First Right of Refusal

[worriedIL]

What is the name of your state? IL

My boyfriends ex wife is taking a vacation. He wants to exercise his first right of refusal. She said in order for him to take the child vs her sending the child with a friend he has to prove that I, the girlfriend, will not watch the child and that he will be with his daughter 100% of time. Can she do that? The child would be in school and with me until he gets home from work, or one of his family members.

 

[Halls]

the first right of refusal is for parents only. Here is the deal, under mom's time if she is gone the child has to go to dad's, but if dad can't watch the child than the child will have to go back to someone that mom has designated to watch the kids. So, if dad can't exercise watching his children during mom's time than the children will go to who mom says they can. When your boyfriend is off work and can keep his kids than that is the time he can do it.

 

[worriedIL]

I understand, but let me ask this. How is it ok for the mom to pay for and make him split the fee of someone to babysit the child and then he has to pick the child up after work, when he can just leave the child with someone in his family. Im not trying to be difficult, I just want to understand so I make sure we are following the rules.

 

[Halls]

It is what it is, not everything is fair or makes sense. In a decent world mom would send the kids to dad's while she is gone on vacation, but the court order doesn't say she has to, but only that dad gets the first right of refusal. That only means he can get the kids while he is not working if mom isn't there.

Dad can always address this issue in court if he'd like.

 

[worriedIL]

I agree. Thank you very much. Would it be against the "law" for him to get his daughter anyways? HAHAHAHA! I know i sound ridiculous. But he can take her to work with him too. The mother takes the daughter to her work all the time and we always findout later. He works in a small medical clinic and the daughter loves goin to work with him.

 

[CJane]

I agree. Thank you very much. Would it be against the "law" for him to get his daughter anyways? HAHAHAHA! I know i sound ridiculous. But he can take her to work with him too. The mother takes the daughter to her work all the time and we always findout later. He works in a small medical clinic and the daughter loves goin to work with him.

First... is there a FROR in the court order, or is he assuming it exists? Not that I think he's stupid, but you'd be surprised how many people just assume that's their right, and it's not.

 

[worriedIL]

There is, and its for 3 hours. Im not trying to be difficult. The bottom line is the mother put this in FROR in to benefit her. Granted my bf didnt realize what he was agreeing to until it was too late. I finally asked him if i could see the papers because he wasn't getting his daughter until saturday afternoons vs. the every other friday night. He works on saturdays for 3 hours. Anyways, now we get her friday nights, and i watch his daughter for a couple hours then we meet him for lunch, and we dont exceed the 3 hours. The mother is always trying to act as if she's got one up on him. I just want to make sure (help him) that if he has the right to be w/ his daughter any extra time he should. The mother NEVER lets him get his daughter any other time then what the CO days, which is fine, yet she complains how he never sees the child. Anyways, Im rambling. Point is, I guess I do what to know how this exactly works. He's has already told the ex that he's exercising his first right of refusal end of story, and if she doesn't like it then until she does something about it legally nothings going to change. Point being she wont do anything about it, she doesn't want her daughter around me. So if he "exercises" his FROR and during that time he's w/out his daughter for 3 hours, he's violating the order, correct?

 

[CJane]

So if he "exercises" his FROR and during that time he's w/out his daughter for 3 hours, he's violating the order, correct?

Yes. And honestly? If there are other issues, and he can afford the time and expense of doing so, I'd recommend a change. I totally get the FROR when it's for overnights, or for 8 hours, or something like that, but 3 hours? IMO, that's absurd.

 

[worriedIL]

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA! Thanks for your help.

 

[424Smudge]

Another option depending on how long you have been together and if you live together is to ask the court for permission that you can watch the kids in his place. We did that but then again we were married when we did and the courts allow me to watch the children for no more than 12 hours at a time. In all honesty though, that is really all you need because from what I understand he only needs the care while he is at work.

 

[worriedIL]

We have been together 15mnths. We are looking into buying a place together with in the next month or so. I will talk to him tonight. Like I said. The mother has nothng better to do then cause trouble. She hates it that her daughter and I have a good relationship. She wants the child to hate me, but the child doesn't. So thats where most of this stems from. Funny thing is she's getting remarried in a few months, you'd think she'd be consumed with that!

 

[Just Blue]

We have been together 15mnths. We are looking into buying a place together with in the next month or so. I will talk to him tonight. Like I said. The mother has nothng better to do then cause trouble. She hates it that her daughter and I have a good relationship. She wants the child to hate me, but the child doesn't. So thats where most of this stems from. Funny thing is she's getting remarried in a few months, you'd think she'd be consumed with that!

I said this to you before and I'll say it again ...RUN...RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

 

[worriedIL]

Yes you did say that before, and believe me the thought has crossed my mind. Things are getting better though. IT's not the constant bs that was going on before. Thats only because my bf brought to his ex's attention that he knows her fiance is still married and his been speakin with the fiances wife. So may I ask why you say to run? Have you been in the same situation??