Filing for divorce - have tons of questions.

[Kiem]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? CA

We have 3 kids together, a 2 year old and a pair of 1 year old twins.

My wife is a homemaker, and I provide everything for my family: medical/dental insurance, income, etc.

We have a house, but it is only under my name (married man, sole ownership) - well she has no income or credit so there was no use to including her name to applying for a mortgage.

I'm at the point where I cant see myself living with her for the next 40-50 years. She is a very violent person. She always verbally abuse me in front of our kids; and put a knife on my neck few times threatened to kill me. When we argue, she always threatens to call the cop on me - planning to bang her head to the wall and lie to the cop that I beat her up.

When I tell her if we cant get along, we should be divorced - that's when she calms down; trying to be nice to me. This happens many times; this time I really want to to do it.

What's the best way file for divorce?

What I'm concerned are my children. I'd like all my children to be under my custody. My parent live couple doors down - they can help watch my kids. I can also pay for daycare for them too, if necessary.

I'm just afraid under her, my children will grow up with bad behavior, become violent. Her mother has a history of chasing her kids around the house with a knife - I bet that's where my wife got it from.

Also, would I get to keep my house, since it's under my name?

Would I need to file separately for (1) divorce (2) children custody

I know hiring an attorney is the best way - but can be extremely expensive for my case.

This site has the online divorce filing; but probably would not work for my case.

Any recommendations?

 

[Mr. Man]

CA is a community property state and since you purchased the house while married, she is entitled to half. She will be entitled to half of all assets, including possibly your retirement/pension, as well as debts.

Custody of children will first go through a mediator. CA law requires mediation as what is in the best interest of the children. Judges often look down on parents who can not reach an agreement on what is in the best interest of their children.

The CA court system has a webpage with lots of info including all forms needed to file for divorce/custody yourself. Both custody and divorce as well as child support can be handle during the same proceedings.

Depending on how long you've been married, your wife can also request spousal support.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? CA

We have 3 kids together, a 2 year old and a pair of 1 year old twins.

My wife is a homemaker, and I provide everything for my family: medical/dental insurance, income, etc.

We have a house, but it is only under my name (married man, sole ownership) - well she has no income or credit so there was no use to including her name to applying for a mortgage.

I'm at the point where I cant see myself living with her for the next 40-50 years. She is a very violent person. She always verbally abuse me in front of our kids; and put a knife on my neck few times threatened to kill me. When we argue, she always threatens to call the cop on me - planning to bang her head to the wall and lie to the cop that I beat her up.

When I tell her if we cant get along, we should be divorced - that's when she calms down; trying to be nice to me. This happens many times; this time I really want to to do it.

What's the best way file for divorce?

What I'm concerned are my children. I'd like all my children to be under my custody. My parent live couple doors down - they can help watch my kids. I can also pay for daycare for them too, if necessary.

I'm just afraid under her, my children will grow up with bad behavior, become violent. Her mother has a history of chasing her kids around the house with a knife - I bet that's where my wife got it from.

Also, would I get to keep my house, since it's under my name?

Would I need to file separately for (1) divorce (2) children custody

I know hiring an attorney is the best way - but can be extremely expensive for my case.

This site has the online divorce filing; but probably would not work for my case.

Any recommendations?

You are not going to get primary custody over a stay at home mother unless you can prove that mother legally unfit. You have absolutely no evidence of unfitness. Its great that your parents can help you with the children, but that is not going to gain you primary custody. Therefore you need to be thinking about how the two of you can SHARE your children.

California is a community property state. If the home was purchased during the marriage she is entitled to half of the equity.

You really need to consult an attorney. You also need to realize that you may end up being required to pay for HER attorney too.

 

[Kiem]

We've been married for 2 years; couple months after our first daughter was born.

During the pregnancy of our children, she threatened to abort all the children.
The first daughter, she went to the clinic to have something put into her body in the first phase. She was supposed to come back to finish the whole process - but I convinced her to come back to take it out.

For the twins, she drank about 20 pills of Advil - trying to abort the pregnancy. (Fortunately Advils wont kill the babies) Later she threw up and all the pills were out of her system. I took her to the ER to make sure the children are okay.

 

[Mr. Man]

Two points:

If she tried to kill your first child, why would you make two more with her? If CPS were to analyze it, you would be facing "failure to protect" allegations.

And....walk a mile in her shoes, You will never be pregnant. Men should not make judgement against pregnant women, as a rule.

 

[LdiJ]

During the pregnancy of our children, she threatened to abort all the children.
The first daughter, she went to the clinic to have something put into her body in the first phase. She was supposed to come back to finish the whole process - but I convinced her to come back to take it out.

For the twins, she drank about 20 pills of Advil - trying to abort the pregnancy. (Fortunately Advils wont kill the babies) Later she threw up and all the pills were out of her system. I took her to the ER to make sure the children are okay.

Were any police reports filed? Was she charged with any crime? If not, those probably wouldn't be considered proof of unfitness. Obviously you convinced her not to have the abortion for the first child....and the second issue could easily be explained away as "hormones gone amuck". I am not saying that is the case because I don't know your wife.....but that is certainly one way an attorney would defend that.

Again, you need to be working on plans for sharing your children with your wife. The biggest problem that you have is the fact that she has been a stay at home mom. It would be almost impossible for you to argue that she is unfit now, when you have allowed her to care for the children alone every day since their births. PARTICULARLY twins!

 

[LdiJ]

Two points:

If she tried to kill your first child, why would you make two more with her? If CPS were to analyze it, you would be facing "failure to protect" allegations.

And....walk a mile in her shoes, You will never be pregnant. Men should not make judgement against pregnant women, as a rule.

You make a good point about the second pregnancy.

However, I doubt that he could get anywhere with CPS on either issue...therefore "failure to protect" probably wouldn't be an issue. However, if he was able to get anywhere with CPS you are absolutely correct. She has been a stay at home mom since both children were born. Therefore if CPS were to take the allegations seriously....failure to protect would DEFINITELY be an issue.

I am allowed to say this because I am a woman, and have been there, done that. Pregnant women are often NUTS. The raging hormones cause all kinds of emotional issues. Some women can sail serenely through pregnancy, others turn into emotional basket cases.....and every combination in between.
She had one infant and then found out she was pregnant with twins...that might make any pregnant woman even MORE nuts.

I would also like to point out that this woman was a stay at home mother with a 1 year old, and newborn twins. Lets ask ANY mother participating on these boards how that might make mom react to dad from time to time????

The more I think about this one the more I think that dad is "grasping"....and that maybe marital counseling might help them more than anything else.

 

[Kiem]

Were any police reports filed? Was she charged with any crime? If not, those probably wouldn't be considered proof of unfitness. PARTICULARLY twins!

At that moment, there was no time for me to think of filing a police report - I was mostly concerned with the health of the babies.

 

[Kiem]

The more I think about this one the more I think that dad is "grasping"....and that maybe marital counseling might help them more than anything else.

Well, I keep telling her we both should go see couseling - she keeps saying "i dont need no effing counseling"


I'm just wondering.. if I secretly tape her when she tries to pull a knife on me or any violence next time - can I use that against her if I need to fight for children custody?

 

[camn16]

Even though CA is a state of property, but if you married your wife less than 7 years, CA laws don't required you to split half your assests. Hope this help...

 

[LdiJ]

Even though CA is a state of property, but if you married your wife less than 7 years, CA laws don't required you to split half your assests. Hope this help...

I really don't think that is accurate.....but hopefully one of the CA regulars will clarify that for us.

 

[cyana24]

Even though CA is a state of property, but if you married your wife less than 7 years, CA laws don't required you to split half your assests. Hope this help...

Wrong. California is a Community Property State. It doesn't matter if the OP has been married for 7 hours, 7 years or 70 years. Every asset and every debt accumulated during the marriage will be subject to CP division.