Help me please

[kokujin]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IOWA
I normally work as a car salesman until recently when I lost my job. I had to go to court in september because i was in arrears with my child support and to modify my current custody and visitation order. I am currently receiving unemployment and was receiving unemployment at the time of my court date. Despite being on unemployment the judge INCREASED my childsupport obligation by $110 to $761 per month not counting the extra they will tack on for the arrears. This was based of of "My earning Capacity." The judge also ordered me to pay $3500 in legal fees to the petitioner by December 1, 2009. The Judge revised the old visitation order, which was unsupervised, and ordered that I travel from New jersey, where I live, to Iowa in order to have 6 supervised visitation and 4 unsupervised visitations before i can have an opportunity to ask the court to modify the visitation order again. I have no criminal record, dont smoke, dont drink, dont do drugs, and never posed a threat to my child. I have a B.S. in Industrial Engineering and am 1 year away from having my M.B.A. just to let you know about my character. Something tells me that I have been really F'ed over. How does this judge expect me to pay for the child support the legal fees and the cost of traveling from New Jersey to Iowa? I think he knows this is impossible being that I am on unemployment. The car business is really at rock bottom right now so it isnt as if I would make more than unemployment if i was lucky enough to get a job. What should I do and how can this guy do this?????????

 

[Gracie3787]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IOWA
I normally work as a car salesman until recently when I lost my job. I had to go to court in september because i was in arrears with my child support and to modify my current custody and visitation order. I am currently receiving unemployment and was receiving unemployment at the time of my court date. Despite being on unemployment the judge INCREASED my childsupport obligation by $110 to $761 per month not counting the extra they will tack on for the arrears. This was based of of "My earning Capacity." The judge also ordered me to pay $3500 in legal fees to the petitioner by December 1, 2009. The Judge revised the old visitation order, which was unsupervised, and ordered that I travel from New jersey, where I live, to Iowa in order to have 6 supervised visitation and 4 unsupervised visitations before i can have an opportunity to ask the court to modify the visitation order again. I have no criminal record, dont smoke, dont drink, dont do drugs, and never posed a threat to my child. I have a B.S. in Industrial Engineering and am 1 year away from having my M.B.A. just to let you know about my character. Something tells me that I have been really F'ed over. How does this judge expect me to pay for the child support the legal fees and the cost of traveling from New Jersey to Iowa? I think he knows this is impossible being that I am on unemployment. The car business is really at rock bottom right now so it isnt as if I would make more than unemployment if i was lucky enough to get a job. What should I do and how can this guy do this?????????

As for the CS, you are obviously been underemployed, which is why the court correctly used your earning capacity to impute income. So, you were not wronged on the CS part.

The order for supervised visitation is another matter though. What basis did the court use to order supervised visitation?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IOWA
I normally work as a car salesman until recently when I lost my job. I had to go to court in september because i was in arrears with my child support and to modify my current custody and visitation order.

Is there a reason you were a car salesman despite your education? How long were you working in that capacity? For how long were the arrears building?

This was based of of "My earning Capacity." The judge also ordered me to pay $3500 in legal fees to the petitioner by December 1, 2009. The Judge revised the old visitation order, which was unsupervised, and ordered that I travel from New jersey, where I live, to Iowa in order to have 6 supervised visitation and 4 unsupervised visitations before i can have an opportunity to ask the court to modify the visitation order again. I have no criminal record, dont smoke, dont drink, dont do drugs, and never posed a threat to my child. I have a B.S. in Industrial Engineering and am 1 year away from having my M.B.A. just to let you know about my character. Something tells me that I have been really F'ed over. How does this judge expect me to pay for the child support the legal fees and the cost of traveling from New Jersey to Iowa? I think he knows this is impossible being that I am on unemployment. The car business is really at rock bottom right now so it isnt as if I would make more than unemployment if i was lucky enough to get a job. What should I do and how can this guy do this?????????

Because you were seen as being deliberately underemployed - the courts are very, very familiar with this being used as a tactic to avoid higher child support. Whether or not that's the case here isn't the point - as Gracie said, the judge did nothing wrong in terms of child support.

But yes it would be helpful to know why supervised visits were granted - what was the basis of your ex petitioning for such?

 

[kokujin]

I never knew you could be punished for not making enough money. However, as far as the supervised visitation goes, I can only assume that the judge took the word of my ex as if it were all true. I presented phone recordings showing that she was lying and proving that she has been denying me visitation but i doubt he listened to them because he wouldnt listen to them in court. Like i stated earlier I dont drink, smoke, or do drugs so I have no other guesses on why supervised visitation was granted. Is it my fault that she keeps my daughter away from me? Everytime I take her to court for contempt they do nothing. There has to be something I can do about this.


ANALYSIS
Applying this law to the facts here, several things are clear:
Amy is doing a remarkably good job of raising the parties’ daughter, with little or no assistance from charles. She has the daughter enrolled in a Catholic School where she is flourishing. She provides a warm, nurturing home environment for the child. She insists that the child not call her husband “father;” she maintains a healthy attitude towards and encourages a healthy attitude in Asia for her father, despite his abysmal record of support and contact with her. Asia is 8½ years old and the number of contacts she has had with her father since December 2001 when he left Sarah and Asia and moved to San Diego is minimal and probably less than a
dozen times. The Iowa Court of Appeals in February of 2004 stated: “Like the trial court we find charle’s lack of interest in parenting Asia, sporadic visitation, and failure to timely pay child support justifies sole custody in this instance.” (Iowa Court of Appeals, No. 4-080/03-1174 at page 5.) Amy suggests that charle’s current campaign for more visitation and a change to joint legal custody is an outgrowth of her refusal to a downward adjustment to the child support he was paying.
Previous court orders have outlined a detailed plan for Charles to be reintroduced to his daughter. He has failed to follow these plans. It is clear that due primarily to Sarah’s efforts, the daughter does not look at charles as a complete stranger, despite his lack of involvement in her life.
In the Court Order of June 2003, the Court provided that Charles should have “visitation and contact with the child as mutually agreed upon by the parties from time to time.” The Court went on to set forth a gradual visitation schedule in the event they could not agree, which included times, notices, no overnight visits, and a transition period which contemplated slowly introducing charles to his daughter. charles has completely failed to comply with this plan to reintroduce and reunite him with his daughter. Under these circumstances, the Court sets forth below what it believes is a reasonable pre-requisite for future visitation with his child. Additionally, the Court finds that there is sufficient change in circumstances to also adjust the aspects of the previous court orders including child support as set forth below

O R D E R

IT IS THEREFORE THE ORDER OF THE COURT as follows:
1. Respondent’s Petition to Modify is DENIED, except as set forth below.
2. Charles shall continue to have reasonable visitation rights as can be agreed between the parties as outlined in the original Order of June 2003. In addition, as a pre-requisite to the more extensive visitation rights set forth in the original Order of Judge Ruigh, before those rights are implemented, charles shall be required to exercise the following visitations:
(A) At least six (6) weekend visits which shall consist of picking the child up at 9:00 a.m. on Saturday and returning her by 5:00 p.m. on Saturday and then picking the child up at 9:00 a.m. on the following Sunday and returning her by 5:00 p.m. on Sunday. These visits shall either be supervised by someone of Amy’s designation or by Amy.
(B) After completing six supervised visitations, Charles may then exercise unsupervised visitation with the child for the same time periods (Saturday 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. and Sunday 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.) provided they occur within 50 miles of Amy’s house. After he has exercised at least four (4) such unsupervised weekend visits, Charles shall be entitled to have the child overnight, provided that the visits occur in a 50-mile radius of Sarah’s home, and that Charles provides Amy with the location he is staying and the telephone numbers where the child can be reached at all times.
(C) Upon completion of the foregoing, the original visitation schedule may be adjusted to recognize the realities of the relationship between Charles and Asia, including their geographic location.
3. Charles shall be entitled to access to the medical and school records of his child Asia.
4. Based on the parties’ current income, earning capacity, and the new child support guidelines, the child support in this matter shall be adjusted to $731.61 per month,commencing October 1, 2009, and continuing on the 1st of each month thereafter. (See, Exhibit 5, which is consistent with the Court’s findings.)
5. The Respondent shall pay $3,500 of Petitioner’s attorney fees in this matter and that the court costs of this action shall be assessed against the Respondent. Said attorney fees and court costs shall be paid in full to the Story County Clerk of Court,

 

[kokujin]

I have also been in car sales for the past 8 years since graduating college so it isnt a tactic to lower my income and I know my ex will NEVER let me get past those supervised visitations. She is going to milk them for as long as she can. My lawyer gave her 2 months notice before my last visitation and she still denied me visitation for 4 of the 5 days that I was supposed to see her. I got to see her for 45 minutes on the 5th day. But, I am seen as the one that chooses not to visit my daughter.

 

[Proserpina]

I have also been in car sales for the past 8 years since graduating college so it isnt a tactic to lower my income and I know my ex will NEVER let me get past those supervised visitations. She is going to milk them for as long as she can. My lawyer gave her 2 months notice before my last visitation and she still denied me visitation for 4 of the 5 days that I was supposed to see her. I got to see her for 45 minutes on the 5th day. But, I am seen as the one that chooses not to visit my daughter.

Did you file for contempt?

 

[kokujin]

We were drawing up the paper for the contempt filing for the latest visit when we got the ruling back from the judge which basically stated she can do whatever she wants to do. My visitation was never supervised before now but she would insist that my visitation be supervised even though there was no court order. My lawyer said that there would be no use in filing contempt of court now that the judge has changed the court order. I have however, filed for an appeal. Should I still file for contempt being that it was before the order was changed?

 

[Proserpina]

I never knew you could be punished for not making enough money.

You're not. But you are expected to support your children to the best of your ability...and being underemployed does not meet that definition.

However, as far as the supervised visitation goes, I can only assume that the judge took the word of my ex as if it were all true.

What exactly did she allege?

I presented phone recordings showing that she was lying and proving that she has been denying me visitation but i doubt he listened to them because he wouldnt listen to them in court.

They would have to have been correctly submitted into evidence before the Judge would hear the tapes.

Like i stated earlier I dont drink, smoke, or do drugs so I have no other guesses on why supervised visitation was granted. Is it my fault that she keeps my daughter away from me? Everytime I take her to court for contempt they do nothing. There has to be something I can do about this.

Again we need to know what was actually alleged.

ANALYSIS
Applying this law to the facts here, several things are clear:
Amy is doing a remarkably good job of raising the parties’ daughter, with little or no assistance from charles. She has the daughter enrolled in a Catholic School where she is flourishing. She provides a warm, nurturing home environment for the child. She insists that the child not call her husband “father;” she maintains a healthy attitude towards and encourages a healthy attitude in Asia for her father, despite his abysmal record of support and contact with her. Asia is 8½ years old and the number of contacts she has had with her father since December 2001 when he left Sarah and Asia and moved to San Diego is minimal and probably less than a dozen times.

You created the distance...you effectively chose to move further away from your child - this won't be held against Mom.

The Iowa Court of Appeals in February of 2004 stated: “Like the trial court we find charle’s lack of interest in parenting Asia, sporadic visitation, and failure to timely pay child support justifies sole custody in this instance.” (Iowa Court of Appeals, No. 4-080/03-1174 at page 5.) Amy suggests that charle’s current campaign for more visitation and a change to joint legal custody is an outgrowth of her refusal to a downward adjustment to the child support he was paying.

Had you asked Mom to allow a downward modification?

Previous court orders have outlined a detailed plan for Charles to be reintroduced to his daughter. He has failed to follow these plans. It is clear that due primarily to Sarah’s efforts, the daughter does not look at charles as a complete stranger, despite his lack of involvement in her life.

When was the plan issued, what did it entail and which parts didn't you follow?

In the Court Order of June 2003, the Court provided that Charles should have “visitation and contact with the child as mutually agreed upon by the parties from time to time.” The Court went on to set forth a gradual visitation schedule in the event they could not agree, which included times, notices, no overnight visits, and a transition period which contemplated slowly introducing charles to his daughter. charles has completely failed to comply with this plan to reintroduce and reunite him with his daughter.

Was Mom able to show that this was the truth? How?

Under these circumstances, the Court sets forth below what it believes is a reasonable pre-requisite for future visitation with his child. Additionally, the Court finds that there is sufficient change in circumstances to also adjust the aspects of the previous court orders including child support as set forth below

O R D E R

IT IS THEREFORE THE ORDER OF THE COURT as follows:
1. Respondent’s Petition to Modify is DENIED, except as set forth below.
2. Charles shall continue to have reasonable visitation rights as can be agreed between the parties as outlined in the original Order of June 2003. In addition, as a pre-requisite to the more extensive visitation rights set forth in the original Order of Judge Ruigh, before those rights are implemented, charles shall be required to exercise the following visitations:
(A) At least six (6) weekend visits which shall consist of picking the child up at 9:00 a.m. on Saturday and returning her by 5:00 p.m. on Saturday and then picking the child up at 9:00 a.m. on the following Sunday and returning her by 5:00 p.m. on Sunday. These visits shall either be supervised by someone of Amy’s designation or by Amy.

Again, you created the distance - if you can't comply with the prerequisites you seriously need to consider moving closer to your child (frankly I think that maybe a good idea regardless).

(B) After completing six supervised visitations, Charles may then exercise unsupervised visitation with the child for the same time periods (Saturday 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. and Sunday 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.) provided they occur within 50 miles of Amy’s house. After he has exercised at least four (4) such unsupervised weekend visits, Charles shall be entitled to have the child overnight, provided that the visits occur in a 50-mile radius of Sarah’s home, and that Charles provides Amy with the location he is staying and the telephone numbers where the child can be reached at all times.
(C) Upon completion of the foregoing, the original visitation schedule may be adjusted to recognize the realities of the relationship between Charles and Asia, including their geographic location.
3. Charles shall be entitled to access to the medical and school records of his child Asia.
4. Based on the parties’ current income, earning capacity, and the new child support guidelines, the child support in this matter shall be adjusted to $731.61 per month,commencing October 1, 2009, and continuing on the 1st of each month thereafter. (See, Exhibit 5, which is consistent with the Court’s findings.)
5. The Respondent shall pay $3,500 of Petitioner’s attorney fees in this matter and that the court costs of this action shall be assessed against the Respondent. Said attorney fees and court costs shall be paid in full to the Story County Clerk of Court,

I have to be brutally honest - that's actually NOT a bad reintroduction plan at all.

Since the original parenting plan was ordered how many times did you see your daughter (approximately, during the year).

 

[kokujin]

You're not. But you are expected to support your children to the best of your ability...and being underemployed does not meet that definition.

Normally, I make quite a bit more than an engineer. Car sales and the economy are related. The economy is bad right now.

What exactly did she allege?
She alledged that I dont ever come to see my daughter. She is the one thats keeping me from seeing my daughter by denying me visitation. The previous court order stated nothing about supervised visitation yet she would insist that I couldnt see my daughter if the visitation wasnt supervised. Agree or not I still didnt get to see my daughter.

They would have to have been correctly submitted into evidence before the Judge would hear the tapes.
They were correctly submitted and the judge stated that he would listen to them in his chambers. I highly doubt he listened to them because if he did there is no way he could have came back with the decision he gave me.

Again we need to know what was actually alleged.
Just that I never come to see my kid. Previously, in 2003 i believe it was, she alledged that there was domestic violence in our relatinship when we were together. That was a super lie. Well, if you count her hitting me, there was domestic violence. That was the courts original reason for giving her sole custody. They stated that there was proof that there was domestic violence. She presented no proof at all. She just made a statement because she had no proof. I actually called the police on her on one occassion because she was going crazy but I am found to be the bad guy in the end. wow.

You created the distance...you effectively chose to move further away from your child - this won't be held against Mom.
Yes I did move away. However in regards to moving closer, I have a medical condition called myasthenia gravis. It is a neuromuscular disorder similar to multiple schlerosis. It affects every muscle in your body. Somedays I cant talk, other days I have problems seeing, walking, chewing, and breathing. Medical care for my condition in Iowa was terrible. I am alive due to my docs in New York. I actually almost died due to the health care that I was receiving in Iowa. I also have another daughter here in New Jersey. I guess the courts dont take her into consideration when calculating my child support either.

Had you asked Mom to allow a downward modification?
Yes. I had thorasic surgery in 2007 to help my condition, which by the way made it worse. Afterwards I was admitted to hospital 9 times in 2008 and 3times in 2009 not to count the numerous emergency room visits. So I was missing a lot of work and wasnt making much money so i asked her to help me out, we were atleast on speaking terms at that point. I eventually lost my job. They said it was because of lagging sales but i know it was because of my health.

When was the plan issued, what did it entail and which parts didn't you follow?
It was issued in 2003. We could never agree on visitation. I really didnt want to go to Iowa much by myself because of the fear that she would make up another lie like the domestic violence lie and they would believe her and I would really be seen as a threat and I would never get to see my daughter again. Never the less I tried to initiate visition but was denied. I filed contempt of court motions on two occassion and nothing happened to her. The said that she was right to not let me see my daughter because I didnt exercise visitation enough. Why cant they see she is denying me visitaion. I wouldnt spend all the money for the lawyers if I know I was at fault. I flew down in 2005 to pick up my daughter as the decree stated that I could bring her out of the state beginning in june 2005. As usual she never showed up. filed contempt for that, again they said that she was right due to my lack of visitation. I cant seem to get past that particular hurdle. I guess she is smarter than me. I was supposed to get her every other holiday after june 2005 but that never happened. The last time I got to see her before we went to court was for her 6th birthday. she is now 8.

Was Mom able to show that this was the truth? How?
She was not able to prove anything. I showed a laundry list of unreturned phone calls. Showing that I was making all the effort and she was trying to hinder me. I found out at court that my daughter has had her confirmation which is the biggest event in a catholics life, but I wasnt invited. When my lawyer asked her why she didnt invite me or even tell me about it she had absolutely nothing to say. She just said "I just didnt"

How can she just get away with denying me visitation. I have exercised one of the supervised visitations out of the six this past weekend. It went horrible. She has a husband know who thinks he is hitler and that he owns MY daughter. Our lawyers communicated that during my visitation hours nothing was to take precedence over my visitation. She had a girl scouts meeting on that saturday which she agreed that I could attend. After going to the movies we were to drive over to the girl scouts meeting with her and her husband. The took off like a bat out of hell after the movie and were out of sight. While sitting in the car I called her to find out the location. Upon arriving at the location she had already dropped my daughter off and she was gone. I introduced myself to her troop leader and she told me that no partents were allowed. I had to sit outside for 2 hours waiting to see my daughter. My visitation ended after her meeting was over. Is that contempt. we went to church on suday during my visitation hours. They wouldnt allow her to sit with me then they sent her to childrens church. I had to wait 1.5 hours to see her. At the end of sundays visitation, at 5 o'clock on the dot, they ended the visitation despite wasting 1.5 hours of my time earlier. Upon, hugging my daughter and kissing her good by her husband approaches us and states in a loud angry manner "Its 5 o'clock. Its time to go" i then told him "And I am kissing my daughter good bye." then he stated in an even louder more angry tone "yeah, thats sweet, its 5 o'clock its time to go." Then her mother literally ripped her from my arms in a forceful manner and they left. I know I will never get to exercise the 10 visitations, supervised or unsupervised. She is going to try to string them out for as long as she can.

 

[Proserpina]

Normally, I make quite a bit more than an engineer. Car sales and the economy are related. The economy is bad right now.

Yes, I had noticed that. So, did you try to find out what figures were being used in the calculation?

She alledged that I dont ever come to see my daughter. She is the one thats keeping me from seeing my daughter by denying me visitation. The previous court order stated nothing about supervised visitation yet she would insist that I couldnt see my daughter if the visitation wasnt supervised. Agree or not I still didnt get to see my daughter.

So every time she denied you the court ordered visitation, you made note and filed for contempt for every time, yes? And you can prove this? You went there to collect your daughter and she denied access, yes?

They were correctly submitted and the judge stated that he would listen to them in his chambers. I highly doubt he listened to them because if he did there is no way he could have came back with the decision he gave me.

There is no way you would know that. So it's not that he didn't listen to them - but rather that he may have listened to them and rendered a decision you disagree with, yes?

Just that I never come to see my kid. Previously, in 2003 i believe it was, she alledged that there was domestic violence in our relatinship when we were together. That was a super lie. Well, if you count her hitting me, there was domestic violence. That was the courts original reason for giving her sole custody.

She was given sole custody originally based upon an unproven report of domestic violence? Was there a police report? Did you appeal the decision?

They stated that there was proof that there was domestic violence. She presented no proof at all. She just made a statement because she had no proof. I actually called the police on her on one occassion because she was going crazy but I am found to be the bad guy in the end. wow.

What happened after you called the police?

Yes I did move away. However in regards to moving closer, I have a medical condition called myasthenia gravis. It is a neuromuscular disorder similar to multiple schlerosis. It affects every muscle in your body. Somedays I cant talk, other days I have problems seeing, walking, chewing, and breathing. Medical care for my condition in Iowa was terrible. I am alive due to my docs in New York. I actually almost died due to the health care that I was receiving in Iowa. I also have another daughter here in New Jersey. I guess the courts dont take her into consideration when calculating my child support either.

Did you mention your second child? Did you explain why you moved? (this may be moot - you would still be responsible for making sure you can see your child and for the cost of transport)

Yes. I had thorasic surgery in 2007 to help my condition, which by the way made it worse. Afterwards I was admitted to hospital 9 times in 2008 and 3times in 2009 not to count the numerous emergency room visits. So I was missing a lot of work and wasnt making much money so i asked her to help me out, we were atleast on speaking terms at that point. I eventually lost my job. They said it was because of lagging sales but i know it was because of my health.

Have you tried to obtain SSI/SSDI?

It was issued in 2003. We could never agree on visitation. I really didnt want to go to Iowa much by myself because of the fear that she would make up another lie like the domestic violence lie and they would believe her and I would really be seen as a threat and I would never get to see my daughter again. Never the less I tried to initiate visition but was denied.

How long was it between the date of the order and your first visit? Why didn't you go back to court and have the order modified then? (ie, because it's clear both parents cannot agree to a schedule, one needs to be made).

I filed contempt of court motions on two occassion and nothing happened to her. The said that she was right to not let me see my daughter because I didnt exercise visitation enough. Why cant they see she is denying me visitaion.

Did she deny flat out, or were you unable to come up with mutually agreeable plan?

(there IS a difference)

I wouldnt spend all the money for the lawyers if I know I was at fault. I flew down in 2005 to pick up my daughter as the decree stated that I could bring her out of the state beginning in june 2005. As usual she never showed up.

Did you go to the house? How many times had you seen your daughter between 2003 and the June 2005 visit?

filed contempt for that, again they said that she was right due to my lack of visitation. I cant seem to get past that particular hurdle. I guess she is smarter than me. I was supposed to get her every other holiday after june 2005 but that never happened. The last time I got to see her before we went to court was for her 6th birthday. she is now 8.

You haven't seen her in two years?

She was not able to prove anything. I showed a laundry list of unreturned phone calls.

Shows nothing - except a record of you calling. It does not come close to proving that she wasn't returning calls or communicating another way.

Showing that I was making all the effort and she was trying to hinder me.

It does not show that at all.

I found out at court that my daughter has had her confirmation which is the biggest event in a catholics life, but I wasnt invited. When my lawyer asked her why she didnt invite me or even tell me about it she had absolutely nothing to say. She just said "I just didnt"

She wasn't obliged to.

Our lawyers communicated that during my visitation hours nothing was to take precedence over my visitation.

But was that stated in the court order?

Upon, hugging my daughter and kissing her good by her husband approaches us and states in a loud angry manner "Its 5 o'clock. Its time to go" i then told him "And I am kissing my daughter good bye." then he stated in an even louder more angry tone "yeah, thats sweet, its 5 o'clock its time to go." Then her mother literally ripped her from my arms in a forceful manner and they left. I know I will never get to exercise the 10 visitations, supervised or unsupervised. She is going to try to string them out for as long as she can.

Stepfather needs to back off, absolutely - but he was correct in what he said. You had her until 5, no later.

Thank you for answering the questions - I know this is very stressful for you and it may seem like that you're on trial but it's important to clarify exactly what's going on.

 

[kokujin]

Yes, I had noticed that. So, did you try to find out what figures were being used in the calculation?

I made 39k in 2005. 94k in 2006. 72k in 2007. And a whooping 21k in 2008. Her lawyer tried to say that I was hiding income in 2008. The judge imputed income at 69K dollars. Id like to make that under todays conditions but that is just wishful thinking.

So every time she denied you the court ordered visitation, you made note and filed for contempt for every time, yes? And you can prove this? You went there to collect your daughter and she denied access, yes?

Not everytime. Just twice. Since they did nothing about it, I kinda stopped trying to bring her to court. It was getting expensive and nothing was being done.

There is no way you would know that. So it's not that he didn't listen to them - but rather that he may have listened to them and rendered a decision you disagree with, yes?

Yes I totally disagree with the decision. How can you say she is not denying me visitation or not do anything about it when you can hear her in her own words denying me visitation without cause?????

She was given sole custody originally based upon an unproven report of domestic violence? Was there a police report? Did you appeal the decision?

There was no police reports. The one time that I called the police was to have her give me the keys to my apt that she refused to give me. Thats it. No police report, no medical record, not photo evidence, nothing. Because there was no domestic violence on my behalf.

What happened after you called the police?

The police came and made her give me back my keys.

Did you mention your second child? Did you explain why you moved?
Yes. And I dont think the judge took to much consideration in to the fact that I had another child. If he had he wouldn't be trying to stick me with all the child support and attorney fees and requiring that I make so many visits to Iowa. At my latest contempt of court hearing she requested that my veterans disability pay, which is directly deposited into another account for my other daughter, be garnished to pay my arrears.

Have you tried to obtain SSI/SSDI?

I really love to work. I will only try that if my condition gets to the point that it is virtually impossible for me to work. I am somewhat of a workaholic.

How long was it between the date of the order and your first visit? Why didn't you go back to court and have the order modified then?

I first visit was almost a year. First attempted visit is another thing. I tried a few times but of course nothing panned out. as far as modifying it at that time I didnt have the cash. I think thats their motive, to keep you poor so you cant take them to court.

Did she deny flat out, or were you unable to come up with mutually agreeable plan?

Things either go her way or no way. If you dont let her dictate to you what is going to happen she says that you are being uncooperative and cancels all plans.

Did you go to the house? How many times had you seen your daughter between 2003 and the June 2005 visit?

No way. I didnt go to her house. She would have called the police just to try and get me arrested. I sent a certified letter stating where I would be and all of my plans. She never showed up. I saw her 2 to 3 times between 2003 and 2005. When I go to see her she will still send her to day care while she is at work and I would have to wait until she was out of work to see my daughter.

You haven't seen her in two years?
Prior to this recent court date, yes. I wasnt able to see her in two years.

She wasn't obliged to.

The reason I pointed out that she didnt invite me to the confirmation is that she tried to say that she goes above and beyond to try and make me a part of my daughters life. Thats not true. She stated that the only reason my daughter knows of me is because she tells her who her dad is. Thats not true.

But was that stated in the court order?
Not specifically, but everyone agreed in writing that visitation takes precedence over any other obligations. I drove 17 hours to spend time with my daughter. One girl scout meeting can wait.

I have to be brutally honest - that's actually NOT a bad reintroduction plan at all.

Why do i have to have a reintroduction plan when the mother is the one trying to exclude me from my daughters life. I think my only fault is that I have not been aggressive enough in pursuing my rights.

How does the judge expect me to pay the $3500 in legal fees and the cost of court by December 1st if i am unemployed and they are taking 50% of my income for child support? What happens when I don't pay this fee? I don't have the money?

 

[kokujin]

bump bump bump

 

[kokujin]

Yes, I had noticed that. So, did you try to find out what figures were being used in the calculation?

I made 39k in 2005. 94k in 2006. 72k in 2007. And a whooping 21k in 2008. Her lawyer tried to say that I was hiding income in 2008. The judge imputed income at 69K dollars. Id like to make that under todays conditions but that is just wishful thinking.

So every time she denied you the court ordered visitation, you made note and filed for contempt for every time, yes? And you can prove this? You went there to collect your daughter and she denied access, yes?

Not everytime. Just twice. Since they did nothing about it, I kinda stopped trying to bring her to court. It was getting expensive and nothing was being done.

There is no way you would know that. So it's not that he didn't listen to them - but rather that he may have listened to them and rendered a decision you disagree with, yes?

Yes I totally disagree with the decision. How can you say she is not denying me visitation or not do anything about it when you can hear her in her own words denying me visitation without cause?????

She was given sole custody originally based upon an unproven report of domestic violence? Was there a police report? Did you appeal the decision?

There was no police reports. The one time that I called the police was to have her give me the keys to my apt that she refused to give me. Thats it. No police report, no medical record, not photo evidence, nothing. Because there was no domestic violence on my behalf.

What happened after you called the police?

The police came and made her give me back my keys.

Did you mention your second child? Did you explain why you moved?
Yes. And I dont think the judge took to much consideration in to the fact that I had another child. If he had he wouldn't be trying to stick me with all the child support and attorney fees and requiring that I make so many visits to Iowa. At my latest contempt of court hearing she requested that my veterans disability pay, which is directly deposited into another account for my other daughter, be garnished to pay my arrears.

Have you tried to obtain SSI/SSDI?

I really love to work. I will only try that if my condition gets to the point that it is virtually impossible for me to work. I am somewhat of a workaholic.

How long was it between the date of the order and your first visit? Why didn't you go back to court and have the order modified then?

I first visit was almost a year. First attempted visit is another thing. I tried a few times but of course nothing panned out. as far as modifying it at that time I didnt have the cash. I think thats their motive, to keep you poor so you cant take them to court.

Did she deny flat out, or were you unable to come up with mutually agreeable plan?

Things either go her way or no way. If you dont let her dictate to you what is going to happen she says that you are being uncooperative and cancels all plans.

Did you go to the house? How many times had you seen your daughter between 2003 and the June 2005 visit?

No way. I didnt go to her house. She would have called the police just to try and get me arrested. I sent a certified letter stating where I would be and all of my plans. She never showed up. I saw her 2 to 3 times between 2003 and 2005. When I go to see her she will still send her to day care while she is at work and I would have to wait until she was out of work to see my daughter.

You haven't seen her in two years?
Prior to this recent court date, yes. I wasnt able to see her in two years.

She wasn't obliged to.

The reason I pointed out that she didnt invite me to the confirmation is that she tried to say that she goes above and beyond to try and make me a part of my daughters life. Thats not true. She stated that the only reason my daughter knows of me is because she tells her who her dad is. Thats not true.

But was that stated in the court order?
Not specifically, but everyone agreed in writing that visitation takes precedence over any other obligations. I drove 17 hours to spend time with my daughter. One girl scout meeting can wait.

I have to be brutally honest - that's actually NOT a bad reintroduction plan at all.

Why do i have to have a reintroduction plan when the mother is the one trying to exclude me from my daughters life. I think my only fault is that I have not been aggressive enough in pursuing my rights.

How does the judge expect me to pay the $3500 in legal fees and the cost of court by December 1st if i am unemployed and they are taking 50% of my income for child support? What happens when I don't pay this fee? I don't have the money?

 

[Proserpina]

I made 39k in 2005. 94k in 2006. 72k in 2007. And a whooping 21k in 2008. Her lawyer tried to say that I was hiding income in 2008. The judge imputed income at 69K dollars. Id like to make that under todays conditions but that is just wishful thinking.

Averaged out that's not far off the mark.

?

Not everytime. Just twice. Since they did nothing about it, I kinda stopped trying to bring her to court. It was getting expensive and nothing was being done.

Then you've effectively chosen not to fight to see your child - Mom isn't the only one at fault here.

Yes I totally disagree with the decision. How can you say she is not denying me visitation or not do anything about it when you can hear her in her own words denying me visitation without cause?????

Again - is she denying you flat out or is it because you both can't agree?

She was given sole custody originally based upon an unproven report of domestic violence? Was there a police report? Did you appeal the decision?

So did you appeal?

Did you mention your second child? Did you explain why you moved?
Yes. And I dont think the judge took to much consideration in to the fact that I had another child. If he had he wouldn't be trying to stick me with all the child support and attorney fees and requiring that I make so many visits to Iowa. At my latest contempt of court hearing she requested that my veterans disability pay, which is directly deposited into another account for my other daughter, be garnished to pay my arrears.

YOU moved from your child - if you can't manage visitation Mom isn't going to be punished for that. And both of your children deserve to be supported equally.

How long was it between the date of the order and your first visit? Why didn't you go back to court and have the order modified then?

I first visit was almost a year. First attempted visit is another thing. I tried a few times but of course nothing panned out. as far as modifying it at that time I didnt have the cash. I think thats their motive, to keep you poor so you cant take them to court.

Again the fact that you didn't push it is NOT going to be held against Mom.

Did she deny flat out, or were you unable to come up with mutually agreeable plan?

Things either go her way or no way. If you dont let her dictate to you what is going to happen she says that you are being uncooperative and cancels all plans.

So she did not refuse visitation - your order allows visitation to be by mutual agreement....if you can't agree she's doing nothing wrong. You needed to have modified this when it became obvious it was a problem.

Did you go to the house? How many times had you seen your daughter between 2003 and the June 2005 visit?

No way. I didnt go to her house. She would have called the police just to try and get me arrested. I sent a certified letter stating where I would be and all of my plans. She never showed up. I saw her 2 to 3 times between 2003 and 2005. When I go to see her she will still send her to day care while she is at work and I would have to wait until she was out of work to see my daughter.

Then the judge was justified in ordering graduated visitation - you would be a virtual stranger.

Prior to this recent court date, yes. I wasnt able to see her in two years.


The reason I pointed out that she didnt invite me to the confirmation is that she tried to say that she goes above and beyond to try and make me a part of my daughters life. Thats not true. She stated that the only reason my daughter knows of me is because she tells her who her dad is. Thats not true.

Unfortunately it IS true that you're a virtual stranger - you've had virtually no contact.

Why do i have to have a reintroduction plan when the mother is the one trying to exclude me from my daughters life. I think my only fault is that I have not been aggressive enough in pursuing my rights.

Bingo! Because you haven't pushed it, you can't say that Mom is excluding you.