Harrassment

[c-ingred]

I'm in Pennsylvania. This is complex, and I don't know if it should go under criminal or family law:

Earlier this year, I closed a child support order with my ex-husband because he was going in for heart surgery and would be off work for months. In addition, my son had started spending more time with him, so we agreed that I would pay for what needed when he was in my care, and vice versa. Basically I got tired of him complaining about paying $50/week, while he makes upwards of $25,000 a year and lives in his dad's house scot-free (other than utilities, truck insurance and $150/mo truck pmt).

However, I recently got jammed with $200 worth of Boy Scout expenses he had slacked on since January (outings, etc.), and I also recently applied for subsidized childcare -- which, according to state regs, I had to have an open support order for this child.

I petitioned for support -- a measly $25 bucks a week -- so I wouldn't have to listen to him b***h and moan. He did more than that. He called me (several times...) and I explained the reason I re-opened the order. He went on to say that "this is going to hurt" and that he's "getting an attorney, and you're not going to like the things I bring in."

Keep in mind the reason I divorced this SOB is because of his bad habit of intimidating, manipulating, and otherwise psychologically abusing his partners.

So next he tells me that he has an answering machine tape of a message I apparently left (anywhere from months to years ago) that he was going to use against me at the support hearing (?make some sense). He also threatened to jeopardize my job, which I spent 4 years in college to get. I don't know what his plan of action is to do this, and I don't remember ever leaving a message that would incriminate me (although I may have repressed a memory or two).

So my question is, in the event that I may have said something he feels is going to help him in his stupid antics, is it really legal to use something like that vengefully?

I want to call his bluff and not back down on 25 dollars a week. I've backed down to his intimidation and methods of manipulation for 12 years, and it needs to stop TODAY. I have way too many other priorities and responsibilities (as mother and father, provider, professional) to deal with this crap. I don't need him jading my new career (regardless of the fact it doesn't pay spit).
By the way, he loved it when I was on welfare because he hardly had to pay anything - and he was able to claim my son on his taxes 4 years in a row for a bigger refund. At the same time, he never bothered even calling to see how his son was doing and showed no interest in wanting to see him.

His interest at heart is manipulating to get what HE wants.

I think I'm going to just let support decide how much he's going to pay, and if it is illegal to use this alleged tape, I'm going to press charges.

Thanks

 

[lawrat]

I am a law school graduate. What I offer is mere information, not to be construed as forming an attorney client relationship.

Well, it sounds as if he is being a bit childish. Okay, it sounds like he is trying to harass you into submission, but I don't think he has anything. On the offchance he has something on you, if it was a long time ago, Statute of Limitations/Laches may bar him from bringing it up.

Now, basically, I think you need to get yourself a family law attorney who will help calmly get this done. DId you know the District Attorney's office has dead beat dad programs? Anyway, with limited income, getting counsel can be hard. Try your local legal aid foundation or call your state bar and ask for low income legal help.

I hope this helps. Teach your son what morals you would like to instill in him.

 

[Tracey]

A judge is going to look at his private attorney and decide that anyone who can afford a lawyer can afford more than $25 a week in CS!

Regarding what he'll 'bring in', the only relevant information to CS is how much each of you makes & how much the kid costs. He can allege you molest the sheep & it doesn't effect how much he has to pay. Also, since he's had little or no contact with the boy in years, he won't win a custody battle. Furthermore, since he knows you're not rich & is dragging this out to harrass you, you should ask that he be required to pay your attorney fees. If he ticks off the judge enough, he may have to pay.

Finally, be proactive at work. Set up a meeting with the personnel director & explain that you abusive ex-husband is threatening to try to get you fired because you've asked him to pay $25 a week in child support. Explain that you can't think of anything he could have on you, but that you fully expect him to make stuff up just to slander you. Ask them nicely to notify you if he makes any attempt to contact them. Get this all documented in writing. You may also want to get your supervisor in the loop. Corporations have seen this crap before & will take anything he says with a large grain of salt if you've given them a heads up.

Don't worry about this tape. To get a judge to listen to it, he'd have to present the original & some evidence of when & in what context the tape was made. He can't play just part of it out of context.

Make sure all future communications with this twit are written or taped. When he calls, push the memo button on the answering machine & say, "I'm going to record this call." You want the notice of recording on the tape.

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This is not legal advice and you are not my client. Double check everything with your own attorney and your state's laws.

 

[c-ingred]

I appreciate both your responses. I did speak with a police officer, who did state that if he attempted to jeopardize my job (since he already threatened), he would be arrested for harassment. As far as getting an attorney, I'm going to hold off on that as long as possible. I really don't have the cash, but if I have to and can, I will give it to him right up the ***. I owe him that much at least I did start checking into legal aid, and I know a couple judges through my job who might be able to steer me in the direction of a ballbusting attorney.

It's unfortunate that slime like this exists, lacking the capacity to think of anyone but himself, driven by greed and not by the interest and the desire to invest in his child (or healthy relationships). I always tried to keep a working relationship with him for the sake of my son, but like I said, I can't deal with it anymore -- better yet -- I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

And as far as morals, I have worked hard to teach my son the difference between right and wrong, to have consideration and empathy for other people, and to not fall prey to greed, as it perpetuates evil. At his age, I can now include examples of when his father is not behaving justly (ie: his dad's use of shame and guilt in dealing with my son).
I'll be damned if I'll let him break my son down the way he did me when I was 18 years old.

I did write my ex a letter today, via certified mail, outlining my understanding of the laws surrounding recordings (PA title & statute: 18 sec. 5703 and 18 sec 5704, 1996), as well as the legal ramifications (I started doing my homework months ago, as he threatened me with these alleged recordings in the past, when I wouldn't give him back the support checks I was receiving prior to his surgery and me closing the order) he may face if he messes with my job. I also did indicate that whatever it is he allegedly "has on me" wouldn't prevent him from having to pay $25/week. But like I said, now I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and let support tell him how much he's going to pay based on his income and what they estimate he should pay for maintenance - but I didn't tell him this part. (It feels so good allow myself to be released from his stranglehold).

Additionally, I did consider bringing this up at work, but have been weighing it against his bluff. Traditionally, he talks a lot of smack, but never follows through.

I will also check into the DA's deadbeat dad services, for future reference.

Tracey, thank you for the comfort in advising me not to worry about the tape (if it exists or not) -- as I know he has nothing to back it up. All of his threats and attempts at intimidation are out of context. He even tried to convince me that I cheated on him when we were married! Duh, 11 years ago I had not an ounce of self esteem to even believe someone else would want to be with me. And why he still brings it up is just plain ignorant. He's a professional manipulator and habitual liar. (he reminds me of borderline personality)

If I do have a phone conversation with him, I will model how to do it the legal way... though I did request in my letter that he refrain from calling me unless it is an emergency or he wants to speak to or see my son. I also advised him to not use my son to facilitate communication with me, to defer any questions or concerns regarding support or custody directly to the Courthouse.

As for his attorney, he's been busted for DUI and cocaine possession (hell, they were probably out partying together), so I'm not too worried about going up against that bum myself (I've done it before). Clueless, he is.

Anyhow, I'm feeling a little more secure now, as a result of all the information I've been able to gather, and I appreciate you giving me your time and perspectives. Overall, I feel equipped enough to handle almost anything he can throw my way at this point-- and the kicker is that he taught me how to play hardball. I just added tact and common sense, not to mention my learned defense: strategic planning/preparing for the worst. Oh how I love the area of personal growth.

It's survival of the fittest, as the theory goes. I'll give an update if your interested.

God Bless