feeling trapped-some1 plz help with answers

[BuddahzMami2011]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IOWA

I am at a lost as to wat to do. In Sept2010, i left my son (2mon @ the time) with a friend so that i could run to the store and get formula. i come back and see that there are cops all up an down the street. My so called "friend" left my son in tha house alone. And because i left him with that person i am responsible. They took my son for 8days and i about lost it. I am a new mom and will take full responsibilty as far as the judgement of who i left my son with. It was poor judgement on my part and trust me when i say that if i would have known that he was gonna leave my baby in the house by himself that i DAMN sure wouldnt have ever left my son with him!! When they took him-they put him foster care. When he left my care he had nothing wrong with him when he came home (first they did the extended weekend stay over thing and that was for a week and then they did the 30day home trial) he had a rash from the hairline of his head to the bottom of his chin and a touch of pneumonia. i was in fruriated(to say the least!!)!. i have my son now but am still dealin with these corrupt ass ppl. when it all first happend i had went out of town for a week visit with my son so he could see his father. 2 days after i got there this stupid **** happens, the day that **** happend (earlier that day- the electricity got cut off). so when the situation occured we were in the process of getting the electricity back on. they made me stay in that out of town area (by the way i have no family er friends there- dont really know anyone)- had to get the lease signed over in my name and all utilites turned over in my name. they told me i had to get a job an the next day i got one. Ihave done everything that these ppl askd me to do and then some. now mind u i am in a town where i dont kno any1, no car, new job, dealn wit dcfs bout my baby. there was never an issue as far as the drop-ins were concernd er no issues all together. all of a sudden they try some sneaky **** by tryin to hold somethin my babydaddy did against me. now let me explain a lil more... when all this happend my babydaddy just left us so i didnt have any contact with him. the apartment i had to switch errythin over in my name was originally in my babydaddy name. SO one day my wrker calls me and said that aparently she was tryin to get ahold of my babydaddy and contacted his po (probabtion) and that she told her that all of his information was my info... the apartment was his originally so that was his last known addy, and my phone number had been an emergency contact for over 2 years... but i guess because my info was the info he had given the last time he was seen they wanted to start drug testing me. my babydaddy aparently had a minor charge for marijuana that he was fighting. now when they told me that i would have to do a drug test i was like fine watever... it came up positive for thc. now dcfs told me out their own mouth to watch the ppl in the building that i live in cuz they are known for smoking weed. and even when u walk up in the hallway u can smell it ALOT. so i did research and the patch that they tested me wit was known for environmental contamination cuz i snapped when the test came up positive. Now dont get me wrong before i even got pregnant did smoke every now an then. but since being pregnat and havin my son NO I HAVENT! NOTHIN!!! so they said bcuz it came up positive i would have to do random drugs tests... again i have fully cooperated wit these ppl. but now they are sayin that my tests came up positive for cocaine and thc!!! hell no! im not goin! i dont even kno wat cocaine looks like er even how to smoke it. theres ABSOLUTELY no way. now im at the point where i want to give temporary rights to my mother so they cant place my son in to foster care again. i dont know wat to do... i honestly feel trapped. dcfs has lied to me left and right. the person who was administeing the drug tests was suspended for doing funny things to ppls drug tests and such. Now like i said i will take responsibility bout the pooor judgement i had when i left my bby with who i left him with BUT I REFUSE FOR THESE PPL TO PLAY WITH MY SONS LIFE LET ALONE MINE. I DONT KNOW WAT TO DO. plz help with some advice

 

[mistoffolees]

Sorry, but they have every right to be involved in your child's life.

I would suggest that you get an attorney. Your communication skills and style are not conducive to resolving this on your own.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IOWA

I am at a lost as to wat to do. In Sept2010, i left my son (2mon @ the time) with a friend so that i could run to the store and get formula. i come back and see that there are cops all up an down the street. My so called "friend" left my son in tha house alone. And because i left him with that person i am responsible. They took my son for 8days and i about lost it. I am a new mom and will take full responsibilty as far as the judgement of who i left my son with. It was poor judgement on my part and trust me when i say that if i would have known that he was gonna leave my baby in the house by himself that i DAMN sure wouldnt have ever left my son with him!! When they took him-they put him foster care. When he left my care he had nothing wrong with him when he came home (first they did the extended weekend stay over thing and that was for a week and then they did the 30day home trial) he had a rash from the hairline of his head to the bottom of his chin and a touch of pneumonia. i was in fruriated(to say the least!!)!. i have my son now but am still dealin with these corrupt ass ppl. when it all first happend i had went out of town for a week visit with my son so he could see his father. 2 days after i got there this stupid **** happens, the day that **** happend (earlier that day- the electricity got cut off). so when the situation occured we were in the process of getting the electricity back on. they made me stay in that out of town area (by the way i have no family er friends there- dont really know anyone)- had to get the lease signed over in my name and all utilites turned over in my name. they told me i had to get a job an the next day i got one. Ihave done everything that these ppl askd me to do and then some. now mind u i am in a town where i dont kno any1, no car, new job, dealn wit dcfs bout my baby. there was never an issue as far as the drop-ins were concernd er no issues all together. all of a sudden they try some sneaky **** by tryin to hold somethin my babydaddy did against me. now let me explain a lil more... when all this happend my babydaddy just left us so i didnt have any contact with him. the apartment i had to switch errythin over in my name was originally in my babydaddy name. SO one day my wrker calls me and said that aparently she was tryin to get ahold of my babydaddy and contacted his po (probabtion) and that she told her that all of his information was my info... the apartment was his originally so that was his last known addy, and my phone number had been an emergency contact for over 2 years... but i guess because my info was the info he had given the last time he was seen they wanted to start drug testing me. my babydaddy aparently had a minor charge for marijuana that he was fighting. now when they told me that i would have to do a drug test i was like fine watever... it came up positive for thc. now dcfs told me out their own mouth to watch the ppl in the building that i live in cuz they are known for smoking weed. and even when u walk up in the hallway u can smell it ALOT. so i did research and the patch that they tested me wit was known for environmental contamination cuz i snapped when the test came up positive. Now dont get me wrong before i even got pregnant did smoke every now an then. but since being pregnat and havin my son NO I HAVENT! NOTHIN!!! so they said bcuz it came up positive i would have to do random drugs tests... again i have fully cooperated wit these ppl. but now they are sayin that my tests came up positive for cocaine and thc!!! hell no! im not goin! i dont even kno wat cocaine looks like er even how to smoke it. theres ABSOLUTELY no way. now im at the point where i want to give temporary rights to my mother so they cant place my son in to foster care again. i dont know wat to do... i honestly feel trapped. dcfs has lied to me left and right. the person who was administeing the drug tests was suspended for doing funny things to ppls drug tests and such. Now like i said i will take responsibility bout the pooor judgement i had when i left my bby with who i left him with BUT I REFUSE FOR THESE PPL TO PLAY WITH MY SONS LIFE LET ALONE MINE. I DONT KNOW WAT TO DO. plz help with some advice

You refuse to allow "these people" to play with your son's life, but it is perfectly fine for you to play with him right?

Do as misto says, get yourself an attorney and get yourself clean. In addition, unless a court of law says you don't have to comply, you must comply with DCFS or lose your child. At this point they hold all the cards, and you're left holding a joint.

 

[stealth2]

I agree with misto and Tigs. You need a lawyer, 'cause you're not going to get this done yourself.

And... uuhhh... consider finishing HS. It will only help your son.

 

[NellieBly]

Oh, I feel your pain! I lived in Iowa 20 years and raised a handicapped child. You may as well shoot yourself as deal with the DHS.

For instance, I tried to obtain funding to enroll my then 2 year old in a twice weekly play program. The intake worker's first question was "do you know who your child's father is?" Let the record the state was already collecting child support from the gentleman in question. But honestly, that showed me the DHS stereotypes the living daylights out of applicants. At any rate, she then asked me if I abused my child. Good Lord, what planet is she from? Of course not! Since I didn't, my child was denied the funding.

Seriously, I was as articulate and well dressed as the intake worker and the same age, but Heaven help me, I was on the wrong side of the desk.

So, Buddahzmami2011, here's what you need to do.

Find a lawyer. Ask your case worker how to get one appointed to you. If that's not an option, run Iowa Legal Aid through a search engine site for information on that agency.



Work hard at your job, show how reliable you are.

Can you find a less drug infested building? The DHS will most likely not want to return a child to that environment.

Ask them to put things in writing. If they decline, take notes of all your interactions with them.

No matter how ridiculous they might be acting, don't have an attitude with them. They have ALL the power and they know it.

Your language skills are not working in your favor. If you speak like you write, it does not help matters. Can you sign up to further your education?

How about joining the YMCA or other group? Some places have memberships for low income people and it will look good to DHS. It will also get you out of that bad apartment building a few more hours a week.

Really, I wish you well. You sound like a loving mother, but you have to work at getting your child back and that means making concessions.

DHS has ALL the power.

 

[BuddahzMami2011]

Okay first off let me say this: I DID finish high school, I DID quit smoking weed and YES i know who the father of my child is. My sons father was living a double life and had another girlfriend on the side that i was unaware of.

My case was a simple one and was supposed to be over after 5 mon. I am doing everything that dhs asked me to do and then some. I stayed in a town where I have no family, no friends because they said I had to. I got a job and work 60 hrs a week. I put my son in daycare (that they approved of). I have been trying to move out of the apartment building but to do so requires RENT AND DEPOSIT. All of that at one time while caring for an infant and being on my own takes time. I asked them to transfer the case to where I have family but they said that it would take 3-6 months to do so plus the 5 months of the actual case, so I decided to stick it out and just stay. Everything was going fine and then all of a sudden this stuff happened. Now they told me themselves that people in the building are known for doing drugs and when you walk up a down the hallways you can smell marijuana. It goes through the vents and cracks of the door. Now I dont know these people in the building personally and I dont know what cocaine smells like (let alone how to smoke it and im alergic to more then half the medications in the world- im a complete hypocondriac- so I KNOW that I DIDNT do COCAINE). But tthat can be the only possible explanation as to how the **** got into my system. Also the person who was administering the tests was suspended for tampering with peoples results (or speculations for it). She never used gloves with mine and one i caught her writing my information on someone else's result paper. I have no problem doing random drug tests- especially so i can prove my point. But i have asked and asked to have someone else administer the tests and expressed my concerns about that particular individual and they tell me NO. My concerns are that this lady could be messing with my results or the building environment is to blame because nothing is worth me losing my son over. So i asked that none of my tests are done at my house and that they are done at dhs ONLY- WITH GLOVES and someone else. They still tell me no. I want to sign over temporary guardianship over to mother so that they cannot place my son in foster care and I have no problem proving my point as far as the drugs are concerned. My concern lies with the fact that either this lady is tampering with my results or the environment is to blame- im not going to lose my son again for something that i didnt do. I love my son and everyone will tell you that. I am a good mother! I am grown and fully able to deal with the consiquences of my choices. I had poor judgement as far as leaving him alone with that individual but again i must say that i never would have thought that he was going to leave him alone. But drugs are not an issue- My son is MY WORLD and i would do anything for him. I just want him safe while this bull**** is happening. They can do whatever they would like to do to me but i REFUSE for my son to be mistreated again in FOSTER CARE

 

[BuddahzMami2011]

also i dont play with my sons life. You could ask anyone and they would tell you that my son gets mad if i leave his eye sight, smiles extra hard when he sees me, only wants me to pick him up. And cant go to sleep unless I am the one who puts him to sleep. Now if i was mistreating my son or doing anything that I wasnt supposed to be doing to him then he would tell all (even though he cant talk- he would act differently towards me- not want me to pick him up, cry when i am holding him, etc.) My sons loves me and I LOVE MY SON

also just because i typed like that before doesnt mean i am uneducated. I am young and "lingo" is what is going on now-a-days. So trust me I am very well educated and in fact was an honor student.

 

[The Occultist]

Well try and use that "lingo" where it doesn't belong and your words will fall on deaf ears. If you cannot communicate like an adult to these people, they will care little for what you have to say. That should be the moral you learned from those posts. If you're offended by it, then that likely hints to some truth of the situation. Oh, and I love this little gem:

Everything was going fine and then all of a sudden this stuff happened.

Yep, that's literary work that is evident of honors coursework.

 

[Just Blue]

also i dont play with my sons life. You could ask anyone and they would tell you that my son gets mad if i leave his eye sight, smiles extra hard when he sees me, only wants me to pick him up. And cant go to sleep unless I am the one who puts him to sleep. Now if i was mistreating my son or doing anything that I wasnt supposed to be doing to him then he would tell all (even though he cant talk- he would act differently towards me- not want me to pick him up, cry when i am holding him, etc.) My sons loves me and I LOVE MY SON

also just because i typed like that before doesnt mean i am uneducated. I am young and "lingo" is what is going on now-a-days. So trust me I am very well educated and in fact was an honor student.

That you seen unable to follow the TOS of this site would make the (TOS FOLLOWING) member to think you are uneducated. The you don't seem to ...get...that cursing in your post DOES NOT make you seem like a person worthy of assistance.

If you want to be thought of as an educated person...ACT LIKE ONE.

 

[NellieBly]

Ah, a light in the wilderness. In your original post you presented yourself as less than the articulate educated person you are.

I didn't say you didn't know who your child's father is, I said that I was asked that and I am a ruthlessly dull, unhip person.

"Lingo" will only make you appear uneducated and common. Hopefully you don't speak like that around your case worker.

You know, we sincerely want to help you.

 

[BuddahzMami2011]

i aprieciate the advice about the "lingo"- i really do. I am aware of how i should talk and act when it comes to dhs, and do so accordingly. Also, I didn't tell my story for some of you to only judge on how my grammar is. My main concern is my son and his well being. I am not the typical case of a "druggie", or "abusive parent" that would see or hear being involved with dhs, I would never do anything to jeoporize my son or his well being. I asked someone who i thought was my friend to just keep an eye on my baby for no longer than 15- 20 min so i could get some formula for him. I was honestly in the wrong place at the wrong time type situation. You honestly dont know me and if you did then you would know that I would and WILL do anything i have to do to make sure my son is content and happy and would never hurt him physically, mentally, or emotionally- or any other way. I wouldnt hurt my son PERIOD.

 

[NellieBly]

You have to understand, DHS judges you on your grammar, appearance and everything in between.

If you want to get through this and be successful in reuniting with your son, you are going to have to present yourself to the world (or at least DHS) as Ms. Perfect.

Once DHS gets their hands on your child, it's hard to get them to relinquish control. Just their nature, I guess.

By the way, can you bring a witness with your for your drug tests? Just to make sure the lab follows proper procedure.

 

[BuddahzMami2011]

I've tried and they say I cant because the case is confidential. And my attorney is never available to come or to even speak....

 

[CourtClerk]

I'm sorry, but if you were only going to be gone 15 - 20 minutes and were going to get formula, why is it again, you couldn't just take your child with you???

 

[NellieBly]

She doesn't have a car.