harassing ex-mother-in-law

[gateach]

What is the name of your state? GA
I'm posting for my brother. He lives in GA. His ex lives in South Carolina with her mother. They have joint custody of their 4 yr old daughter - each one has her every other week. They have their visitation exchange every Sun. The problem is not with the ex but with the ex-mother-in-law. She verbally harasses my brother at each exchange. She tries to get the 4 yr old upset so she will cry each time she has to go with my brother. He believes - rather strongly- that the grandmother is coaching the child to say she doesn't want to go with him. He also believes that she is coaching the child to say that he and the rest of us are abusing her. She is irrational to talk to. As a teacher, I know that this type of tug-a-war behavior is not healthy for the child. I have stayed out of it for the last 3 yrs, but felt that I might be able to reason with the mother about what was happening. The grandmother never let me talk to the mother. She started screaming at me & even started making accusations against my daughter(7), son(11), husband, and me. What should my brother do? This is not healthy for his daughter. What should we do? Can her accusations be considered slander, and if she puts them in writing, libel?

 

[stealth2]

When does the child turn 5? Because once she starts school, the schedule is going to have to be changed - every other week in different states isn't going to work. So your brother may want to consider filing for a modification in the living arrangements.

Also... HE should be the one to talk to the ex about her mother's behavior.

 

[nextwife]

Why can't every other weekend work in diferent states? As long as the DISTANCE is not too extreme, different states can be CLOSER that different parts of the same state. I know of families in Milwaukee, WI with ex's in the northern Chicago suburbs who do it.

 

[stealth2]

Why can't every other weekend work in diferent states? As long as the DISTANCE is not too extreme, different states can be CLOSER that different parts of the same state. I know of families in Milwaukee, WI with ex's in the northern Chicago suburbs who do it.

Reread, nextwife. It's every other WEEK - 7 days with Dad, 7 days with Mom. That's not a workable schedule for a child in school and parents in different states.

 

[nextwife]

Depends on distance. AS these two states share a border, residency in differing states is not automatically too distant to be workable. WE were not informed of the distance iinvolved.

If they are not physically close enough to maintain weekdays at one school, indeed a change may well be needed. Families can be in two states, yet not a significant distance away. My cousin lives in WI and works in St Paul, MN. I know of many families who work in IL and live across the border in less expensive Pleasant Prairie, and their commute is not significant. YES, the arraingement MAY need change, but it may not.

 

[stealth2]

For some reason I thought there was another state between GA & SC, so you're right - it could be possible if they each live close enough to the border.

 

[nextwife]

"I thought there was another state between GA & SC"

I had to double check a map to be certain my memory was correct. LOL! My foriegn-born DH claims that, in general, Americans have a mental block about geography.

 

[gateach]

I agree that my brother needs to speak to his ex about her mother. That is why I have stayed out of it for 3 years. I was wrong in trying to reason with an unreasonable person. The mother is not stable. She has threatened to kill herself if her daughter moves out of the house. She is not only emotionally abusing the daughter but the grandaughter as well.
By the way, we live on the GA/SC state line and the mother lives 40 miles away. One week on/off has never been a problem for either of them. The original court decree said this type of joint custody would last until she started school. She just turned 4 in February. She is not supposed to start school until next August.
MY BROTHER WAS SERVED PAPERS TODAY SUEING HIM FOR FULL CUSTODY THOUGH. The papers were drawn up on April 25. We believe that she is doing this now so that she won't have to pay for daycare any longer and can send her to the state supported SC pre-k program. We also believe she is threatened by the fact that my brother is getting married again. He and his fiance found a house that has 3 bedrooms so that her son and his daughter will each have a room.
Any advice on what he should do now that he has been served?

 

[stealth2]

Any advice on what he should do now that he has been served?

Get a kick-ass lawyer.

 

[twkrnag]

As for the slander issue talk to a police officer about it. I had a similar situation with my x-mother-in-law. If she puts it in writing and sends it to other people besides your brother than it could be slander.

Can someone else do the drop off and pick up to try to avoid the situation of the ex-mother-in-law to avoid any confrontations?

 

[gateach]

My brother is going to see a lawyer on Wednesday. In the papers, she accuses him and his fiance of doing drugs around his daughter. This is really stupid of her to accuse them of since both of their jobs require regular drug tests. They are both going on Wednesday to get some kind of drug test that will show results as far back as 6 months. ( I think it is a hair sample test.) Is that considered libel when they prove her accusation is false? He was served papers yesterday morning. His ex called him 10 times at home and on his cell phone threatening him with all kinds of stuff if he did not let her speak to their little girl. She also called him several times at work today. He filed harrassment charges against her in two different counties.
After speaking with a deputy, he has also filed charges against her for pushing him when he picked his daughter up Sunday.

As for the visitation exchange, he has made arrangements to get a deputy to be present when he takes his daughter back and then when he has to pick her up.

I'm sure the charges and the deputy being present is really going to get his ex and her mother furious.

 

[OnlyOneVoice]

The 2 different states will be a problem when the child starts school unless one parent is willing to travel across state lines each day to take the child to and from school. Border town or not this will not be an easy situation. She will be required by law to attend the school where she supposedly "lives" so you do need to bring this question to the front of the issues.

The child cannot bounce back and forth between 2 schools. She must be enrolled in one school and that means someone, either mother or father, is going to have to be willing to drive to the other city to take and retreive the child from school each day.

 

[stealth2]

As for the slander issue talk to a police officer about it. I had a similar situation with my x-mother-in-law. If she puts it in writing and sends it to other people besides your brother than it could be slander.

Technically, that would be libel.

 

[VeronicaGia]

First, hire a family law specialist, not just any attorney.

Second, document everything, including if you have to, bring an impartial third party to visitation exchanges with a camcorder.

Finally, an excellent website for fathers: www.deltabravo.net