Help!!! Am I Doing This Right

[ashtonsmom99]

Hello I live in NYS...here is the situation...My sons father has see his son only once, did not come for the delivery. ( he fled the state, while I was pregnant ) he was ordered to pay support (50$) that I only get 25 of. he has been out of my life for 3 years and my son is 3. Well he finally decides he wants to be daddy, so he calls me 4 days in a row calls me harrasses me, and wants to, and demands to see his son...so i filed an order of protection on him, well now as i hear thing go thru the grapevine....he wants to sue for joint custody. He hasn't known this child ever. refused a picture at the paternity hearing. So I figured he never was going to see him again. Well now that I am engaged have my own life, and am a full time student. How can he just come back and demand to see the kid.
I am really stressed out by this, but hey I will live. I just need to know what I can do I am losing a lot of sleep over this. there is a lot more to the story than I am saying, but ask and I will tell you
Thanks
april

 

[Illinois Parent]

April,

Some questions first:
You ask if you are 'doing this right?' That depends on what you are hoping to accomplish.

What is the current custody decree? Does he have any court ordered visitation? If he does, it doesn't matter whether or not he excersized that option or not, you have to comply. Otherwise, you will be the one in contempt. Courts dont necessarily penalize those who choose not to spend time with their child, but you can be sure you will be penalized for not allowing it.

If you answer these questions, I, and others, may be able to respond more fully.

 

[ashtonsmom99]

no

there is no order yet....he wants to see me for joint, but I want to get full custody seeing as how he abandoned his child...we have not yet gone to court on anything yet...as I said this is the first time in three years that he has even attempted to make contact with me. with the exception of seeing his son at 2 weeks old, then immediately denying after that it wasn't his child..
so i am going to go for full custody....you think that will work...I am so worried and scared that he is going to take him away from me.

 

[Grandma B]

Since paternity has been established, he has the right to petition the court for visitation. Of course, he can also petition for custody, but I wouldn't be losing any sleep over that. If he gets anything more than standard visitation, the most would be joint legal custody which would mean he would have input on issues regarding the child. He shouldn't stand a chance at joint physical.

While you're at it, slap him with the support arrearage, and maybe even petition for an upward modification.

Good luck.

 

[AloneInCali]

ashtonsmom

I was just wondering if you have ever tried to find your son's father the whole time he has been gone?? I ask because I live in California and if a father or mother disappears for, I believe it's 6 months, and you try to locate them but can not. They can lose their rights. You must show that you did in fact try to locate them. I am not sure what the law is in NYC, but it might be something for you to look into.

Hope this helps