From PA to OR n back but don't forget Canada

[nagol818]

From PA to OR n back

What is the name of your state?Pennsylvania
I've been reading threads all day long trying to get some of my questions answered. Some I did and some I didn't and now I have a bunch more.
Let me try to nutshell my story:
I am 34 years old, 6 months pregnant, living in PA, mother of a 12 year old daughter who's father moved to Alaska 4 years ago(his family lives in PA). I work full-time making $30,000 per year before taxes, not including child support and I receive free medical through my employer.

The father to my unborn is 40 years old, never married, no children and moved to Oregon, optional to him through work, 7 months ago from PA to live closer to his retired mother and father who live in Vancouver Canada. He is NOT a US citizen but is here on a 5 year Visa. He is a project manager for a world wide computer consulting company making $94,000 a year and is presently working on a contract in Chicago which began in January and will end in April. He is in Chicago through the week and home in Portland on weekends. After this project ends he has no idea where his next one will be or for how long. His last project he was in Utah, Arizona and California all for one project in a matter of 6 months. Gone during the week and home on weekends.

We dated a year ago for 2 years when he lived in PA. We continued to see each other(obviously) but casually and I became pregnant. At his suggestion we were going to marry 2 weeks ago(January 29th) due to me getting pregnant and I was going to move to Portland sometime between then and June. He wanted me to move immediately. We were going to have the Leave It To Beaver Life...house, happy home etc. For many, many reasons I'm not able to move at this time...my daughter being the main reason. I even sought counseling to help me work this out and she also felt that it was too much trauma at once for my 12 year old...new baby, relocating, marriage to a person she doesn't know anymore but used to love. PLUS if I were to go there I would be there by myself due to him traveling for work. He said he would try to work from home but the truth be told, there was no guarantee. He has no family or friends there. His parents live 7 hours away and his cousin is 3 hours away.

Anyway, maybe that information wasn't important, I'm not sure, but now things have turned for the worse with us and he is angry. We are not getting married at all now and he has abandoned me at 5 1/2 months pregnant. My guess is that he is punishing me for not moving to Portland. He says I'm a psychotic hormonal B**** who has pushed him away. He said I am not to contact him until it's time for the DNA test that he demands to have. He asked me to get one because I am on the other side of the country from him and he has no idea what I have been doing. That's a fair request. I understand. However, he wanted me to get a prenatal test done and NOT wait until the baby is born. I refused because of all the things I read about amniocentesises and the harm they can cause to the baby. If I HAD to get one for medical reasons, then so be it, he'd get his test prenatally but I haven't had to so I insist on waiting. Well now he claims that the baby might not be his because of the fight I'm making about it. THE BABY IS HIS!!! There is absolutely no doubt in my mind. I say to myself now, "I'm glad I decided not to move to Portland and stay here in PA close to my family network(my whole family). If he can abandon me 5 1/2 months pregnant then what would and could he be capable of after I moved to Portland?" This is where the threads about not being able to leave a state come into play for me. I could be stuck there!

So my questions are these:
1 Can he make me get a prenatal DNA test?
2 Assuming he is going to continue on this path of hatred, what is the process I take to obtain child support and custody rights for he and I? Meaning, do I file these now or after the baby is born? When does the DNA test occur? How long of a process does all of this take? Does all of this take place in PA or OR.....or Canada now that I think of it?
3 Would the courts make me move to Portland? Would he have to move here?
4 How would he see the baby if we stayed where we were? Meaning, would I have to fly to Portland so he can visit? Would he have to fly here? Does he come to get the baby and then fly back home with him then bring him back after visitation is up? Who pays? What kind of visitation rights could he get living on the other side of the country?
5 What do I do if he takes off to Canada on me? Where do I turn?

 

[nextwife]

So my questions are these:
1 Can he make me get a prenatal DNA test?

No.

2 Assuming he is going to continue on this path of hatred, what is the process I take to obtain child support and custody rights for he and I? Meaning, do I file these now or after the baby is born? When does the DNA test occur? How long of a process does all of this take? Does all of this take place in PA or OR.....or Canada now that I think of it?

Once the baby is actually born, you may then file for custody and CS establishment in your state.

3 Would the courts make me move to Portland? Would he have to move here?

No. But, once he has legal visitation, eventually this child will likely end up traveling between parents for holidays, summers. etc. That's what happens when parents in far flung locations share custody/visitation.

4 How would he see the baby if we stayed where we were? Meaning, would I have to fly to Portland so he can visit? Would he have to fly here? Does he come to get the baby and then fly back home with him then bring him back after visitation is up? Who pays? What kind of visitation rights could he get living on the other side of the country?

The court will decide. Evbentially he will likely have a standard visitation schedule appropriate for an out of town parent. He will pay visitation travel expenses at this point becasue the case will be in PA.

5 What do I do if he takes off to Canada on me? Where do I turn?

He only has a 5 year visa. If it is not extended, he WILL end up back in Canada. But you always knew he was a Canadian citizen and did not have permanant status here. Canada will work with the US to enforce CS orders.

It really boggles my mind that you didn't work through any of these significant issues, including your daughter's adjustment to any move across the country BEFORE proceeding to get pregnant by this non-US Citizen who is only here on a temporary visa..

 

[nagol818]

Sigh! Yeah me too. This wasn't a planned pregnancy.

 

[Ohreallynow?]

guessing here

Oy...
boy oh boy

and I didn't mean to rhyme..
It seems it would all be PA
No I think you can wait till after the baby is born.
Make sure you take care of yourself and the 12 year old.
Who knows... maybe things will work out?
Maybe there is a Santa Claus,Virginia
I don't mean to make light of this... It sounds real harsh.. Jeesh what a buttcheese (just learned that word on this forum... ) I don't know what it means exactly but it sounds yicky and so does he.
He has family in PA and you made the baby in PA, yes? hopefully you can get some kind of CS here after paternity is established.
A baby is a beautiful thing... he is a buttcheese if he doesnt't recognize that.

 

[LdiJ]

So my questions are these:
1 Can he make me get a prenatal DNA test?

Nope, in fact it would be hard to even find a doctor who would agree to do it unless amnio was needed for a medical reason.

2 Assuming he is going to continue on this path of hatred, what is the process I take to obtain child support and custody rights for he and I? Meaning, do I file these now or after the baby is born? When does the DNA test occur? How long of a process does all of this take? Does all of this take place in PA or OR.....or Canada now that I think of it?

You file after the baby is born. PA will have jurisdiction because that is where the child will be born.

3 Would the courts make me move to Portland? Would he have to move here?

A court can't make you move to Portland or him move to PA.

4 How would he see the baby if we stayed where we were? Meaning, would I have to fly to Portland so he can visit? Would he have to fly here? Does he come to get the baby and then fly back home with him then bring him back after visitation is up? Who pays? What kind of visitation rights could he get living on the other side of the country?

In the beginning he would have to come to PA to visit the baby. Eventually he would be able to take the baby to his home state for visits and would have a long distance visitation schedule...but that might not be until the child is two or three, depending on how much of an effort he makes with regular visits in the beginning. The travel expenses will be on him because he created the distance.

5 What do I do if he takes off to Canada on me? Where do I turn?

It is reasonable for that to concern you. Its something that you should address with the courts before things get to the stage where he gets to take the child away with him for visits. However of all the "other countries" that he could be from Canada is the one that is of the least concern. There are so many reciprocal agreements that enforcing child support/custody/visitation matters across the border isn't nearly as complicated as one might believe.

 

[nagol818]

Re: replies

I'm sorry if I misrepresented but he doesn't have family in PA. My 12 year old daughter's father does and all of my family is here.

My therapist thinks the answer is for him to move here temporarily so we can build a relationship again. Also, he and my daughter can work on a relationship all awhile the 3 of us adjust to the new baby. As my wise mother always said and has proven, "sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards." Then he and I can plan a reasonable time to move to Oregon if that's where he wants to live. So many bitter emotions could be saved and petty circumstances could be avoided that are about to follow if we did things that way. For example, court orders, lawyers, visitation, he said-she said situations, child support, anger, guilt and etc.. But, oh yeah, he hates me! And too, I guess this is a post for a whole different forum.

The saddest part of all is the ones who suffer the most are the children. Sigh!

Thanks everyone for your help. I appreciate your honesty and knowledge. I guess I'm forced to seek an attorney because that's what he is threatening me with.

 

[nagol818]

He didn't create the distance(I guess). He moved June 18th and I visited him August 20th in Oregon and that's when I got pregnant. Up until he moved we were dating. We kept in contact after he moved(obviously) and I went to visit him. So DID he create the distance? I'm not sure on this one.

Could someone give me an example of how child support would be determined IF the court decides that he didn't create the distance? Say, for example, he would have to pay me $1200-$1300 per month including CS and daycare, which I'm pretty sure its roughly going to be. What would be your educated guess as to what the amount of CS would be if its determined that neither of us created the distance(is that possible??)

See, I have to get a bigger place to live and I'm doing it next week so although I've learned through the years not to depend on CS, I still need to a little bit so I can get a bigger place to house us.

 

[curiouscat623]

Hey there. I'm not a lawyer, but I live in PA and know quite a bit about PA CS. Your case will be handled through Oregon, since that's where the NCP resides. Check out the FAQ on www.pachildsupport.com. It states

"The establishment of a child support order, or the enforcement of a child support order, will be handled by the Child Support Enforcement Agency in the noncustodial parent's state of residence. The Pennsylvania Domestic Relations Section in the county of residence of the custodial parent will serve as the custodial parent's point of contact with the other state."

and

"The Domestic Relations Section in the county of residence of the custodial parent will ask the custodial parent to provide information needed to complete the necessary documents that will be sent to the noncustodial parent's resident state to establish a child support order. The noncustodial parent's resident state will then use this information to establish a court order of support. "


To determine the CS amount, you'll have to use an Oregon calculator, not a PA one. The process will still be the same for you though, after the baby is born you'll go down to the Domestic Relations office in the county that you reside in, and you'll file for CS. They'll handle everything after that, provided that you can give them basic information about your ex (address, etc). Just be sure that you file ASAP because the order will be retroactive to the date that you file a complaint. If he contests paternity then CS will accrue until paternity is established. If he's found to be the father he will have to pay for the test. He'll most likely start CS with a good amount of arrears since it typically takes months for a support hearing, and paternity to be established. An out of state order can take even longer. They'll most likely give him a payment plan to pay off arrears, in addition to the monthly court ordered amount.

As far as travel goes, that's decided on a case by case basis, there isn't really a formula, and it can vary greatly depending on what county in PA you live in. That will be determined if/when either of you file for custody/visitation. It won't be addressed with CS.

Hope this helps

 

[nagol818]

WOW! Yes that info helps a lot curiouscat. Thank you very much. I had no idea that the case will be sent to Oregon. Does that mean that I have to go there for the CS hearing? I doubt it but I thought I'd ask. How about custody/visitation? Is that through Oregon State too?

I live in Dauphin County. If he goes through the paternity and all that jazz and his CS is around $1200 as I suspect since he makes $93,000, he WILL be in arrears terribly. Yikes!

 

[curiouscat623]

WOW! Yes that info helps a lot curiouscat. Thank you very much. I had no idea that the case will be sent to Oregon. Does that mean that I have to go there for the CS hearing? I doubt it but I thought I'd ask. How about custody/visitation? Is that through Oregon State too?


You won't have to go to Oregon, you'll only deal the local Domestic Relations, they'll take care of all of the communication with the other state. I don't know about custody, as I've never experienced an out of state custody situation. I'd contact a lawyer, or call Domestic Relations and ask them. GL

 

[nagol818]

My daughter was born April 20th and dad has stepped up to the plate. I am considering working out a child support payment plan without going through Domestic Relations. I'm definitely not positive I'm taking this avenue but I'm researching it. Based on what I've learned so far he would be paying somewhere around $1200 CS including his portion of daycare. Oregon(where he lives and the order would be through) goes by shared income using gross income. His percentage of CS and daycare would be around 72.8% and mine 27.2% Based on this information, and I realize every judge is different, what would be a realistic amount of money that would be deducted if I were ordered by the courts to help him with transportation from Oregon to Pennsylvania and back? Would the courts deduct this money from my CS or would I be required to pay my portion on a as needed basis? Just to round things off, let's say he visited once a month for 2 days. He would have to rent a car and get a hotel room too while he was here(unless maybe I offer to let him sleep on my couch).

 

[nagol818]

Oooook. How about an unrealistic figure?

 

[LdiJ]

My daughter was born April 20th and dad has stepped up to the plate. I am considering working out a child support payment plan without going through Domestic Relations. I'm definitely not positive I'm taking this avenue but I'm researching it. Based on what I've learned so far he would be paying somewhere around $1200 CS including his portion of daycare. Oregon(where he lives and the order would be through) goes by shared income using gross income. His percentage of CS and daycare would be around 72.8% and mine 27.2% Based on this information, and I realize every judge is different, what would be a realistic amount of money that would be deducted if I were ordered by the courts to help him with transportation from Oregon to Pennsylvania and back? Would the courts deduct this money from my CS or would I be required to pay my portion on a as needed basis? Just to round things off, let's say he visited once a month for 2 days. He would have to rent a car and get a hotel room too while he was here(unless maybe I offer to let him sleep on my couch).

I am not sure that you would be ordered to help him out at all with travel expenses. Its not your fault that he lives in Oregon.....and there is a wide income differential between the two of you. It would probably be better all around to just let child support be set legally.