Former step parent wants to adopt

[Scanner313]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

My ex was previously married and had a daughter with her then husband. After their divorce he made a concious decision to not pay any support and not to pursue a relationship with his daughter. I met my now ex when their daughter was 2 years old and have been raising her as my own child ever since. We got married when she was 4, she's now 8. We also had a son of our own during our 4 year marriage. Unfortunately, we divorced just this past April. However, we still have a great relationship and consider each other to be very close friends.

My stepdaughter's bio-father hasn't made any contact (nor has he attempted to make contact) in more than 3 years. My step daughter doesn't even remember him at all.

Apparently, PA law requires that in order for someone to adopt a child they MUST be married to the birth parent. Is this correct? My ex has contacted a lawyer who told her that if we were still married that I could easily adopt her as her bio-father has shown clear cut abandonment. However, even though I've raised her all this time, she sees me as her only father, and I still have joint custody of both kids with my ex, I can't legally adopt her.

I would like more than anything to adopt my stepdaughter as I'm the only father she knows, but the courts won't allow it. At this point my ex is considering a marriage of convenience with her new boyfriend simply to get bio-dad's rights permenantly removed. There is a time consideration in all of this as the court recently tried to garnish bio-dad's pay for back support, and this may provoke him to make contact which would kill any chance of getting the adoption deal done without his consent.

I suggested that my ex and I get remarried, complete the legal adoption, then get a quickie divorce. Her lawyers are telling her that this could create "credibility" problems in the eyes of the court. I don't see why they should care if we said that we were reconciling.

Anyway, is there anything I can do? I don't want anyone else being recognized as her legal father. I've earned that right and it makes me sick to think that I can't have it.

Thanks for any assistance you can offer.

 

[Ohiogal]

Lets start with the legal problems.

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

My ex was previously married and had a daughter with her then husband. After their divorce he made a concious decision to not pay any support and not to pursue a relationship with his daughter. I met my now ex when their daughter was 2 years old and have been raising her as my own child ever since. We got married when she was 4, she's now 8. We also had a son of our own during our 4 year marriage. Unfortunately, we divorced just this past April. However, we still have a great relationship and consider each other to be very close friends.


That is nice.
How sweet.

My stepdaughter's bio-father hasn't made any contact (nor has he attempted to make contact) in more than 3 years. My step daughter doesn't even remember him at all.

And what as mom done to contact dad? Has mom talked about dad and tried to foster that relationship?

Apparently, PA law requires that in order for someone to adopt a child they MUST be married to the birth parent. Is this correct? My ex has contacted a lawyer who told her that if we were still married that I could easily adopt her as her bio-father has shown clear cut abandonment. However, even though I've raised her all this time, she sees me as her only father, and I still have joint custody of both kids with my ex, I can't legally adopt her.


Nope you can't. Not at all.

I would like more than anything to adopt my stepdaughter as I'm the only father she knows, but the courts won't allow it. At this point my ex is considering a marriage of convenience with her new boyfriend simply to get bio-dad's rights permenantly removed.

Won't work. The courts will want her and new boyfriend to be married and stable for at least a year if not longer.Bouncing out of a marriage to you and into this one will not help her case.

There is a time consideration in all of this as the court recently tried to garnish bio-dad's pay for back support, and this may provoke him to make contact which would kill any chance of getting the adoption deal done without his consent.

Oh so it is a race. okay. We dont like dad so lets do what we can to terminate his rights. He has a right to make contact. He has a right to make child support payments. you don't get to decide to kill any chance of getting an adoption deal done without his consent. Even if you were going to adopt, there would still have to be a trial and dad would have to be served and he would get a chance to object to the adoption. There are no backdoor adoptions.




I suggested that my ex and I get remarried, complete the legal adoption, then get a quickie divorce. Her lawyers are telling her that this could create "credibility" problems in the eyes of the court. I don't see why they should care if we said that we were reconciling.

FRAUD. FRAUD. FRAUD. There is such a thing as best interest of the child. They want children to be in stable homes and will not purposely allow children to become products of divorce. Again it would also take at least a year of remarriage before you could try for adoption and then it would take about a year or so for the adoption to go through depending on the court. Dad would have to be served and he could fight it.


Anyway, is there anything I can do? I don't want anyone else being recognized as her legal father. I've earned that right and it makes me sick to think that I can't have it.

Thanks for any assistance you can offer.

Too bad. Mom chose dad by sleeping with him, conceiving a child and giving birth to said child and keeping said child. You haven't earned that right. If you had you would have adopted her while you were married to mom. You would have started this process BEFORE you divorced her. You can still be in the child's life provided mom allows it while the child is a minor.

 

[Scanner313]

My step daughter's bio-father has a criminal rap sheet a mile long, with many violent crimes in it, some against her. So for you to question my ex's attempts to get his rights terminated is unbelievable! And to suggest that she should somehow try to track this down to foster a relationship with the child that HE has made clear he's not interested in is laughable!

 

[stealth2]

Why didn't you bother trying to adopt her while you and Mom were still married? (And I would suggest that you either edit or delete your above post - or it may well be done for you. Along with your account.)

 

[Scanner313]

Why didn't you bother trying to adopt her while you and Mom were still married? (And I would suggest that you either edit or delete your above post - or it may well be done for you. Along with your account.)

I did try to adopt her when we were still married but the attorney we were working with said it wasn't possible without him signing away his legal rights. She never mentioned a time frame under which it would be possible or you better believe we would have pursued it. It wasn't until my ex went to meet with a new attorney just last week that this option was presented to her.

 

[stealth2]

For starters, if you read OhioGAL's handle, you'll realize that she's not a guy. In addition, she's not a site admin. However, HER post to you was not at all out of line. Yours was. And it's been reported. Frankly, you should get your temper under control before you even consider being a father.

 

[stealth2]

You got on-point, valid legal input to your question in a reasonable manner. That you don't like it is really not my or anyone else's problem. And is certainly not an excuse for you to respond with vulgarities.

 

[Scanner313]

For starters, if you read OhioGAL's handle, you'll realize that she's not a guy. In addition, she's not a site admin. However, HER post to you was not at all out of line. Yours was. And it's been reported. Frankly, you should get your temper under control before you even consider being a father.

Don't tell me what I should do! You don't know anything about me that would allow you to comment in any way, shape, or form about my credentials as a father. I don't care if OhioGal is a man, woman, whatever. The reply was absolutely out of line and completely sarcastic. My initial post was sincere, and she turned it into something to mock. She shouldn't use this site as her personal forum for stating her displeasure with how people live their lives. I don't care how many screwed up scenarios she seen or heard. She doesn't know anything about my situation other than what little there was in my post. If she feels that she needs to mock me as some means to straighten me out then she's completely unprofessional.

As for being reported and banned, good riddance! Who needs help of this sort anyway? What a joke!

 

[stealth2]

The reply was absolutely out of line and completely sarcastic.

No, it was not. Your response to her was out of line.

 

[Scanner313]

You got on-point, valid legal input to your question in a reasonable manner. That you don't like it is really not my or anyone else's problem. And is certainly not an excuse for you to respond with vulgarities.

Are you a lwayer too? It certainly wouldn't surprise me if you are, considering you can't see how condescending the original reply was. Regardless, there's no further point in talking to you. You're obviously on the side of OhioGal since you can't see how her reply could seriously upset me to a point where I could respond the way I did. This issue is extremely serious to me, as I want what is best for my daughter. The legal system seems to think that they have the right to dictate (without reviewing specific circumstances) what is in the best interests of the child. Well, I can tell you from all of the times my ex tried to collect support from this dreg that the system does not help the ones who need it. They favor the scumbag who quits his job every time they find him and try to garnish his wages. Money that would be going to his daughter. And OhioGirl has the nerve to ask if my ex has made an attempt to foster a relationship between him and his daughter? Where's the effort on his part? He knows where his daughter is, we don't know where he is.

I'm done here. What a waste of time this site has proven to be.

 

[stealth2]

Ciao**************...

 

[tryingtoplease]

Are you a lwayer too? It certainly wouldn't surprise me if you are, considering you can't see how condescending the original reply was. Regardless, there's no further point in talking to you. You're obviously on the side of OhioGal since you can't see how her reply could seriously upset me to a point where I could respond the way I did. This issue is extremely serious to me, as I want what is best for my daughter. The legal system seems to think that they have the right to dictate (without reviewing specific circumstances) what is in the best interests of the child. Well, I can tell you from all of the times my ex tried to collect support from this dreg that the system does not help the ones who need it. They favor the scumbag who quits his job every time they find him and try to garnish his wages. Money that would be going to his daughter. And OhioGirl has the nerve to ask if my ex has made an attempt to foster a relationship between him and his daughter? Where's the effort on his part? He knows where his daughter is, we don't know where he is.

I'm done here. What a waste of time this site has proven to be.

Can't blame ya there, Steve-O. You have much better things to do like look for illegal poker games at firehouses in PA, right? Or perhaps it's listing the names of porn movies?

Bwahahahah, Google is your friend!