, and not demand or threaten to call the police to have the child taken from the house.
I have kept the biomom in formed of everything the child has done
even suggested the child call his mother at any time.
hell in the custody agreements she is supposed to be here every thrusday taking him out to dinner and she has not.
I know Im not his bio mom but hell he is my link to my husband.

p.s the father contacted the mother of the child and some type of agreement is taking place, she is to have him back to back weekend and i to have him like wise.

had a talk with the mother and she expressed some type of fear that he will be harm, hell why would i do such a thing I love him
im not some kind of monster, i have two kids of my own. yes i understand her fears of her son being mistreated however they are baseless.
i miss my husband and thanks for listening