fifteen + years

[single317dad]

You think this makes you look better?

Makes the whole lot of them look pretty disgusting, tbh. Dad here would rather talk about all that was taken from him than what he can offer this child. Mom's gravy train has apparently left the station and welfare is pursuing the baby daddy since the used-to-be-dad (who was apparently fine with being called 'Daddy' for 13 years until support was an issue) challenged paternity. If that guy had come here 6 months ago asking how to challenge paternity on a 15 year old girl who had no idea she had a different father, this board would have shredded him. If Mom had come here with this whole story of deception, she'd have been shredded as well. OP? Yeah, he has some of it coming, but he's probably the least guilty among this fine group of "responsible adults" who are apparently intent on wrecking this child's life.

Dad. Go be a Dad. Get thee to the courthouse and begin right away. Do not delay further, and do not begrudge the child her father due to the actions of her mother.

 

[CJane]

Makes the whole lot of them look pretty disgusting, tbh. Dad here would rather talk about all that was taken from him than what he can offer this child. Mom's gravy train has apparently left the station and welfare is pursuing the baby daddy since the used-to-be-dad (who was apparently fine with being called 'Daddy' for 13 years until support was an issue) challenged paternity. If that guy had come here 6 months ago asking how to challenge paternity on a 15 year old girl who had no idea she had a different father, this board would have shredded him. If Mom had come here with this whole story of deception, she'd have been shredded as well. OP? Yeah, he has some of it coming, but he's probably the least guilty among this fine group of "responsible adults" who are apparently intent on wrecking this child's life.

Dad. Go be a Dad. Get thee to the courthouse and begin right away. Do not delay further, and do not begrudge the child her father due to the actions of her mother.

Mom was married for 13 years. Child is 15. Nowhere was a challenge to paternity or establishment of paternity by Mom's husband mentioned. It's kind of a huge leap for you to call him a "gravy train" or claim that he challenged paternity when support became an issue.

The fact is, he has no legal right or obligation to pay support or visit the child.

 

[single317dad]

Mom was married for 13 years. Child is 15. Nowhere was a challenge to paternity or establishment of paternity by Mom's husband mentioned. It's kind of a huge leap for you to call him a "gravy train" or claim that he challenged paternity when support became an issue.

The fact is, he has no legal right or obligation to pay support or visit the child.

this other man raised my daughter as his own only to renounce her as a young woman when he left her mother

While, yes, there is no direct mention of challenge to paternity, the rest of my comment stands. We see this every day. We know how this game goes. I'm inclined to believe that OP's statement is true. While I'll admit to a bit of an assumption, I don't think it's much of a "leap".

 

[CJane]

While, yes, there is no direct mention of challenge to paternity, the rest of my comment stands. We see this every day. We know how this game goes. I'm inclined to believe that OP's statement is true. While I'll admit to a bit of an assumption, I don't think it's much of a "leap".

I'm not sure taking the word of this man as to someone else's motivations is really the best idea. He's intent on blaming everyone for his own lack of action, and he's posted this to child support, not visitation/custody, which IMO speaks volumes about his motivations and what is really bothering him about the ex-husband's " renouncement".

 

[FarmerJ]

If you have not spoken to your daughter yet When you do you can choose to start your conversation with ` Im sorry that it has taken me so long to be able to ask you if I can have the chance to be in touch with you and get to know you` (little steps ) If you are told NO then make it clear if she changes her mind or needs to think it over that you would be okay with that)

 

[Bean77]

I'm not sure taking the word of this man as to someone else's motivations is really the best idea. He's intent on blaming everyone for his own lack of action, and he's posted this to child support, not visitation/custody, which IMO speaks volumes about his motivations and what is really bothering him about the ex-husband's " renouncement".

I can see where the "motivations" as you called it can be a little questionable...posting this to child support and not visitation or custody...That's a simple answer really...I had no idea that I could post such a question to the other forum seeing as how I am being brought before the child support commission. Is this going to impact how I live my life?....YES Is this going to have financial repercussions? YES I don't see it going any other way. I have every want to contact my child and make whatever steps necessary to form some kind of connection with my daughter....lack of action...I had no idea she was alive....what bothers me about the ex husband's "renouncement" is that had I have known the moment she was born I would've been the father that every little girl needs in their lives...they/he chose to raise her as his own(I know he holds no financial responsibility to support her) but now because of his and the moms differences the only father that child has ever known...the only life she has ever known...is over. A father is a very important person/thing in a young girls life. Heck I'm even going to say any child's life.... I am not going to lie and say that I am not scared to take on a full blown teenager....I'm terrified....but I will be there for her now as much as she will allow me to. and yes hind sight I maybe should've posted this to custody/visitation.... thanks

 

[Silverplum]

I can see where the "motivations" as you called it can be a little questionable...posting this to child support and not visitation or custody...That's a simple answer really...I had no idea that I could post such a question to the other forum seeing as how I am being brought before the child support commission. Is this going to impact how I live my life?....YES Is this going to have financial repercussions? YES I don't see it going any other way. I have every want to contact my child and make whatever steps necessary to form some kind of connection with my daughter....lack of action...I had no idea she was alive....what bothers me about the ex husband's "renouncement" is that had I have known the moment she was born I would've been the father that every little girl needs in their lives...they/he chose to raise her as his own(I know he holds no financial responsibility to support her) but now because of his and the moms differences the only father that child has ever known...the only life she has ever known...is over. A father is a very important person/thing in a young girls life. Heck I'm even going to say any child's life.... I am not going to lie and say that I am not scared to take on a full blown teenager....I'm terrified....but I will be there for her now as much as she will allow me to. and yes hind sight I maybe should've posted this to custody/visitation.... thanks

The law is the law. I already explained it.

 

[Just Blue]

Bump for info....

 

[RRevak]

Putting this here to ensure OP reads this

Bean i'm going to give you some serious parenting advice and no, you being a STEPparent does NOT make you a parent so listen up. This is coming from an ACTUAL parent to a near teenage daughter. I really really hope you read this and take it to heart. You have absolutely no idea who this child is. You have never met her and she has absolutely zero idea who you are. You are about as significant to her as the man who bumps shoulders with her while she's walking down the street or sitting on a bus. If you stomp in speaking about who she is, what she is wearing, and how she lives her life I promise you that you will never be able to establish ANY form of relationship with this child. She will reject you like a bad habit and that will be that. You have no right to come in and judge how her mother parents her and you have even less right to judge who this child is as a person. Again, you are nobody to this child and therefor you need to tread very lightly with her. If you feel you are going to change 15yrs of a life you weren't part of then you are setting yourself up for failure. The best thing for you at this point is to simply introduce yourself VERY gently (DO NOT COME IN ALL "I'm your dad and now you have to listen to me"!) and get to know who she is NOW. If over time you build enough of a relationship with her that she learns to trust you then you can begin working on things you feel might not be working in her favor. But seriously, you BOTH are going to need therapy to process what has happened and that work isn't going to be finished overnight. You need to step WAY back and let her do what she needs to do here and ONLY let her lead. If not you risk damaging her more than she's already been damaged. Please please take this to heart before you run in and make things worse for this poor kid in your overzealousness to be dad 3 million.