Feeling Guilty about getting support...

[eyeknow]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

My husband and I have been married 11 years. For the first 9 years it was a hell of verbal abuse to myself and our 3 children. 2 years ago I finally stood up to him, and told him I was done, and I wanted a divorce. He made HUGE changes, but almost 3 years later I still don't want to me married. He is a nice man now, and I am happy that he is for the children.

That said, I am still done. I can't move past the pain. (yes we've been to 3 years of counseling).
Basically, its time to move on.

That said, for the first 4 years of marriage I was a stay at home mom. After that I have worked a part time job for the past 7 .5 years. I JUST went full time in the past 2 months.

That said, he is making me for HORRIBLE guilty about child support. He makes about $70K, although with the automotive industry, he will only make about $60K this year. Part time I made about $25K, and working FT I will make about $38K. I am certain I would have made more in life by now if I had not focused on staying home with the kids.

He has agreed to pay all medical expenses. He has agreed to pay HALF child care expenses. He has agreed to take the car that is nicer, but we owe more on. I have offered him the home, but he doesn't want it. I have offered to let him keep 100% of the 401K.

He said that he wants to short sell the house (worth about 200K), and move into an apartment that cost $600 a month, and make double car payments(which double would be over 1,000 a month) to pay it off sooner.

I just don't know. He is making me feel SO guilty about everything since "I" want the divorce. I don't want to take his money. I don't want alimony. I just don't want to barely scrape by feeding the kids Ramen noodles, so that he can make a double car payment.
We have a custody arrangement set up so that we each have the kids 50% of the time.

Will Ohio MAKE me take child support? Am I wrong to feel guilty? The kids are young, all under 10.

I saw a lawyer, and she said I SHOULD get child support and alimony (there is a different term in ohio)..... I am just struggline. I don't want to hurt him, I just want to move on and start a new life with the kids and I.

 

[Proserpina]

Both of you are responsible for supporting your children.

If you believe that each of you having the kids 50% of the time (I'm not sure how feasible that's going to be in the long run) precludes child support, you're not obliged to actually file.

But please understand that you're not hurting him by going for child support - perhaps more importantly, don't give HIM that kind of power over you (I'm sure he's aware how guilty you'll feel if he keeps pressing the issue.)

And bear in mind that CS is always fluid - you can always choose to file further down the line if your circumstances change.

 

[ecmst12]

Stay in therapy. You AND your kids could likely benefit from it.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

My husband and I have been married 11 years. For the first 9 years it was a hell of verbal abuse to myself and our 3 children. 2 years ago I finally stood up to him, and told him I was done, and I wanted a divorce. He made HUGE changes, but almost 3 years later I still don't want to me married. He is a nice man now, and I am happy that he is for the children.

That said, I am still done. I can't move past the pain. (yes we've been to 3 years of counseling).
Basically, its time to move on.

That said, for the first 4 years of marriage I was a stay at home mom. After that I have worked a part time job for the past 7 .5 years. I JUST went full time in the past 2 months.

That said, he is making me for HORRIBLE guilty about child support. He makes about $70K, although with the automotive industry, he will only make about $60K this year. Part time I made about $25K, and working FT I will make about $38K. I am certain I would have made more in life by now if I had not focused on staying home with the kids.

He has agreed to pay all medical expenses. He has agreed to pay HALF child care expenses. He has agreed to take the car that is nicer, but we owe more on. I have offered him the home, but he doesn't want it. I have offered to let him keep 100% of the 401K.

He said that he wants to short sell the house (worth about 200K), and move into an apartment that cost $600 a month, and make double car payments(which double would be over 1,000 a month) to pay it off sooner.

I just don't know. He is making me feel SO guilty about everything since "I" want the divorce. I don't want to take his money. I don't want alimony. I just don't want to barely scrape by feeding the kids Ramen noodles, so that he can make a double car payment.
We have a custody arrangement set up so that we each have the kids 50% of the time.

Will Ohio MAKE me take child support? Am I wrong to feel guilty? The kids are young, all under 10.

I saw a lawyer, and she said I SHOULD get child support and alimony (there is a different term in ohio)..... I am just struggline. I don't want to hurt him, I just want to move on and start a new life with the kids and I.

You should absolutely not allow him to make you feel guilty for receiving child support for the children. He is equally obligated to support the children.

You also should get your fair share of the marital assets, and be responsible for your fair share of the marital debts.

You should consider getting yourself an attorney so that there is someone advising you. Otherwise, we are going to see you back here in a year or two wondering if there is anything you can do to change things, and it will be too late (other than child support) then.