forgiving arrears?

[bonkers101]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

Texas -

My exhusband called last night and attempted to guilt me. I told him i would check into this...

Background - divorced in 1997, he has never really paid support, maybe $100 or $200 here and there.

Last check was years ago and it was up to $25000 I think in arrears plus interest.

Now, he claims he wants to be in his sons life and be a positive role model. Our son is now 13, he has seen him about once or twice a year (of dads choice).

Our son had cancer and I think it scared his dad straight. He quit drinking and doing whatever he was doing and seems to want to go the straight and narrow now.

So, he is off of probation for some offense (I didn't ask what), and he wants to go to Iraq to work and make loads of money so he can be a good person and a good dad when he comes back. Problem is, he owes probably 50K in support and I'm assuming they won't let him join or leave the country.

He claims I could "forgive" the arrears or the interest at least. I told him it wasn't even my money and how could I do that?

I'm not on any welfare, not remarried, own my home, but our son was on medicaid while in treatments for a couple of years so I assume the state of TX will look at what is probably a half a million dollar bill and want to collect at least some of it back. Am I right?

Can "I" somehow forgive his debt to his son?

Thanks for any advice.

 

[brisgirl825]

Yes you can forgive what he owes you. However the state will likely pick it up for reimbursement. So he may not get out of it that easily.

 

[jslopez711]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

Texas -

My exhusband called last night and attempted to guilt me. I told him i would check into this...

Background - divorced in 1997, he has never really paid support, maybe $100 or $200 here and there.

Last check was years ago and it was up to $25000 I think in arrears plus interest.

Now, he claims he wants to be in his sons life and be a positive role model. Our son is now 13, he has seen him about once or twice a year (of dads choice).

Our son had cancer and I think it scared his dad straight. He quit drinking and doing whatever he was doing and seems to want to go the straight and narrow now.

So, he is off of probation for some offense (I didn't ask what), and he wants to go to Iraq to work and make loads of money so he can be a good person and a good dad when he comes back. Problem is, he owes probably 50K in support and I'm assuming they won't let him join or leave the country.

He claims I could "forgive" the arrears or the interest at least. I told him it wasn't even my money and how could I do that?

I'm not on any welfare, not remarried, own my home, but our son was on medicaid while in treatments for a couple of years so I assume the state of TX will look at what is probably a half a million dollar bill and want to collect at least some of it back. Am I right?

Can "I" somehow forgive his debt to his son?

Thanks for any advice.

You can forgive the arrears as per the Texas Family Code;


§ 154.009. RETROACTIVE CHILD SUPPORT. (a) The court
may order a parent to pay retroactive child support if the parent:
(1) has not previously been ordered to pay support for
the child; and
(2) was not a party to a suit in which support was
ordered.
(b) In ordering retroactive child support, the court shall
apply the child support guidelines provided by this chapter.
(c) Unless the Title IV-D agency is a party to an agreement
concerning support or purporting to settle past, present, or future
support obligations by prepayment or otherwise, an agreement
between the parties does not reduce or terminate retroactive
support that the agency may request.
(d) Notwithstanding Subsection (a), the court may order a
parent subject to a previous child support order to pay retroactive
child support if:
(1) the previous child support order terminated as a
result of the marriage or remarriage of the child's parents;
(2) the child's parents separated after the marriage
or remarriage; and
(3) a new child support order is sought after the date
of the separation.
(e) In rendering an order under Subsection (d), the court
may order retroactive child support back to the date of the
separation of the child's parents.

Added by Acts 1995, 74th Leg., ch. 20, § 1, eff. April 20, 1995.
Amended by Acts 2001, 77th Leg., ch. 1023, § 4, eff. Sept. 1,
2001.



As you can read, if your son received any form of support from the state, then Texas might be looking for their cash. Still, Texas allows for a negotiated amount which he can pay off in like 2000 years (exageration). Meaning, he can pay Texas back in small payments and still have be able to move.

 

[bonkers101]

Thank you.

So is this something that has to be brought forward by me? Do I have to file some sort of paperwork to the state? He claims I have to file.

He has dumped this in my lap, and personally, I don't think it should be my responsibility to pursue it. I think he could be a positive role model by starting at HOME (not leaving the country) and part of that would be taking care of his financial debt to his son and seeing him more than once a year.

If forgiving the interest is possible, I'm all for it, ex going to jail or losing his license is not going to do our son any good. I'm all for helping him to make a better life for himself somehow. But at the same time I'm not going to put my neck out legally to do this.

 

[TNBSMommy]

I told him it wasn't even my money and how could I do that?


Can "I" somehow forgive his debt to his son?

First of all, I am sorry for what you are going through with your son!

Second of all, I want to clear up for you the arrears your ex husband owes are not owed to your son, they are owed to you. CS is for the SUPPORT of your child, so the arrears he owes are what you have paid 100% in supporting your son and are his portion of that support. So legally, ethically, and really even morally, that IS YOUR money do to with as you please, whether you choose to forgive the arrears or not... the only thing you could not forgive is any portion owed to the state for aid.

Good luck!

 

[brisgirl825]

You can decide on what amount to forgive and under what circumstances.

A member here has told her ex that he needs to pay faithfully for so long, I believe a year, then she will forgive the arrears. Perhaps making a deal with him would be a beneficial for both of you.

You will need to simply file the paperwork with the court. I'd make him pay for the fees associated with that.

 

[txmomof2]

Forgiving arrears

My son's dad proposed the same thing to me in 1998. Was going to do 'better' and was 'sorry' for neglecting to remember he had a son.

We had not received any type of assistance, but my case was handled through the OAG. He (ncp) retained an attorney (funny, he could afford an attorney, but couldn't afford $235/mo in child support) and that's who drew up the paperwork.

Against my better judgement I signed- BUT, I wish I had not. I went on the word of someone who had proven nothing worthy to me at all.

I wonder if there is a way to put in papers that if NCP does not pay regularly for 12 consecutive months, then arrears can be reinstated? I don't know.

But I'd think long and hard about wiping out that kind of debt. You just never ever know what can happen down the line- and then your son might be stuck out.

 

[brisgirl825]

My son's dad proposed the same thing to me in 1998. Was going to do 'better' and was 'sorry' for neglecting to remember he had a son.

We had not received any type of assistance, but my case was handled through the OAG. He (ncp) retained an attorney (funny, he could afford an attorney, but couldn't afford $235/mo in child support) and that's who drew up the paperwork.

Against my better judgement I signed- BUT, I wish I had not. I went on the word of someone who had proven nothing worthy to me at all.

I wonder if there is a way to put in papers that if NCP does not pay regularly for 12 consecutive months, then arrears can be reinstated? I don't know.

But I'd think long and hard about wiping out that kind of debt. You just never ever know what can happen down the line- and then your son might be stuck out.

That is certainly something to think about. Dad may just be doing this in order to get out of paying. That's why I advised the OP to perhaps feel dad out and ask that he pay faithfully, for so long, before the papers are signed.

OP has know way to know what dad's intentions are until the deed is done.

 

[tigger22472]

A member here has told her ex that he needs to pay faithfully for so long, I believe a year, then she will forgive the arrears. Perhaps making a deal with him would be a beneficial for both of you.

Yep, that was me.

I've kind of stepped back from this thread a bit and waited until the LEGAL advice part was given. Now, I'm going to give you another take on how I see this and more of my opinion than a legal aspect.

If dad really wanted to step up to the plate he would do so. Visitation and support are separate issues so his CS obligations are not preventing him from having a relationship with his child. On top of that going to IRAQ and you forgiving arrears is not going to do anyone but him any good either.

IMO this man needs to prove he wants to change and not just state so. Someone who is this far behind in CS gets that way for a reason and they don't just change over night.

If I were you I would possibly forgive SOME of it, but not nearly what he wants. I would tell him he needs to show you that he is serious. You are under no obligation to forgive these arrears.

As brisgirl stated, this is what I offered my ex last month.... he is to pay the current order of 60$ per week religiously for 6 months. After that I will drop it by half (30$ per week) and he's again to follow that completely for 6 months. At the end of the year I will write off all arrears I am able to. SO, for 2,000 his arrears will go from 22,000 to 3,500. My point in doing this? To show that court orders are made for a reason and we cannot just ignore them. (just for the record, my ex got cocky and said he wants it in writing and there's not been a payment since Oct. 19th).

BTW.. my case is an arrears only case.

Make this a give-give situation....At least that's my opinion.

 

[brisgirl825]

Yep, that was me.

I didn't want to put your name out so I am glad that you offered advice here.

I certainy agree that dad needs show some he intends to keep his part of the deal.

OP, is dad paying current support?

 

[tigger22472]

OP, is dad paying current support?

Yeah I was wondering that also because if he's not paying the CURRENT than he isn't serious about taking care of his son.

 

[bonkers101]

GREAT advice! I agree 100% As I stated, i think he can become a positive role model here, #1 by being in his son's life more than he is, and #2 by at least showing some responsibility in paying support.

In the last two years he has quit drinking and he calls at least once a month to talk to our son. I have been proud of that, but he STILL lives with his mother and makes no effort to see our son or pay support. He works under the table as a painter so wihtholding income is not an option. (In Sept he sent in $200.00 then called me and said to give half to our son for his birthday)

Honestly I don't believe he will be able to go overseas anyhoo, as I'm positive he hasn't filed a tax return since we were married. In fact just filling out the application may trigger trouble for him and he may be jailed! So, all that aside, I am willing to forgive some arrears if like you all said - he shows some effort and proves his intentions are solid and heartfelt for the good of his son (whether he goes to Iraq or not).

I will bring this up to him and see where this goes. I like the idea of cutting it in half after 6 months and so on.

Thanks SO much to all of you!

Edited to add- no he doesn't pay current support and I wouldn't take that away ever, though it is possible to lower it according to his current income if he shows a good payment history for some agreed upon amount of time.

 

[bonkers101]

txmomof2 -

This was in 1998? How has it been since then? I get the feeling from your post he did not live up to his own expectations of himself? I assume you just wiped clean his debt for nothing? This is what I am afraid of....

Does he pay regular support?

 

[txmomof2]

Bonkers

When we did that in 1998, we effectively wiped out arrears AND closed out the case with the OAG- it didn't do away with the court orders, only did away with enforcement of such orders.

Within 6 months, I had reopened the case with the OAG and had them notate that if a 'request to close' EVER came through, that I was to be contacted, because I vowed- NEVER AGAIN.

No, he didn't hold up his end of the deal. At that time, my son was 5 years old and the NCP was 'only' $4000 or so in arrears.....since that time, he's accrued arrears in excess of $15,000 and while he IS paying right now (only because he has a job and I found out about it)......he is NOT involved in any way with my son (which has been his choice)....if I had it to do over again? I wouldn't have done it. I realize now, in hindsight, that he wanted to avoid going to jail - he wasn't trying to do anything for us.

never again.

 

[bonkers101]

Thank you for your reply, I think these guys might be brothers....

I will wipe clean his arrears (what I can) IF he can pay at least a minimum amount of $250.00 per month for a year and in that time at least see his son once a month. I don't think that is too much to ask for. His original amount set by the court was only $340.00 a month, he doesn't pay insurance, never has, and his support with interest last I checked was raised to well over $500.00 a month.

I am going to present him with that idea. We shall see what happens.

Although he never came to see his son when we lived in the same town, four years ago I moved 200 miles away to be close to MD Anderson. We have bought a house and settled in quite nicely here, but ex has made stinks about me moving away and that is why he doesn't come see his son. (It took me a week to locate him to let him know his son was near death in ICU with cancer, then he only came down to see him twice in the next year at the hospital, the first time he was so drunk he couldn't stand up)

Anyhow, he has cleaned up his act and I have tried to be open to helping them build a relationship in any way, including allowing ex to stay here on the couch when he comes to visit. THAT will not happen again, he only took advantage of it three times now in two years and it really made me ill having him around, though it was good for our son. He actually had his brother drop him off on my doorstep and I ended up being taxi service and had to pay for everything he and our son did that weekend.

I think he can make day trips even to see his son, it is only three hours away, I am tired of making excuses and feeling bad for moving. He has never asked to take his son for the weekend, he sleeps on his mother couch so that is not even an option. He needs to take responsibility and prove to his son and to me that he is serious.

Well, went on a rant there, sorry!

I really appreciate all the help, I am feeling good about this and I hope he takes me up on my offer and it works out for everyone.

Thanks!