Friend custody help question.

[Grassguy1]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

I have a female friend, she went to court after her separation. She received one of the worst custody orders I have heard of for a child. Her daughter(6) is at a different home each night during the week, then alternates weekends with either parent.

she has mentioned some concerns, but is scared to return to court, she has very low confidence(victim of emotional abuse in the marriage.)

her concerns she has voiced are as follows:

1. The father tells the six year old daughter he cannot sleep without her laying on his chest. When staying at his house she lays on his chest and sleeps in his bed.

2. When staying at the fathers home, on a normal basis the father keeps the daughter up visiting friends houses until 10-11pm at night in school nights leaving 6-7 hours for sleep for the daughter.

3. The father frequently drops the daughter off late per their agreement 7:30 on the alternating evening is drop off, however very frequently he drops off at 8pm he drops the daughter off unbathed.

Are any of these valid points for her to return to court to change their custody order for a normal visitation agreement?

 

[adjusterjack]

Are any of these valid points for her to return to court to change their custody order for a normal visitation agreement?

All of them.

Assuming they can be documented for the judge. Making accusations that the ex will just deny isn't going to get her anywhere.

Your friend should be talking to child protective services about 1 and 2.

 

[stealth2]

The salient point is - what can she prove and how?

How long ago was the order entered? Was she represented by counsel?

 

[Zigner]

Does she actually want to do this, or are you pushing her?

 

[stealth2]

Does she actually want to do this, or are you pushing her?

Which, of course, brings up the question - what is your relationship to the situation? Are you involved with Mom?

 

[Grassguy1]

All of them.

Assuming they can be documented for the judge. Making accusations that the ex will just deny isn't going to get her anywhere.

Your friend should be talking to child protective services about 1 and 2.

She has started taking notations of all of these items, I will let her know about talking to protective services about the first two. She gets a call from her daughter before bed every night that she is not at her house.
Our relationship is friendship, my daughter and hers are friends and have play dates together frequently.

the custody order has been in effect for about a year, she was represented by legal, however as a newly single mother with starting from scratch in the world she did not have the perfect environment to get more custody at the time. Since then her work situation and living situation have changed for the better.

 

[Zigner]

Frankly, I don't think there's anything in either #1 or #2 that would cause CPS to have concern. Those are parenting decisions and not some insidious acts performed on the child.

And # 3: He gets there at 8 instead of 7:30? Really? As for being "unbathed" - Is there some requirement that he bathe her on those nights? Wouldn't child take a bath right before bed?

 

[zddoodah]

She received one of the worst custody orders I have heard of for a child.

Just to put this statement in context, roughly how many dozens/hundreds of custody orders are you familiar with?

The father tells the six year old daughter he cannot sleep without her laying on his chest.

Laying what on his chest? Or did you mean lying?

Are any of these valid points for her to return to court to change their custody order for a normal visitation agreement?

Your third point is pretty trivial. The others...hard to say. Your friend obviously has no personal knowledge of what's happening at the child's father's house, and 6-year old children are not the best witnesses. Has your friend discussed her concerns with the father? That's step one. Step two is to retain legal counsel.

 

[Grassguy1]

Frankly, I don't think there's anything in either #1 or #2 that would cause CPS to have concern. Those are parenting decisions and not some insidious acts performed on the child.

And # 3: He gets there at 8 instead of 7:30? Really? As for being "unbathed" - Is there some requirement that he bathe her on those nights? Wouldn't child take a bath right before bed?

For a small child of this age, the recommended sleep time for proper sleep habits is 10-12 hours per night. This varies by child, but at her house the next day her daughter is sleeping so deeply even after 10-12 hours because of the lack of sleep, she is wetting the bed and not wanting to wake up for school.

the reason for the separation between the two was because of emotional abuse, which she is seeing with her daughter. He is telling her things like “ I can’t sleep without you here”. As well as “ I can’t sleep without you laying on my chest”. I am a parent of a daughter close to the same age - in my opinion this is very peculiar, as well as slightly disturbing. I have asked other parents about this, and they all agree this is extremely unusual.

 

[Zigner]

... in my opinion this is very peculiar, as well as slightly disturbing.

That may be the crux of the matter here.

I have asked other parents about this, and they all agree this is extremely unusual.

Gossiping isn't nice.

 

[AlmostThere]

It would be best if the Mom of the child opens her own account. Second or third-hand information is not usually the best source.

 

[Grassguy1]

Just to put this statement in context, roughly how many dozens/hundreds of custody orders are you familiar with?




Laying what on his chest? Or did you mean lying?




Your third point is pretty trivial. The others...hard to say. Your friend obviously has no personal knowledge of what's happening at the child's father's house, and 6-year old children are not the best witnesses. Has your friend discussed her concerns with the father? That's step one. Step two is to retain legal counsel.

She has discussed the concerns with him, he says “ it’s his time and he can what he wants with it”. She wants to do something about it, but doesn’t have any idea if she can. If there is an actual basis of something she can do in the courts she would like to proceed.

 

[zddoodah]

She wants to do something about it, but doesn’t have any idea if she can.

At least two or three of the anonymous strangers who post here (none of whom are in Louisiana, AFAIK) have indicated that the possibility exists. That's about as much as you can get from an internet message board. Up to her to take the next step or not.

 

[Grassguy1]

That may be the crux of the matter here.

Gossiping isn't nice.

I agree, which is why no names are given just questions in conversations about unusual things that happen at other parents homes.