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Grandparents rights

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benson128

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin and Illinois.

Our 30-year-old daughter has 3 boys, ages 3 to 9. The 9-year-old is from one dad, and the other two are from another dad. She did not marry either man. She has lived with the second man since the first grandson was 3 months old. Because of multiple issues, they moved to Illinois and in with my in-laws when the eldest was 4 years old. The eldest's dad has never paid support (she never pursued it). He lives up here in Wisconsin and is not involved in my grandson's life, except for a week in the summer which usually is wrapped around him coming up here to visit us. My grandson so much wants to see his dad, so I do my best to make it happen each summer. I've stayed pretty much out of it otherwise. I believe he has sent him birthday presents and Christmas presents, but they have very little contact other than that. The second dad has now moved out of the in-laws house after a physical altercation that took place with my father-in-law. My daughter and her boyfriend have not held jobs until the past year. He has managed to keep his for the past 6 months. She was recently fired from hers under suspicion of stealing money. It recently came to light that she has stolen large amounts of money from my in-laws, by stealing checks and using their credit cards. Unknown to us, she had also done this a couple of years ago, taking very large sums of money. After this recent discovery, they called us and told us they are going to press charges. We agree wholeheartedly with their decision. My in-laws are in their mid-70s and would be unable to raise the three boys on their own. They have suggested to us and we have talked several times over the past couple of years as things have gotten worse with my daughter that we may end up having to take the boys. So, my question is...if the situation came up that we needed to take the boys, where do we stand in regards to both dads? Do we need to get some kind of permission from the first, mainly uninvolved dad? Would we need to get permission from the second dad who has lived with the boys? Obviously as things progress we will seek appropriate legal advice and follow the proper channels, but I've just been wondering what legal rights the dads have? If we have the boys, I would want to do everything I can to make sure the boys see the dads and that the dads are involved in their lives as much as possible. I've seen the heartache my little 9-year-old grandson has by not having his dad involved in his life, and I would do whatever I could to keep their dads in the picture. Thank you for any advice/opinions.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin and Illinois.

Our 30-year-old daughter has 3 boys, ages 3 to 9. The 9-year-old is from one dad, and the other two are from another dad. She did not marry either man. She has lived with the second man since the first grandson was 3 months old. Because of multiple issues, they moved to Illinois and in with my in-laws when the eldest was 4 years old. The eldest's dad has never paid support (she never pursued it). He lives up here in Wisconsin and is not involved in my grandson's life, except for a week in the summer which usually is wrapped around him coming up here to visit us. My grandson so much wants to see his dad, so I do my best to make it happen each summer. I've stayed pretty much out of it otherwise. I believe he has sent him birthday presents and Christmas presents, but they have very little contact other than that. The second dad has now moved out of the in-laws house after a physical altercation that took place with my father-in-law. My daughter and her boyfriend have not held jobs until the past year. He has managed to keep his for the past 6 months. She was recently fired from hers under suspicion of stealing money. It recently came to light that she has stolen large amounts of money from my in-laws, by stealing checks and using their credit cards. Unknown to us, she had also done this a couple of years ago, taking very large sums of money. After this recent discovery, they called us and told us they are going to press charges. We agree wholeheartedly with their decision. My in-laws are in their mid-70s and would be unable to raise the three boys on their own. They have suggested to us and we have talked several times over the past couple of years as things have gotten worse with my daughter that we may end up having to take the boys. So, my question is...if the situation came up that we needed to take the boys, where do we stand in regards to both dads? Do we need to get some kind of permission from the first, mainly uninvolved dad? Would we need to get permission from the second dad who has lived with the boys? Obviously as things progress we will seek appropriate legal advice and follow the proper channels, but I've just been wondering what legal rights the dads have? If we have the boys, I would want to do everything I can to make sure the boys see the dads and that the dads are involved in their lives as much as possible. I've seen the heartache my little 9-year-old grandson has by not having his dad involved in his life, and I would do whatever I could to keep their dads in the picture. Thank you for any advice/opinions.
You have no inherent rights to the boys. You would have to sue mom and both dads for custody. Why do you believe you would get custody from your daughter? On a first offense it is unlikely she would see prison. And if you tried that you may be risking seeing your grandchildren again.
 

benson128

Junior Member
You have no inherent rights to the boys. You would have to sue mom and both dads for custody. Why do you believe you would get custody from your daughter? On a first offense it is unlikely she would see prison. And if you tried that you may be risking seeing your grandchildren again.
I know... it's complicated. She is not around the kids much as she's always out and about. The in-laws are basically raising them. She did go to the 5-year-old's program at school this past Friday, but it is very unusual for her to do so. Her boyfriend did the majority of the caretaking before he was arrested and had to move out of the house as she is usually not home and hasn't been for over the past year. That being said, the boys living with us would be because she wants them to. She's brought it up to me several times before. She has serious gambling issues, and at this point I don't know if she has any other addictions besides that. She has no job and nowhere to go, and I believe my in-laws are at the end of their rope as far as her living with them. If the boys come to live with us, it wouldn't be us taking them away from her, it would be because she wants them to be here. I'm wonder what the issues will be from the dads' side of things. We have a good relationship with both of the dads.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
I know... it's complicated. She is not around the kids much as she's always out and about. The in-laws are basically raising them. She did go to the 5-year-old's program at school this past Friday, but it is very unusual for her to do so. Her boyfriend did the majority of the caretaking before he was arrested and had to move out of the house as she is usually not home and hasn't been for over the past year. That being said, the boys living with us would be because she wants them to. She's brought it up to me several times before. She has serious gambling issues, and at this point I don't know if she has any other addictions besides that. She has no job and nowhere to go, and I believe my in-laws are at the end of their rope as far as her living with them. If the boys come to live with us, it wouldn't be us taking them away from her, it would be because she wants them to be here. I'm wonder what the issues will be from the dads' side of things. We have a good relationship with both of the dads.
If she's on any kind of public assistance, it may be a big leap from "the children living with you" to "you having custody of the children". People are often flippant about giving up their kids, but much more concerned when it comes to losing welfare benefits. Not a judgment (as I have no idea whether anyone is on welfare), just a heads up for a roadblock you may expect.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I know... it's complicated. She is not around the kids much as she's always out and about. The in-laws are basically raising them. She did go to the 5-year-old's program at school this past Friday, but it is very unusual for her to do so. Her boyfriend did the majority of the caretaking before he was arrested and had to move out of the house as she is usually not home and hasn't been for over the past year. That being said, the boys living with us would be because she wants them to. She's brought it up to me several times before. She has serious gambling issues, and at this point I don't know if she has any other addictions besides that. She has no job and nowhere to go, and I believe my in-laws are at the end of their rope as far as her living with them. If the boys come to live with us, it wouldn't be us taking them away from her, it would be because she wants them to be here. I'm wonder what the issues will be from the dads' side of things. We have a good relationship with both of the dads.
You could ask them...
 

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