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Having very bad expieriences- help lost

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mom23485

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?FLORIDA
I was recently beaten by my husband of 4 years I went to the police. I do not want to testify against him since I am terrified of courts and don't do well under pressure especially after being abused to the extent I was. I am also pregnant and dealing with the court system where I have been pressured and lied to By DCF and the police has caused me premature labour. I also live with my soon to be ex's parents. More complicated. THey don't want there son in jail they want help for him and that's what I want.In order to get me to testify against him I have had my children taken out of my home where my 2 year came home with unexplained bruises on her arm. The judge has given my in laws full custody terminated my husbands rights and given me supervised visitation. They claim that even though I refuse and both of his parents refuse to allow contact to me or my children-It's endangerment and abuse. I also need to get my rights back as soon as possible because this baby is due in 2 months and a newborn needs his mother. Please help his lawyer has worlds of things on us- his mom and me- a lot of it were mistakes because my ex is extremely persuasive and I feared him enough to do what he said- I want him to get help -jail isn't anything more than Ill show you what it feels like to be controlled-He wont get what he needs through that.
 


cyjeff

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?FLORIDA
I was recently beaten by my husband of 4 years I went to the police. I do not want to testify against him since I am terrified of courts and don't do well under pressure especially after being abused to the extent I was. I am also pregnant and dealing with the court system where I have been pressured and lied to By DCF and the police has caused me premature labour. I also live with my soon to be ex's parents. More complicated. THey don't want there son in jail they want help for him and that's what I want.In order to get me to testify against him I have had my children taken out of my home where my 2 year came home with unexplained bruises on her arm. The judge has given my in laws full custody terminated my husbands rights and given me supervised visitation. They claim that even though I refuse and both of his parents refuse to allow contact to me or my children-It's endangerment and abuse. I also need to get my rights back as soon as possible because this baby is due in 2 months and a newborn needs his mother. Please help his lawyer has worlds of things on us- his mom and me- a lot of it were mistakes because my ex is extremely persuasive and I feared him enough to do what he said- I want him to get help -jail isn't anything more than Ill show you what it feels like to be controlled-He wont get what he needs through that.
The case is out of your hands now.

The DA has taken over. about 75% of all DV victims try to "take back" the arrest, so, therefore, the courts don't believe you.

They will do whatever it takes to get you to testify. Neither you nor his parents get to decide what is best for him. If you wanted to get him help, you should have helped him before he beat you.

If you want you rights back, tell the DA you will testify against the man that beat you.
 

bozzy1030

Member
The case is out of your hands now.

The DA has taken over. about 75% of all DV victims try to "take back" the arrest, so, therefore, the courts don't believe you.

They will do whatever it takes to get you to testify. Neither you nor his parents get to decide what is best for him. If you wanted to get him help, you should have helped him before he beat you.

If you want you rights back, tell the DA you will testify against the man that beat you.
You can't possibly think that this was helpful. Is she supposed to know when something like that is gonna happen?

Don't backtrack about the charges. It will make you look like unreliable to the court, and, if this ever happens in the future (which I hope it doesn't), it may come back to bite you in the rear. The charges are there because you were being abused. The court system may be annoying at times, I know, but it's there so you don't have to continue being abused.

As for not doing well in court, I know many states have domestic violence advocates who will act as a kinda backbone for you. I don't know if Fla specifically has one but you might want to look into it.

ETA: http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/fldv.shtml
hopefully this helps
 
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cyjeff

Senior Member
You can't possibly think that this was helpful. Is she supposed to know when something like that is gonna happen?

Don't backtrack about the charges. It will make you look like unreliable to the court, and, if this ever happens in the future (which I hope it doesn't), it may come back to bite you in the rear. The charges are there because you were being abused. The court system may be annoying at times, I know, but it's there so you don't have to continue being abused.
No, what I was saying was that the time to seek out help was BEFORE he started beating on the Mrs. Now, that is no longer an option.

Still an accurate statement.

I am also curious about your last statement.

So DV laws are annoying?
 

bozzy1030

Member
No, what I was saying was that the time to seek out help was BEFORE he started beating on the Mrs. Now, that is no longer an option.

Still an accurate statement.

I am also curious about your last statement.

So DV laws are annoying?
To quote myself:

The court system may be annoying at times, I know, but it's there so you don't have to continue being abused.


She still has opportunity to help herself as a victim of domestic violence. She is not completely screwed.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Her story falls apart when she says that her in-laws who she is living with have been given CUSTODY of the children and her only supervised visitation and her husband's rights terminated. That is NOT what has happened. It would have taken a heck of a lot longer than a few weeks for ALL of that to happen. She needs to be more accurate in what actually happened. And quite frankly she needs to move from the in-laws house.
 

mom23485

Junior Member
Im still scared

If this lawyer of my husbands takes me to court I'll look like the worst mom-I don't know what my husband has told him other than I took pain pills from my mom on his order for him- I've smoked a little marajuana in my pregnancy- I regret ever doing that- I took a pain pill of his from time to time in the begginning after reading about it and asking my doctor and finding that there is no negative effects on the baby as long as it is a once in a while thing not everyday. He stole his mom's jewelery and asked me to pawn it -I regret she knew and said she will not press charges-But the more that happens like the judge taking away his rights the more upset she's getting. I also had some idea my husband was selling drugs. I messed up for the fear of what would happen if I crossed him. But I have a feeling a judge is going to see me a negligent even though I am not that scared tiptoeing little girl putting the fear of her husband before her kids. I know my kids are number one thats why I made the call in the first place. I dropped the charges because I don't want to deal with these criminal proceedings anymore. I just want to focus on making things as easy as possible on my kids and starting my healing process for them so I can be the mother all 3 of them need. I feel the state sees me as a scared 23 year old girl that they can push and threaten to get there way- I don't feel like a single person is on my side. I know I can never forgive my husband for what he did- I do fear he will end his life. He's never hurt my kids and I feel if he gets help- programs and counseling he can be a loving influence in those kids lives at least with supervised visits. If I move from my in laws I dont see my kids- I can't live with that. I need to get my full rights back because my kids are used to me being the hands on mommy who does everything with them- I"M NOT A BAD MOM ive just made poor choices when there father was involved. which he will not now or ever be with me again.
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
If this lawyer of my husbands takes me to court I'll look like the worst mom-I don't know what my husband has told him other than I took pain pills from my mom on his order for him- I've smoked a little marajuana in my pregnancy- I regret ever doing that- I took a pain pill of his from time to time in the begginning after reading about it and asking my doctor and finding that there is no negative effects on the baby as long as it is a once in a while thing not everyday. He stole his mom's jewelery and asked me to pawn it -I regret she knew and said she will not press charges-But the more that happens like the judge taking away his rights the more upset she's getting. I also had some idea my husband was selling drugs. I messed up for the fear of what would happen if I crossed him. But I have a feeling a judge is going to see me a negligent even though I am not that scared tiptoeing little girl putting the fear of her husband before her kids. I know my kids are number one thats why I made the call in the first place. I dropped the charges because I don't want to deal with these criminal proceedings anymore. I just want to focus on making things as easy as possible on my kids and starting my healing process for them so I can be the mother all 3 of them need. I feel the state sees me as a scared 23 year old girl that they can push and threaten to get there way- I don't feel like a single person is on my side. I know I can never forgive my husband for what he did- I do fear he will end his life. He's never hurt my kids and I feel if he gets help- programs and counseling he can be a loving influence in those kids lives at least with supervised visits.

You have a drug problem quite frankly. You have been negligent. Combine that with the violence you have allowed your children to be exposed to and you have issues. And you still have not clarified your story so that it makes sense.

You can feel all you want about him and love him all you want but you are NOT allowed to put your children in a position where they are endangered because you want to be with him and abuse his drugs.
 

Hot Topic

Senior Member
{Quote}In her mind, yes. In the court, when push comes to shove, everything is about the CHILDREN.
{Unquote}

Absolutely. That's why I don't get the statement about "annoying" court systems. Somebody (or some body) has to stand up for the children when their father has obvious problems, and their mother is little more than a self absorbed child herself.
 

mom23485

Junior Member
no your wrong

When push comes to shove, everything is about you.
If everything was about me I would not be taking steps to better myself for them. First of all, I realize I was being controlled by my husband - I left I called the cops. I live with his parents they have custody of my kids because I was trying to prevent foster care-now it's either get there son out of jail or live without the 3 most important people in my life-I am somebody who had a problem saying no I am very afraid of what will happen at the end of this at least with my in laws I get to raise my kids and I'll be left with custody when they pass-I just have to live near them. I am 7 months pregnant have not touched any sort of drug in 6 months and just to let you know the person who said I had a drug problem It happenend twice not your typical druggie- I do have a lot of issues- I had a man control my every move for a long time -I have self esteem issues- But Before I said anything about not testifying- which by the way if there is enough evidence why should the victim have to be there and face her abuser in court- the court system was lying to me and making threats. I have already filed for divorce- It seems like all the court cares about is there conviction- BY THE WAY until DCF took the kids from my home they never had bruises or nightmares-1 night and they come home with bruises on my 2 year olds arm and my 4 year old son is horse from crying because they locked him in a dark room with the door shut- I have never neglected my kids- They always know there loved- never been hurt always have what they need I am young but I am very hands on-my kids are always first:mad:
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Your kids are NOT always first. YOu were a mother and doing drugs. And now you are rationalizing it. That is NOT putting you children first.
 

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