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Girlfriend drinks excessive, will not stop..

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Sunsusensei

New member
I am in Pennsylvania.

My girlfriend and I live together. She is an excess drinker who is belligerent, demeaning and promiscuous. Her son who is a criminal delinquent with past charges constantly is in trouble with shool, probation and smoking marijuana. He recently brought marijuana into the home stoned out of his mind.

I am a partially physically disabled. I pay all bills except on. She pays one major utility. I pay my car related bills and she does hers. Both of us share in common cost necessities, food, etc.

Her son is in the eigth grade in school. On probation. He lives part time with us and then with his father who is an alcoholic and drug abuser. The address for the son, probation docs, school registration, contact info for school, is with the father's address. My adult daughter who is 29 lives with us everyother weekend. She also live with her girlfriend when she is not travelling extensively for her job. I consider her a visitor.

The house we live in we have been in it for 9 months leasing on a 18 month lease. I have found the opportunity to purchase due to the owner loosing his wife and wanting to reduce his properties and move upstate. I close on March 29, 2019. We have lived previously in another house owned by a friend prior with a lease in that house that I also paid via check from my account along with all other utilities.

I want her out. I have threatened to leave her over her drinking many times. She gets physical sometimes when drunk. I do not drink, do recreational drugs, gamble, cheat, or watch porn!!! All those things you would expect an average male to do bad, I do not do. I am on medications that inhibit me for doing anything recreational. When we fight she threatens to leave me and then says she is going no where, not movin out. She says her name is on the lease and she is staying.

The bank I am getting the loan through for the house said that if she was included on the mortage then we would need more money down because of her creidt. I am glad for that, glad it is in my name. Although they asked for her financials to consider her income as a roommate paying rent, I can afford the place by myself. I might have to adjust somewhat but I would make it ok.

Her drinking is excessive to the point that she makes bad decisions as she says, such as flirting on snapchat and me catching her or finding her on the phone with old boyfriends. If we've been together for five years, living together for three, then the promiscuous behavior should not be tolerated in my opinion. She also has missing time from her schedule, missing money and excessive miles on her car when she should be fives miles down the interstate at work, she isn't. I assume she is cheating. When she says she's at work, I drive by and she isn't. She swears she ran out at exactly the time I drove through, multiple times. She works at an airport, I would assume you don't run out on a job like that. She goes to the store for something and it takes her two hours and comes back with nothing to show for her shopping ordeals. She has cheated before.

My question is, how do I evict her once the house is in my name? And it will be in my name only! Is the lease that was had with the landlord valid to any point when the house is in my name? She pays the electric bill, can she claim my new house as hers? Rights to my house because she pays the electric bill which she has refused to put in my name? I do everything to make a nice home. Cook, clean, dishes, trash, lawn, etc.... no application and disrespect from the son and her with the alcoholism.

I have tried every approach to help her with the drinking problem. She is a dependent functioning alcoholic. She has been to rehab once previously before she met me. I did drink and get pretty ugly once in a blue moon when we first me, but then I got hurt on the job and (no while intoxicated) and settled with workers comp. She just drinks so much. I cannot live with her like this I told her. She has an engagement ring also that she says she will not give back, and that's fine. It was a gift and I accept that. She says everything I have is her's and I'm screwed she says. When things get to the point where I say I don't even care and I am leaving she twists and manipulates trying to make it my fault. I'm scarred she will hurt herself or someone else drinking and driving.

So? What do I do? I love her but cannot live with her.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
I am in Pennsylvania.

My girlfriend and I live together. She is an excess drinker who is belligerent, demeaning and promiscuous. Her son who is a criminal delinquent with past charges constantly is in trouble with shool, probation and smoking marijuana. He recently brought marijuana into the home stoned out of his mind.

I am a partially physically disabled. I pay all bills except on. She pays one major utility. I pay my car related bills and she does hers. Both of us share in common cost necessities, food, etc.

Her son is in the eigth grade in school. On probation. He lives part time with us and then with his father who is an alcoholic and drug abuser. The address for the son, probation docs, school registration, contact info for school, is with the father's address. My adult daughter who is 29 lives with us everyother weekend. She also live with her girlfriend when she is not travelling extensively for her job. I consider her a visitor.

The house we live in we have been in it for 9 months leasing on a 18 month lease. I have found the opportunity to purchase due to the owner loosing his wife and wanting to reduce his properties and move upstate. I close on March 29, 2019. We have lived previously in another house owned by a friend prior with a lease in that house that I also paid via check from my account along with all other utilities.

I want her out. I have threatened to leave her over her drinking many times. She gets physical sometimes when drunk. I do not drink, do recreational drugs, gamble, cheat, or watch porn!!! All those things you would expect an average male to do bad, I do not do. I am on medications that inhibit me for doing anything recreational. When we fight she threatens to leave me and then says she is going no where, not movin out. She says her name is on the lease and she is staying.

The bank I am getting the loan through for the house said that if she was included on the mortage then we would need more money down because of her creidt. I am glad for that, glad it is in my name. Although they asked for her financials to consider her income as a roommate paying rent, I can afford the place by myself. I might have to adjust somewhat but I would make it ok.

Her drinking is excessive to the point that she makes bad decisions as she says, such as flirting on snapchat and me catching her or finding her on the phone with old boyfriends. If we've been together for five years, living together for three, then the promiscuous behavior should not be tolerated in my opinion. She also has missing time from her schedule, missing money and excessive miles on her car when she should be fives miles down the interstate at work, she isn't. I assume she is cheating. When she says she's at work, I drive by and she isn't. She swears she ran out at exactly the time I drove through, multiple times. She works at an airport, I would assume you don't run out on a job like that. She goes to the store for something and it takes her two hours and comes back with nothing to show for her shopping ordeals. She has cheated before.

My question is, how do I evict her once the house is in my name? And it will be in my name only! Is the lease that was had with the landlord valid to any point when the house is in my name? She pays the electric bill, can she claim my new house as hers? Rights to my house because she pays the electric bill which she has refused to put in my name? I do everything to make a nice home. Cook, clean, dishes, trash, lawn, etc.... no application and disrespect from the son and her with the alcoholism.

I have tried every approach to help her with the drinking problem. She is a dependent functioning alcoholic. She has been to rehab once previously before she met me. I did drink and get pretty ugly once in a blue moon when we first me, but then I got hurt on the job and (no while intoxicated) and settled with workers comp. She just drinks so much. I cannot live with her like this I told her. She has an engagement ring also that she says she will not give back, and that's fine. It was a gift and I accept that. She says everything I have is her's and I'm screwed she says. When things get to the point where I say I don't even care and I am leaving she twists and manipulates trying to make it my fault. I'm scarred she will hurt herself or someone else drinking and driving.

So? What do I do? I love her but cannot live with her.
You might possibly have to put up with her until what would have been the end of the original lease, as a lease normally carries over to a new owner, (consult with a local real estate attorney to be sure) but after that you would absolutely be able to evict her. You would have to give her notice to move out (probably 30 days) and then file for eviction if she does not. She would have no rights regarding your house or any of your property.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
When she gets "physical" while drunk, call the police.

I think you should also look into a support group like Al Anon or get therapy, because this codependency thing you've got going isn't healthy.

P.S. I found this offensive: "I do not drink, do recreational drugs, gamble, cheat, or watch porn!!! All those things you would expect an average male to do bad, I do not do. " You have incredibly low standards for "average" or "normal" behavior.
 

Sunsusensei

New member
When she gets "physical" while drunk, call the police.

I think you should also look into a support group like Al Anon or get therapy, because this codependency thing you've got going isn't healthy.

P.S. I found this offensive: "I do not drink, do recreational drugs, gamble, cheat, or watch porn!!! All those things you would expect an average male to do bad, I do not do. " You have incredibly low standards for "average" or "normal" behavior.
I am sorry to offed you. I just reread that excerpt and realized I wrote that the wrong way. I shall edit if I can. Thank you.
 

Sunsusensei

New member
I am sorry to offed you. I just reread that excerpt and realized I wrote that the wrong way. I shall edit if I can. Thank you.
I am sorry. I tried to update and apparently I can not update or I am not performing it correctly.

For all future readers, I did not intened that comment that way.

I meant to state that I didn't do those things unlike a typical guy that does not do those things.

Also, we have been to church and I have tried counseling only to have her not partake in it.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
I am sorry. I tried to update and apparently I can not update or I am not performing it correctly.

For all future readers, I did not intened that comment that way.

I meant to state that I didn't do those things unlike a typical guy that does not do those things.

Also, we have been to church and I have tried counseling only to have her not partake in it.
Sometimes church counseling isn't enough.

I don't think couples counselling is what you need, especially since she is unwilling to work on the relationship. You need to work on yourself.

If she is being abusive, please call the police if it gets physically abusive.

You need an "escape plan" - look up domestic violence escape plan. http://www.pcadv.org/ might have some resources.
 
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