Father wants custody

[sds]

State: Florida

My ex-wife currently has full custody of our 11 year old daughter. We have been divorced for 9 years and I have been remarried for 4. I am very concerned about my daughter's well being. My ex has started leaving my daughter at home for several hours without adult supervision. Each day after school my daughter rides the bus to my house and then we take her home because my ex says she will not drive "all the way" to my house - we live 3 miles away. My daughter's grades have dropped significantly this year. My ex shows no concern about my daughter's grades. The guidance counselor at the school told me I should seek custody of my daughter because she needs structure and stability that she is not getting with her mother. She said that if someone doesn't get control of my daughter now, no one will be able to. The school had contacted my ex at one point about my daughter's tardiness and absences to no avail. My ex was the reason she was late and would let her miss school all day for nothing. Her husband does not involve himself at all with my daughter and gives my ex a lot of problems when she does things for our daughter. So she chooses him over our daughter. She will not come to our daughter's activities, school programs, etc. because he doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to give me custody of my daughter because she doesn't want to lose the child support, but she doesn't want the responsibility of my daughter either. My wife and I have picked up the slack for my daughter as a result. However, it is an emotional and financial strain on our family to deal with this seeming neglect. My wife is very good to my daughter and would like to see her live with us permanently. So would I, but I don't want to make my daughter come live with me. I would rather wait to let her choose to live with me. The guidance counselor said that she is afraid if I wait, I will not ever get custody of my daughter because she will be old enough to make her own choice and will naturally choose to live with her mother because there are no rules/consequences at her mother's house. I don't want to put my daughter through this fight for nothing, but I also don't want to see her get in more trouble with drugs, pregnancy, etc. due to her mom's inattention. Please help.

 

[DChristian112]

Reply

As much as I am for Mother's rights, this sounds like it needs interjection. I agree, take her to court for custody. Does her mother know if she has no custody, she has no financial bindings to the daughter then. The child support obviously never covers what it really costs to raise a child. There for in the end, the mother would be saving money.
This child sounds like she needs to be removed, and soon before child protective services interjects. I would say file immediately, ask the daughter if she would agree with this, show her and tell her how much you and your wife care for her, do all that you can to prove YOUR love to her, and make sure she knows YOU are always there for her.
It is too bad all of this is happeneing, but I would urge you to file and get a move on as soon as possible. This is considered neglect and in some cases could be looked at as a form of child abuse, or close to it.
Get an attorney and file as soo as you can, try to get anything you can use as evidence, such as the calls from school , letters from school if any, have your daughter talk to you as well.
Please consult an attorney and check with your state as well.
danielle

 

[sds]

The guidance counselor at the school has already said she would go to court with me if I needed her to. She said the only disadvantage would be that she doesn't keep written records of her discussions with my daughter. We also have friends of ours who have seen how much time my wife spends together with my daughter. She remained her cheerleading coach this year even though she had our 6 month old son at home because she didn't want my daughter to feel like she had been replaced by or was loved less than our son. Several of the parents involved in cheerleading have said the same thing because my ex was never there with my daughter and my wife was. I have talked to my daughter about it and she still says she wants to live with her mother. She longs for her mother's attention so much and her mother tries to make her feel like she is dependent on our daughter, etc. She teaches my daughter to lie to me and to keep things from me. To an extent my daughter sees my ex for what she is but yet she doesn't want to face it. My wife has been through this herself. Her father was the same way and she says it will take a long time before my daughter will really face the truth because you want so much to believe in your parents. I don't want my daughter to think bad about her mother but I also don't want to risk her safety or wellbeing to save her feelings. Do I do what I think is best for her or what she says she wants?

 

[DChristian112]

I think that you should do what is in the best interest of your daughter. And that is how a judge would see it as well. Everything done must be in the child's best interest and no one else's.
If you have witnesses, and the couselor is willing to go in if need be, I say go for it. the child may be upset in the beginning, but in the long run, she will thank you for it. I have seen this happen with so many of my friends and their parent's situations, always do what is best for your daughter, no matter what.
Explain to your daughter why you are doing it, and let her know she can still see her mother when she would like.
Sooner or later the daughter will realize that mommy doesn't care and is not willing to make time for her, and the daughter will thankyou for doing nothing but loving her, and doing what is best for her.
Good Luck!
Danielle