Feedback on Co-parenting class ordered by court.

[Noelle_71]

What is the name of your state? Texas
Hi everyone, I found myself mulling this over and was wondering about how to accomplish a thing.
When my ex filed for custody of my son (he had been out of our lives and reemerged when he was getting remarried), the judge here in Dallas county ordered us to a co-parenting class given by a certain guy here in Dallas. The guys name is Coakley and I had to pay 600 for this class.
Now I'm no dummy, I've had classes in psychology, abnormal psych, child psych and a few other psych classes. I have an older child too whom is a wonderful child and am a pretty good mom. The ex terrorised me for his own nutso reasons..Regardless, this class was set up as a group and basically had a surely assistant preaching to us and never letting us have input. Scolding us for our input and telling us that THEIR way was the only way. Basically telling us to ignore the other parent and get on with life. Well..um..anyway, it was a waste of time, it really was (we all agreed in the class it was useless..there were two doctors, a lawyer and other professionals in this class of 8 women) and if anything, it caused many of us to have even worse relationships with our ex's.
According to all the info I can find, these judges are sending this guy hundreds of clients, ordering them to go to this conflict disengagement course. I have NO idea if the judges really know what its about, how useless it is..yada yada.
Here is the real question...
I think that either the courts are snowed on this guy and have fallen for his easy money scam, not really knowing how the program works (or doesn't work) or some type of kickback is going on. If I and others truly feel that this is a major mistake on the part of these judges, and this guy is getting rich off of a tool that - if handled by private practictioners might work - how do we put a stop to it? The money handed over for things like this would be better spent on the children.
How do I stop this? How do I file a complaint or ask that an investigation be made into this worthless program? I personally think an undercover person should go in and get the real deal, but thats just my opinion.
What do I do if I feel this strongly about it?

 

[ceara19]

Texas does require parents go through the "For Kids Sake" program before they will issue a final order. They will issue an order if only ONE parent attends, but the parent that did not attend normally won't get unsupervised visitation until completion. (At least parents that are divorcing, I am not 100% sure about unmarried parents.) There MAY be a few exceptions to this, but I have yet to hear any of them. It is also a group class, but it is run by the state and in many cases the parents are asked to attend SEPERATELY unless they already have a good relationship. It cost $40 in 2001 and it was pass/fail based only on the instructors opinion of whether or not she/he felt that you successfully learned how to deal with the other parent. If you pass, you get a cheap certificate. If you fail, you get to do it all over again.

I initially failed because the instructor did not feel as though my answers on the little quiz followed the "criteria" for successful co-parenting. I gave the correct answers for MY case, not just the correct GENERAL answer. But the questions were all worded "What would YOU do in this situation" not "what should be done in this situation". So I wrote down what I would do. The answer to almost every single question was "I would call 911 and have the other parent arrested". I have a no contact order, so that is what I would do. When I got the "you failed" paper, I stayed and explained and the instructor ended up passing me, but it was still a HUGE waste of $40 considering he was not allowed within 500 ft of the children.

But, this was 5 years ago and things may be different now. A judge can pretty much order you to do whatever they want though. I agree that $600 is ridiculous though!

 

[Noelle_71]

Texas does require parents go through the "For Kids Sake" program before they will issue a final order. They will issue an order if only ONE parent attends, but the parent that did not attend normally won't get unsupervised visitation until completion. (At least parents that are divorcing, I am not 100% sure about unmarried parents.) There MAY be a few exceptions to this, but I have yet to hear any of them. It is also a group class, but it is run by the state and in many cases the parents are asked to attend SEPERATELY unless they already have a good relationship. It cost $40 in 2001 and it was pass/fail based only on the instructors opinion of whether or not she/he felt that you successfully learned how to deal with the other parent. If you pass, you get a cheap certificate. If you fail, you get to do it all over again.

I initially failed because the instructor did not feel as though my answers on the little quiz followed the "criteria" for successful co-parenting. I gave the correct answers for MY case, not just the correct GENERAL answer. But the questions were all worded "What would YOU do in this situation" not "what should be done in this situation". So I wrote down what I would do. The answer to almost every single question was "I would call 911 and have the other parent arrested". I have a no contact order, so that is what I would do. When I got the "you failed" paper, I stayed and explained and the instructor ended up passing me, but it was still a HUGE waste of $40 considering he was not allowed within 500 ft of the children.



But, this was 5 years ago and things may be different now. A judge can pretty much order you to do whatever they want though. I agree that $600 is ridiculous though!

So how who do I complain to? A congressman? A major? My teddy bear? It wasn't a divorce, it was a modification of a custody arrangement that HE had his laywer create when our child was born. The original order gave him nothing. Meaning it only said that if he wanted to visit the child, it was up to me to allow it. Clearly, he wanted nothing to do with the child and this order of his was his way of saying so. During the few times he did visit our child, after the first few years of ignoring the child's existence, I specifically asked him NOT to have a female companion over during his visits. He, not wanting to agree with me, did have a woman over to spend the night and flaunted the fact that he did so. (Even though the order specified that the visitation was to be "at the agreement of the parties". When I finally stood up to him and said "No more of this random women spending the night when the child is there", did he get get a lawyer. I would have been fine with giving up the standard Texas visitation, but he blasted me with "I want FULL custody" lawsuit. This goofy class was part of this. Honestly, I'll tell you, I've felt like a hostage to his actions over the last year. He has basically terrorized me over the last year, using every opportunity possible to increase fee's and cause me grief. I wish judges in Texas would prosecute for perjury because this guy would be in jail for life.
But I digress and I'm ranting.
Does anyone have an idea on who to file a complaint with regarding this "class". Actually, I'd like to gather large groups of attendee's and show that this is a financial windfall for this guy and helps no one but him.

 

[ceara19]

So how who do I complain to? A congressman? A major? My teddy bear? It wasn't a divorce, it was a modification of a custody arrangement that HE had his laywer create when our child was born. The original order gave him nothing. Meaning it only said that if he wanted to visit the child, it was up to me to allow it. Clearly, he wanted nothing to do with the child and this order of his was his way of saying so. During the few times he did visit our child, after the first few years of ignoring the child's existence, I specifically asked him NOT to have a female companion over during his visits. He, not wanting to agree with me, did have a woman over to spend the night and flaunted the fact that he did so. (Even though the order specified that the visitation was to be "at the agreement of the parties". When I finally stood up to him and said "No more of this random women spending the night when the child is there", did he get get a lawyer. I would have been fine with giving up the standard Texas visitation, but he blasted me with "I want FULL custody" lawsuit. This goofy class was part of this. Honestly, I'll tell you, I've felt like a hostage to his actions over the last year. He has basically terrorized me over the last year, using every opportunity possible to increase fee's and cause me grief. I wish judges in Texas would prosecute for perjury because this guy would be in jail for life.
But I digress and I'm ranting.
Does anyone have an idea on who to file a complaint with regarding this "class". Actually, I'd like to gather large groups of attendee's and show that this is a financial windfall for this guy and helps no one but him.

I'd start by writing a letter to the editor of the Dallas Morning News. You could set up a free email account and include the address so that others that have been through this could contact you. If this is a regular occurrence in your area, you will get a ton of responses.

 

[LdiJ]

Or see if you can convince the editor to do an investigative piece on the program, and to send someone in undercover.

If it cost Ceara 40.00 5 years ago, I am pretty darned certain that 600.00 is WAY out of line.....and it wouldn't surprize me at all for the instructors to be substandard. SOMEONE is making ALOT of money off of this....

 

[Noelle_71]

Or see if you can convince the editor to do an investigative piece on the program, and to send someone in undercover.

If it cost Ceara 40.00 5 years ago, I am pretty darned certain that 600.00 is WAY out of line.....and it wouldn't surprize me at all for the instructors to be substandard. SOMEONE is making ALOT of money off of this....

Thanks, thats what I thought too! I'll do exactly what you all suggest, someone needs to go in undercover!

 

[ceara19]

Or see if you can convince the editor to do an investigative piece on the program, and to send someone in undercover.

If it cost Ceara 40.00 5 years ago, I am pretty darned certain that 600.00 is WAY out of line.....and it wouldn't surprize me at all for the instructors to be substandard. SOMEONE is making ALOT of money off of this....

It sounds like this class is only a require for certain judges. I wouldn't be surprised to find out if the judge was somehow tied to the "instructor". It is certainly not a state wide requirement.