gal?

[CJane]

I want to work mon-fri 8 - 2:30 but I'm afraid the courts will use the p/t work against me.

If you're not requesting child support, I can't see the courts holding working part time against you. I was working part time when I got divorced because that's the ONLY job I could find that wasn't nights. *shrug* It was never mentioned in court.

I want him to let me see my kids when I can even if it's 'HIS' day... what in the world is so wrong with that???

What's 'wrong' with it is that it doesn't matter what you want on his days. While it would be nice if he'd use you as a daycare provider, he's under no obligation to do so.

the kids have asked and I had already made arrangements for them, he's just being hateful.

It doesn't sound to me like he's being hateful, it sounds like he's trying to do the same thing you claim to be trying to do - maintain control over decisions that are made on HIS TIME. It doesn't really matter if the kids want to go to daycare or not - that's the parent's decision to make. They're HIS days. End of story. The kids need to stop expecting you to bail them out of situations they don't want to be in.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

If you're not requesting child support, I can't see the courts holding working part time against you. I was working part time when I got divorced because that's the ONLY job I could find that wasn't nights. *shrug* It was never mentioned in court.

It's wonderful to hear that you made it work out with you. How did you manage financially? And, thanks.

It doesn't sound to me like he's being hateful, it sounds like he's trying to do the same thing you claim to be trying to do - maintain control over decisions that are made on HIS TIME. It doesn't really matter if the kids want to go to daycare or not - that's the parent's decision to make. They're HIS days. End of story. The kids need to stop expecting you to bail them out of situations they don't want to be in.

He's made decisions as to enrolling them in school 2 counties away from where they have gone all of their life and from where we both work and didn't inform me,... I found out from a teacher at their school that he was transferrring them. He enrolled them in aftercare programs and other programs, etc and then tells me afterwards that I have to take them an hour away to their classes - doesn't ask- and says he has every right to make all these decisions without consulting me, which is why we are back in court.

And, yes, he is doing it to be hateful. He asked me what my plans were for afterschool care and I told him the DAY the decision was made by the judge that * I * was going to be the afterschool care. I asked him if he was going to pay for afterschool care and he HATEFULLY said, 'no' and I said, "well, I'll pick them up on my days and your days - all school days and you can come by the house and pick them up on your way home or I can meet you.

In our court papers it says that I agreed to no child support because he always agreed to pay for daycare if we needed it,
but - I told him that day I would make sure I had my work covered and pick them up every day. He agreed to it before he left. Now, he's changing everything again after I had told the kids that I was picking them up every day from school. I would never had told them that if it weren't going to happen! I would just have explained the situation.

 

[CJane]

It's wonderful to hear that you made it work out with you. How did you manage financially? And, thanks.

Well, thankfully, I was offered a full-time position the day the divorce was final. But, the pay was crap and I used the cash portion of my settlement to pay 6 month's rent on a townhouse and furnish it, and purchase a reliable vehicle (I also totalled my car the day the divorce was final). Money was seriously tight. It still is, because I had to have emergency surgery when I didn't have insurance, and I lost my job the next week and was unemployed for almost 2 months before finding something else. But, my economic position has never been brought up in court. Which is a good thing because in a battle of dollars, trust fund boy would win hands down.

 

[BL]

Coffee, or a drink , and a Chat anyone ?

How old are these kids .They appear child care age , so who has been coaching them .

What's this episode called , " Battle of the whits " ?

Follow the Court Orders ... Period , or for the Next episode " As the world turns " .

 

[stealth2]

Coffee, or a drink , and a Chat anyone ?

How old are these kids .They appear child care age , so who has been coaching them .

One is 12.

 

[nextwife]

You are really shortchanging your future by not working enough hours to build up social security credits and retirement savings. I don't want my kid to be stuck worrying about how I'll get by in my retirement years.

There is nothing wrong with children being in afteracre. My 8 year old will be in aftercare 4 days a week after school - and she'll get to have chess one day afterschool, dance another, Mad Science another and so on. That extra one and half hours a day allows me to have a full time salary, commissions, a car allowance, a retirement account, stock savings plan, health/dental/eyeglass insurance, disability and so on. AND my kiddo gets to experience a variety of enriching programs each week. Additionally, she has high aspirations for her own future, because I set the example that moms are equally capable financially.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Coffee, or a drink , and a Chat anyone ?

How old are these kids .They appear child care age , so who has been coaching them .

What's this episode called , " Battle of the whits " ?

Follow the Court Orders ... Period , or for the Next episode " As the world turns " .

I didn't want to get into all this with him - have let it be for 5 years- but I'm tired of watching my kids cry all the time and constantly ask him to stay here and he refuses, then punishes them when they get to his house.

They are 12, 8, and 5.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

You are really shortchanging your future by not working enough hours to build up social security credits and retirement savings. I don't want my kid to be stuck worrying about how I'll get by in my retirement years.

There is nothing wrong with children being in afteracre. My 8 year old will be in aftercare 4 days a week after school - and she'll get to have chess one day afterschool, dance another, Mad Science another and so on. That extra one and half hours a day allows me to have a full time salary, commissions, a car allowance, a retirement account, stock savings plan, health/dental/eyeglass insurance, disability and so on. AND my kiddo gets to experience a variety of enriching programs each week. Additionally, she has high aspirations for her own future, because I set the example that moms are equally capable financially.

If I had to choose my fights with him, I wouldn't mind the aftercare but I DO mind them getting up at 5:00 am, driving an hour AND going to morning daycare AS WELL as after school daycare. I just would like the opportunity to take them to school in the mornings even though it's 'his' day so they can eat breakfast and rest a little before having to go straight to school at 6:00am. I just think it's aweful that he insists that they go to both.
At least - let me take them to school in the mornings. He's at work anyway and passes my house...

 

[casa]

If I had to choose my fights with him, I wouldn't mind the aftercare but I DO mind them getting up at 5:00 am, driving an hour AND going to morning daycare AS WELL as after school daycare. I just would like the opportunity to take them to school in the mornings even though it's 'his' day so they can eat breakfast and rest a little before having to go straight to school at 6:00am. I just think it's aweful that he insists that they go to both.
At least - let me take them to school in the mornings. He's at work anyway and passes my house...

I think everyone is clear on what you want and why...but are YOU clear on why that may not be possible? The father's time is HIS time to do what he deems correct re; the children. Many children go to before and aftercare due to a parent's work schedule- at least they are being cared for and in a social environment. The father does not HAVE to give you the children during HIS parenting time just because you want them. You really must get this point. A judge does not care what you want the father to do on his parenting time- and likewise does not care what the father wants you to do on your parenting time. The children are being cared for, fed etc. and are not in any danger. The courts consider these things 'petty'.

 

[stealth2]

I'm tired of watching my kids cry all the time and constantly ask him to stay here and he refuses, then punishes them when they get to his house.

They are 12, 8, and 5.

And he is perfectly free to do so. Perhaps it might be more effective to make it clear to your kids that Dad's time is his time, and they go - no ifs, ands or buts.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

Well, thankfully, I was offered a full-time position the day the divorce was final. But, the pay was crap and I used the cash portion of my settlement to pay 6 month's rent on a townhouse and furnish it, and purchase a reliable vehicle (I also totalled my car the day the divorce was final). Money was seriously tight. It still is, because I had to have emergency surgery when I didn't have insurance, and I lost my job the next week and was unemployed for almost 2 months before finding something else. But, my economic position has never been brought up in court. Which is a good thing because in a battle of dollars, trust fund boy would win hands down.

Bless You!!! Glad to see you keep your chin up though! I am thinking of staying at my same job and asking them if I can just lighten the hours that I work every week - still work there but give it a break for now, but I'm scared to do that because I make the schedule right now - but then I can also be the one that has to work if no one shows up or quits or I fire!

I just would like to spend more time with my kids and still have a job and a paycheck because we really do need the money. But, I'd like to go to games easier and not have to deal with the people that work for me all the time. My cell phone rings as soon as I leave work... they gripe that they don't get enough hours, but then ask off constantly - and this week got mad because I hired 2 new people because I shouldn't have to work when they don't want to or have 'plans' - and I won't. I've done it for 5 years now and it just gets to a point that you feel, where is it in all of this that my kids and my husband come first? For most of the 5 yrs, it's been great and I haven't had any trouble but then it does hit times that it's rough until I get out of the 'ditch' time and then it's great for another year.

 

[concernedmom4ki]

And he is perfectly free to do so. Perhaps it might be more effective to make it clear to your kids that Dad's time is his time, and they go - no ifs, ands or buts.

Hi Stealth. Yes, we had a sit down family discussion about all of this and they do understand all of that. It's just not getting better over there.
Stepmom took phone from dad the other day and started saying that I was an unfit mother because I didn't make my kids change schools and go to school over there with her kids. She said kids switch schools all the time. I asked her why her kids weren't the ones switching schools and she replied, 'cause we have a life over here' and I said, 'well, my kids were born and have gone to school all their life over here as well...'
So - yes - all the kids have their lives to lead and have families but what made her kids' lives and gps etc more impt than ours?

I have explained all this to kids but they still cry. My 12 yr old gets physicallt sick and gets so depressed, I don't know what to do. My daughter cried for the entire day before she leaves because she wants her dad to listen to her. My 5 yr old says that he lays in his bed at this dad's house and prays to God that God will listen to him and let his daddy let him live with his mommy and that stepmom is a meanie.
I tell them that I want them to love her and respect her - that I want them to smile and have fun at BOTH houses, that this is no way to spend their childhood but they all look at me as if I'm crazy.

 

[stealth2]

Honestly? I'd give some serious thought to counseling for at least the two older ones.

 

[LdiJ]

I think everyone is clear on what you want and why...but are YOU clear on why that may not be possible? The father's time is HIS time to do what he deems correct re; the children. Many children go to before and aftercare due to a parent's work schedule- at least they are being cared for and in a social environment. The father does not HAVE to give you the children during HIS parenting time just because you want them. You really must get this point. A judge does not care what you want the father to do on his parenting time- and likewise does not care what the father wants you to do on your parenting time. The children are being cared for, fed etc. and are not in any danger. The courts consider these things 'petty'.

I have to disagree just a tad with this. While I agree that dad is free to do what he likes on his time...its really fairly common for judges to allow one parent to provide work related daycare on the other parent's time...if they are available to do so. Therefore I disagree that a judge would look at this as a petty issue.....particularly since dad has to pass right by mom's house on his way back and forth to work. I think that this is a reasonable thing to take before the judge.

Also...the 12 year old isn't going to be eligible for before and after school care pretty soon. My school district actually cuts them off when they start middle school, so that isn't even going to be an option for one of the kids for much longer.

 

[casa]

I have to disagree just a tad with this. While I agree that dad is free to do what he likes on his time...its really fairly common for judges to allow one parent to provide work related daycare on the other parent's time...if they are available to do so. Therefore I disagree that a judge would look at this as a petty issue.....particularly since dad has to pass right by mom's house on his way back and forth to work. I think that this is a reasonable thing to take before the judge.

Also...the 12 year old isn't going to be eligible for before and after school care pretty soon. My school district actually cuts them off when they start middle school, so that isn't even going to be an option for one of the kids for much longer.

Without FROR that will be unlikely- which is why I said OP should talk to their attorney about FROR if that is her concern.

Whether the father passes by the mother's house doesn't mean anything definative...many people obtain childcare closer to the child's school or the parents work for convenience and emergency purposes.

12 year old are not excluded from aftercare- they may graduate to YMCA or some other community program, but 12 year olds certainly have aftercare options aside from school based programs (which we don't even know if this particular program is attached to the children's school or one which transports children to & from the school). My middle school child is not left home alone because she is ADHD and bless her academically gifted heart- her social awareness & common sense are not what I would deem adequate for being left alone.

LdiJ you are typically very supportive of a mother and father's amendment rights to parent their child...did it occur to you that the father just wants to have/maintain those rights and be able to be trusted to make his own decisions re; the health & welfare of the children? OP does not state the father is busy dictating to her what to do/not to do with the children during her time. (and she works all day at least one day- sometimes that is a weekend day- where are the children then?0