Filing for Custody Pro Se

[NC Mom in Indy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I want to file for custody of my daughter. She is 9. She has lived with her dad for over 1 year. She has told the school Social Worker and me that there is domestic violence in her dad's home.

I lost custody because the evaluator we had should have been impeached by my attorney, but she failed to do her job. She did not hink that we would ever lose, but we did. My ex lied about everything to the evaluator, and I had proof. I gave her letters and tapes of phone calls. Looking back she may have thought that I was only trying to make him look bad, but I wanted her to know the truth, and I knew he would lie, so I wanted her to know the truth and have proof of it.

Anyways, my daughter's grades are falling. Her teacher said that she has been having trouble since Christmas Vacation. She went to the dentist and has 4 cavities on her permanent teeth. She is not clean, goes to school unprepared, and has colds and illnesses that are left untreated.

My ex refuses to share information with me regarding my daughter's doctor, and dentist. He is blaming the cavaties on ME. She was at the dentist 3 weeks prior to him being awrded custody. He waited over a year to take her to the dentist. During that time I asked him if I could please take her. He refused to allow it. The judge told me that if I objected to any treatment that my provided for our daughter she would not make him sharethe information with me. He won't share it anyways.

Should I file a contempt motion and hope he is found in contempt before I file for custody, or do I file a Motion to Show Cause?

I need some advice. After $120,000 in paid bills plus $60,000 in debt for attorney fees I cannot hire another attorney. No offense to any of you. I just cannot do it at this time. Takign on another job would not work either. There are none in this area of Indiana. Also, my husband and I work constantly except when my daugher is at our house.

Not that it matters with the economy the way it is, but my ex has lost 2 jobs in the past year. He is currently laid off from his latest job.

Thanks for any help I get. I could really use some good advice in my situation. Do I have a popscicle's chance in hell of being successful?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I want to file for custody of my daughter. She is 9. She has lived with her dad for over 1 year. She has told the school Social Worker and me that there is domestic violence in her dad's home.

I lost custody because the evaluator we had should have been impeached by my attorney, but she failed to do her job. She did not hink that we would ever lose, but we did. My ex lied about everything to the evaluator, and I had proof. I gave her letters and tapes of phone calls. Looking back she may have thought that I was only trying to make him look bad, but I wanted her to know the truth, and I knew he would lie, so I wanted her to know the truth and have proof of it.

Anyways, my daughter's grades are falling. Her teacher said that she has been having trouble since Christmas Vacation. She went to the dentist and has 4 cavities on her permanent teeth. She is not clean, goes to school unprepared, and has colds and illnesses that are left untreated.

My ex refuses to share information with me regarding my daughter's doctor, and dentist. He is blaming the cavaties on ME. She was at the dentist 3 weeks prior to him being awrded custody. He waited over a year to take her to the dentist. During that time I asked him if I could please take her. He refused to allow it. The judge told me that if I objected to any treatment that my provided for our daughter she would not make him sharethe information with me. He won't share it anyways.

Should I file a contempt motion and hope he is found in contempt before I file for custody, or do I file a Motion to Show Cause?

I need some advice. After $120,000 in paid bills plus $60,000 in debt for attorney fees I cannot hire another attorney. No offense to any of you. I just cannot do it at this time. Takign on another job would not work either. There are none in this area of Indiana. Also, my husband and I work constantly except when my daugher is at our house.

Not that it matters with the economy the way it is, but my ex has lost 2 jobs in the past year. He is currently laid off from his latest job.

Thanks for any help I get. I could really use some good advice in my situation. Do I have a popscicle's chance in hell of being successful?

You can file for custody pro se, and use the domestic violence and the child's performance in school as your changes in circumstance, but you will need proof of the domestic violence, or proof that your child is stating that there is domestic violence, and that either means getting another GAL or evaluator involved, which will cost money, or getting the school social work to testify, and they rarely are willing to get involved at the court level.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I want to file for custody of my daughter. She is 9. She has lived with her dad for over 1 year. She has told the school Social Worker and me that there is domestic violence in her dad's home.

Did the school Social Worker report it to CPS and was an investigation started?

I lost custody because the evaluator we had should have been impeached by my attorney, but she failed to do her job. She did not hink that we would ever lose, but we did. My ex lied about everything to the evaluator, and I had proof. I gave her letters and tapes of phone calls. Looking back she may have thought that I was only trying to make him look bad, but I wanted her to know the truth, and I knew he would lie, so I wanted her to know the truth and have proof of it.

That is water under the bridge.

Anyways, my daughter's grades are falling. Her teacher said that she has been having trouble since Christmas Vacation. She went to the dentist and has 4 cavities on her permanent teeth. She is not clean, goes to school unprepared, and has colds and illnesses that are left untreated.

When do you have visitation? How often do you see your daughter?

My ex refuses to share information with me regarding my daughter's doctor, and dentist.

Do you know where she was going? Who carries insurance on her?

He is blaming the cavaties on ME. She was at the dentist 3 weeks prior to him being awrded custody. He waited over a year to take her to the dentist. During that time I asked him if I could please take her. He refused to allow it. The judge told me that if I objected to any treatment that my provided for our daughter she would not make him sharethe information with me. He won't share it anyways.

What were the allegations he used to get custody? How often do you see your daughter? Truthfully cavities should be blamed on their actual source -- teeth not being taken care of properly -- that falls on both of you.

Should I file a contempt motion and hope he is found in contempt before I file for custody, or do I file a Motion to Show Cause?

A contempt motion IS a motion to show cause.

I need some advice. After $120,000 in paid bills plus $60,000 in debt for attorney fees I cannot hire another attorney. No offense to any of you. I just cannot do it at this time. Takign on another job would not work either. There are none in this area of Indiana. Also, my husband and I work constantly except when my daugher is at our house.

Are you caught up on your child support?

Not that it matters with the economy the way it is, but my ex has lost 2 jobs in the past year. He is currently laid off from his latest job.

Doesn't matter.

Thanks for any help I get. I could really use some good advice in my situation. Do I have a popscicle's chance in hell of being successful?

Don't know. answer my questions please.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

[

QUOTE=Ohiogal;2157082]Did the school Social Worker report it to CPS and was an investigation started?

No, the Socail Worker told me that unless the violence was directed at one of the children in the home she could not report it to CPS.

Is this something that CPS would investigate if it were reported?

That is water under the bridge


When do you have visitation? How often do you see your daughter?

I see her EO Weekend, one night during the week overnight, EO holiday, and 1/2 of Summer Break. It is per the ISPTG. I try for additional time, but her dad refuses it except last Spring he gave me his week of Spring Break. I am concerned that he will look really good becasue he did that.

Do you know where she was going? Who carries insurance on her?

He refuses to tell me where he took her. It could be any number of places. My ex and my husband both carry insurance on our daughter. I told him that I need to know to provide them with the insurance information. They will need my husband's SS# and other info that my ex doesn't have. He doesn't have a copy of the isnuarnce card, because the insurance company refuses to issue a card with only my daughter's name on it, and I cannot give my ex a card with my stepchildren's information on it. My ex was CO to carry insurance 8 years ago. He has not had it most of the time since he frequently changes jobs.

What were the allegations he used to get custody? How often do you see your daughter?

He claimed that I was lying about being abused. He said that I paid off the police officers who arrested him. He caimed that he could no longer come into the town I live in because he was threatened by the police. He climed that I was violent towards him. He also said that I did not want our daughter. I supposedly dieted throughout my pregnancy, and I smoked and did other things. Not of the things he said were true. He pled guilty to the Domestic Violence charges. He wrote letters to me begging me to come back to him. Even after he met his current wife. I gave the evaluator copies of the letters. She determined from her 3 interviews with me that no abuse had occurred.

Truthfully cavities should be blamed on their actual source -- teeth not being taken care of properly -- that falls on both of you.

I brush her teeth myself when she is at my house. I went 2 weeks without seeing her after her dad was awarded custody. I noticed her teeth right away. I brush them. I have given her special tooth brushes, mouth rinses, toothpaste, etc. She is not allowed to have anything at her dad's house. He sent it back. She is not told to brush her teeth. He would not allow me to take her to the dentist. I asked. I begged. I offered to pay the entire expense not covered by insurance. I feel that I did all that I could do during her time with me to prevent cavities and care for her teeth. Her personal hygiene in it's entirety leaves something to be desired. There are days that my daughter smells so badly when I pick her up that I gag when I hug her. I would think that the school would notice. Perhaps they have. They see her when I bring her. They have met me. They know that I am clean. My daughter is clean and wears clean clothing when she is with me. I encourage her to be the sae way at her dad's, but if she has no clean clothing she doesn't have a choice except to wear what is dirty.

A contempt motion IS a motion to show cause.

Thank you for clearing that up for me. I scare myself, but I have got to learn. I'll do anything and everything I can for my daughter.

Are you caught up on your child support?

Definitely. In addition to the huge portion of my income that goes towards that I also buy all of her clothing. She is not allowed to participate in anything either. I used to pay for dance and art lessons, but she is not allowed to take them. She is not with me enough to participate. I want to work with the dance school to get lessons EOW. The recitals and long practices may not be during my time, and her dad would not take her to them.

Doesn't matter.


Don't know. answer my questions please.

My daughter has also gained a significant amount of weight in the past 6 weeks. She was in a size 10/12. Now she needs a 12 Plus or a 14 which is too long. Her dad refuses to address this issue with her doctor. I want to take her to insure that nothing is wrong. Would I run a huge risk taking her against her dad's wishes? He has Sole Legal and Physical Custody.

 

[LdiJ]

My daughter has also gained a significant amount of weight in the past 6 weeks. She was in a size 10/12. Now she needs a 12 Plus or a 14 which is too long. Her dad refuses to address this issue with her doctor. I want to take her to insure that nothing is wrong. Would I run a huge risk taking her against her dad's wishes? He has Sole Legal and Physical Custody.

If he has sole legal and physical custody you absolutely cannot take her to the doctor without his permission or unless there is a serious emergency.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

If he has sole legal and physical custody you absolutely cannot take her to the doctor without his permission or unless there is a serious emergency.

Is there a way that he can be made to take her to the doctor? Her weight gain could be serious. It could be a lot of things, and I am concerned. I love her. She deserves the best care that the world has to offer, and she is not receiving it from her dad.

 

[2Mistakes]

Ld,

Is joint legal not a presumption in Indiana?

 

[Ohiogal]

No, the Socail Worker told me that unless the violence was directed at one of the children in the home she could not report it to CPS.

Is this something that CPS would investigate if it were reported?

If it was taking place in front of the children, yes.

I see her EO Weekend, one night during the week overnight, EO holiday, and 1/2 of Summer Break. It is per the ISPTG. I try for additional time, but her dad refuses it except last Spring he gave me his week of Spring Break. I am concerned that he will look really good becasue he did that.

He will look as though he is facilitating the relationship.

He refuses to tell me where he took her. It could be any number of places. My ex and my husband both carry insurance on our daughter. I told him that I need to know to provide them with the insurance information. They will need my husband's SS# and other info that my ex doesn't have. He doesn't have a copy of the isnuarnce card, because the insurance company refuses to issue a card with only my daughter's name on it, and I cannot give my ex a card with my stepchildren's information on it. My ex was CO to carry insurance 8 years ago. He has not had it most of the time since he frequently changes jobs.

Quite frankly both of you should have copies of all insurance the child has. You are not doing the right thing by withholding the insurance card.

He claimed that I was lying about being abused. He said that I paid off the police officers who arrested him. He caimed that he could no longer come into the town I live in because he was threatened by the police. He climed that I was violent towards him. He also said that I did not want our daughter. I supposedly dieted throughout my pregnancy, and I smoked and did other things. Not of the things he said were true. He pled guilty to the Domestic Violence charges. He wrote letters to me begging me to come back to him. Even after he met his current wife. I gave the evaluator copies of the letters. She determined from her 3 interviews with me that no abuse had occurred.

Okay well that is in the past. Let it stay there.

I brush her teeth myself when she is at my house. I went 2 weeks without seeing her after her dad was awarded custody. I noticed her teeth right away. I brush them. I have given her special tooth brushes, mouth rinses, toothpaste, etc. She is not allowed to have anything at her dad's house. He sent it back. She is not told to brush her teeth.

Your child is 9. Why does she need to be told. She should be able to brush her teeth on her own.

He would not allow me to take her to the dentist. I asked. I begged. I offered to pay the entire expense not covered by insurance. I feel that I did all that I could do during her time with me to prevent cavities and care for her teeth. Her personal hygiene in it's entirety leaves something to be desired. There are days that my daughter smells so badly when I pick her up that I gag when I hug her. I would think that the school would notice. Perhaps they have. They see her when I bring her. They have met me. They know that I am clean. My daughter is clean and wears clean clothing when she is with me. I encourage her to be the sae way at her dad's, but if she has no clean clothing she doesn't have a choice except to wear what is dirty.

Has your daughter had a physical lately?

Thank you for clearing that up for me. I scare myself, but I have got to learn. I'll do anything and everything I can for my daughter.

Okay.

Definitely. In addition to the huge portion of my income that goes towards that I also buy all of her clothing. She is not allowed to participate in anything either. I used to pay for dance and art lessons, but she is not allowed to take them. She is not with me enough to participate. I want to work with the dance school to get lessons EOW. The recitals and long practices may not be during my time, and her dad would not take her to them.

What kind of communication do you have with dad? Apparently not good. Time to start working on improving that. Time for you and dad to try to have a sit down and invite the stepmom.

My daughter has also gained a significant amount of weight in the past 6 weeks. She was in a size 10/12. Now she needs a 12 Plus or a 14 which is too long. Her dad refuses to address this issue with her doctor. I want to take her to insure that nothing is wrong. Would I run a huge risk taking her against her dad's wishes? He has Sole Legal and Physical Custody.

You are going to have a long road to sow if you can't get on the same team as dad. You can't take her to the doctor if you don't have legal custody. How tall is your daughter? Is she budding yet?

 

[Ohiogal]

Is there a way that he can be made to take her to the doctor? Her weight gain could be serious. It could be a lot of things, and I am concerned. I love her. She deserves the best care that the world has to offer, and she is not receiving it from her dad.

You can try to take it back to court to get an order for a physical but that has a landmine because you have not been exactly forthcoming with dad regarding insurance. You are holding that card when dad should have a copy. Start with talking to dad. Time to grow up -- both of you -- and put it in the past. You are too concerned with what happened years ago. Move on and start forward.

 

[CJane]

What kind of communication do you have with dad? Apparently not good. Time to start working on improving that. Time for you and dad to try to have a sit down and invite the stepmom.

Why?

 

[Ohiogal]

Why?

The ONLY reason I am suggesting that is there is a lot of negative energy here. Truthfully it should only be here and dad but because of the negativity between all parties maybe all should go to dinner and talk. They need to get on the same team and stop fighting everything and disagreeing about everything and make it about the child.

Granted we don't say include the stepparents and in the legal issues she shouldn't. HOWEVER, to make this a bit less intimidating and a bit more friendly and try to approach things to improve life for the child, having a friendly dinner is a start. And maybe the steps if not over involved could act as buffers. I also figured she doesn't want to sit down with just him due to the alleged abuse and bringing her hubby would be a bit off putting. But if she is on talking terms with stepmom -- also women sometimes understand what little girls experience better than men.

yes I am reading a lot of hope into this and stepmom may be a dragon lady who eats puppies for breakfast. If that is the case I retract that suggestion.

 

[2Mistakes]

Your child is 9. Why does she need to be told. She should be able to brush her teeth on her own.

I just wanted to highlight this, because it is sooooo true. Too many parents these days think their kids shouldn't be held accountable for anything. And it seems to happen more and more in divorced situations. If mom and dad were still together, 9 times out of 10 there wouldn't be any blame being cast about over cavities. But it seems that some divorced parents will just grab ANYTHING they think they can and run with it.

How about making your kids responsible for their own personal hygiene. It's something that should be learned.

Hell, my 6 year old son and 7 year old step-daughter rarely ever have to be told to brush their teeth. They automatically brush them in the morning and at night (and after lunch on weekends.) They can tell time. They know that bed-time is 9:00 on weeknights. Unless something really cool is going on, at 8:30, they take their showers, pick up their rooms, brush their teeth, and get their last drink of water for the night. I don't remember the last time I had to tell those 2 that it was time to get ready for bed. They just do it! Maybe I'm just lucky?

Now the 15 year old and 12 year old girls? Not so much. But for now, I'll just chalk it up to hormones and stay on their asses til they get the point.

 

[LdiJ]

The ONLY reason I am suggesting that is there is a lot of negative energy here. Truthfully it should only be here and dad but because of the negativity between all parties maybe all should go to dinner and talk. They need to get on the same team and stop fighting everything and disagreeing about everything and make it about the child.

Granted we don't say include the stepparents and in the legal issues she shouldn't. HOWEVER, to make this a bit less intimidating and a bit more friendly and try to approach things to improve life for the child, having a friendly dinner is a start. And maybe the steps if not over involved could act as buffers. I also figured she doesn't want to sit down with just him due to the alleged abuse and bringing her hubby would be a bit off putting. But if she is on talking terms with stepmom -- also women sometimes understand what little girls experience better than men.

yes I am reading a lot of hope into this and stepmom may be a dragon lady who eats puppies for breakfast. If that is the case I retract that suggestion.

It should be all four of them (mom, dad, and both steps)....however, aren't there restraining orders that would make that impossible?....and if there is DV in dad's home (as alledged by the child) stepmom doesn't need to be put in the middle, even if there are no restraining orders.

 

[Ohiogal]

It should be all four of them (mom, dad, and both steps)....however, aren't there restraining orders that would make that impossible?....and if there is DV in dad's home (as alledged by the child) stepmom doesn't need to be put in the middle, even if there are no restraining orders.

I am not saying it is a perfect idea. I don't know if there are restraining orders -- I didn't see it in this post but someone will point if i missed it in this post. But going to court is a LONG way around to get something accomplished that should NOT be that difficult if the two parents put their egos aside. Of course that requires both of them to decide on taking the high road.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

There are not any restraining orders, and I never had to tell my daughter to brush her teeth, or take a shower when she lived with me. She just did those things. She had her teeth cleaned every 6 months, and received her flouride treatments, etc. She never had any cavities.

I communicate with her dad via email. Occassionally we speak on the phone, but he usually calls. I record our phone calls.

The problem with speaking to dad and stepmom is that dad and stepmom present stepmom to the doctor and the school as the mom. Dad and stepmom also insist that our daughter calls stepmom Mom. I disagree with this. So does my daughter. She told her dad that I am her mom. Her stepbrother calls her dad Dad, because my daughter's dad and stepmom make him.

The domestic violence takes place in front of the children (3 total). The school Social Worker told my daughter to call 911. There is only 1 phone in the area where the fights take place. So, the Social Worker suggested she go outside and walk the dog during the fights. I pointed out that it has been very cold here (-22 less than 2 weeks ago). The Social Worker told me that I should file for custody, but after that conversation she never spoke to my daughter again or returned my phone calls.

My daughter has been budding for 6 months or so. She is 4'7". I bought her training bras, and spoke to her dad about encouraging her to wear them. I am concerned about early puberty (it runs in my family). I don't know if it runs in her dad's family. There are no other young girls. I have several relatives with PCOS, so I think that our daughter needs to be watched for this. The weight gain worried me for 2 reasons. It could be a sign of PCOS even at her early age, or it could be a sign of depression. My daughter cried when her pants wouldn't button, and told me that her dad calls her a tub of lard and fatty. He tells her that she is fat and ugly like her Mom. (He must mean her STEPMOM ) (C'mon how could I resist that one...)

I try to communicate with her dad. How can I get the insurance company to give us a card with only our daughter's name and info? My husband does not want his children's info in the hands of my ex. Neither do I. My ex agreed that I could just take the card to the doctor, dentist, eye doctor, etc. and have them copy it and get the info that they need directly from me. The problem now is that he will not tell me who he took her to see so I cannot talk to the dentist, or give them the information for insurance.

I am going to file for custody. I will file a Motion to Show Cause first for the refusal to share information. Will the Cause Number on my past paperwork from the court be the same? We had a Change of Venue that moved our case out of the Family Court in front of a Special Judge. Is there any way that I can get the case moved back to Family Court? My daughter lives in a different County now. Will that affect the jurisdiction?

Thank you for all of your suggestions and ideas.