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Fiance went through my email and forward herself financial information of mine.

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Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
#16
Questions: Had he ever let her use the computer before? Did he ever rescind any permission he gave her? There are other things that come in to play with this. But hat is not my primary point. I am not necessarily arguing that but it is not clear cut that she committed a crime.
I agree - she "may have" committed a crime.

OP though is an immature selfish jerk. He is "engaged" and is supposed to be a partner to his spouse. He wants to hide his assets and debts from her because ...
Why do you feel he was trying to hide them? As I said above, he may have been preparing this information so that he could make a complete disclosure.

Quite frankly, he shouldn't get married until he can grow up and learn what being in a marriage means... Finances are a huge portion of a marriage -- how people handle money, their priorities, so on and so forth. if he can't have an honest truthful discussion with the person he says he wants to marry then he isn't ready for marriage.
It really depends on the people involved. Some people get married and remained happily married for a long time while keeping their personal finances totally separate. I hear what you're saying and, actually, agree with you, but I also recognize that my own beliefs on this topic aren't universal.
 


Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
#17
OP has also not shown he is trustworthy if he wants to hide a huge part of himself from her. Finances are something that should have been discussed by now. He is a selfish jerk quite frankly. Not saying who he chose is an angel -- she isn't... but he is not a saint.
We don't KNOW that finances haven't been discussed. This may have been part of the discussion...

ETA: I'd just like to say that my own finances are pretty straight-forward. I could explain everything in 5 minutes. My father, on the other hand (and just as an example), would take several hours and have to use spreadsheets, etc., in order to explain his finances.
 

quincy

Senior Member
#18
Questions: Had he ever let her use the computer before? Did he ever rescind any permission he gave her? There are other things that come in to play with this. But hat is not my primary point. I am not necessarily arguing that but it is not clear cut that she committed a crime.

OP though is an immature selfish jerk. He is "engaged" and is supposed to be a partner to his spouse. He wants to hide his assets and debts from her because, why? He is the one who is here and he needs to deal with who he is as well. Quite frankly, he shouldn't get married until he can grow up and learn what being in a marriage means... Finances are a huge portion of a marriage -- how people handle money, their priorities, so on and so forth. if he can't have an honest truthful discussion with the person he says he wants to marry then he isn't ready for marriage.
It doesn't matter if he let her use the computer before if she exceeded the authorization granted. It appears he never authorized her to access his emails or to forward those emails to herself or others. By exceeding consent, she committed a computer crime.

And it really doesn't matter if he should have discussed his finances with her or not.
 
#19
It doesn't matter if he let her use the computer before if she exceeded the authorization granted. It appears he never authorized her to access his emails or to forward those emails to herself or others. By exceeding consent, she committed a computer crime.

And it really doesn't matter if he should have discussed his finances with her or not.
Legally no it doesn't matter if he discussed finances... he wanted a prenup though and that requires a FULL disclosure of debts and assets. So if he wanted her to sign a prenup she would have had gotten this information anyway. Again, he is an immature selfish jerk. And we don't know that she exceeded his consent by going to email. We don't know that. That is an assumption. Again, I am not commenting on whether she did or did not commit a crime. But I am saying while she is not trustworthy, neither is he.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
#20
Legally no it doesn't matter if he discussed finances... he wanted a prenup though and that requires a FULL disclosure of debts and assets. So if he wanted her to sign a prenup she would have had gotten this information anyway. Again, he is an immature selfish jerk. And we don't know that she exceeded his consent by going to email. We don't know that. That is an assumption. Again, I am not commenting on whether she did or did not commit a crime. But I am saying while she is not trustworthy, neither is he.
I disagree. It sounds to ME like the OP was doing everything in his power to present a full disclosure. He had prepared a spreadsheet showing, presumably, ALL of his assets in preparation of presenting the information, but the fiancee took it upon herself to surreptitiously gain access to the information prior to him disclosing it. THAT is where the trust issue is.
 

quincy

Senior Member
#21
Legally no it doesn't matter if he discussed finances... he wanted a prenup though and that requires a FULL disclosure of debts and assets. So if he wanted her to sign a prenup she would have had gotten this information anyway. Again, he is an immature selfish jerk. And we don't know that she exceeded his consent by going to email. We don't know that. That is an assumption. Again, I am not commenting on whether she did or did not commit a crime. But I am saying while she is not trustworthy, neither is he.
I don't see him as an "immature selfish jerk." His fiancée accessed his emails and forwarded his personal financial information on to herself (and to someone else by mistake).

Although I agree that the relationship is probably doomed, the fiancée is the one who potentially committed a crime.
 

John885

Junior Member
#22
Thanks everyone for the input. Still haven't decided what I'm going to do about it. We have discussed our finances but she doesn't work and owns nothings but clothes. At first she said she was looking for a job and then decided she wanted to be a house wife that maybe goes to school for now. I thought about it for a while and decided that's alright, but then decided on a prenup, which she changed her mind about it after the engagement. She has a general idea of my finances which are stable with considerable retirement and savings for someone who is 33. I told her a personal monthly budget for her I could afford, and since I have two cars said one would be hers. Since she has no history of being responsible with money, changed her mind on the prenup, and keeps asking for expensive things, I had decided she doesn't need to see all the details of those accounts.

I know there are lots of differing opinions but I believe what's made before the marriage should be separate in case of a divorce and everything after shared. Despite that I was even going to put her on half the house that I own in full. After changing her mind on the prenup I think her curiosity got the best of her about exactly what I have along with the questions they were asking about her. Her intentions are still not clear though, does she want to know so that when she asks for a big purchase like 3k for Invisalign braces or trading in the car for one 10k more, I can't say I don't have the money as an excuse? I do say that when it isn't true, but that's because I'm not making that much, it would have to come out of savings which I don't touch for things like that unless necessary. I'm not really sure why she did it.

Ignoring all the financial discussion, she did not have permission to access that computer or email account, and forwarded all my financial information from my secure email address to a free one of hers and a ex-coworker of mine on accident. I don't have access to her computer, email accounts, phone, or anything like that, and she doesn't want me to.
 

quincy

Senior Member
#23
Thanks everyone for the input. Still haven't decided what I'm going to do about it. We have discussed our finances but she doesn't work and owns nothings but clothes. At first she said she was looking for a job and then decided she wanted to be a house wife that maybe goes to school for now. I thought about it for a while and decided that's alright, but then decided on a prenup, which she changed her mind about it after the engagement. She has a general idea of my finances which are stable with considerable retirement and savings for someone who is 33. I told her a personal monthly budget for her I could afford, and since I have two cars said one would be hers. Since she has no history of being responsible with money, changed her mind on the prenup, and keeps asking for expensive things, I had decided she doesn't need to see all the details of those accounts.

I know there are lots of differing opinions but I believe what's made before the marriage should be separate in case of a divorce and everything after shared. Despite that I was even going to put her on half the house that I own in full. After changing her mind on the prenup I think her curiosity got the best of her about exactly what I have along with the questions they were asking about her. Her intentions are still not clear though, does she want to know so that when she asks for a big purchase like 3k for Invisalign braces or trading in the car for one 10k more, I can't say I don't have the money as an excuse? I do say that when it isn't true, but that's because I'm not making that much, it would have to come out of savings which I don't touch for things like that unless necessary. I'm not really sure why she did it.

Ignoring all the financial discussion, she did not have permission to access that computer or email account, and forwarded all my financial information from my secure email address to a free one of hers and a ex-coworker of mine on accident. I don't have access to her computer, email accounts, phone, or anything like that, and she doesn't want me to.
I see issues with your relationship that do not bode well for your future if you decide to marry this woman - but that is a decision that is (obviously) yours to make. Good luck.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
#24
Thanks everyone for the input. Still haven't decided what I'm going to do about it.
Dude...
RUN. Really. She's going to bleed you dry, financially and emotionally.


ETA: Just to be clear (not that anyone's mentioned it): I would say (and have said) substantially the same thing to a woman considering marrying a man in a similar situation.
 

quincy

Senior Member
#28
Yep! I've had way too much experience with that ;)
Haha. :)

I tend not to give relationship advice because there are a few couples I know who remain perfectly happy and content in their lives together, defying all odds I (silently) placed against them.
 

John885

Junior Member
#29
Yeah.....I'm aware of some of the red flags, now this adds to it. Love is blind sometimes and I'm trying not to be, but the relationship is great in lots of other ways. I didn't have all these issues with my long term ex. We openly gave each other access to everything, she worked, and was always financially responsible. She would have never done something like this. She passed away from cancer a while back and my parents passed away in a car accident a few years ago, so being alone was rough until I met this girl. My family in another state is worried that everything that happened is affecting my judgment but are still supportive. It's tough when I've invested all this time and emotion in this relationship to take it to the point were we have a venue booked to just give up on it......
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
#30
Yeah.....I'm aware of some of the red flags, now this adds to it. Love is blind sometimes and I'm trying not to be, but the relationship is great in lots of other ways. I didn't have all these issues with my long term ex. We openly gave each other access to everything, she worked, and was always financially responsible. She would have never done something like this. She passed away from cancer a while back and my parents passed away in a car accident a few years ago, so being alone was rough until I met this girl. My family in another state is worried that everything that happened is affecting my judgment but are still supportive. It's tough when I've invested all this time and emotion in this relationship to take it to the point were we have a venue booked to just give up on it......
It's better you find out now...the price is smaller.
 
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