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fifteen + years

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Bean77

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX


I had a brief fling (two weekends....4 days) with this woman in 1998 and then left town for few months ...came back and she told me she was pregnant and that the baby was mine. I offered my help in any way I could think of...I was 19! She told me she didn't want anything from me and that I would never see her or my child ever again. And from that moment on I never heard nor have I seen her or said child....Fast forward to May of this year...I open a letter from the Office of the Attorney General saying that I am the father of this child who was born in 1999....took the paternity test and yes this child is mine. I have never met this child. I didn't even know that she existed until recently. I have been denied my rights as a father to love, provide and be responsible for her upbringing. I am devastated!!!! This is not right....how can someone hide a child from the other parent and then go back 15+ years and want back child support? Mind you its not just about the money aspect.....How do you get back the years of firsts...first laugh...first steps first days of school...the first I love you Daddy? I feel like Ive been broadsided. what are my rights? Do I have a leg to stand on in court? Do I have any rights? I have so many other questions but I cant keep track right now..... Thank you very much
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX


I had a brief fling (two weekends....4 days) with this woman in 1998 and then left town for few months ...came back and she told me she was pregnant and that the baby was mine. I offered my help in any way I could think of...I was 19! She told me she didn't want anything from me and that I would never see her or my child ever again. And from that moment on I never heard nor have I seen her or said child....Fast forward to May of this year...I open a letter from the Office of the Attorney General saying that I am the father of this child who was born in 1999....took the paternity test and yes this child is mine. I have never met this child. I didn't even know that she existed until recently. I have been denied my rights as a father to love, provide and be responsible for her upbringing. I am devastated!!!! This is not right....how can someone hide a child from the other parent and then go back 15+ years and want back child support? Mind you its not just about the money aspect.....How do you get back the years of firsts...first laugh...first steps first days of school...the first I love you Daddy? I feel like Ive been broadsided. what are my rights? Do I have a leg to stand on in court? Do I have any rights? I have so many other questions but I cant keep track right now..... Thank you very much
Well, you've had 15 years to fight for your rights.

You knew the child was likely to be yours - but you did nothing.

Your rights are to support the child you made, and if you want visitation, you need to understand that this is likely going to be traumatic for the child.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX


I had a brief fling (two weekends....4 days) with this woman in 1998 and then left town for few months ...came back and she told me she was pregnant and that the baby was mine. I offered my help in any way I could think of...I was 19! She told me she didn't want anything from me and that I would never see her or my child ever again. And from that moment on I never heard nor have I seen her or said child....Fast forward to May of this year...I open a letter from the Office of the Attorney General saying that I am the father of this child who was born in 1999....took the paternity test and yes this child is mine. I have never met this child. I didn't even know that she existed until recently. I have been denied my rights as a father to love, provide and be responsible for her upbringing. I am devastated!!!! This is not right....how can someone hide a child from the other parent and then go back 15+ years and want back child support? Mind you its not just about the money aspect.....How do you get back the years of firsts...first laugh...first steps first days of school...the first I love you Daddy? I feel like Ive been broadsided. what are my rights? Do I have a leg to stand on in court? Do I have any rights? I have so many other questions but I cant keep track right now..... Thank you very much
Thing is, Bean - you hold part of the responsibility here. You knew she believed the child to be yours, and admit that you thought at the time that s/he certainly could be. Yet you did nothing about it. How were you broadsided? You denied yourself the ability to experience those firsts by doing nothing. It's too late now to claim ignorance.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
Your rights are to support the child you made, and if you want visitation, you need to understand that this is likely going to be traumatic for the child.
I agree with the general sentiment here. I agree that Dad has dropped the ball for 16 years now. But to blame the child's trauma on Dad isn't fair. It was Mom who initiated this current action, and if the child isn't aware this is her father (or thinks someone else is her father), that's squarely on Mom. Who knows what this child's current condition and state of mind might be. OP's presence in her life could be a blessing or a curse.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I agree with the general sentiment here. I agree that Dad has dropped the ball for 16 years now. But to blame the child's trauma on Dad isn't fair. It was Mom who initiated this current action, and if the child isn't aware this is her father (or thinks someone else is her father), that's squarely on Mom. Who knows what this child's current condition and state of mind might be. OP's presence in her life could be a blessing or a curse.
I didn't assign blame at all.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
I agree with the general sentiment here. I agree that Dad has dropped the ball for 16 years now. But to blame the child's trauma on Dad isn't fair. It was Mom who initiated this current action, and if the child isn't aware this is her father (or thinks someone else is her father), that's squarely on Mom. Who knows what this child's current condition and state of mind might be. OP's presence in her life could be a blessing or a curse.
I disaree that Mom initiated this. OP did. He was aware 16 years ago that the child was likely his. He did nothing. And yet he is now posting how he was prevented from being there for the first important moments of the almost adults life. IMHO.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
I disaree that Mom initiated this. OP did. He was aware 16 years ago that the child was likely his. He did nothing. And yet he is now posting how he was prevented from being there for the first important moments of the almost adults life. IMHO.
We've got another misunderstanding here. I said Mom (or the state, on her behalf) initiated this current action, meaning the child support case. There's really no arguing that.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I disaree that Mom initiated this. OP did. He was aware 16 years ago that the child was likely his. He did nothing. And yet he is now posting how he was prevented from being there for the first important moments of the almost adults life. IMHO.
That really was a ludicrous thing for dad to say. Everybody is right. He had many years of opportunities to be part of the child's life and chose not to do so. He has no one to blame but himself.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
We've got another misunderstanding here. I said Mom (or the state, on her behalf) initiated this current action, meaning the child support case. There's really no arguing that.
Yes there is no arguing that Mom or State is seeking support. As She or the State should for support of OPs child. :)
 

Bean77

Junior Member
OK so common consensus here is I should've done something sooner.....I get that...please allow me to defend myself a bit...

when she told me I asked her if there was anything I could do...everything from being there to help and be a daddy to abortion (not my proudest moment) She told me then that she wanted nothing from me, that I would never see the child or have anything to do with the child the child wouldn't even know I existed...also to not go looking for her. well I did go looking for her....I had been to her house one time...on a military installation( they all looked the same) couldn't find her car or her house.....went to her last known place of employment ....she had quit and left nothing to know where she was going!! Remember this was before social media and before everyone and their mother had cell phones.... Short of becoming a stage 4 stalker I did all I thought I could do. I never received confirmation of birth or knew if my name was on a birth certificate! After a year or more I dismissed it as 'maybe she wanted a different reaction than what she got that night....and maybe she gave the baby up for adoption or was just plain out lying' After so long I forgot this lady's name.....

since finding out about this my fianc� and I have done some research on this woman....and the child.... she was married for 13 years and is now divorced...she since had two other children with her now ex husband and was a stay at home mom for this whole time....this other man raised my daughter as his own only to renounce her as a young woman when he left her mother.... the trauma that she is going through is unimaginable!!!!
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
OK so common consensus here is I should've done something sooner.....I get that...please allow me to defend myself a bit...

when she told me I asked her if there was anything I could do...everything from being there to help and be a daddy to abortion (not my proudest moment) She told me then that she wanted nothing from me, that I would never see the child or have anything to do with the child the child wouldn't even know I existed...also to not go looking for her. well I did go looking for her....I had been to her house one time...on a military installation( they all looked the same) couldn't find her car or her house.....went to her last known place of employment ....she had quit and left nothing to know where she was going!! Remember this was before social media and before everyone and their mother had cell phones.... Short of becoming a stage 4 stalker I did all I thought I could do. I never received confirmation of birth or knew if my name was on a birth certificate! After a year or more I dismissed it as 'maybe she wanted a different reaction than what she got that night....and maybe she gave the baby up for adoption or was just plain out lying' After so long I forgot this lady's name.....

since finding out about this my fianc� and I have done some research on this woman....and the child.... she was married for 13 years and is now divorced...she since had two other children with her now ex husband and was a stay at home mom for this whole time....this other man raised my daughter as his own only to renounce her as a young woman when he left her mother.... the trauma that she is going through is unimaginable!!!!
I can easily and legally explain that Stepdad did not have any legal ties to the girl. He owes no support and has no rights to visit with her. No need for you (and your gf) to judge him.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
You think this makes you look better?


OK so common consensus here is I should've done something sooner.....I get that...please allow me to defend myself a bit...

when she told me I asked her if there was anything I could do...everything from being there to help and be a daddy to abortion (not my proudest moment) She told me then that she wanted nothing from me, that I would never see the child or have anything to do with the child the child wouldn't even know I existed...also to not go looking for her. well I did go looking for her....I had been to her house one time...on a military installation( they all looked the same) couldn't find her car or her house.....went to her last known place of employment ....she had quit and left nothing to know where she was going!! Remember this was before social media and before everyone and their mother had cell phones.... Short of becoming a stage 4 stalker I did all I thought I could do. I never received confirmation of birth or knew if my name was on a birth certificate! After a year or more I dismissed it as 'maybe she wanted a different reaction than what she got that night....and maybe she gave the baby up for adoption or was just plain out lying' After so long I forgot this lady's name.....

since finding out about this my fianc� and I have done some research on this woman....and the child.... she was married for 13 years and is now divorced...she since had two other children with her now ex husband and was a stay at home mom for this whole time....this other man raised my daughter as his own only to renounce her as a young woman when he left her mother.... the trauma that she is going through is unimaginable!!!!
 
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