Girlfriend goes crazy, Boyfriend in Jail!

[gryndor]

What is the name of your state? CA

So my friend A calls me tonight and tells me that he's stuck in jail. Basically what's happened is that he brought his Russian girlfriend to California and they started having problems. After being in the relationship for 6 months or so, he breaks it off and she goes crazy. She starts calling him incessantly, demanding her things back, and when he brought them over to her apartment tonight, I don't know the particulars of what happened, but my friend A says that she attacked him, covered him in bruises and scratches, then called the cops and had him arrested for domestic violence. I know my friend, and I know that he would never hit a woman... ever. I don't know if he exacerbated the problems they were having verbally, but I am certain that the physical abuse was inappropriate and from the girlfriend.

My questions are these:
His arraignment is tomorrow, what can I do, what information can I provide A/his public defender, that will help my friend?
What is the worst that could happen if he is convicted?
Can he ask for special consideration to allow for him to take his university finals?
His now-ex-girlfriend is here with an expired work visa... what steps can he take to report this? (this is mainly for my benefit, I guess)

Any other comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated!
Gryn

 

[CdwJava]

His arraignment is tomorrow, what can I do, what information can I provide A/his public defender, that will help my friend?

Right now? Almost nothing. The arraignment is just the plea phase and the assignment of counsel ... which ... is odd since he already HAS a public defender?? That usually happens at the arraignment. Maybe your county is very proactive in this regard.

The most you might be able to help is to answer questions the attorney has. He might want to know about who else has witnessed blow-ups between them in the past, etc. But, since you were not a witness to the alleged assault, your participation is more as a cheerleader than a participant.

What is the worst that could happen if he is convicted?

That depends on the specific charges he faces. You'd need to post the specific code sections he is charged with for anyone to venture a reasonable guess.

Can he ask for special consideration to allow for him to take his university finals?

He can ask for release on his own recognizance (not too likely, but you never know ... if he is charged with a misdemeanor it might be more likely), or a reduced bail, perhaps.

His now-ex-girlfriend is here with an expired work visa... what steps can he take to report this? (this is mainly for my benefit, I guess)

You or he can drop a dime to the Immigration folks. However, I can tell you right now that they are no going to work too hard to come and get her, so unless she gets picked up for something later on she's not going to risk deportation for quite some time. Not to mention that she will HAVE to stay until the conclusion of any court proceedings.


- Carl

 

[gryndor]

Hey Carl, thanks a lot for your reply. Basically all I can do is sit on my hands, but I feel a lot better with your reply. I guess he hasn't been assigned a public defender... I don't really know... he just mentioned it on the phone.

As for his ex, too bad about the immigration thing... she is going to dig herself a giant hole with this behavior. I can be content in that.

Tomorrow, I will be the best cheerleader I can be.
Goodnight!

 

[gryndor]

Update and New Questions:

Hi all, I have an update and more questions pertaining to this situation.

So, since last I posted, A was let free (the DA dropped the charges due to lack of evidence). He received a piece of paper upon being released that said basically, "You were detained, not arrested."

His now-ex-girlfriend, J, began calling him incessantly the instant the emergency protection order was expired. A wanted to file a protective order against J, but the PD advised against this. They went to J's house and told her to cut it out. Over the next week or so, she filed allegation after allegation against A about everything from A hacking into J's email accounts to him having his friends contacting her to harass her. All of these allegations were pretty much crap, since I was with A pretty much 100% of the time (he was frightened that this girl would get him kicked out of the local university and wanted company to be witness to his actions and whereabouts), add to this that she can never tell the same story twice to the PD and Detective.

So things started to finally calm down. She was working in the next city over, moved out of our city and all contact had stopped.

Just before Christmas, A and J had a chance encounter in our city. She sobbed to him about having lost her jobs, about having been kicked out of her home, about how all her friends turned their backs on her when they found out she was illegally here in this country... that one job had put her up in a hotel and booked her a plane ticket back home to Russia, but that the flight was that morning and she skipped out on it because she wanted to stay. Now she has no money, no job, no home, no prospects... and no A.

A, having a big heart/being pretty stupid and easily manipulated by J, took pity on the pathetic mess in front of him and allowed her to stay in his apartment until she could figure out what to do. At this point in time, he called me and told me that I was boss. Whatever I decided they would do... just please help.

So after a lot of talking, she says there is no option but to go home to Russia. I even offered to buy the ticket, but while she says one thing, she does another. She's offered to go back to the PD and recant her allegations, then she threatens to tell them this that and the other thing, then she's sorry, then she says she will have the PD re-instate the investigation. Every moment that A and J are together, A is miserable and J is starting to become more confident and is trying to gain the upper hand again. Tonight she "put her foot down" and told A that he couldn't come see me. She stole his keys and wallet and hid them. He called me and after letting me in to his apartment, we had a verbal altercation that petrified her sufficiently that A could get his things and get into the car (I'm female by the way... a lot of this is to do with jealousy and inferiority complexes).

Now A's back home and I can't help but wonder what the hell to do. A will do what I tell him is best, but I can't even divine what that may be. J says she will go home, but won't. I want her to go, A wants her to go... She makes everybody miserable (including herself), and I'm sure that she's going to eff us both over in some way, shape or form.

Questions: Can I call someone to expedite this "shipping home" process?
Will the local PD that's been handling this case be receptive to this? Or will they yell at A for his stupidity? (part of A's justification of keeping J was to have her clear his name with the university)
Are there any concequences for A if I were to place a call to the PD?
Will someone take J out of our lives?
Are there other options that I've neglected to consider?

Please be somewhat kind. This is a really crappy situation and I know all three of us have been less than intelligent. A and I want to make it right now. Sorry this was so long.

Thank you.

 

[SHORTY LONG]

Ever consider seeking out locale Russian Support Groups, or something similar for her?

 

[gryndor]

Ever consider seeking out locale Russian Support Groups, or something similar for her?

To what end?

Just to fill this part in: J came to the US as an Au Pair (live-in nanny). She never reported to her assigned family in NY, nor had she any intention. She moved in with A in California, and when the Au Pair agency found out they revoked her J-1 Visa. On January 3rd she will have been here for over 180 days illegally.

 

[>Charlotte<]

To what end?

Because they may be able to help her to some extent, thereby removing her dependence on your friend.

 

[gryndor]

Because they may be able to help her to some extent, thereby removing her dependence on your friend.

We've already set her up on her own twice. She's destroyed both shots at self-sufficiency. She also alienated all of her supposed friends, so I highly doubt that she would embrace the support of the Russian community at large.

However, I don't know for sure that she'll respond negatively. I will send along the suggestion.

Other than that, what about my other initial questions? Will the PD help us? One officer mentioned that they don't deal with immigration status because then no one would report crimes (if they were afraid of being deported). But will they remove her from his home at least?

 

[>Charlotte<]

We've already set her up on her own twice. She's destroyed both shots at self-sufficiency. She also alienated all of her supposed friends, so I highly doubt that she would embrace the support of the Russian community at large.

But that's not your friend's problem. Her failure does not require his further involvement.

I don't know if the police will help you. Ask them. But the bigger the problem is, the more complicated the solution will be. Don't worry about her immigration status, just show her the door. Your friend needs to keep in mind that once she's been his "guest" long enough to be considered a tenant, getting her out of his apartment at that point is going to be a lot more difficult than getting her out of his life is right now.

Can I call someone to expedite this "shipping home" process?

My non-legal advise is: obviously your friend would like to get her out of the country, but all he really needs to do is get her out of his apartment. And then not get suckered into helping her if he runs into her again. Don't make getting rid of her more complicated than it has to be.

Will the local PD that's been handling this case be receptive to this? Or will they yell at A for his stupidity?

I doubt they'll yell at him. They might think he's stupid, though.

Are there any concequences for A if I were to place a call to the PD?

Not if he hasn't done anything illegal.

Will someone take J out of our lives?

A could say "J, get out of my life." If she won't leave, call the police. Like I said, the longer she's there, the harder it will be to compel her to leave. I don't know what the tenency requirements are for California. If it's already too late, he's going to have to legally evict her.

 

[stealth2]

Personally, I think "A" needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself.

 

[gryndor]

Perhaps I am complicating it unnecessarily. But there are some factors that help complicate things for me. A feels responsible for J being stuck here in this country. He offered her his couch and the way he was raised 'prevents' him from kicking J out on her butt. She only started staying there December 24th, so I doubt that A's in trouble in that respect... also A's only staying there until his dorms re-open, so his tenancy ends after three weeks anyway.

Honestly, you offer good, solid and practical advice. All the emotional crap is going to get in the way, but hopefully we can just take her to the airport on Jan 2nd or something and make sure she gets on a plane. If she doesn't get out then we will call the local PD.

I was worried that A would get into trouble with the PD because there has been so much back and forth with them... the initial arrest, the phonecalls, the restraining orders (none currently in place), the allegations, etc. "Now he's let her move in?" That was my angle.

Thank you.

 

[gryndor]

Personally, I think "A" needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself.

That would certainly be ideal, but when ever he tells J "how it's going to be" she screams and yells and cries and scratches the hell out of him. The rest of the time she's a pathetic slob and he pities the hell out of her situation.

And if he were to call the PD for abusive behavior, they'd just arrest him again, "because he's bigger and could potentially do more damage." <-- Actual quote from one of the officers.

 

[>Charlotte<]

Perhaps I am complicating it unnecessarily. But there are some factors that help complicate things for me. A feels responsible for J being stuck here in this country. He offered her his couch and the way he was raised 'prevents' him from kicking J out on her butt. She only started staying there December 24th, so I doubt that A's in trouble in that respect... also A's only staying there until his dorms re-open, so his tenancy ends after three weeks anyway.

If their co-habitation is going to be a non-issue that quickly, I really don't see the problem here. Getting her deported, getting her to reassure everyone that none of this was his fault, making sure she's nice and comfy--he's created quite a to-do list for himself. Frankly, if he wants to enmesh himself that deeply into the situation, he's just asking for more and more trouble.

If, despite his best efforts (and he really does have to make some effort) this girl insists on hanging on, he does have legal recourse to block her continued intrusion. But at this point, it doesn't sound like intrusion as much as it sounds like "Hi, here's my life, make yourself at home."

There is very little anyone can do to protect him from himself.

As far as the police and their irritation at the back and forth crap, they're used to it. But it should be noted that the more he contradicts his desire to rid himself of her by his own actions, the less seriously they'll take his complaints.

 

[CJane]

OMG.

Seriously can you say miserable co-dependent mess?

"A" can't stand up to "J" even though she's psycho.

Then "J" and "A" both call OP and ask HER what to do and indicate that they'll do WHATEVER she says. Only SHE can only focus on getting "J" out of the WHOLE COUNTRY.

I can't figure out why "A" is so focused on getting "J" to clear his name. Is he from a different culture too? What the hell is up with these people?

 

[gryndor]

OMG.

Seriously can you say miserable co-dependent mess?

"A" can't stand up to "J" even though she's psycho.

Well A has an overdeveloped sense of chivalry and/or gentlemanliness and thus would rather put up with J's crap than to leave her with nowhere to go.

Then "J" and "A" both call OP and ask HER what to do and indicate that they'll do WHATEVER she says. Only SHE can only focus on getting "J" out of the WHOLE COUNTRY.

Then A asks me onto the scene because me can trust and rely on me, plus I am California born-and-bred, he is not and he believes I would have better insight. I could really care less if she goes home to Russia or builds a life for herself here in the US; all I want is for her to be gone.

I can't figure out why "A" is so focused on getting "J" to clear his name. Is he from a different culture too? What the hell is up with these people?

And to set the record straight, they are both natives of Russia, J's landed him in hot water with the local PD and university based on her false claims, and to have her approach these entities and say that it was all a huge mistake is very important to his standing in the community.

But I love how you just think we're all crazy. That helps out a lot.