Friend custody help question.

[AlmostThere]

She has discussed the concerns with him, he says “ it’s his time and he can what he wants with it”. She wants to do something about it, but doesn’t have any idea if she can. If there is an actual basis of something she can do in the courts she would like to proceed.

If the mom is concerned that something unsavory is happening, she should get the child into counseling immediately.

Does mom know you are posting her business on the internet?

 

[Zigner]

What you have listed are parenting choices. While it's apparent that you thrive on stoking flames wherever possible, you really ought to butt out.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to comment on just the timeshare. I think that an every other day and every other weekend scenario for any child is borderline abuse. That is my personal opinion only but I know that many judges would not order a schedule that did not allow a child any time at all to settle into one home before going off to the other. Plus, that whole bit of exchanging at 7:30 in the evening means that the child never gets an entire evening in either home as well.

A better schedule might be an every other week schedule or two days on and two days off during the week and every other weekend, with exchanges taking place right after school. That way the child would be able to settle down in one home for a few days and would have some uninterrupted evening time during the week.

 

[Zigner]

I agree that the timeshare is horrible, but it's what they agreed to, with the blessing of a judge. That's the only reason I didn't comment on it.

 

[zddoodah]

I agree that the timeshare is horrible, but it's what they agreed to, with the blessing of a judge.

It is? I may have missed it, but I've seen nothing in any of the OP's posts indicating that the order was one that was agreed to by the parties and then signed off on by the judge.

 

[Zigner]

It is? I may have missed it, but I've seen nothing in any of the OP's posts indicating that the order was one that was agreed to by the parties and then signed off on by the judge.

That's a fair enough point. I made an inference (possibly incorrect) based on post #7 wherein the OP mentions that mom was represented during the court proceedings.

 

[not2cleverRed]

her daughter is sleeping so deeply even after 10-12 hours because of the lack of sleep, she is wetting the bed and not wanting to wake up for school.

She can only control what happens during her parenting time.

She should consult the child's pediatrician and school guidance person about how to get the child help. Bonus: if something really untoward is going on, a mandated reporter's saying so has more credibility.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

I have a female friend, she went to court after her separation. She received one of the worst custody orders I have heard of for a child. Her daughter(6) is at a different home each night during the week, then alternates weekends with either parent.

she has mentioned some concerns, but is scared to return to court, she has very low confidence(victim of emotional abuse in the marriage.)

her concerns she has voiced are as follows:

1. The father tells the six year old daughter he cannot sleep without her laying on his chest. When staying at his house she lays on his chest and sleeps in his bed.

2. When staying at the fathers home, on a normal basis the father keeps the daughter up visiting friends houses until 10-11pm at night in school nights leaving 6-7 hours for sleep for the daughter.

3. The father frequently drops the daughter off late per their agreement 7:30 on the alternating evening is drop off, however very frequently he drops off at 8pm he drops the daughter off unbathed.

Are any of these valid points for her to return to court to change their custody order for a normal visitation agreement?

ISTM that it is most likely #1 (and quite likely #@2) is anecdotal. And we all know how reliable 6yo kids can be. I can frankly, see a parent telling a kid something like "I can't go to sleep without cuddling you on me" when said kid has trouble settling down for the night- make the kid feel that *s/he* is the one helping Dad settle, versus the other way around. I could, of course, be wrong, and Mom may have real reason to be concerned...

As for #2, specifically? Is kiddo's schoolwork suffering? Significantly and in such a way as to be provably linked to the time-share? When is kiddo sleeping 10-12 hours? On the weekend days Mom has her? Presumably not on Mom's school days... (ETA.... unless the child is in half-day, afternoon kindergarten?) What is the general schedule the child has when w/Mom? Can Mom definitively (and independent of the child) prove that it is due to her schedule w/Dad?

#3? 30 minutes is a non-starter. Annoying? Sure. On top of the other issues? *Might* help with a schedule change. But won't be a game-changer. Even if she only bathes every other day? Unless kiddo is out in the bayou hunting gators on the daily - not a big deal...

And I do agree that the every other day schedule is terrible, BUT... is likely going to need something more than what's been posted (by a third party) to be modified. That's the "problem" with orders - they need actual *proof* that there's a problem to effect a change. My ex wanted similar for our temp orders, which I thought was terribly disruptive. To the point where I told my lawyer I'd rather he had them for more time than subject them to that. We lived w/in walking distance at the time. We ended up with every other week, which was hard enough on them - much of which I left to the Law Guardian (we were in NYS) to deal with so as not to come off as the b***h STBX.

But.... as I'm replying and rereading, I wonder - is the divorce final? Are the orders permanent or temporary? It matters.

In all honesty? I'm not seeing a real cause for contacting CPS. It would be best for "Friend of @Grassguy1 " to contact a lawyer (I'd be considering a second opinion) and/or post here herself under her own account. I'd also be asking for a GAL and be seeking some independent therapy wrt issue #1 if there is a serious concern of "funny business"...