Formalizing Custody

[styl4u64]

What is the name of your state? N.C, I have a child that was born out of wedlock, I had a detrimental relationship with her father that included violence and had him arrested for beating me over 2 years ago. I made him leave and he has seen his child every other weekend and fri. nites because I work early Sat. mornings. He hasn't paid support and insisted he 'babysits' so that's his support. I have filed for support and his new fiance (2nd fiance in 10 months) has now got very involved and things are bad. They called child protective services and I got a very 'complete' CLEAR report that my home and children (I have a son as well) are in order. Now this new fiance has written me an extensive letter stating they are going to seek full custody! We never went to court so nothing is written. I did consult a lawyer and she said this is clearly a 'support issue' because in the letter the 'g/f' said she has the $$ to retain the BEST lawyers and they have the 'means' to better provide for my child and the lawyer said the letter is going to be my 'saving grace'... that the letter was going to show the judge/court what this is all about and how they think money can buy anything even my child. Ex can be bought, my child can't. Keep in mind she can't have children, now they want mine. My child is 4 yrs. old. The lawyer wants $4300.00 up front to take my case. I need to know anyone in NC know of any other recourse? I'm sorry so long, noone to talk to ,, Please help!

 

[stealth2]

I would strongly recommend having an attorney. Not the cheapest thing in the world, but well worth it as they KNOW what they're doing. Honestly $4300 is cheap for a custody battle.

 

[styl4u64]

Thank you for responding so quickly. I know $4300.00 isn't much, but it's hard for me to come up with, and this lawyer wants the total just to start! I have used lawyers in past that at least let me 'retain them for $500-1000 then pay when we get into court! I'm so afraid but need to find someone who can work with me, I'm running my own home and children w/no support so it's hard. Thank you though, do you live in NC?

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for responding so quickly. I know $4300.00 isn't much, but it's hard for me to come up with, and this lawyer wants the total just to start! I have used lawyers in past that at least let me 'retain them for $500-1000 then pay when we get into court! I'm so afraid but need to find someone who can work with me, I'm running my own home and children w/no support so it's hard. Thank you though, do you live in NC?

4300.00 for a retainer does sound a little high to me. You might want to get a consult with a couple of other attorneys.

Also, don't actually pay the money to retain the attorney until the father actually FILES for custody. Sometimes people make threats like that and don't follow through.

 

[styl4u64]

4300.00 for a retainer does sound a little high to me. You might want to get a consult with a couple of other attorneys.

Also, don't actually pay the money to retain the attorney until the father actually FILES for custody. Sometimes people make threats like that and don't follow through.

Thank you LdiJ,,, I feel sooo in limbo, without either of us having written custody. His new fiance is behind this,, he doesn't have a dime she has all the money, and she wants my daughter (it's part of him they say) as she cannot have children. I'm also due in court next week for child support that I applied for on my own. This is causing their actions. I feel as though I need to have a hired lawyer for that date as well to protect me. I don't know how effective the state lawyer for me will be. Do you guys have any idea? Thank you!

 

[styl4u64]

Thank you LdiJ,,, I feel sooo in limbo, without either of us having written custody. His new fiance is behind this,, he doesn't have a dime she has all the money, and she wants my daughter (it's part of him they say) as she cannot have children. I'm also due in court next week for child support that I applied for on my own. This is causing their actions. I feel as though I need to have a hired lawyer for that date as well to protect me. I don't know how effective the state lawyer for me will be. Do you guys have any idea? Thank you!

Hi you guys, I wrote on another thread that I got the child support in court, I had to wait 5 hrs. for a judge to hear the case etc. cause ex said no to CSE suggestions of amount he needs to pay. The new issue is ex's 'fiance' has put my ex and my child on her health insurance. They are not married and I asked them how they can insure my ex and my child unmarried and they wrote to me by email that the company ex's fiance works with have a 'commitment clause' in which after 90 days of applying the ex's fiance can insure them (ex and our child). In the meanwhile I've been asked to give them all our child's medical records in which I asked them for the policy and terms and Dr.s so that I may research this. They say that because I did not give them this information they will decide and pick what and who gives our child care. I said I need to see the policy and terms ,, Dr.s more than one time so that I can at least give my lawyer a look to see and evalutate this. I have had my daughter all along and now ex has the new 'fiance' and they want 'custody' of my daughter. I have been thru the child support court and am waiting per my lawyer's suggestion for them to 'file for custody'. My question now is where do I stand on our child's h/care changes they want to make using the new insurance and her ( commitment clause) provider's for my ex and my child?

 

[styl4u64]

Hi you guys, I wrote on another thread that I got the child support in court, I had to wait 5 hrs. for a judge to hear the case etc. cause ex said no to CSE suggestions of amount he needs to pay. The new issue is ex's 'fiance' has put my ex and my child on her health insurance. They are not married and I asked them how they can insure my ex and my child unmarried and they wrote to me by email that the company ex's fiance works with have a 'commitment clause' in which after 90 days of applying the ex's fiance can insure them (ex and our child). In the meanwhile I've been asked to give them all our child's medical records in which I asked them for the policy and terms and Dr.s so that I may research this. They say that because I did not give them this information they will decide and pick what and who gives our child care. I said I need to see the policy and terms ,, Dr.s more than one time so that I can at least give my lawyer a look to see and evalutate this. I have had my daughter all along and now ex has the new 'fiance' and they want 'custody' of my daughter. I have been thru the child support court and am waiting per my lawyer's suggestion for them to 'file for custody'. My question now is where do I stand on our child's h/care changes they want to make using the new insurance and her ( commitment clause) provider's for my ex and my child?

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[Grace_Adler]

They are supposed to provide YOU with all the insurance cards and info. If you have a problem with them doing this, call your CSE worker. You also may need to have the order modified to make it clear who pays what. I would take my child where ever I wanted and if they didn't like it SCREW THEM! There isn't a thing they can do. The only thing you need to be careful of is taking the child out of the network of doctors, if there is one or the child may not be covered or covered under a higher fee. I would send a copy of all medical bills to them too. Oh and I'd send your child's medical records straight to the insurance company. You don't have to play their game. If he wants records, let him carry his sorry butt down there and get them himself and screw her too!

Sorry but sounds really messed up.

Keep everything they send you and document everything. I'd even tape conversations, this is a one party state.

At this point, you're not even required to let him see the child because there is no visitation order. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it but be careful in case he tries to take off with the child. I'm assuming paternity was legally established so that means without a court order for visitation, that he could take the child and not return them. So I'd be going ahead and trying to file for custody. Don't forget to get the police records of domestic violence.

I don't know where you live but if you live in one of the larger cities, I can see you paying $4300 for custody. However, where I live the standard is $2k to $3k to start.

If there is a law school near you, you can see if they have a section that helps people with civil cases, maybe pro bono work.

You can also call the NC Bar Association for a referral to a family law attorney, you may find one who is a little less expensive and you can ask them if they know of one who does pro bono work or needs pro bono work. The no. is 1-800-662-7660. Based on the fact that there was domestic violence involved, you may be able to get legal aid. You can call them and find out.

Good Luck!

 

[styl4u64]

Update

Child support enforcement did order the NCP child support and medical insurance,,, the father has a new fiance that has added him and my child to her insurance (she said they have a commitment clause regarding adding a potential fiance and his children to the policy). I requested the Dr.s names offices and insurance information and she wrote back that she has a 'block' and undisclosure to me and also there would be 'passwords' that only will permit my ex and the new fiance to access for my childs health cards and Dr.s. I have an appt. on Wed. Dec. 15th to speak to an attorney to see what can be done. In the meanwhile, has anything like this happened to anyone ever like this? The new 'insurance' will take place Jan 1/05. My problem with this too, is it was ordered my ex cover our child,not his 'fiance', and the ex has insurance available to him thru his work and he's never covered her after asking him for years and I think this should be done thru the father and shouldn't be any blocks to her own mother. I have held responsibility for 4 years now for her health care and now that the ex has been ordered support finally and health care it seems this is since ex's fiance is 'paying' for my ex,, she wants to control this, which is wrong and to block me is absurd. Thank you for any advice, sincerely, styls

 

[styl4u64]

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[stealth2]

All I can tell you is what my experience has been. My ex is also required to provide insurance for the kids. Originally, it was no problem. When he changed jobs, the insurance pretty well did not provide for in-network docs where we live. I asked the judge to either order him to provide insurance where I could take them to the doctor and have us split the cost, or order that I cover them locally and he reimburses. Long story short? Dad has complied with the order by covering them. That the coverage is useless is moot. In addition, unless Dad agrees to the out of network visit, he is not required to reimburse me anything.

 

[LdiJ]

Child support enforcement did order the NCP child support and medical insurance,,, the father has a new fiance that has added him and my child to her insurance (she said they have a commitment clause regarding adding a potential fiance and his children to the policy). I requested the Dr.s names offices and insurance information and she wrote back that she has a 'block' and undisclosure to me and also there would be 'passwords' that only will permit my ex and the new fiance to access for my childs health cards and Dr.s. I have an appt. on Wed. Dec. 15th to speak to an attorney to see what can be done. In the meanwhile, has anything like this happened to anyone ever like this? The new 'insurance' will take place Jan 1/05. My problem with this too, is it was ordered my ex cover our child,not his 'fiance', and the ex has insurance available to him thru his work and he's never covered her after asking him for years and I think this should be done thru the father and shouldn't be any blocks to her own mother. I have held responsibility for 4 years now for her health care and now that the ex has been ordered support finally and health care it seems this is since ex's fiance is 'paying' for my ex,, she wants to control this, which is wrong and to block me is absurd. Thank you for any advice, sincerely, styls

What she is doing is completely wrong. Let your attorney handle it or go to CSE about it.

 

[Grace_Adler]

I'm confused. Who wrote back saying they blocked you and about the commitment clause? The CSE worker or the fiance? If it was the fiance, call your CSE worker and tell them they won't let you have access to the insurance that was court ordered so how are you supposed to take your child to the dr and give them the proper info?

I can only tell you based on my experience, my husband was court ordered to provide insurance for his kids through his employment if they offered insurance. Well, he sent ALL the insurance info, the cards, books, everything to CSE to forward to her and sent her a copy as well because CSE said he HAD to do this. She had to have all this info so she can have access to the insurance to take the kids to the dr.

Well, apparently she doesn't know what a "network" is or she was just being difficult and she calls CSE and tells them she can't take the kids anywhere because no one will take the insurance or something like that.

They send my husband a letter to call them and he does and they start giving him a bunch of crap. He told them.. Look, I am complying with the court order, I've provided insurance through my employment. I don't write the policies and call the shots. I can't help if she can't take the kids to certain doctors, can't figure out what a network is or whatever he problem is. I provided all the info to her and if she can't figure it out and figure out how to pick up the phone to call the insurance company because she doesn't understand how it works then that is her problem. Why is she calling you about it and why are you calling me? Neither one of us is the insurance company.. she needs to call them and take it up with them. I did my part!

I mean that's like calling an electrician to fix a plumming problem. You know what I mean?

Well anyway, they didn't have anything to say after that.

I would think they would have to provide you with this info. How are you supposed to take your child to the dr and pay for it and give them the necessary info when the child is with you? I mean, what if you had to go to the ER and couldn't give them the insurance info? I guess you put him as the responsible party on there. I don't know. I'd definitely be talking to CSE and a lawyer about it though and read over your court order carefully to see what it says.