fighting for my kids

[Countrylovin4ev]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

I am so hurt it's hard to even start, but here goes. My husband and I have been married 5 yrs and have two kids, daughter is 3, son is 18 mo. He has become over the years mentally, verbally, sexually, and fiancially abusive. It started when I caught him cheating and now he is always looking up porn or physically unfaithful and won't wear protection. Did this while I was pg. I was so scared I'd get something from one of his whores. He rapes me, he says that I did it all and he never raped or forced me. He says I'm crazy and depressed because I am scarred for my kids. He threatens that if I divorce he will take the kids. He has the job, I don't. He wants the house and car and says I can leave anytime I want if I leave him the kids. I am afraid someday he will rape our daughter because he does things and doesn't remember doing them. I am depressed because of how he treats me. I can't get welfair help ever again in this state because we were on it a yr once when he lost his job. So without a job I can't get my kids. I know that if somehow I did win my kids in custody battle that he may still hurt them someday. I know that he will constantly try to pull up false reports and say I'm abusive to them and try to take them. I know that CPS takes one persons word and runs with it. I have no proof of anything.
WHat I would like to know is can I legally while still married take my kids and hide them out in another state? Can I leave here for a state where I'd have an advantage and might be able to get financial help to care for them? Or can he scream kidnap on me? He planes on leaving me all bills but taking everything from me. It will kill me to see my kids go to him when I know he'll dump them off on his parents (his mom IS crazy and dad IS a level 2 sex offender for raping a mental patient) I am scared to leave because he threatens me. He says if I talk above the kids' voices that I'm yelling. He has everything, He can lie well and the city believes him. I can't afford a lawyer. What are my chances of getting my kids? How do I prove his abuse when it is silent? Who can I get for help with this legally?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

I am so hurt it's hard to even start, but here goes. My husband and I have been married 5 yrs and have two kids, daughter is 3, son is 18 mo. He has become over the years mentally, verbally, sexually, and fiancially abusive. It started when I caught him cheating and now he is always looking up porn or physically unfaithful and won't wear protection. Did this while I was pg. I was so scared I'd get something from one of his whores. He rapes me, he says that I did it all and he never raped or forced me. He says I'm crazy and depressed because I am scarred for my kids. He threatens that if I divorce he will take the kids. He has the job, I don't. He wants the house and car and says I can leave anytime I want if I leave him the kids. I am afraid someday he will rape our daughter because he does things and doesn't remember doing them. I am depressed because of how he treats me. I can't get welfair help ever again in this state because we were on it a yr once when he lost his job. So without a job I can't get my kids. I know that if somehow I did win my kids in custody battle that he may still hurt them someday. I know that he will constantly try to pull up false reports and say I'm abusive to them and try to take them. I know that CPS takes one persons word and runs with it. I have no proof of anything.
WHat I would like to know is can I legally while still married take my kids and hide them out in another state? Can I leave here for a state where I'd have an advantage and might be able to get financial help to care for them? Or can he scream kidnap on me? He planes on leaving me all bills but taking everything from me. It will kill me to see my kids go to him when I know he'll dump them off on his parents (his mom IS crazy and dad IS a level 2 sex offender for raping a mental patient) I am scared to leave because he threatens me. He says if I talk above the kids' voices that I'm yelling. He has everything, He can lie well and the city believes him. I can't afford a lawyer. What are my chances of getting my kids? How do I prove his abuse when it is silent? Who can I get for help with this legally?

Contact aardvaarc.org for one thing; and then start reading and educating yourself.

You can of course get help from the state if you need it - while there IS a limit, using it once doesn't bar you for life from ever getting help again. You having no job means NOTHING in terms of custody - in fact the State cannot hold that against you. What is important is, to a great extent, who has been their primary day-to-day caregiver. In other words, are you a SAHM? And Dad works? That would generally indicate you are the primary caregiver and the courts do like to keep the status quo (keep things as they are, in other words).

I strongly suggest you don't simply run off and hide the kids out of state. Dad can immediately file to have the children returned pending the divorce/custody determination, and if you don't respond you can be in an awful lot of trouble up to and including losing custody and being allowed only supervised visitation.

Do you have a church or other place you can seek help?

 

[Countrylovin4ev]

Ok I will go to that site thank you.

I had a church. Husband's church. Pastor coached husband and instead of helping him to stop abuse and adultery actually encouraged it and told him it was ok to rape me in bibilical terms. And then they said I had no right to tell him no to sex ever. So because I told friends at church what was going on the pastor kicked out in Feb. Told us not to be in contact with anyone from the church. Now husband and pastor are lying saying that was never said. I am a SAHM since daughter was born have not been allowed to go to work. But I wish I could stay home but I cna't and take care of them too and get them out of this. My daughter wakes up screaming thinking she's being taken from me. She has trouble speaking I believe because of the stress. People tell me I should just up and leave but I have to have something for my kids. ANd now husband is taking away incomes so I can't pay my credit card bill or get things for the kids. I've been donating plasma so I can pay for online schooling and a get a career. He won't even watch the kids while I do this so I have to call my mom in (26 miles away) to babysit or even take me anywhere. I'm not allowed to use the car because it 'pisses him off to take the bus to work" as he says. He says he has contacted lawyers for US to meet with, but I doubt that because he is coniving. I don't trust him on this. I've been reading divorce laws and stuff but I'm thinking because of the kids I need a lawyer but I can't afford one. It's hopeless isn't it?

 

[Proserpina]

What I don't want you to do is panic or do anything rashly.

If you are and have been abused, you need to as much as possible work out a safe exit plan for you and the children. I know it's very easy for someone to sit at a keyboard at almost 11 on a Friday night telling you to try and calm down and to breathe, but really these are things that you need to do if at all possible. You've got to start thinking now, about your safety and that of your children.

Your husband is fine with you donating plasma, right? Can I suggest that you perhaps - at least for the short term - forego schooling and save the money on that little debit card so you have some savings?

Would you be able to stay with Mom short term?

 

[Countrylovin4ev]

Mom does not have to space to really take us in nor the finances herself. What I need to know is should I claim the abuse in a divorce and would it help me get the kids even though I can not prove it? Or should I just stay silent about his abuse and just divorce him? What chance do I really have of getting my kids? In WA you can only be on welfair once in your entire lifetime (doesn't matter if you divorce or what) for 60 months. I'm trying to apply for it but its probably not going to happen because we were on before for a year. They practically threatened me and kept asking if I was sure we wanted TANF then . I also can't get electricity help till next spring. And in the winter here that jumps to a $400 bill. Husband just informed me that he is leaving me to pay ALL bills and credit cards and that he'll pay mortgage. Leaving me with at least $600 a month in bills and of course when I can't pay those and things get shut off he'll swoop in a take kids. He's just talking about leaving now, not even divorce yet. Who do I get a hold of for help legally?

 

[Ohiogal]

Mom does not have to space to really take us in nor the finances herself. What I need to know is should I claim the abuse in a divorce and would it help me get the kids even though I can not prove it? Or should I just stay silent about his abuse and just divorce him? What chance do I really have of getting my kids? In WA you can only be on welfair once in your entire lifetime (doesn't matter if you divorce or what) for 60 months. I'm trying to apply for it but its probably not going to happen because we were on before for a year. They practically threatened me and kept asking if I was sure we wanted TANF then . I also can't get electricity help till next spring. And in the winter here that jumps to a $400 bill. Husband just informed me that he is leaving me to pay ALL bills and credit cards and that he'll pay mortgage. Leaving me with at least $600 a month in bills and of course when I can't pay those and things get shut off he'll swoop in a take kids. He's just talking about leaving now, not even divorce yet. Who do I get a hold of for help legally?

Claim abuse to keep the kids? Really? Unless you can prove it, you are going to be made to appear to have very little credibility.

If you "hide" the children in another state, that may rise to the level of a crime. Dad has equal rights to the children.

As for rape, legally in some states a spouse cannot be raped. I am not sure of WA.

 

[Proserpina]

OP, please read this:

http://www.washington.edu/students/saris/info/sexual_assault.html

And please, seek some counseling.

 

[commentator]

Depression. Check. Paranoia. Check. Wild word-salad postings containing huge dramatic misconceptions, populated by racists, cultists, sex offenders thieves and liars. Every suggestion is met by "no, I can't do that because...." I call troll. Or at least someone it is far beyond our power to help on an internet site. OP, read the links you have been given, get off the computer and take some action. If nothing else, a history of treatment for your obvious issues would stand you in good stead when you did go to court. save your pennies, talk to legal services, you need a good attorney if you are going anywhere.