Father wants custody

[Chippewa30]

My b/f and I have been together for 5 years. We live in Kansas, his ex-g/f and children live in Washington. We have been told of neglect and possible verbal and mental abuse by her new b/f (whom she also has a child with). We have been told they are living in a bus, rags for clothes, not sure of the food situation. The boy is 9, has been suspended from school for beating up a teacher (major problem flag); the girl is 6. We want to petition for sole custody. I have a daughter who is 12 and have joint custody with her father. We get a long fine.
Problem: She hasn't let us have contact for 3 years via phone or letter. Every time we would call, she would move or disconnect the phone.
We have tried several times to contact her mother, where we were told she was, but they would tell us the childen weren't there, even though you could hear them in the background.
Please give me some advice on where he needs to go from here. We just want to get the children out of that environment before anymore psychological and emotional damage are done, and before the situation comes down to physical abuse. My b/f would go insane if that man hurt his children.
He pays child support, $248 a month; she says she only gets $100. I have proof of his payments.



[Edited by Chippewa30 on 06-10-2001 at 01:09 PM]

 

[Toni777]

If you have been trying to have contact for 3 years and had no luck, why have you waited this long to seek custody? If I were in your shoes I would have filed for modification of parenting time 3 years ago as I think that would have looked better for you in the long run. My ex waited three years and then claimed I denied him parenting time which i did not do. In my opinion his reasoning was to try and use that as leverage to gain grounds to get custody and judges can see through this. I have also been through the false allegations of abuse so I am very skeptical when it comes to NCP's trying to use these reasons as grounds for custody especially when they wait three years to seek custody.

Not saying this is your goal here, but being denied three years and then just seeking custody doesn't add up.

 

[Chippewa30]

Well, Toni777, thanks for the confidence. We have been trying to have contact with the children; the last contact was sending Christmas presents in 2000. Not sure if they received them or not. Every time we would phone, he'd get to talk to the children, then we'd call back and it was disconnected or she had moved. She has made no effort on her part to keep her end of the agreement. She does not let him know where she and the children are living, or give us a phone number. Now how in the hell can you keep in contact when you can't even write???!!!???

I know it is a long time to wait; we have had problems ourselves, buying a home, a vehicle, regular bills, raising my 12 year old daughter (whose father doesn't pay regular child support). You tell me, when you have about $50 a week to live off of, how can you pay for a lawyer or legal proceedings??!!??

[Edited by Chippewa30 on 06-11-2001 at 02:43 PM]

 

[Toni777]

I didn't mean to be judgemental just sharing my experiences and if it were my children I would find the money to protect them if that was the case. I have been falsely accused of similar matters and I don't have the money to keep going to court because I have a vindictive ex however I manage.
I can relate with the child support issues myself with my ex. It isn't easy.
All I was trying to say is the longer you wait the worse it will look for you in court. If you are truly concerned for a child and truly want to see them you don't wait three years to fight. You find a way to protect your children and fight for them if it is a true problem.

Sorry if I offended you.

 

[Chippewa30]

Toni777, sorry about jumping on you. I've been thru just about every dead end. And we talked with an attorney in Washington last year, he wanted $17,000 w/o any guarantee of even visitation. Has a tendancy to dampen your spirits. And, we hadn't heard about the neglect until recently. He left thinking it was better for the children not seeing them fight. He decided to move to KS on his own knowing that it would be a long time before he saw his children, and it tore him up. In the 5 years we have been together, he has flown out twice, and driven out once to see his children. Financially, we can't afford much more than once a year (it is a 4,000 mile round trip). And, we couldn't afford the other 2 years in between there. Like I said, we have tried phone and letter contact to no avail. She should have to hold up her end of the agreement by letting him know where she is moving (address) and a phone number to reach the kids. She has not allowed us his 30 days summer visitation, because we can't find her; and she sure isn't going to pay 1/2 of the cost of flying them out.

One consolation this year, her sister lives in Reno near his parents, and we are going to be able to see the children in a month. Can't wait to get him out there to see them!
Thank you for listening, and sharing. If you would like to talk further, or think you could help, e-mail me, please.