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Father trying to take baby

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munchkin03

Guest
What is the name of your state?
My state is MI

Ok here is my situation. Bear with me because this is kind of long! I have been married for over a year. But seperated for over half of that. My soon to be ex husband and I started off on good terms. Then i got kicked out of my moms house and had to get my own place. Then I was fired. he knew all of this. i had no money and no job. and i was showing so no one wanted to hire me. i had to get medcaid and foodstamps. the whole time i was pregnant he never gave me a dime. i put all my credit cards in debt to get the stuff the baby needs. even when i asked my case worker for help she said if i couldnt afford my rent then i should go to a shelter. he knew this. but still no help. so now i am in a new relationship and he adores her. thats her daddy. My daughter is 3 months old. He even got insurance for her and she has his last name. But as soon as I had the baby him and his mom busted into my hospital room demanding to see the baby. I said no. Since then they have called my house, my sisters and my moms. on top of that his aunt works in the same office my worker is in. I dont feel that he is stable enough or respnsible enough to handle her. His family is into drugs heavly. And i am scared for her safety. we had a medation hearing but instead of going i wrote a letter telling my side. in return the woman said he should have every other weekend for 10 am- 7 pm. then when she turns 1 every other weekend for the whole weekend. Alternating holidays, fathers day, andsplit birthdays.

My question is how can i make the court realize this isnt safe? My worker and his family have told me they are going to be harder on me because the state pays extra special attention to a father who steps up. But what about the 40 weeks I was pregnant? They say that doesnt count because they say the baby wasnt here yet. I dont want child support or sposoul support I just want him to sign away his rights. I know what goes on in his family. How can I get evryone else to know?

On top of everything the babys medcaid has been cancelled. I wonder who could of done that?

For the record I did not put my boyfriends name on the birth certificate. She just has his last name. My husband is listed as her father.
 
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stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Well, he *is* her father. And considering her age - you must have known what he was like when you were together. You can't simply throw him out of her life. A judge is going to ask you why you married him and why you slept with him w/o protection if you didn't think he'd be a fit father. Without proof - he's likely to get visitation. With proof? He's likely to get supervised visitation.

Your b/f is not her father. It might be a nice fantasy, but it's unlikely to work if the father wants to be a father.
 
M

munchkin03

Guest
I really dont think a judge will say something like that. I cant see why he or even you would ask why I slept with him without protection. And the fact is my boyfriend is her father. He has bought her everything. He has given her all the love she needs. I am not going to beg my soon to be ex to be in her life. He made the choice when I was pregnant and going through hell just to keep a roof over my head.

And my question was What can I do to make the court see I really do have her best interest at hand?
 
N

nobodyimportant

Guest
You should be grateful to have a child's father that is wanting to step up to be part of his child's life. She is his daughter just as much as yours.

You talk about him being unstable, but the begining of your post talks about you getting kicked out of your mother's house (why?)...your getting fired (why?). Sounds like there is some instablility there too. Going into credit card debt for baby equiptment when you were being faced with a shelter?

You already gave your daughter your new bf's last name. Wow...this man has been part of your life how long? If you aren't careful you may end up with a child of one man with the last name of another....

And they are right since the father is willing to step up to bat...you might want to watch your own steps rather being so obsessed with his visitations with the child. Unless you have proof of him endangering the child you have nothing to stand on. He will get his visitations as well he should.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
munchkin03 said:
I really dont think a judge will say something like that. I cant see why he or even you would ask why I slept with him without protection. And the fact is my boyfriend is her father. He has bought her everything. He has given her all the love she needs. I am not going to beg my soon to be ex to be in her life. He made the choice when I was pregnant and going through hell just to keep a roof over my head.

And my question was What can I do to make the court see I really do have her best interest at hand?
Your boyfriend is YOUR BOYFRIEND. You're not married to him. You've been seeing him..... how long? A judge is NOT going to see this as a stable relationship.

The ex husband is an idiot from what you've posted. But I can't imagine he became one in the space of one year - so he was an idiot when you married him, and an idiot when you got pregnant by him, and an idiot when you left him. He's still your baby's father. He will still have rights if he wants them. You cannot simply force him out of her life because you don't want to be with him anymore. Yes, he wil have to pay support. And he will have the right to spend time with her.

I'm sorry if you don't like what I'm saying. But it's reality. Get used to it.
 
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DevonaJ

Guest
My stepsister tried the same thing you are doing. She gave her son her new husband's last name and put his name on the birth certificate. When the judge found out, he was furious. He gave her 30 days to change the baby's name and birth certificate and awarded her ex his visitation. Unless your ex is willing to sign his rights away, sorry but you're out of luck. My ex told the judge in our case that he wanted to sign his rights away, the judge told him until I was married and my spouse was willing to adopt my child then he was stuck with paying child support and I was stuck putting up with him. The judge will not just let a boyfriend adopt your child. If you and your boyfriend do marry, then your boyfriend needs to also be aware that if he is able to adopt your child and then you all break up, he's going to be responsible for that child and that child will be entitled to more than any other biological children he may have now or in the future.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
munchkin03 said:
I really dont think a judge will say something like that. I cant see why he or even you would ask why I slept with him without protection. And the fact is my boyfriend is her father. He has bought her everything. He has given her all the love she needs. I am not going to beg my soon to be ex to be in her life. He made the choice when I was pregnant and going through hell just to keep a roof over my head.

And my question was What can I do to make the court see I really do have her best interest at hand?

Yes, a judge will say something like that. If you knew what kind of person he was to start with, WHY would you choose to have a child with this man? That is exactly what a judge will say to you.

No, the FACT is that you are still married. You had a child. Your husband is the father. No matter that you gave your child your boyfriends last name (And I really don't see how you did that since you were married when she was born, unless you told them you weren't) the fact is that your husband is LEGALLY and rightfully her father.

You don't have to beg her father to be in her life. Hell, the man is TRYING to be, and you are wanting to shut him out of it. He had no obligations until after that child was born. You were told right on that account. Most of us women go thru hell when we are pregnant. That doesn't mean that we have our husbands there 24/7 with us, paying bills for us, comforting us throughout the pregnancy. Guys aren't the ones that have to deal with the swollen feet, cravings, mood swings, backaches, etc. we are. And even if they DID want to, they can't because they can't get pregnant. However, in any case, even if you are married he doesn't have the "obligation" of doing anything while you are pregnant. He has no obligations to that child until birth. THAT'S when his obligations start legally.

In answer to your question.... the only way you are going to be able to show a judge that her not seeing her father is in her best interest is if you can PROVE he's unfit. No if's, and's, or but's about it. You have to have PROOF of your accusations. Otherwise, he will get visitation that he is entitled to.

And another piece of advice.... ATTEND any hearing that is set. No matter how trivial you think it is. If you don't, he can win a default judgement and get everything he asks for. Don't write out a statement, don't send a letter telling your side. GO TO IT.
 
H

h0rsepwr

Guest
munchkin03 said:
What is the name of your state?
My state is MI

Ok here is my situation. Bear with me because this is kind of long! I have been married for over a year. But seperated for over half of that. My soon to be ex husband and I started off on good terms. Then i got kicked out of my moms house and had to get my own place. Then I was fired. he knew all of this. i had no money and no job. and i was showing so no one wanted to hire me. i had to get medcaid and foodstamps. the whole time i was pregnant he never gave me a dime. i put all my credit cards in debt to get the stuff the baby needs. even when i asked my case worker for help she said if i couldnt afford my rent then i should go to a shelter. he knew this. but still no help. so now i am in a new relationship and he adores her. thats her daddy. My daughter is 3 months old. He even got insurance for her and she has his last name. But as soon as I had the baby him and his mom busted into my hospital room demanding to see the baby. I said no. Since then they have called my house, my sisters and my moms. on top of that his aunt works in the same office my worker is in. I dont feel that he is stable enough or respnsible enough to handle her. His family is into drugs heavly. And i am scared for her safety. we had a medation hearing but instead of going i wrote a letter telling my side. in return the woman said he should have every other weekend for 10 am- 7 pm. then when she turns 1 every other weekend for the whole weekend. Alternating holidays, fathers day, andsplit birthdays.

My question is how can i make the court realize this isnt safe? My worker and his family have told me they are going to be harder on me because the state pays extra special attention to a father who steps up. But what about the 40 weeks I was pregnant? They say that doesnt count because they say the baby wasnt here yet. I dont want child support or sposoul support I just want him to sign away his rights. I know what goes on in his family. How can I get evryone else to know?

On top of everything the babys medcaid has been cancelled. I wonder who could of done that?
How did your boyfriend get insurance on your daughter. Wouldn't you at least have to be married to him, since hes NOT her father?
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Hound Dog

here's how.... this 1 sentance....

"He even got insurance for her and she has his last name."

The baby hashe b/f's last name. The mother put his name down as that baby's last name. He filed the papers for the insurance claiming that this was his daughter, and since she has his last name, no one would dispute it. Plain and simple, he commited insurance fraud.
 
M

munchkin03

Guest
my state is mi

Thanks for nothing. I get talked about because I want to protect my daughter. Everyone thinks they no so much. Yes he was an idoit when I met him and he was an lazy idiot when I got pregant. I was young and stupid. I was trying to do stuff on my own and act like I was an adult. BIG MISTAKE!!! My boyfriend loves her. And the stuff I put on my credit card were bills from the apartment and clothes, diapers stuff she NEEDED not stuff I wanted her to have. And in the state of MI your baby can have whatever name you want it can be John Doe. And he didnt commit insurance fraud. Be for real. You guys are so concerned about him that you forget the fact that I almost ended up in a shelter. O but who cares about that. Just dont keep him away from the baby. And as far as his obligations. Babies dont come strapped with a bookbag with diapers and clothes. Or rent money. So if you guys think that he didnt have to do anything while I was pregnant THINK AGAIN. You settle for that trash. Because I wont. I messed up by marrying him and mad the mistake of getting pregnant. But I wont mess up again. I have my baby to think about. I love the way everyone pats a man on the back when he takes just a little responsibility. Who cares if he neglected his responsiblity in the beggining. Just as long as he wants to step up now. As far as Im concerned his chances are up. You think he is so wonderful you have him.
 

CMSC

Senior Member
what is odd is in one statement you say your boyfriend carries insurance on your child and in another you say she was on medicaid and it was canceled. Have you asked your case worker why your daughters medicaid was canceled? It could be because you changed your daughters name illegally AND they are considering your boyfriends income into your household income and you don't qualify anymore.

If you have an issue with your ex's family and the way they conduct themselve's go to the court house and dig up criminal records because your word alone will not stand up in court.

Hey let me tell you, if it only took your ex 40 weeks to step upto the plate consider yourself lucky, many of us are still waiting after years for our ex's to step up and be men!

Are you breast feeding? If so I think 10 a.m- 7 p.m is too long but you screwed yourself by not going to mediation. Maybe you could agree to a few hours a day until you are comfortable with the baby seeing her father.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Long story short, you have to follow the legal procedures and trying to circumvent them (like sending a letter instead of going to the mediation) is going to screw you royally. But if you'd rather remain ignorant of the law, feel free.
 
M

munchkin03

Guest
Dont try to insult me. I am asking for advice not your insults
 

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