He beat her up....

[gotmyown3]

What is the name of your state? AL

My husband got custody of his daughter 2 years ago from her mother in Mississippi, so MS had jurisdiction. His ex is married to a man who abused the daughter and it was just a big mess.

Anyway, Thursday night my stepdaughter got a call from her cousin in MS and was told that her mother was in the hospital because the ex's husband beat her up and broke her collarbone. Today my stepdaughter's mother has called her several times, crying, telling her she was out of the hospital but too scared to go home. Needless to say, this upsets my stepdaughter. She's only 13.

My husband does not want to stop his daughter from talking to her mother, but feels that the daughter is too young to be caught in the middle. When she lived with her mother, the stepfather was abusive to her and when she testified in court, her mother's whole family said she was lying.

Any suggestions about how to handle this without making my stepdaughter think we're being insensitive?

 

[TheGeekess]

Put the 13 year old in counseling. And let Dad handle Mom.

 

[Zephyr]

when mom calls again, Dad should answer if possible, but dad should get on the phone before daughter- and explain to mom-nicely- remember- even thought she may be stupid, she's still a victim that has just gone through a traumatic experience, dad should explain how upsetting the last call was for kiddo and to please not have the conversation take "that" direction

 

[yellow_rose]

even thought she may be stupid

Why is the mom stupid?

She's gone through long-term abuse. She's not stupid, she's desperate and out of her mind with trauma and oppression. Many very smart women have found themselves at the narrow end of a very long downhill slope of abuse.

Aside from that, I agree that the daughter should not bear the burden of her mother's welfare, sad as it may be.

I feel for your situation. It must be heartbreaking to live it. Good luck to you all.

 

[Zephyr]

when mom calls again, Dad should answer if possible, but dad should get on the phone before daughter- and explain to mom-nicely- remember- even though dad may think her choices are stupid, she's still a victim that has just gone through a traumatic experience, dad should explain how upsetting the last call was for kiddo and to please not have the conversation take "that" direction

edited for clarification

 

[stealth2]

Perhaps Dad could even consider asking Mom how he can help her get out of this situation. There's a concept.

 

[gotmyown3]

Well my husband's ex called yesterday morning while we were trying to get ready for church. We didn't know she had called because she called my stepdaughter's cell not our home phone. Anyway, she told my stepdaughter that she is back home with the stepfather, that her family is not allowed at their house, and that none of her friends are allowed to visit. She is completely cut off now from anyone who might help her the next time he beats her.

My husband did call her back and told her that he was sorry and if he could do anything to let him know, that no woman deserved the way she was being treated. He also told her that their daughter could not handle hearing anymore and that it was upsetting her. He even offered to let her bring her two small children and come stay in our guest room.

She hung up on him.