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Junior Member
undefinedWhat is the name of your state? California.

My wife and I have been divorced for the past 3 years. Instead of getting a lawyer, we agreed upon the stipulations of divorce and they were filed. I am a homosexual male, and was unfaithful to my ex-wife during our marriage many times. She was unfaithful at least once. I did agree to give her full legal and physical custody of our now 4yo daughter once the divorce was finalized in 12/01. I did this because of my guilt over breaking the marriage, and because we were moving to California from Texas, and I have no family or friends in California. Her entire family is here. I gave her custody because she was best suited to care for our daughter, and I had no place to live yet, and was starting a new job a few weeks after arriving in CA.
Visitation was by her approval and I pay child support that began at $3,000 and increased by the cost of living in the bay area annually.
No, I have never been arrested, am not a child molester or abuser, and have never been charged with child neglect or spousal abuse.
Recently, I filed, pro per, an order to show cause to modify child support, and visitation.
Our mediation was today. She made several references to my past infidelity and accused me of being unreliable and unresponsible as a parent, and would not agree or compromise for me to have joint custody, even though she could not give any evidence of harm or safety problems when my daughter was under my care.
Initially, I had to keep my daughter at her house on Tuesday's, and some weekends. Eventually, she became very verbally abusive, and made viscious threats to expose my sexuality and promiscuity to my employer. Since then, I left her house and have not had consistent or meaningful visitation with my daughter. She states that this is because I was irresponsible and not trustworthy, and again the mediator could not ellicit specifics.
What really happened is that she would not return my requests to visit my daughter, or find an excuse to be away and leave my daughter with her relatives.
Needless to say, no parenting plan was set today. I even agreed to a ramp up process in the beginning. But, we have a hearing next Tuesday, 2/8/05.

Do I need a lawyer, or can I proceed pro per since I am broke?
What do I need to know in order to prepare for a hearing?
What defenses should I prepare, given the allegations she presented in mediation, and I'm sure she will persue?




Under the Radar Member
For starters - what proof do you have that you tried to effect visitation and she was uncooperative?


Senior Member
DaddyD said:

Visitation was by her approval

You will at least want to get this portion modified. As it stands, mom is not required to provide you with any visitation. Request specific times and days. It would be best to hire an attorney, especially when dealing with children, and the diverse issues of your case.

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